#so anyway crying again second night in a row ahahaha 🙃

[reginaofdoctorwho]

god really loves kicking a bitch while she's down huh?

#last night: guy who likes me that i like sends me #'do you really think you're ready for a relationship? you don't act like it. you don't act like you like me' #this afternoon: my hypotension went to 88/35 while i was essentially home alone and almost i passed out/got SUPER nauseous #this evening: last friend who was supposed to meet above guy with me to hang out wednesday decided to cancel #after me a week ago asking in the chat and individual texts 'is Wednesday good for everyone?' #everyone said it should work except for one guy #who has said before he probably can't do that trip because of work and being poor #which i respect! I'm fine with that #but we've done this fucking twice where i've been like 'what days DON'T work? would this day work? yeah? great!' #and then the fucking weekend before EVERYONE other than me and above guy cancels and i just can't keep doing this #i'm fine i know this doesnt mean they hate me but fuck i don't know it doesn't and it's altogether just a lot #so anyway crying again second night in a row ahahaha 🙃 #and it's not the first guy's fault that last night upset me #he had valid points like that we've been pretty much acting like dating for like. a couple weeks #but the wording he used was like. the EXACT same as the first guy i 'dated' #and it just set off me panicking and it was like i was the stupidass 14yo in a relationship with a guy in college again #like not weird wording but being like 'i want a serious relationship but i worry that you're not sure' #or being like 'i want to protect you' 'i would fight for you' and like #honestly i don't know for fucking sure #i should just fucking reject him again but i do like him