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marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches · 6 years

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Oh my goodness, I didnt see the link to your fanfic account! I am dumb. So ignore my previous ask and instead answer this one for the meme. 13, 3, 14, 1 and 2 for Happiness goes on? (I shall leave reviews on your beautiful fanfic soon I promise, they are good.)

(Hiii, sooo…this whole reply is late because I actually typed up ALL OF THIS last night, and then accidentally “x”-ed out of my browser and lost it all, because I am very very stupid. And then was too tired to retype it up before going to sleep. I hope I remember roughly everything, and apologies for that mistake.)

Oh! Haha! Alright then! Thank you! Don’t feel dumb at all for not realizing which AO3 account is mine or for your previous ask(which for others who are curious, said: “1 - 5 for all your fics! Just talk about your favs!”). I was prepared to choose 3 fics (including “Happiness Goes On” since that’s definitely the one I’m most proud of, so I guess that’s closest to a “favorite” right?), and go through the first 5 questions for each, though I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t have taken some time to answer.

BUUUT…since you said to scrap that first ask, I’ll answer these individual ones for “Happiness Goes On.” And your compliment and promise for a future review means SO goddamn much, thank you sincerely.

(WARNING / REMINDER: This is about my fic that deals with the subject of child molestation, and I do reference that a little bit in this reply. Don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable, which I entirely understand and respect.)

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13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

HA! Well, American Pie obviously, for a majority of it. While brainstorming / writing / editing the epilogue? A lotta Billy Joel. ;)

The idea to use American Pie bounced into my brain when it came on the radio at the thrift shop where I volunteer, one of the rare times my own music speaker battery died. Usually a disaster, because our store radio is pretty crappy, but the sound quality wasn’t too bad that day, and I rediscovered how much I love that song and ‘Why isn’t this on my ipod again?’. Listening to the lyrics, I realized how much some of them fit the Guardians in general, and this story specifically, which I have Gamora mentally note in the fic. I was sitting and casually chatting with the manager while also thinking, ‘Google what year this came out when you get home, but I’m sure it’s the 70′s. Peter would know it, and it could be the Zune. I think it could work.’ I’m proud that I was able to reference the song so many times without actually naming it by title, but I assume most readers knew what it was, it’s just that famous. (I also couldn’t resist the light-hearted joke, later when things calmed down, of Gamora saying “This…is the longest song…I have ever heard.” and Peter smiling without even looking at her and giving a cheeky “I know.”)

In terms of using Billy Joel for the epilogue, I’m just a Billy Joel fanatic. The use of him for this story began just from the We Didn’t Start the Fire joke toward Rocket at the bar (I thought it was clever, Peter!), and later on I saw how The Longest Time fit romantically for Starmora, and some of the lyrics matched the healing themes of the overall story, and I thought ‘Maybe they’ve been playing BIlly Joel since that night; maybe that can be the joke.’ Why shouldn’t his Greatest Hits albums (at least) be on the Zune? I struggled a lot over what song should be the final one Gamora comments on before they switch artists to appease the group. I never specify which romantic Billy Joel song Peter and Gamora slow danced to during their “date night” in that six-week summary, but I like to imagine it was Just the Way You Are. I considered Keeping the Faith or Vienna for the final one, but I thought they deserved something more fun and naughty to analyze this time, so Only the Good Die Young it is. :D

In conclusion, I listened to The Longest Time, and the entire An Innocent Man studio album, a lot (as if I needed an excuse).3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

The portion in italics is my favorite line, but I’m including the entire sentence for context purposes: “She would need to grow used to him viewing Yondu as a caring parent who was extraordinarily protective of his boy, and would have hunted down this pervert to whistle a glowing arrow through her skull.”14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Ohh geez, wow, that one is tough. I don’t know if it’s accurate to say this story was intended to educate, but just to explore the idea with fictional characters. I have no expertise on the subject, and would never claim such, or talk down to those who do. I didn’t intend to create a PSA. I suppose all of the “lessons” for Peter (if they can be called that) I hope all readers already know and agree on (basically a collection of “it wasn’t your fault” and “this doesn’t define you” and “trauma isn’t a competition, someone else suffering worse doesn’t invalidate your experience” and “you should feel comfortable talking about anything without judgement or shame” etc.).

