#since i never figured put how to do it

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[alsojnpie]

hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that. #there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

[mightybeaujester]

Idk how I never noticed them but

Tim’s background vocals in Frankenstein???

The voice itself but then also the sad little laugh on “dreamt”, the betrayal in it Turning “something’s” into “something is not right” and the emphasis on the confusion and trust it had in Frankenstein The deep, repeated “learning and growing” through the narrated part, showing how the AI is always working in the background

I will never be normal about this guy

#the mechanisms #the mechs #gunpowder tim #gpt #he's so babygirl #do i include this in the analysis that lives in my notes app #where I look into which characters which mech embodies and the patterns in them and how for me it translates to what's going on #like w the mechs themselves #like how their identities are shaped by the figures they chose to embody #i have sth for all the mechs but i think all the others combined are shorter than what i have on tim #i think they put some kind of drugs into him he makes me go insane #as does frankenstein #i've listened to that song on repeat for days before how did i never notice tim in there? #i think i assumed it waas jonny since he's also in the rest of the song #but then i noticed the laugh on dreamt and considering the laugh in gptvtmk in the port mahon vid is what first made me a tim girlie i.... #i'm now kinda worried i'm actually wrong and this isn't tim at all but i think i'm p good at identifiying sad cold tim #i only have problems w mixing him up w marius sometimes when it comes to wild insane tim #like the beginning of alice i always think it's tim even tho i know it's marius

[seariii]

I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...

#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like.... #like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot #but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself #i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete... #... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams... #I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it #people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to... #the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want... #i want... #my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording #since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio #its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh... #tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up #we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing... #... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me? #i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for #so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it... #once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy #i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep #seari talks

[jils-things]

memoryshipping x studio ghibli: the masterpost ✨✨

see them separately: (x) (x) (x)

no need to rb!

#damn dude... what a movie does to a selfshipper.... #im very proud of these - because i figured out a nice filter for these edits #for those who're curious - i used gaussian blur + bloom + faded frame or whatever it was called in ibispaint and ofc the vhs effect #and i totally intended to make the VHS effect a combo of purple and green since it was an option available AHEHEHEH #i honestly... really like how i drew stevens back view 🥺🥺🥺🥺 like it looks so. #attractive?????? is that the right word? it just looks really nice to look at from behind #i tried to make sense with his hair and i think it worked well here #jaides hair is so POOFY AAAHJCCKCK shes so pretty 💚💚💚💚💚 #okay guys who wants the air walk raise your hand SLASH J SLASH J DON'T ACTUALLY PLEASE #I AIN'T DOING AN AU HERE BECAUSE YOURE BASICALLY SAYING YES JAIDE SHOULD BE A GRANDMA AKSKDJSBDHJSJDJSJSJS #yk im so tempted to do a little... directors cut here but itll be so LONG 😭 #i literally havent seen this movie in ages i only saw it once but my sister is such a big fan of the movie and she checks it often LOL #but now after watching it again recently im like #alright i kinda get thr appeal now AJSHSHAJSBSHS #tho i regularly listen to the ost (THE OST IS LITERALLY ON THE STEVAIDE PLAYLIST AND NOW IT HAS MORE IMPACT ON ME LMFOAJDHSHA) #i know i keep saying this. but. howlsophie = stevaide ufghgg 😭😭😭😭 i never saw this coming #WEEEGHH IM TRYING TO PUT IN ALL MY THOUGHTS HERE BUT I CANT REMEMBER #IM ALREADY DOING A DIRECTORS CUT AKAKSKSJSJSJSJAJ #YEAH ANYWAYS YAY MEMORYYYYY #♥️ memoryshipping #~ art

[oncillaphoenix]

weirdly elated to discover that N does, in fact, mention his sisters Literally Ever

#i'd thought he didn't #the second one is a little debatable but idk what else he'd be referring to that seems too affectionate and too plural to be just Ghetsis #oncilla speaks #nposting #n harmonia #n pokemon #trainer n #anthea and concordia #also side note: the fandom calls them siblings but they never actually refer to each other using sibling words. i guess it makes sense sinc #apparently even the sages couldn't figure out whether n and ghetsis were family so that just seems to be how they do things but also #it makes me feral #edit: whoops almost forgot to put this in a&c's tag

[swagging-back-to]

im actually floored by how well the girls are getting along. they're all running on the wheel together and just napping. they are literally so chill together rn it's insane

