#spoilers for: ffxiv stormblood; bleach; dot hack gu

[archvillain]

this is jordan i’m too lazy to log in but uhhh zenos yae galvus? andddd let’s get some thots on gin ichimaru and endrance .hack//GU

(zenos voice) MORE!

i can only answer this for zenos as far as the end of stormblood, which, for zenos, feels like nothing at all... if this WAS the end, i'd have to say he didn't get enough screen time. truly. there was not enough in stormblood for me to form a strong opinion

that being said:

if they were real i would be afraid of them: this guy has MASSIVE creep by radiohead playing over his shoulder 24/7 no deodorant smells like a convention hall vibes. in modern au, he brings his katana collection to the con, gets panned at security for bringing real ass knives, and complains to his dad the governor mildly about it

not as deep as they seem: this bitch sure does say a lot to say nothing at all

i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog: what can i say i love a freaque

why do they look like that: completely self-explanatory. his ass.... has its own zip code.... but ONLY his ass. got that wasp proportions. gonna bring me back to the hive lookin' ass. i gotta bag on him 3x as hard because im competing w him for my husband's love btw

they're a horrible person: this is the second time it was such a non-take i had to edit it back in

wasted potential: i could really mark this down to bleach being a school combat competition anime gone telenova but gin's story bugs the hell outta me. continuing this thought ->

not as deep as they seem: i'm using this as a reverse-they work better as part of a dynamic square. i have major beef with his story, motivations, and KEY HEEL-TURN WHICH ALTERS THE ENTIRE STORY being based around his feelings being for a woman that he shares like no memorable dialogue with. i just prefer a guy to be self-motivated, or like, if he's gonna sacrifice his life on a whim, i want him to be motivated by chemistry that happens on screen. i could rewrite gin from the ground up to be a snarling distrustful stray dog taken in off the streets by a kind but ultimately clumsy rangiku, but that'd still be doing him a disservice, because it's still a "die for het" kinda trope

wow! they are a horrible person/if they were real i would be afraid of them: still, WHAT a charmer. his whole shit in the first arc where he plays aimlessly shady red herring the whole time, standing around and looking creepy while doing ultimately nothing? INCREDIBLY funny. just like zenos, this man looks like he stands very still in dark alleyways with his head tilted at a 50 degree angle for kicks and i love that for and about him

once again i am afflicted by "i liked bleach before it got going" syndrome

OH SHIT THAT'S TWO WHOLE BINGOS!! what do i get!!!... nothing?? fuck! this is a mess. i got a lotta feelings. let's go with the shallow ones first

they are so cool looking: MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH

if they were real i would marry them: that's my little fucking meow meow. GOD he is so PATHETIC. gamer boy actin' shinji-get-in-the-robot cryin' fucking weakass husbando fuel shut-in won't leave his room emaciated crycat motherfucker

they're like a blorbo to me; i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog: HREUGH

they've never done anything wrong in their life: canon because husband can do no wrong. i'll see you in court over this one

if they were real i would be afraid of them: again... kind of a freaque. kind of a shut-in to the extreme. he falls in love with a furry gamer and it literally lobotomizes him, his con etiquette would be atrocious. this is the unifying theme between all 3 of these blorbos you've had me rate

they're deeper than they seem/wasted potential: his backstory is FUCKING tragic and it gets played for LAUGHS in gu!!! for LAUGHS!!!!! once they scrape aside all his main problems the mental illness is left to LANGUISH!!!! he could be an amazing yandere and what is he? kind of an adorable waifu. kind of braindead but drop dead gorgeous. extreme husband material but like jesus christ he gets no slack or credit past his first arc. this is kind of a running theme with GU characters!!!!

not as deep as they seem: this is but the first contradiction on this list.... boy if you do not stop whimpering poetry at me glassy-eyed while knowing absolutely nothing about me. well. like. don't stop. but DO it's embarrassing as fuck. real middle schooler vibes

didn't get enough screen time/got too much screen time: this is another fun little confusing one, specific to me. you see, i loved endrance so much that i made him a perm fixture in my party in every single playthrough i have ever done. i love him. I LOVE HIM. however this means that despite never being on screen for anything important and not getting much time spent on his incredibly interesting backstory and delicious bod, he does get a lot of time standing around like an asshole, kind of tertiary to what's happening... this is partially on me. but i do not care. they shoulda just predicted my love for him and worked around it

wow! they are a horrible person: he loves a shitty gamer furry, then immediately forgets her for the Next Hot Thing: a stupid guy he knows nothing about, AND NEVER BOTHERS TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT! kind of horrible. he is so wretchedly shallow LMFAO. like the baby boy version of the anime loli who pledges her life at the drop of a hat cuz you have a pulse and seem kind of alive. and haseo definitely doesn't return his feelings, even tho i do...... he doesn't seem to notice tho LMAO good enough for him!

nothing i like about them is technically canon: (SCREAMS IN HOMOPHOBIC MEDIA ABOUT A BISEXUAL MAN THAT CAME OUT BEFORE GAY MARRIAGE WAS LEGAL IN THE STATES)

im mentally ill about them: see above, i don't think i could be more clear about this. the guy's personality is NOT that deep and yet it is. and yet it could be (clutches at air)

#spoilers for: ffxiv stormblood; bleach; dot hack gu #DOUBLE BINGO OF COMPLICATION