#some men are THE shit and ion wanna continue fumbling the good ones

[dumplingsjinson]

naurrrrr, so a lot has happened since thursday last week ('tis now a tuesday). the long distant dude i voice called on thursday (took us 6 months and a fucktonne of communication issues in between) hasn't been answering my messages since the call and long story short, i'm kicking him to the curb for the meanwhile and if he ever replies then gg. ion need a partner OR a friend like that, ngl, because he's been inconsistent for the longest of fucking time, and i don't wanna agonise over someone like that any longer.

on friday, i went out with another guy. we'll call him... the cat dude, cause he loves cats and has one himself (she's the cutest thing ever, with the pics he's been sending me). first half of the date was a little boring, ngl. he's a lil' awkward. he was probably also a lil' nervous, which i don't blame him for.

and then we got drunk as shit for the second half, and i was leaning against him and everything while we were trekking around the city, and uh... AHEM. we ended up making out during karaoke. several times at that. i initiated most of them, too, because i wanted someone to kiss (mayhaps kissing is quite fun, imma tell you that much), so i'm like... LKFNEWLKFN. TAKE ALCOHOL AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW. a complete menace to society, your honour!

like, i still remember our first kiss where i turned around to face him, looked at him for a second or two then pulled him in by the nape of neck to kiss him. i don't remember how the other ones happened but i remember he initiated one of them. i remember him cuddling close to me, with me leaning against him, while we sang into our mics; him kissing my face (do guys just like... do that after you kiss them or what is this????). the karaoke room was like... right near reception and there's like a small window where people can see us so if workers/guests were walking around, they might have caught us doing that. so yeah. no decorum whatsoever.

i kissed him goodbye at the train station when he dropped me off (I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING WHEN SOBER, I WOULDN'T EVEN HUG SOMEONE WHEN LEAVING UNLESS THEY GO IN FOR THE HUG FIRST SO BITCH), before i hopped my drunk ass on the train to get home (and now i cannot stop thinking about it for the life of me!!! fuck me!! and i also can't stop wishing i kissed him for longer LMFAO). he ended up staying at a hotel (i'm so thankful i didn't stay with him or else things might have happened and i would have woken up to true regretfulness).

saturday morning, i wake up with a slight hangover (so worse than what happened the week before this when i got drunk as shit) he messages me and says he enjoyed my company, both drunk and sober and i was like... oh. because i thought he didn't enjoy my company while sober LMFAO, but i guess i was wrong (or maybe he was being polite, i have no clue). and now i'm seeing him again this week saturday for a small picnic with the promise we won't be drinking any sort of alcohol. AND IDK MAYBE I'M STUPID but i think he might be feeling me a little? he's more fun over text than in person tbvh, but again, first meet ups are usually a lil' awkward ahaha. and like... he's chill and i wanna see where this goes. (all i can say is, guys definitely get vvvv clingy when they're drunk! you break that touch barrier earlier on and they'll be all up in your personal space esp when you decide to add a few drinks to the mix lmfao. and yeah i only got drunk with like two dudes so the sample size isn't big but ya know??). i know his ass remembers what happened even if we never explicitly talked about it, but i ain't even embarrassed about it at this point. i just find it so funny lkwnfklwenf

as for the mixed signals guy... the dude who kissed me while drunk and got all clingy with me? the one who told me a few days later that he liked someone else? the one who was supposed to watch the fuckin' barbie movie with me? he flaked on my ass LAST MINUTE so he could go have a study date with the girl he likes. (that girl, according to him, doesn't like him back, and he's been pissy about it ever since.)

this guy is a MESS. he keeps reiterating that we're friends and nothing more so i'm acting like a friend towards him even though he probably doesn't fucking deserve my friendship considering how he could so easily flake on a friend after they planned a hang out with him over a WEEK in advance. a whole fucking week, with solid plans, and he fucking flakes. all because he wants to see the girl he's simping after. rude ass fucking bitch! that is not a good friend quality to have at all. inconsiderate, if you ask me. thank fuck i was able to find another friend to go with me.

there's also a lot of shit going on with him and the more i talk to him, the more i'm like... my god, i should probably drop him. i've been telling my friends about it and they're like "is this man okay? you sure you still wanna talk with him?" and i'm starting to think - no, i don't. he has hella issues, thinks getting into a relationship is the only means of having someone care about him (completely disregarding the fact that friends can care about you, too, sometimes even more than a partner does), and he's done questionable shit in the past. he also says really questionable shit.

and, like, don't get me wrong, i wanna be there for him and like... i can partially see why he might be the way he is today, but we had a conversation about it last night and he basically tried to push me away and i'm out here like - why would you ask me to be your friend when your end goal is to push me away? why ask for someone to care about you when this is the shit you do???? you can't be there for someone who simply just doesn't want to get their shit together. it gets draining really fucking quickly.

oh, not to mention, he ghosted all of his friends when he got with his now ex so fucking gg, mate. he seems to expect me to do the same with him when i get into a relo and i'm like... motherfucker, i'm not you. assuming i'd do that, just because you did that yourself, is just so hurtful. a complete red flag of a human being, if you ask me. if he continues to be like this then i'm taking the left exit. i don't need this shit in my life, right now or ever.

#LONG POST #personal #vent #love life rambles #and some other things #don't want advice lol just needed to rant a little #so yeah #some men ain't shit fr #some men are THE shit and ion wanna continue fumbling the good ones #cat guy chronicles