#still haven't decided if i should bring him to hope county somehow (already have an idea too)... imagine the DRAMA then. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inafieldofdaisies · 1 year

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WIP Weekend/Whenever | Tagged by @cassietrn <3 | Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @adelaidedrubman @strafethesesinners @strangefable @nightbloodbix @nightwingshero @aceghosts @madparadoxum @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @euryalex @sstewyhosseini @detectivelokis @purplehairsecretlair @jinfromyarikawa @shegetsburned @clicheantagonist @locustandwildhoney @fourlittleseedlings @poisonedtruth @vampireninjabunnies-blog and anyone with something to share <3

Checking in with another snippet from Chapter 9. Hudson finally makes an appearance, while John continues with his struggle when it comes to Sabrina and resorts to more snooping investigating. "Who the fuck is Leslie?" -> find out below. <3 After the snippet I'm also leaving an edit I finished recently, I'm still not over how cute it turned out.

(have to say we go into a Confession for bit, so heads up for that, I tried to keep it as non-descriptive as I could because I know people's limits vary. And as someone that gets squirmish on occasion I wanted to keep the story as accessible as possible.)

final note: I wanted to have an actual name for John's favorite room, anything different from Confession room, etc. I ended up going for *Reconciliation room, because it sounded quite fitting.

*In most churches there is a reconciliation room in which the person's sins are forgiven. This room allows individuals to speak to a priest freely and privately, to recite prayers of contrition and to hear and receive God's forgiveness.

Hours later, John finally felt back to his old self as he stood in his Reconciliation room, revelling in the feeling of having successfully performed his duty as a Herald. What started with "I'm not telling you anything, you asshole!", followed by plethora of other predictable curse words and insults thrown his way, eventually turned into Hudson giving him a confession. It always unfolded like this: first, he was met with resistance of different magnitudes, then John would eventually find a way to break through, make the Sinner in his chair see the light. Make them realize the end goal justified all the temporary pain.

It was his favorite part and when that happened, their secrets poured out freely as the blood from their wounds. They'd heal eventually, it was part of the process, the price of the Absolution pain provided. It was the key to Salvation, to Eden. There was a profound beauty in exposing your sins and receiving forgiveness and understanding without the fear of judgement. It's what he offered to all of the Sinners put into his care. He was doing the same thing Joseph had done and kept doing for him. Carrying the burder of their secrets.

If only they were quicker to realize the necessity of it all. A frustrated growl pulled him away from his thoughts. Hudson was tied up to a chair behind him, her eyes were full of hatred in the dim red-hued light, tears running down her mascara stained cheeks, as he put down the knife that was stained with her blood back in its place on his table. Now the Confession was over, thoughts of Sabrina threatened to emerge again. "You're sick. SICK.", she gritted out the word. John forced a smile, "No. I'm helping you, Deputy. You're caught up in the moment, but you will realize that eventually." Hudson shook her head, "There's something seriously wrong with you, if you think you're helping." When he didn't offer anything in response, she continued, "You doing the same to the others? Do you feel more like a man? Thinking your brother would value you more for punishing the people that arrested him? How dare we do our jobs!" On instinct, he gripped the knife again and pointed in her direction with it, "You don't understand, Deputy. You've been offered an opportunity. You're one step closer to Atonement now. Stop being ungrateful." "Fuck you. And your brother. AND YOUR PROJECT.", her voice turned hoarse as she screamed out the last part. "Now, that's enough." He put duct tape back over her mouth, done listening to her baseless arguments for the time being. He suspected she would only keep running in circles otherwise, try to convince him he's wrong, when he knew the truth. He'd gotten what he needed out of her anyway. He walked back to the table and picked up his tattoo gun, focused on moving onto the next part of the Confession. He refused to let her misguided words get to him. The second he approached with it, Hudson winced and tried to back away, but he took hold of her chair as he sat down on a stool across from her. She shook her head in desperation, her eyes filled with fear as they pleaded with him, a part of her still believing she could change his mind after hours of him listening tirelessly as she listed off her sins. "It's part of the process, the only way to be free of sin. You said "Yes", Deputy. Confessed. This is the next step.", John explained and grabbed onto her shoulder for levarage as his other hand that held the tattoo gun lowered to her chest. She began to struggle as most that found themselves in his chair usually did. It made his task harder, took away his precision, the words coming out uneven, imperfect, as the Sinners refused to embrace the beauty in the release he was offering them. The pleading look quickly transformed back to one of loathing as soon as the first letter was etched into her skin. Blood dripped down her chest as her sin materialized in angry red lacerations.

As his hands worked on the Deputy in front of him, his mind wandered back to Sabrina. He tried to imagine her in his chair at her inevitable Confession. Before meeting her face to face, he had done it many times with ease. Yet to his horror, at that moment he… couldn't. The second he pictured her in Hudson's place, the part of him that had grown so attached to her presence warned him what the consequences would be.

It threatened that her view of him would change irreversibly, that he wouldn't be someone she believed would protect her or Savannah anymore. That genuine smile would never appear for him freely again. The light in her expessive eyes would dim when they'd shift in his direction. She would see him as a monster. Won't understand why he's doing it. It would be as good as Joseph taking her away from him.

He believed Hudson would come around, understand it was the Will of the Father, that it's the only way to be free of sin. Just like John had accepted it, like Mathias and all of his people had, too. And Charlie… he was an outlier, had made the foolish choice to give up the gift bestowed upon him. He had turned his back on Eden and faced the consequences. But Sabrina… he feared what it meant for her, that without reaching her Atonement, she would be denied a place in the New world. He had no doubt she would never willingly sit in his chair, especially not after the things she had said before he left the ranch.

