#sorry again i'm waiting on therapy and i hate journaling so in the meantime i post here to a small group of strangers and friends

[clownpassing]

yyyuuppppp things are getting weirddddd i had to tell nick not to mention to johnny the price of the stuff i bought him or about the hundreds of dollars i've spent on him idk why like. i just don't want jonathan to know. i think that's what's been killing me bc every time i am having a really bad day in jon and i's relationship(nearly every day now tbf) i try to swallow it because i just need to make it to the 18th without having another breakdown since that's my first therapy appointment. but then like he'll say he's been feeling great and i just for some reason can't bring myself to tell him anything. and i know this will hurt him more in the longterm but i don't know like. i feel like i'm the only person making solid efforts. and him spending all this money on nice things has been making me anxious because yes gift receiving is one of my biggest love languages but it all feels so empty

#txt #op #sorry again i'm waiting on therapy and i hate journaling so in the meantime i post here to a small group of strangers and friends #lawl. lmao. lol. #um. it's getting so bad #but i can't imagine a life without him because i have nobody to move in with. maybe my mom #i would prefer to live w my dad but he turned my old room into an office space so #oh god why am i even talking about this are things really getting to that point #i feel so trapped #i am not happy but i live in a nice home with a dog and a man who really loves me #but i am so deeply unhappy #i kind of want to keel myself these days i'm not gonna lie