#speakign of this is a ryan confession but its not the same as the ryan confession comic i was working on....

[punkcherries]

its 4 am i have no impulse control i finished writing the very bad blurb thing its ryan+min and its not good but im posting it under the cut here anyway <3 <3 (uh theres mentions/allusions toward underage drinking and also self harm and also internalized homophobia but its not like gnarly ok ok tfrtwser??????)

Min slipped his arm around Ryan’s shoulders, his hand brushing Ryan’s neck, before pulling him close for the photo. It was only a brief moment, but the afterimage of Min’s skin on his made Ryan’s hair stand on end, and his face flush. Not like the fuzz in his face from drinking when he really shouldn’t, or the warmth in his cheeks while flirting with a girl, it ran across from ear to ear, radiating heat. ‘This is wrong,’ he thought to himself, ‘This can’t keep happening.’ The click of the camera barely registered to him, the world was just noise. Just as quickly as it happened, Min was pulled away by someone at the party calling for his attention, snapping Ryan back to Earth. He placed his hand to the back of his neck, the bare air felt like ice in place of Min’s jacket. He turned his eyes back over to Min.

“Ah, uh, thank you...!” Min called back to whoever with a sheepish chuckle, and Ryan’s face turned almostly morosely soft. His heart thumped harder, and harder, he could feel it in his head, and he felt fit to burst, until, “Ryan? You okay?” Min’s voice broke through the dead air of the dance music, and Ryan looked like a deer in headlights.

“Uhh I….” Ryan spoke hesitantly, what he’d wanted to say all night and for who knows how long before bubbling up in his chest. He looked Min in the face only for a moment, and his throat suddenly felt strangled, “I just…. Uhh….” Ryan glanced around the room for a moment, before taking in a breath, “I…. kinda feel like…. I’m, uh, forgetting something important….” He made something up.

“Uhhh…. Oh, did you remember to put your guitar back in the van after the show?” Min gestured to the backstage door off to his right. Ryan snapped his fingers, “Y’know, I…. don’t remember! Better go check,” Ryan forced a laugh, slipping past Min, “Make sure no one’s touchin’ the goods. Be right back!” Ryan pushed his way past the other partygoers and backstage as quickly as he could, leaning against the door behind him and letting out a disgruntled groan. “What is wrong with you?” He whispered to himself, pausing a moment before standing back up straight. To his surprise, there, still backstage, was in fact his guitar, or at least the case. His brows furrowed, of course he really forgot that. Such an empty headed move. Ryan went and checked the case for all his things. Guitar, picks, strings, everything was where it was supposed to be, so he zipped it up and carried it out the back door to the tour van.

Walking round the side, he brushed his hand against the uneven surface, covered in slightly chipped paint from the Chicken Choice Judy mural he and Min painted on it about a year or so ago, before getting to the back doors. His mind raced as he placed his case in the back of the van, ‘You shouldn’t say anything to him. You have something good now, you can’t ruin it,’ Ryan studied the stickers on his guitar case, the razor blade in particular stuck out in his mind, and a quiet wave of a dull, stinging phantom pain washed over his thighs, ‘Not again.’ He shook his head a moment, before sighing deeply, and closing the van doors. Turning to leave, he let out a startled yelp, seeing a figure standing behind him.

“Woah, woah, it’s just me!” 

It was Min.

“Dude, don’t sneak up on me like that...!” Ryan scrambled to play it off cool, but Min gave him a puzzled look. 

“I... called your name, like, twice.”

“Oh….”

Ryan cleared his throat, and smiled nervously, “Sorry, guess I just got a little, uh….” He glanced at the van for a second, “...Lost in thought.”

“Yeah, are you…. Sure you’re okay?” Ryan could hear Min’s voice starting to go soft, the kind of soft it gets when he’s worried, and his heart rose up to the end of his throat. Ryan forced a smile and gave a dismissive gesture,

“Yeah, of course! Just got hit with lots of ehh, song ideas and, y’know how I think at, like, a thousand miles a minute, I probably just didn’t notice!” He chuckled, slipping past Min again, barely looking him in the face at all, “Nothin’ to worry about!”

“Ryan,” Min’s voice stopped Ryan in his tracks. It wasn’t upset, or angry, just…. Worried, and…. Disappointed? Regardless, it dropped Ryan’s heart like an anvil from his throat to the pit of his stomach. “You know you can talk to me,” Min placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, I just want to be there for you.” His voice was so tender. Ryan turned only slightly, just to look at Min, whose concerned expression turned to a gentle, reassuring smile at seeing his face.

Ryan looked away, folding his arms just a bit, and Min’s hand brushed down Ryan’s shoulder to his back, slowly at first. It felt almost as if it pulled Ryan’s breath in, and Ryan closed his eyes. In that same motion, as Min’s hand pressed against Ryan’s back, travelling back up, it pulled the words right out from his lips.

“Min-Gi, I’m in love with you.”

