#sorry for the linespacing

[frickfrancegetmoney]

sunflower feelings

tw: weight loss, character death

Two years had passed by in the blink of an eye. Alfred remembered almost every moment, every little thing about his time with Arthur. He didn't think he'd ever forget, not for the rest of his life, however long that may be.

He savoured everything, every little thing that Arthur had brought into his life. He remembered first laying eyes on Arthur. He had decided to take a stroll after first being admitted into hospital, and the hospital had a beautiful garden filled with trees, flowers and plants of all different kinds. He remembered spotting the other blond sitting on a wooden bench, his nose buried in a book. Alfred didn't think he had ever seen such beauty, and he hadn't even seen the patient's full face. But, by Gosh, when he did, he swore his breath had been taken away. The slim faced individual was simply sensational.

And his thoughts hadn't changed. No matter how much Arthur paled, to the point where Alfred swore he was going to suck his blood or something, or how skinny Arthur got, Alfred always found the Brit to be prettier than a picture.

However, the more Arthur worsened, the more Alfred worried.

"Artie, come on. You have to eat this, you're supposed to be taking in 3,700 calories. You've only had 2,600." Alfred frowned.

"How many times have I told you to not call me that? And, that's 100 more calories than I should have. Men are only supposed to intake 2,500." Arthur retorted, staring out of the window, seeming fixated on the garden outside, "Can we go outside soon?"

"You're losing weight, Arthur, and fast. The doctor says that you need 3,700 to gain."

"I don't want to gain, Alfred," Arthur whipped his head around to face his dusty blond boyfriend, "I'm perfectly happy the way I am."

"But, you're not perfectly healthy. And I need you to be both." Alfred's hand reached out for the other's, only for it to be slapped away. The frown he wore earlier returned to his face, as he withdrew his hand.

"I'm fine, Alfie." The other turned his head away again, and Alfred really wanted to believe him, really and truly.

He supposed not all of his moments with Arthur were happy. They fought a lot of the time, but Alfred was used to turning up to Arthur's room to deliver him flowers and apologising with a handmade card. Sometimes, he thought that Arthur started arguments just so he could receive a gift, but that idea was dismissed after that one time Arthur didn't speak to him for three days even when Alfred had delivered him a gift each day.

But, Alfred knew that the good times of their relationship outweighed the bad. Every time he thought of Arthur, the hospital disco popped into his mind. It was a stupid thing really, having a disco in a hospital, but the five minutes that Alfred showed up for seemed to be awesome for the patients, especially the kids.

Sadly, Arthur couldn't be with him, as that was when his condition was worsening, and being on his feet for more than ten minutes was painful and Alfred found him wheezing and clutching at his chest. But, that wouldn't stop Alfred from bringing the disco to his love.

He tapped three times on Arthur's door, before receiving a faint "Come in." He took the invite, the door creaking open at his entrance. He saw Arthur's face light up, which brought fireworks to his chest as a grin appeared on his face. He sauntered over to Arthur's bedside, taking a seat. Alfred handed the other a bouquet, which small hands accepted with glee. He brought them to his nose, inhaling the scent of the roses and lilies.

"Thank you, Alfie. This means a lot to me." Arthur croaked out, handing the bouquet back to the American, "Put them in the vase for me." And he did.

Arthur asked how the disco was, and Alfred shrugged, "It's pretty boring. Without you there, that is." He chuckled, a grin spreading across his face. Arthur shook his head, chuckling with the other.

"Ah, right. Well, I thought that if you couldn't go to the disco, I'd bring it to you," The grin transformed into a sheepish smile, "So, I've got music on my phone, and uh..." Alfred cleared his throat, "Can I have this dance?" He asked, standing up and holding out his hand for the other to take.

Arthur's eyes widened, "I'm afraid I have to decline, I can't dance for the life of me." He chuckled, his face flushing at the request.

"Never said I could either," Alfred laughed, "But I want you to dance with me. Won't be longer than three minutes, so you'll be okay."