Slightly lesser scale messages, there’s also reminders about the importance of communication, trusting each other, letting the other person speak in an argument, not letting one’s jealousy/instincts/bad mood interfere with fairness, not running away from a fight or staying angry, respecting boundaries and privacy, all that healthy relationship jazz that these two are still figuring out. 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

This post is already very long, and I could probably talk for hours about the decision-making process for many scenes (of my GotG fics, this took the longest to write and publish, over 2 months), so I’ll try to condense this to a few bullet points that probably don’t fit the “inspired” criteria.

- It was originally going to be in two parts, 4 scenes each, when I thought the epilogue would be much shorter. But as the lil’ wrap-up got longer (because we needed a fluffy conclusion, dammit!), I decided to make it a separate “chapter.”

- I think the concept probably started as one of those strange, angsty “what if?” scenarios I make up in my head at night that I still can’t believe I created into a full-fledged work. I liked the idea of Peter and Gamora having this conversation and her comforting him, but I knew if I was really going to throw it out there for other fans, it had be more balanced with happier moments, too. I just know I was always going to make the offender a woman - both because it would lead to the misunderstanding that she was a past consensual hook-up when Peter was an adult to spark some irritation and jealousy in Gamora, and because it’s realistically different from other sexual assault stories, since women can be pedophiles and child predators too, and they’re just as horrible. :(

- The fanfic idea of “Gamora accidentally starts a fire while trying to cook, and Peter falsely accuses and lashes out at Rocket” was in my head before, but there were two key differences. 1) It was the entire plot, not a light-hearted subplot in the shadows of something bigger, 2) Meredith’s letter was either fully or partially burnt as a result of the fire. By the end Gamora was going to confess it was her fault, that she was trying to surprise Peter by cooking spaghetti, and he would apologize both to her and to Rocket for losing his temper and getting so angry. I hated that idea later and found it too sad (he’s already lost the Walkman and second cassette tape, why would I want him to lose even more from his mother?), and in “Spark My Memory” (the Christmas fic I wrote for “12 Days of Starmora”) the Guardians put his mother’s letter in the photo album gift for Peter, completely safe and unharmed. I like to keep all my fanfics canon-compliant and non-contradictory from each other, so the letter is fine, no burning it.

Yet “Gamora started a fire cooking” still seemed fun to me, as I like the idea that she’s so badass and skilled and intelligent, but failed at something so domestic and simple. Kinda cute. I was so excited to insert it into this, because I think it worked on multiple levels. It’s a driving force for the plot (the reason the team go to the restaurant and they stumble upon that particular waitress), the reason Gamora was already in a bad mood during her fight with Peter, it could be used as a metaphor/comparison for Peter’s anxiety and Gamora’s guilt, it was something for the Guardians to put at a higher priority to tease and mock Gamora for while oblivious to the main story, something for Peter to just break down into giggles over once they changed the subject (because he earned a good laugh after that heartbreaking and vulnerable childhood trauma story), an excuse to give Rocket so many funny lines, an overall silly and sitcommy-style subplot to fall back on, and a sweet “victory!” for Gamora to have (sort of?) conquered by the epilogue. ^_^2: What scene did you first put down?

This is easy. I’ve written all but one (8 out of 9) of my fanfics in order, except for “Just Like Everybody Else.” So ya, I wrote the opening scene first, Baby Groot’s magic trick lesson and Peter’s oh-so-cruel “can only be seen once” deception. I needed to ease readers (and myself) into the angst and heavy shit to follow, and that cute idea had also been in the back of my mind for a while. ^_^

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PHEW, OKAY, ALL RE-TYPED! Thank you again SO MUCH for the lovely ask and wonderful questions, your actual interest and curiosity thrilled me! You see I wasn’t kidding about the incessant babbling. :P

Thank you also for the kudos you left on AO3, and take care!~

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thehalfworld · 7 years

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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 8]

And here we are at the end. I hope you’ve all been enjoying the ride, because it’s about to get a whole lot weirder in this, the final chapter.