The silence that set in deafened Ryan, his vital organs felt as though they’d been filled and bruised with boulders, and his head burned a dizzying burn, as if the fire and brimstone of Hell were trying to crawl out of his body for the unholy thing he’d just said. He opened his eyes, to see Min, red faced and shocked, and he clenched the leather of his jacket sleeves tightly in hand. The choking feeling in his throat came back, and he couldn’t bear to look at Min, “I….” His shaky voice barely scraped above a whisper, “I’m sorry, I…. I know it’s crazy, but…. Just…. I….” He started to trail off as the heat in his face brought out tears in his eyes, when Min’s hand suddenly pressed against Ryan’s back, pulling him into an embrace. 

Ryan’s eyes were wide, as Min held him close with one arm, and the other stroked the back of his head, fingers combing through his hair, Min’s breath shooting down his neck and his ear as Min whispered in a voice only for him, “I love you, too, Ryan.”

Time stopped. Ryan’s tense body softened, and he wrapped his arms around Min’s waist, burying his face against the crook of his neck. For what felt like an eternity and yet not long enough, they held each other there in the parking lot of a dingy local live venue, just a few minutes out from Min’s college campus, although it felt like anything but. Until Ryan sniffled, and Min pulled away in concern. “Ryan, are you…?” The salty burn of tears bore into Ryan’s cheeks, but there was a smile on his face, and Min smiled back, wiping Ryan’s cheek with his thumb, “Geez, you had me worried there.” They both snickered, “Sorry, sorry….” Ryan’s voice was still a little weak as he sniffled again, and wiped his eyes with the heels of his palms, groaning. 

There was a beat of silence, before Ryan spoke up again, “You…. Really mean that.… Yeah?” He only realized how silly a question it sounded after he said it.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I…?”

“I…. Dunno…. I guess I was just…. Nervous…?” Ryan shrugged, his voice trailing off a bit, “I dunno.”

“What’d you think was gonna happen?” Min’s face turned from humored to concerned.

“I…. I guess, I was worried that you’d…. Not…. Wanna be around me anymore, if I told you, I mean. So….”

Min paused a moment, before smiling again, “Ryan, you’d be my best friend before anything else, even if I didn’t feel the same. When I said you’re stuck with me, I meant it.” He laughed, and Ryan did, too.

“You said that, like, what? 2-ish years ago?”

“And I’ve been with you ever since, haven’t I?”

“Fair point!” Ryan chuckled and sighed. He fell against Min’s chest again, snaking his arms up and around his neck. “I’m glad.”

Min’s face turned soft, and he pressed his face into Ryan’s hair, stroking his back with one hand, swaying ever so slightly together. It didn’t take long before Min mindlessly pressed a kiss against Ryan’s head, and Ryan looked up at him with a surprised smile. Min looked slightly confused for a brief moment before fully processing what he’d just done and getting flustered, “Ah, sorry, was…. That too forward?” Ryan didn’t reply, not with words, he just cupped Min’s face in one of his hands, closed his eyes, and gently pressed his lips to Min’s. It was only a brief moment, but the sensation of Ryan’s lips on his burned into Min, who smiled and laughed nervously. “Too forward?” Ryan teased, and they both chuckled.

Suddenly, the sound of the back door to the venue caused the pair to part in a panic. “Oh, there you guys are. What’re you doin out here? Party’s not over yet!” A woman in orange flannel called out to them, and they looked at each other a moment. Ryan gave a disinterested shrug, and Min nodded. “I…. think we’re gonna have to head out early. Long day and stuff. Sorry!” Min called back to the woman, and she shrugged, “Suit yourself.” before going back inside. Ryan shuffled around in his pocket for a moment, before pulling out the keys to the van, smiling at Min, and eagerly hopping round to the driver’s side of the car. Min paused, and touched his lips with his fingers a moment, before getting a goofy grin and following suit to the passenger side.

Ryan started the engine as Min closed his door, and after shifting into gear, Ryan’s hand slid from the stick to Min’s hand, which rest on the compartment between their seats, and gave it a squeeze. Min tried to fight the silly look on his face, “Both hands on the wheel, uh…. dork.” 

Ryan laughed, “You totally wanted to call me something else, didn’t you?” Min stammered over his words, much to Ryan’s amusement, “It’s okay, you can call me “babe” if you wanna.” he teased and winked, and Min covered his face with his hand as it heated up. “Cute!” Ryan chuckled again, “Shut up and drive!” Min groaned, barely concealing his own laughter, “Alright, alright! No need to be pushy!” Ryan joked, before pulling out of the lot, and driving off.

#cherryz txt #infinity train #i literally wrote this in one go and im not a writer pls dont come for me </3 im just fuckging vibing #tryna put my ideas into some tangible form.............. #id draw it but taking on comics is a PAINNN..... #speakign of this is a ryan confession but its not the same as the ryan confession comic i was working on.... #which idk if ill finish at this point LMFAO................ sad! oh well gjfhdgjk #i should actually draw smth now idk why im actin bananaz rn #delete later maybe