Another Catch-22, Deputy. Everywhere I look. Why did you have to be such a non-believer? Hudson kept trying to talk, he wasn't sure if she had more curses prepared for him or was giving another shot at convincing him of his "mistakes", but all it came out were muffled noises of protest as John finally wrapped up his work and opened the door to the outside, calling out for one of his men that stood on duty outside the room. "The Deputy's Confession is finished. Bring her back to her cell and prepare the next in line for me." "Yes, brother." Wyatt wheeled out Hudson and John followed close behind, headed for his office, set on making his daily radio call to Deputy Hartley. On his way over he definitely wasn't thinking about Sabrina or what she was making for dinner. The second he stepped a foot inside and the emptiness of the room greeted him, memories of her short stay there teased his brain. Her presence lurked at the corners. On his couch neatly folded lay her destroyed uniform and no matter how many times he told himself he has to, he coudn't bring himself to get rid of it. He came to another pesky realization. He was missing her.

With a scoff at the idea, he went into the bathroom to finally wash off Hudson's drying blood off his hands, the whole time trying to dodge the thoughts of Sabrina changing out of her uniform in the small space few days back. Why did I have to watch her? His quest of avoding picturing the wretched scene became such a tremendous effort to a point he found himself viciously scrubbing at his skin in desperation to keep his focus on something else and stop his mind from wandering. The sink and the water in it was quickly turning red, yet they failed to keep him preoccupied and his eyes inevitably wandered up to the mirror in front of him. The expression on his face wasn't one he was keen on seeing. The impassive mask of poise and certainty he had carefully crafted over the years was slipping as doubt creeped in. He struggled with how Sabrina would look at him in that moment if she was there, if she'd be as calm as she was when she had helped him wash off the Resistance members' blood off his hands after the ambush that same morning. No. She valued Hudson too much, considered her a friend, there was a reason why he couldn't admit to her he had the Deputy in his Gate, why he was rushing to get to the Confession before she finds out and sets on changing his mind. If the last few days he had spend with her and the success rate at cases noted down in her personnel file were any indication, she wasn't the type to give up when something had become her mission, stubbornly chipping away at people's defenses until she got the desired results. As John sat down at his desk, he didn't pick up the radio receiver to call Hartley, instead he unlocked one of the drawers that housed all of Sabrina's seized personal belongings. He stared at her handcuffs for longer than he liked, wondering if they end up around his wrists if she was to get her hands back on them. What if I leave those for you to find somewhere, Deputy… He remembered her bold response about arresting him as he challenged her in her backyard, it made him pocked the handcuffs in anticipation of putting a game in motion.

He pulled out her phone next. For a second, he considered if he should be doing this, imagining how she'd react if she saw what he was about to do. He had no doubt she would tell him he's crossing a line yet again. He shook off the thought as he turned the device back on and it didn't take him long to figure out her password. "Savannah's birthday. Of course.", he muttered outloud. Her texts were unremarkable aside from the ones between her and someone named Leslie, most dating months back before her arrival in the County. Any hope he harbored of the person being a female vanished the moment his eyes took in the small icon next to the contact information. The man's last message to her gave John a pause, the only thing that soothed him was the fact she hadn't responded. Leslie: My offer still stands, Rina. One word and I can join you there, you don't have to do this on your own. Let me in. Leslie was another thing he had no idea about, and he tried to tell himself he wasn't feeling any jealousy at the sudden discovery of the man's existence. He noted the irony in the fact the Project frowned upon technology, yet at that moment, her phone was providing him another insight into her life. Her pictures were neatly ordered just like her house, categorized in folders, Sabrina unknowingly providing him easy viewing.

Her cooking endeavors. An album dedicated to Portland. Pictures with a dark-haired man that matched Leslie's icon piqued his interest.

Who is he, Deputy? Someone else I need to worry about coming to your rescue? And why when I look at the guy, do I see a resemblance to … me?

He tried to distract himself from overthinking Leslie's role in her life as he checked another album. Years worth of memories involving Savannah from when she was a baby to recent moments from their move. Buried within that album was a picture of a redhaired woman that mirrored her little sister in appearance and John couldn't help but wonder why she looked so familiar to him. Why he could almost hear what her voice would sound like. He ignored the strange feeling as he moved onto another folder dedicated to her new start in Holland Valley: landscapes she had captured, fishing trips with Hartley, selfies with her fellow Deputies. Sabrina's face was filled with happiness in every single shot. Something else made him quirk up an eyebrow: Pictures of that Sinner Calahan smiling proudly as he held- A racoon?!I've seen everything. The last thing he came across were videos, the thumbnails showing her with her guitar. It was a chance at finally hearing her sing properly, but he skipped those, chasing away the temptation without a second thought, suspecting nothing would compare to experiencing her performing in person.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his intent search for clues, then Wyatt's voice came through. "Brother, the next Sinner is ready for you." He turned off the phone with a sigh, slightly disappointed at the fact he had given in and fed his longing for Sabrina, lost precious time on a phone for no good reason.

I'm looking out for the Project. Investigating. Yes. That's my reason. "I will be right over, Wyatt.", he called out. It was time he returned to his duties. No more distractions.

Look at them taking a break at the ranch <3. Also posted here.

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