Warnings this time around: a whole lot of drug use, some underage drinking, DUI but it’s okay because Tiaa is a vampire, bestiality, and an attempted sexual assault. Also did I mention drug use? There’s a lot of drug use.

Recap: Tiaa met a panda bear named Snoofles on her way to school (please don’t think too hard about this) and learned that she can now talk to animals, among other abilities. Thanks to a vague new ability of hers, she accidentally made her mean classmate Lauren get struck by lightning while they were in a verbal spat. Edward finally decided to leave Bella for Tiaa and the two celebrated by having sex in the middle of the school. Bella walked in on them and got upset.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley. sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me byut she is on vacaton this wk and next so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!

Did she refuse to beta your fic after you stole her poster of Gerard Way?

Chapter 8 - the Kidnap

I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it but I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more.

Tiaa doesn’t care how beautiful she is, but she had to start the sentence off by reminding us all how beautiful she is. And that she looks awesome. And her hair is exotic.

Whatever that means.

Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad.

Wait, are you mad Edward is attempting to prevent Bella from committing suicide?

how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more?

That doesn’t mean he’s fine with letting her make attempts on her own life, Tiaa.

I was pissed! and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe.

I love this goddamn sentence.

So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties and i smoked some drugs and started to weep.

To be fair, this is a really solid stoner-goth aesthetic she has going.

…wait, hold up, leather panties?

Leather panties?

dave came in and made a big smiley face.

He’s in a really good mood for someone whose brother was murdered hours ago.

"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)

Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll buy that Dave visually mistook a spliff for chapstick… but can he not smell that she’s smoking weed?

"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.

Love how Tiaa is suicidal but still needs to make sure we know how pretty she is at all times. Reminds me of the bit in “My Immortal” where Enoby was flirting while sobbing.

"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot, and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff.

Well, replace “homework” with “getting raped by the relative of a caregiver, turning into a vampire, and accidentally seriously injuring a classmate” and Dave’s on the money.

he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.

Do I really need to tell this girl to stop humanizing her rapist? She killed him in self-defense! It was one hundred percent justified! C’mon, Tiaa, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Also, nobody cares about Lauren.

"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)

Well, yeah, that is weird, but I don’t get the woe-is-me attitude about it. Telekinesis is a really cool ability. Also, turns out Dave is literally so dumb that you can be an obvious nonhuman smoking weed in bed while screaming about wanting to die and he’ll take you for an ordinary teenage girl holding a tube of chapstick.

"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin)

…so did the ashtray miss?

"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before!

I can’t help but feel that the amount Dave and Marie compliment Tiaa on her looks borders on inappropriate, considering she is sixteen and they are her foster parents.

and i think your boobs hav grown!"

Case in point.

"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.

I guess it’s a good thing she’s a vampire, then, since I’m pretty sure vampires can’t get back problems.

Wait. Can vampires get high? Does being high feel different if you’re a vampire?

Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.

That Dave!

I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs) and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks.

Listen, I don’t know Washington State, but in my neck of the woods small towns don’t have goth nightclubs.

I love that she specified the pills were drugs, in case we thought they were sugar pills or something.

bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL!

If there is a goth nightclub in your small town, I guarantee you everyone has heard of it.

i met snoofles on the way and he came with me.

You’re taking the panda out clubbing?

we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music.

…I’m starting to get very confused about Snoofles. My initial impression was that he’s a regular panda bear, but Tiaa is able to communicate with him because she’s a vampire and can talk to all animals now. But I don’t think ordinary pandas go to clubs, get drinks, and dance to heavy metal music.

Although I’ve never met one, so I could be wrong.

ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda, but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.

I adore the similes in this fic. No idea what Tiaa is on but I definitely know what the author means by feeling like there’s snow everywhere in your head.

"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry.