"Gods, Alfred Jones, you are the biggest idiot I've ever known." Arthur threw the covers back, holding his hands out for Alfred to take, and he did. He helped Arthur to his feet, only for the other to dive into a coughing fit.

Alfred frowned, "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't think about it getting worse." He rubbed the other's back, not wanting to smack it in fear of hurting the other.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Arthur sputtered out, before regaining his composure, "Let's dance, love." He smiled, draping his arms over Alfred's shoulders.

A song began to play from Alfred's phone, 'Sunflower Feelings' by Kuzu Mellow. It was 'their song', as Alfred had proclaimed one day that it was made for them, about them and their relationship. And it would be right to say that Arthur agreed, smiling as he heard the familiar tune. Alfred's hands found Arthur's waist.

They didn't so much dance, but slowly spun in circles while staring deeply into each other's eyes. As soon as they got into a rhythm, it felt that the two of them were the only beings in existence, holding each other dearly. The song only lasted for around a minute, but it felt as long as their relationship had gone on for. As the music slowly faded out, there was no sounds anymore, but they continued their dance, and it felt like they were walking on the stars.

And Alfred had begun to wonder, what would their life be like if they weren't dying? He knew he would love to spoil Arthur. He'd take him on so many dates, to the carnival, to fancy restaurants, to libraries. He knew Arthur would love a museum date. And out of all of the art there, he knew his Artie would be he most endearing piece there.

"What are you staring at, git?" Arthur broke him out of his imagination. Alfred just smiled.

"I love you." And he pressed their lips together.

That felt like months ago, but it had only been two weeks. And now, Arthur lay dying. Alfred knew that he wasn't going to make it through the night, so he sat by his bedside for the whole day, speaking to him, and clutching his hand like he was going to fly away. And Alfred wouldn't be surprised, not if Arthur really had grown wings and flew, because the petite blond was the brightest angel he'd ever seen.

"I swore I wouldn't cry." Alfred sniffled, remembering the promise he had made to Arthur a few days prior.

"So don't." Arthur replied, his voice hoarse, his head resting back against the pillow as he had no energy left to pick it up.

"You know I can't help it, Artie."

"Arthur, not Artie. I've told you millions of times. Can you grant me my dying wish?" Arthur chuckled, but his face fell as he saw Alfred's pained expression. "Alfie, don't look so sad. I want this, I've wanted it for years."

"More than you want to be with me?" Was Alfred's stupid response, and even he knew it was the dumbest thing he'd ever said.

"Don't say that, you know it isn't true. I love you, Alfred, but I shouldn't exist like this. You and I both know that." Arthur squeezed the other's hand to the best of his ability.

"I know, I know. But I can't deal with the thought of you leaving me." Alfred covered his face with his hand, biting his lip to stop him from breaking down.

Arthur began to sob, "I want to be with you, too. More than anything I've ever wanted before, but I can't, not like this." He sniffled and cried.

Alfred attached their lips, wiping Arthur's tears as he did so, "I love you, Arthur." He whispered as he pulled back. Arthur smiled, his body visibly shaking.

Alfred knew Arthur was scared. He was scared to die, but didn't want anyone to know. No matter how much Arthur tried to hide it, Alfred could tell he was putting on a front.

Arthur was scared of dying, but he was more scared of people knowing his fear.

"I've fallen for you, Alfred Jones, and I don't know how to return to my feet." Arthur's words shook.

"And you, Arthur Kirkland, I've fallen for you." Alfred kissed his forehead.

And they sat for hours and talked, basking in each other's presence. But soon, they were interrupted by doctors rushing in to the beeping of Arthur's heart monitor. His heart was slowing rapidly, and Alfred knew that he was witnessing the last minutes of his love's life.

And then Arthur's hand went limp, and Alfred broke his promise.

———

originally posted on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22163416

thank you for reading! <3

#usuk angst #usuk #sorry for the linespacing #it’s ugly as hell i know #i hope u like! #america x england