#than it wouldve been to break off her engagement otherwise

[carpathxanridge]

i’ve said before that ‘bi lesbians’/‘comphet lesbians’ are the modern day political lesbians, and i do still believe that in that both have done similar harm in eroding the lesbian community. but i think now it’s more like the flip side of a coin, and the differences matter in what they say about the current state of feminist consciousness in our generations. all of these groups are/were women who are essentially bisexual yet only want to date women. however, political lesbians had the feminist consciousness to be able to make that choice and advocate it as the best choice for all women. whereas, with ‘bi lesbians’ and ‘comphet lesbians,’ the notion of choice is unfathomable to them. in a culture where the biggest crime a woman can commit is being sexually inaccessible to men, but any degree of radical feminist thought is heretical, women who want to make this choice instead turn to labels, whether consciously or unconsciously, that absolve them of the sin of agency, of directly saying ‘no’ to men. for some ‘bi lesbians’ i’ve seen, it’s like they recognize their bisexuality but reject all coherence to claim they nonetheless have a lesbian ‘essence’ that, as if an external force, drives them to identify in this way and prefer to date women. for the ‘comphet’ crowd, they pick apart and analyze their entire sexual history to construct a neat narrative that explains why suddenly they no longer want to date men—perhaps this was their nature all along. they are driven to claiming the gay experience of being ‘born this way,’ of their sexuality being beyond their control. and for all they talk of heterosexuality being compulsive, they act out many compulsions themselves to banish their osa (see: tiktok videos of this genre lmao). this is all because if they recognize they are attracted to men and are actively CHOOSING not to date them… that’s not a choice they are comfortable in. and there’s no doubt that many of them fear being in too close a proximity to radical feminism.

granted, these are generalizations and patterns i’ve recognized in a certain subgroup of these women, and there are others whose motivations for adopting these labels i would afford less sympathy to. especially those who date trans identified males, and adopt the lesbian label almost as an opportunity to be elevated in their circle as an example of ‘correct’ behavior. but i think, judging from all of these videos in this vein i’ve watched of women who adopt these labels, that it’s important to recognize this crisis of agency in our generation, so great that women would literally rather brainwash themselves into believing they are and have always been lesbians than accept their sexual orientations and feel comfortable in making a choice in being female exclusive. i think many of these women truly believe that attraction is destiny, and that if they accept they are attracted to men then they’re obligated to act on it. and that’s concerning, from a radical feminist pov. i don’t think lesbians should have to prioritize sympathizing with or addressing this, because it’s first essential to reject homophobic postmodern nonsense, but i think bisexuals should be focusing on reaching out to these kinds of women and building a stronger semblance of feminist consciousness/separatist community within the bi community. because without presenting these women with another visible option, i think this phenomenon is legit never going to stop.

#thinking about that youtuber alayna joy #and how after being out as bisexual for years she came out as a lesbian… #durig quarantine when she was isolated from her community and faced with the realities of being male partnered for life #i truly think it was easier for her to say ‘i don’t have a choice’ and believe it’s her innate sexuality #than it wouldve been to break off her engagement otherwise #but i also think she was psychologically incapable of realizing that not being able to be fulfilled in an opposite sex partnership #is not the same thing as lacking osa #whereas wit the slightest bit of feminist consciousness one can realize that marriage is generally unfulfilling for ALL women #and that being isolated with a man is in many ways terrifying and oppressive #FOR ALL WOMEN #like ive watched all of her reflections on her coming out and like #i really cant help but think she’s just absolving herself of the sin of choosing against men