So… not like straw, then.

he was tall.

Yeah, you mentioned.

he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)

No, it’s good, I dig it. Simple goth on top, bling on the bottom, may or may not be wearing pants? It’s a look.

"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?

"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.

"what is wrong Jasper?" i said

"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!"

Of course he’s gay. Look at his outfit! Look at those shoes! I can’t even see him for real and my gaydar is going wild.

"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said.

"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.

Good on Tiaa for being an ally. I love how Jasper reacts as though he’s never considered the possibility that his gayness might be alright. He’s a vampire too and has been alive for well over a century, so that’s a lot of internalized homophobia… but he’s also been around to witness the entire modern LGBT rights movement, so you’d think he might have gotten the “it’s okay to be gay” message before.

"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back.

If you just got a bad feeling about what might happen next, trust your fucking instincts.

he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.

I really wanna know what they’ve been taking, because even though Tiaa isn’t human I feel like anyone who can get high should have to worry about drug interactions. Weed and alcohol is fine, but aside from that I have no idea what the hell Tiaa is on except that she described it as “pills” and a lot of drugs that come in pill form do not play nice with alcohol. She probably isn’t going to fry her liver or anything like that given that she’s essentially undead, but I doubt she’s immune to having a bad trip.

we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car.

A note: At this point in the story I quite literally had to stop the MST for a bit so I could pour myself a very stiff drink.

The panda has a car. The panda is having a threesome with a vampire and a human in the back of his car while another vampire drives it. This is treated as normal because the panda and his two human(oid) sexual partners happen to all be gay.

Like, I’d normally feel pretty weird about the “promiscuous gay” stereotype being invoked, but I’m way too busy feeling weird that the author thinks it’s normal for gay guys to want to screw a panda because the panda happens to be gay too. Also, keep in mind Snoofles can only talk to Tiaa — the dudes he’s having sex with can’t understand him. I’m gonna say a panda who behaves like a human and owns a car is probably capable of consenting, but I still feel mighty weird about the idea that two dudes who perceive Snoofles as an ordinary, non-talking panda would want to have a threesome with him.

I guess the promiscuity aspect isn’t even bad considering how Tiaa and Edward have been acting with each other throughout the fic. The bestiality, though, I have trouble overlooking.

(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)

Sure, but do you even know how to drive? In most states, it’s not legal to get a learner’s permit until you’re Tiaa’s age, so we’re not talking “experienced driver with superhuman reflexes,” we’re talking “superhuman reflexes, but on somebody who quite possibly has never sat in the driver’s seat of a car before.”

but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out. there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness.

But was his black hair like the black feathers of a black raven in the black darkness? I just want to be clear on the color.

he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!) but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up!

Oh, of course, her samurai sword. Yep. Been with her the whole time.

Jasper Snoofles and Vince were too busy doing gay sex on each other to notice, i cud hear them grunting and humping and having orgasms on each other - it was so cute but now was SO not the time!

She’s being attacked by a group of ten or more people, who have overpowered her, restrained her, and blindfolded her, in the middle of the road. Three people (well, a person, a vampire, and a panda) are present and they don’t notice this happening at all.

Like… I know they’re all intoxicated and, uh, otherwise occupied at the moment, but did they not at least pause to notice Tiaa slamming on the brakes to avoid colliding with a stranger in the road?

The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.

when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me. i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.

Tiaa has superhuman strength and reflexes. She has telekinetic abilities. She can affect objects and people by touching them.

Yet she can’t get out of being chained to a chair?

I call BS.

"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.

She sounds like Wheatley from “ITS MY LIFE!” now.

"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!

Jacob’s a big dude who can turn into a wolf, but he’s also about fifteen and just learning about the whole werewolf thing, so I doubt he’d be “king” of anything. Also Tiaa could take him easy.

"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.

I don’t know why she reacted so negatively to Jacob’s response. There is a longstanding vampire/werewolf feud in the Twilight universe, but Tiaa is very newly turned and shouldn’t know about any of that yet. Learning your kidnapper is a werewolf sucks, but if you’re already a vampire you’ve got an edge too.

