#stop vagueing around and go to family/couples counseling. learn communication. do better

[htub]

The thing I keep thinking about Clark is, well, yes he should have trusted Lex and told him his secret, and I am and will continue being openly angry that he didn't, but I also kind of get it. Because when the series starts, he is fifteen.

Imagine being fifteen, and all your life since you can remember, your parents drilled into your head every day to never, ever, under any circumstances, tell people your secret. Imagine being fifteen, and you just found out you're an actual alien and your parents keep your space ship in the storm cellar. You are fifteen, and you have superpowers, and you keep getting more, but you're still fifteen and my god life sucks when you're fifteen. Not to mention everyone saying the Luthors are bad people – Clark likes Lex and constantly defends him, but he's fifteen, and the opinions of his dad and his best friend will still affect his thinking, even subconsciously. It's gonna give him doubts. He's fifteen and he doesn't know any better.

And I know he does tell some people, which kind of invalidates this, but not quite that much. Pete sorta stumbles into it, and Clark's known Pete since they were little kids too, while he's known Lex maybe a year or two by that point, and Lex already started being suspicious in a less than positive way. Kyla was kinda weird, but the whole cave prophecy thing is weird so I'm almost inclined to give him a pass on that one. He was sixteen and thought he'd found his actual literal soulmate. If aliens are real, why shouldn't soulmates be? At sixteen, I'd probably have been kinda cringe about that too. Plus, it was either tell her or let her get crushed by rocks, which is also kind of fair.

I want to think that if it had been Lex in there with him, he would've done the same, because getting crushed by rocks is kind of universally unhealthy for humans, and Clark would have saved him without thinking, he would have saved anyone. It's who he is. The circumstances just did not happen that way in that time, so Lex never had opportunity to find out by chance back when him finding out would have been fine, and a lot of what happens between them is just really bad luck and really bad timing.

So yes, he doesn't tell Lex, which is a shit move of him, but he is fifteen years old, he is sixteen years old, his father is angry and he didn't know any better. He couldn't have known any better. Are you asking a fifteen year old to foresee all of the absolute crap that will happen between them? His parents said to never tell, and he's a good kid. He couldn't have predicted all that.

The lies get out of hand in later seasons, and still he never tells, but I really think he just got to a point with the lies where he could no longer back out without making things worse, because telling Lex "oh by the way I'm an alien and I've been gaslighting you for years" is a pretty crappy thing to say. When's the right time for that conversation? So instead he doubles down, again and again, until it gets out of hand and it all goes so terribly wrong, and he can't take it back, but he was only a child.

Clark Kent is not a bad person. He's just a kid who had to shoulder way, way too much, way too soon, and he fucked it up. Badly. And we all like to say we would've done it differently, but would we really? In his shoes, carrying his burden, at fifteen? I'm not so sure. Maybe? I wish I could say I would have, but honestly, I probably would have handled it even worse. I was fucked up at fifteen. Was anyone not? This whole thing is not an action-packed superhero story, it's a tragedy, and everything is so, so messed up, but it's not anyone's fault, not really. That's what makes it hurt the most. Because they all were just kids, still figuring out life, and none of them could have known how fucked up life can be.

When they found out, it was already too late.

#two talks #two watches smallville #we're having thoughts tonight #actually i was trying to sleep when this damn thing came into my head and i had to make myself get back up and write it #yes i know i'm only mid-season 2 but it's not like that invalidates what has happened in the beginning (right??) #like. listen fuck clark but also my god that is a baby. #my brother is 15 and he's a small child in my eyes #if he had to go through any of that i'd throw hands #lex deserved better but so did clark #just fuck. smallville my favorite show (derogatory) #let these children rest #just give them a get along shirt and make them hug it out #stop vagueing around and go to family/couples counseling. learn communication. do better #there are steps you can take before 'grab a gun'. there are so many steps.