#so polyamory apparently is inherently non commital and can never work out for everyone involved bc of that. but that just... isnt true

[treesbian]

i feel insane i feel so insane. i feel so goddamn fucking insane. feels like my sisters won't allow me to even be civil to them anymore every interaction ends up with all 3 of them insulting me and when I tell them shit like "you're being mean" or "i don't think that criticism is coming from a place of love" they just try and justify themselves and insult me more. no one is on my side but I'm so so convinced that if an outside party came and observed what was happening they would see i'm being bullied. maybe i am insane. maybe there's a reason no one is on my side. i know i'm not perfect but goddamn. i love them so much and it feels like they hate me. i can say the world's most neutral statement ever and one of them'll have a snide and insulting comment about it and then everyone acts like i'm being unreasonable if i react. and again if i call them out and i say "you're being mean. do you not see what you're doing? you're being mean." they all just get excused bc apparently me having a hard time with filtering what i say and having debilitating executive dysfunction is "traumatizing" and their bullying is a trauma response. and they won't let me even fix my behavior bc if i say something that contradicts my past behavior they'll be like "oh so NOW u care about that. you don't actually care 🙄" can i do fucking anything. can i do fucking ANYTHING.

(through gritted teeth) my big sister's coming back from washington next week. next week she's coming back from washington. i think she'll be able to recognize what's happening, right? like if they do it in front of my parents then they'll probably do it in front of her too. but ofc my parents don't care. they are actively against my side in this.

#talk tag #the other day my godsister said i love myself more than anything else and the only thing i actually care about is being right #and i said 'you're being mean.' #and she just said 'it's true :/' #also in that conversation i got accused of ruining birthdays #apparently. my baby sisters birthday was ruined bc i called her a hypocrite about smth to do with juice... #like she was getting on everyone else for drinking some kinda juice and then she asked me to get her some of that same juice #and i made a joke calling her a hypocrite and that apparently ruined her birthday. #i didn't mean to hurt her feelings and i am sorry that i did. but. hm. #and then i apparently ruined my little sisters birthday bc i defended polyamory as a valid relationship type that can work out #and be committed. but everyone got mad at me bc they think commitment and exclusivity are the same thing #so polyamory apparently is inherently non commital and can never work out for everyone involved bc of that. but that just... isnt true #and i was calm the whole time i was making my points. ppl being angry when they argue doesn’t make their points less valid but i think #'polyamory is fine and works for a lot of ppl u just gotta communicate' is SUCH a silly take to get mad at. mind your business!! #they get very mad at me very often and it is usually bc i said smth to the tune of 'don't be a dick' #and sometimes it's for literally no reason and they get angrier when i react #my big sister's coming home soon. she'll be home next week. maybe she'll see. she at least wont be actively against me. lmao