"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.

"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!" he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like.

So… not like rain, then.

"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD!

I’ve got to change this blog’s name right away. I don’t know what I was thinking naming it “The Half-World” when I could have named it “The Half-Bread.”

Also, hold up — what did Tiaa do to Bella? Is this just about “stealing” Edward? Jacob and Edward aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, and if Bella’s single Jacob has a chance with her, so if anything I think he owes Tiaa a thank-you.

YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!"

Well, this really does speak for itself.

This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down.

Sounds like my second-grade teacher. She was the daughter of a well-known Republican senator and she had to resign after she tied a kid to a chair with a jump rope. True story.

But something he said had caugt my attention .

Good job on the punctuation.

"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.

What do you think he meant, genius?

"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER! SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!"

I guess this does explain Tiaa’s extra powers, but, I have to say, I don’t think Jacob gets to criticize anyone else for being freaky when he can turn into a wolf.

Of corse! It all made sense now!

It didn’t all make sense. There’s still an interspecies gay threesome that needs explaining.

I was so shocked I fainted,

and also got my periods and commas mixed up,

When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED! He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.

Honest to god I love these similes.

he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me!

I think I have an idea, actually.

but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!

IT WAS EWDARD!

Here to save the day! And to end the fic, because this is it for “Forbiden Fruit”: BeckyMac666 left us all on a cliffhanger, so we’ll never know what happens.

I do genuinely love this fanfic. I love how it’s written, I love the similes, I love the purple prose and the melodramatic tone, and I love my girl Tiaa. It’s a truly fantastic badfic, and I’m happy I got to introduce others to it, too.

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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muckkles · 7 years

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furnacelayer replied to your post

“this is the week of me barfing up andromeda critiques at anyone who...”

please tell me why to not buy this game

here’s something wild: im not actually gonna tell u not to buy it? i think if u wanna play and make ur own opinion thats good. its also still a mass effect game so even if u just wanna play to see some of ur favorite aliens or get to know the new characters thats good. i also have friends who are enjoying the game more than i am so its rly a matter of personal preference/taste.

that being said, heres a long long LONG list of my Andromeda Opinions, under a cut for major spoilers. some are big things and others might seem nitpicky to u. keep in mind that i havent finished the game yet! but i have completed a good bit of it and i think im close to finishing the main storyline. i may add more to this list as i play more or as i remember more so maybe check back in a couple days for edits?

im gonna start with a list of things i actually like about the game cuz thats shorter and less spoilery. its mostly aesthetic/minor things tbh:

its a pretty game even if some of the textures dont always load properly. nice landscapes and whatnot to look at

driving the nomad is an upgrade from the mako and very fun. ive never gotten stuck somewhere in my vehicle. jumping around is also fun and the height u jump makes sure its hard to get stuck as well

u can give the nomad a paint job!

i like learning about the angara’s history and culture (angara are the new aliens. jaal is an angara) and i like that half of them have australian accents

theres little things that help u get to kno ur crew better. they send u emails and theres a crew message board in the common room that they talk to each other on. theres also plenty of convos to overhear on ur ship and in ambient dialogue as ur out n about. also ur crew has a specified spot that u can find them at for cutscenes with them but other times youll find their hangout spot changes around the ship which is cool it makes them seem more like real ppl

drack is good and my grandpa

theres a good amount of female turians, salarians, and krogans hanging around. also a larger variety of skintones (cute purple salarians!!)

explicit confirmation in an overheard conversation that some asari use he/him and/or gender neutral pronouns. angara also apparently have a range of pronouns they use to identify themselves (although u dont hear them of course :/)

when u look out the windows of ur ship u actually see the planet ur orbiting which is a neat addition. also the layout of ur ship is one map so no more elevators!