#i was expecting it to go so much worse not even joking #it's why i decided to do it today bc i figured it would take them a while to really settle in and wanted them to be somewhat familiar by th #time the 50 gal came in #but honestly? theyre so chill rn. #mochi and sushi fought like one time since the time i got them despite not really liking each other so it's kinda interesting that they #arent opting to fight as much as some other mice even during the intros. #and they dont really chase like how the 5 p's did during their intro to the curries. the p's were bullying the curries HARDCORE. #pepper still does tbh but pepper does it with everyone bc shes an asshole and hates everyone #i do feel bad tho bc now theyre all in a (for the group size) small tank with no real enrichment for the next few days #potentially even the whole weekend if fedex is shit #but it helps the bonding #some sites (usually just brits) always say 'oh you need to leave tem in the small bonding tank for a week or more!' #and they say you should spend DAYS for each step of introductions. so literally waiting hours before you give back food and water and a hid #sorry not sorry but i have never ever ever needed to do this with any of my introductions. #the fighting is gonna happen regardless. mice who have lived with eachother for years will still fight. if you waited until 'a few days #of peace after a fight' then you'd have them in the small bare bones tank for their whole lives #i never even did intros this elaborate the last two times. i just introduced them on the table and when i was done setting up the tank with #clean stuff i put them back in. they fought but it's just because MOST of my girls are pretty dominant. theyre all related so thats why #the only reason im doing the bare bones small cage method is because its such a big group and it can be very fragile at first. #but honestly hese girlies are so chill coded it's wild #the ladies

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Tubehell Challenge... I'm so sorry but I have been dropped in the ocean... I will postpone the start date for you... Just a bit...

You will not be forgotten though this is happening whether the universe wants it to happen or not. The universe knows I'm too powerful and is throwing everything it has at me right now but I will win just you wait man just you wait

#literally have to drop everything for geck... #like I'm gonna have to wake up make some calls send some emails research more stuff #figure out how to clean the tank then clean the tank the best i can then rearrange the decor so its better suited to its needs #THEN figure out the food situation cause what the fuck is THIS #THEN make a list of everything we need which btw #is everything but the fucking gecko #and HOPEFULLY this health check I'm organising doesnt turn up some fatal deficiency caused problems #I'm willing to deal with solving the various health problems it undoubtedly has already #provided i can afford a vet bill longer than my current lifespan #but i do have to deal woth the anxiety of a fucking fatal problem until i can get the checks done... #and make do with what I have for now #WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT OF FABRIC PLASTIC LEAVES AND NOT A LOT ELSE #i swear if my little guy has a serious problem i will never and i mean NEVER forgive my sister for this. #and my niece is on thin ice but only because she's 12 #'i just cleaned out the tank' NO YOU DID NOT YOU FUCKING LIAR #GONNA NEED A FUCKING HAMMER AND CHISEL WITH THIS OH MY GOD #my mum paid for this by the way. #this is supposed to be a late birthday present since we agreed i was gonna get a gecko for it #but put it off until i was on my meds #now I'm on meds. my niece wanted rid of her crestie and i have never regretted wanting anything more in my fucking life #what the FUCK okay??? #AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STRESSES MAN YEAH SURE JUST DROP A HUNDY FOR ANIMAL NEGLECT FOR MY BIRTHDAY #OH WOW THANKS THAT'S MY FAVOURITE #god... I'm going to bed... #and for the record my tag ranting is still not the fucking tip of this iceberg. #i am Overwhelmed. this isn't what i signed up for. #the joy of a new pet has never been more absent #this feels like a rescue or fucking amateur geck a&e #give me strength man I'm dying over here i would choose tubehell over this are you kidding me #hhhhh going to sleep. need it real bad. hopefully it recents my brain and makes this easier cause fuck me...

[essektheylyss]

I love and loathe writing magic research because genuinely, what is the current state of scientific understanding of the universe in Exandria. In the Dynasty. Is biomedical research still in medieval stages but the Marble Tomes teaches a theory of everything as part of eighth grade physics class.

