#that overlap completely because hes off sunday/monday and the only day i'm not working or in classes is saturday

[garlique]

i think........... to let myself be happy this year........ i just need to reconfigure my expectations of what it will all be....... 90% of what's making me so so unhappy right now is that ethan feels like he's becoming a physically unreliable person but that's literally my own fault for expecting to rely on him and i just need to like. not expect any rides or anything from him and i need to treat it like i'm doing this year on my own with occasional help from him i just can't actually rely on him at all because he will inevitably let me down

#it's ok i honestly don't think we're gonna be happy for much longer my brain is getting worse n worse #and he really shouldn't put up w it for much longer because im turning into a huuuuuge bitch lol #but it's just like. and it doesnt MATTER im not neurotic i don't NEED to be his top priority #but it still sucks to just Know that im his second or third right now because he's been SO into work #and we talked over the summer and we decided how we would do it all and then his work schedule got switched #and here's the thing. the position he does now is what the store needs AND its the shifts he prefers #but it's the opposite of everything we discussed and it happened so suddenly and now we just literally have no days off #that overlap completely because hes off sunday/monday and the only day i'm not working or in classes is saturday #and my number one dread going into this semester was that i wouldn't spend enough meaningful time w him #and it would be really upsetting to me #and i was right! so i just need to reframe my thinking and get used to feeling abandoned n alone this semester at least #who knows what my classes will be like next semester but it will probly just be more of the same #im so tired i just want to be fucking done with school but i have a whole other year and i want to die