if youve never played the first three mass effect games (And thus have no basis for comparison) i can see how it could be a decent and fun game on its own

ok now on to things i dislike. i guess i’ll divide it by category? less spoilery stuff first but youve been warned:

general glitches - im sure youve heard of some or probably most of these. im only going to list the ones ive personally experienced. some of them have been almost game breaking and not in a good/funny way. im mostly mad about them cuz im playing on ps4 and console games are supposed to be, in general, much less glitchy than pc versions. And Yet..

npcs will randomly appear out of nowhere or slide into place from off screen

often characters skin textures lag or dont fully load

suvi has been sitting in midair instead of standing in a couple cutscenes for me

twice when kallo has stood up theres just been a giant dent where his right ass cheek should be???

the classic bioware “ur character is drinking but the cup is missing or in a weird position” glitch. im actually sort of fond of this one

i dont think they developed animations specifically for the angaras’ skeletons cuz when they cross their arms it just.. doesnt work right. they cant reach. their hands just sort of phase through each other in the middle of their chest.

one time i entered the escape pod room on my ship and the door closed behind me and wouldnt reopen so i had to load a save

a couple times ive had to talk to ppl for quests but the person isnt there when i get there. its just a floating quest marker. so i have to reload the area/my save

theres a side mission i cant complete cuz im supposed to kill all the kett in this one area but one of them just disappeared out of existence before i killed it so. the quest is just still there unfinished and its driving me crazy.

on a planet named havarl which is a jungle world theres a layer of darkness at the forest floor indicated by how when somewhere is rly dark ur flashlight will automatically go on. one time i emerged from an area and my frame rate fell dramatically and i started moving rly slowly. at the divide where the darkness starts there was just a textureless black sheet across the whole world that looked like solid ground but i could fall thru it to the real ground. i tried reloading the area and my save multiple times and it didnt fix. i thought my save was permanently broken but then i restarted my ps4 and that did the trick

i rly dont think these can be explained away as andromeda being an open world game cuz like dragon age inquisition was open world and made by the same company and has similar sized areas with very minimal glitching (on console). the only major one i can even think of that ive experienced with inq on console is the one where if u start dialogue with someone in the middle of a jump u start hovering in the falling animation after but that is resolved quickly by just jumping again (i believe. i do remember its not permanent)

combat - its pretty typical of an open world over the shoulder shooter tbh. theres plenty of cover and enemies can flank you. theres more options for melee which is cool. nothing else of note on that front except ways they messed it up which include:

for some reasons bullets move rly slowly?? might be a glitch but i have a friend whos complained about this too and i rly noticed after she mentioned it to me

you can only “equip” three different powers at a time?? u can save ur fave combinations and switch between them but honestly it sucks

u cant order ur squadmates to perform certain powers or if u can i sure as fuck havent figured out how

ryder is always on the left side of the screen which means ur always facing right in cover and cant peer around corners on the left of boxes and things?? its rly annoying

this one is just personal preference. i happen to dislike it overall but i understand why other ppl ive talked to like it: you no longer are set in one class. you have the ability to change at will any time. you can also spec in every single biotic, tech, and combat power. pros: u can respec and experiment without starting a new game. if u care more about taking ur fave characters along than strategy, u dont have to worry as much. which brings me to cons: if u enjoy the aspect of picking ur squad to make up for ur characters weaknesses and use strategy in that sense, this kind of renders that unnecessary (unless u just choose to purposefully limit urself). this also means that every single ryder is technically a biotic which sucks storywise imo cuz some ppl will choose not to ever use their biotic powers and that? doesnt make sense to me from a story perspective. i like the idea of choosing whether or not ur character is born a biotic so that its integral to ur individual roleplay/story/etc

dialogue/writing/general story stuff - hoo boy. suffice to say this game does not live up to the original trilogy and fails in some areas where they Tried to make it better. more details:

a lot of the dialogue just Does Not Flow in the way im used to from having convos as shepard. ryder is bad at transitioning topics

speaking of the way ryder talks, how awkward they are is like painful. major secondhand embarrassment and not in an endearing way. like in a wincing at the dialogue way.

you cant choose to not be an awkward buffoon?? there are very very rarely dialogue options that make u seem competent or confident which sucks if thats the kind of character u wanted to go for. ryder is also kind of a weenie. they dont have the complete respect of their crew (good example, the argument cutscene on the tempest after u recruit jaal)

90% of ur decisions are boiled down to two dialogue options the “logical” one and the “emotional” one altho sometimes they seem to be flip flopped?? even in the paragon/renegade system u often got a third more neutral/sarcastic dialogue option and in dragon age inquisition (i kno i kno different series but same company and dialogue wheel mechanic) there was always multiple ways to respond to things with different personalities/characteristics

ur decisions straight up dont seem to have any consequences. like worse than usual for a bioware game. theres one cutscene where two of ur crew are arguing and u have to pick a side. i expected to have to cajole the one i didnt pick into being my friend again after but nope they just went on talking to me like nothing had happened.

theres a couple times where the game doesnt allow u to disapprove of something that seems like a rly bad idea/thing depending on how u want to roleplay?? spoiler example: peebee reanimates a remnant observer to fight for u and ur only two dialogue options are in support of it and ur not given the option to say ummm what the fuck were u thinking??

ur introduction to the angara ppl rly rly lacked the significance it should have had. like u discover a new species, land on their planet, are there for all of 5 mins, and then suddenly youve recruited one to ur crew and ur on ur way again. then if u go back the nexus literally no one says anything or makes any sort of big deal about the fact that u made first contact with a new species!! like wtf!! i think theres like one line of brief congrats from tann and thats it

speaking of that. theres a real lack of diversity among sentient/sapient life in this game. theres a handwavey reason for the quarians/volus/batarians/elcor/etc not being there (their ark was delayed) and then the game only gives u two new species and only one of them is peaceful. so overall its just humans, salarians, turians, asari, krogan, and angara. plus the violent enemy, the kett.

god the cutscenes leave so much to be desired. the other mass effect games were so cinematic and engaging in comparison. im sure youve seen ppl complain about the lack of facial expressions and body language in literally any character (most noticeable in humans tho) but like. i just started a new me3 playthrough a few days ago and the first 30 mins of that game are so much cooler than any cutscene ive seen in andromeda so far even with the worse graphics

the trans npc that just. deadnames herself out of nowhere. to u, a stranger

the fact that gil is the only fucking gay man in the game and a major part of his personal story involves his best friend who is a straight female fertility expert/doctor/whatever who apparently constantly guilt trips him about not having biological kids and i guess bioware didnt see how this could possibly be homophobic or just generally offensive

miscellaneous - just general pet peeves i guess:

why the fuck do all the asari in this game have the exact same face

the sexual dimorphism in the angara just. kills me. at least the women dont have boobs.

u can choose music for ur room on the tempest but it wont fucking keep ur music on so u have to turn it back on every time u enter

god the game just dumps so much shit at u at once at the beginning of the game. its very overwhelming and honestly i still barely kno what the fuck im doing

i liked the cc at first cuz i think my ryder is good looking but after listening to one of my friends i actually agree its very restricting for a roleplaying game in 2017. u can rly only adjust preexisting features rather than completely switch them out. this is somewhat fogiveable tho since theres the issue of ur twin and parents having to look like u

personally i feel like peebee is very annoying which is a major disappointment cuz im rly gay for her whole aesthetic

the game is supposed to be all about exploration but two of the main worlds u explore are just a desert world and an ice world so. not much to see tbh. i will say that i had a lot of fun exploring and traversing habitat 7 (as brief as that is), havarl, and kandara so far tho. theyre the ones that actually feel alien but habitat 7 and havarl have relatively small maps

bioware decided to only create like 6? maybe? i havent counted but around that many different alien animal species to populate the worlds and be predators and theyre the Same on every fuckign planet even tho theyre all in different solar systems. i would have preferred it if there were even just like 2-3 animals that were unique to each planet cuz at least that makes sense.

have i said ryder is a weenie and a buffoon already

why can i still not kiss any salarians or krogans. bioware im comin for u

#reply reply #meggie speaks #furnacelayer

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