I just. I need to know. I am writing wizards and need to come up with fantasy research projects and I don't even know what the existing literature entails. RULE ONE OF RESEARCH IS KNOW WHAT THE EXISTING LITERATURE ENTAILS

#essek can do calculations related to quantum gravity in his head but has never heard of a hormone #no but seriously do you understand how maddening it is to write #there is simply no way to guess what level of knowledge they have and it drives me NUTS #anyway yes i have been overthinking fantasy worldbuilding since c. 2008 when i started writing. do not @ me. #I'm well aware i am an overthinker and a nerd. you will never guess what prescription medication i take I'm sure. #but seriously you know what haunts me? #the fact that when caleb is pointing out celestial bodies nott goes 'that's not a planet. WE'RE on the planet' #is she fucking with him. did exandria somehow put together that theyre on a planet due to advanced magical flight capacities #before they figured out that there are other planets and as such the existence of other planets is a higher level concept? #these are the things that haunt me. #don't even get me STARTED on how magic would negate the need for certain theory and how it would completely fuck up others. #im thinking about it. it's a Problem that i am thinking about it because that rabbit hole does not end folks.

[cryptiddeer]

Bat at hornets nest here but I can't wait for the "genshin is a rip-off of botw" gang to find out that genshin has underwater exploration (something they've been complaining about the lack of FOREVER) while totk doesn't

#cryptid screaming #the joke is that i love both games and think those who still swear by this bc they saw 1.0 footage set in mondstat with an unfinished map #botw knockoff discourse is so fucking dumb i think they should put genshin on switch 2 and add link as a playable character #mostly because it would piss people off and i could take my favorite elf twink places he was never meant to go #(on my PlayStation and mobile devices) #someday I WILL have a party consisting entirely of people that AREN'T from teyvat and i will be happy #anyways if i ever figure out how to mod shit you bet your ass im making a botw underwater mod #give that zora suit a USE #mayhaps id go crazy with it and add lava diving lmao #maybe ill pop a gleeok down there idk #if totk needs any kind of mod its more sky islands and quests from ghosts in the depths #imagine you go high enough into the sky and BOOM #old as fuck and ruined skyloft #just cameos from all the sky places from previous games (you think they'd do that but noooo) #also since there are poes in the depths and implied ghosts with the soldiers se should get quests from ghosts down there

[dapper-nahrwhale]

Hmmm. Having a predicament and I am curious to see what I should do cuz like:

So one of my players will not be available to play in the next session of our fairy tale ttrpg game. Not a big problem, but we have had this planned for weeks as it was one of the only times all 6 people are avalible to play. Now, we could just catch them up later.

But last session I thought it was about time to reveal some big plot things to the players (ie their world is not real, they are characters in a book, the world has just been destroyed and now they have to figure out what to do next as a group, they believe everyone they know to be dead, they arent but they dont know that yet, there are wars going on abt things they dont even know abt yet). And we couldn't play the week after the big stuff, so now we can finally play.

But I dont want to leave anyone out of these big things, as I am going to be revealing even more stuff abt how the world works now and going thru some individual character story arcs with them. I could just put off doing those things till later, not that big a problem usually. But I have also been doing that since the very first session.

And also everyone is really really eager and wanting to play again, and this is not the first time someone has had to miss a game, actually we havent had all 6 players there for a session together since the first one, and that was 5 months ago. Every other time I put off revealing the big things, but now I already did, and cant really put any more filler in it for them (and last session when the world got destroyed, I had anticipated all players to be there, and 2 couldn't make it at the last minute and I went through with my plans anyways, and caught up the others later in individual sessions. And that worked out well enough, it was just alot to do, and now that things are more serious I anticipate ill be doing that for everyone who misses a session, because things are going to be moving at a much faster pace now.)

And I am also very very tired of planning out things for them, and then having half the players be there, and having to come up with new things and not being able to continue or create any bigger plot points, and now seeing as we are in the bigger plot things going on, I kinda really would like everyone to be there from now on. But also. I do not anticipate being able to get everyone there for any session, as it has been an impossible feat for the entire campaign.

I AM going to be consulting with the group to see what they would like to do as a whole, but you know. I am curious to see what other people would do tbh.

#im just. so sick of having people miss sessions. idk if i should just start rescheduling it. #but. if we start rescheduling it every time someone will miss a session. then we wont play again. #because seruously we havent had the full group there since session 0. work schedules always get in the way. but this time isnt a work thing. #b.text #just.... aghk. i cant move on with any plot things that involve all players to be present because we have never had all of them there. #>:((((( frustrating. you see my predicament now #is this partially me venting abt this? maybe so. because i am just. so sick of this hapoening every single time. #every single session i anticipate all players there. and it doesnt happen #and i have to rewrite my plans last minute. and now its even more serious because missing a game now #when like. i am finally getting to the parts i have been planning to get to since we came up with the game idea. its just soooo. #aghk. #this a frustrating thing to happen every once in a while. and it happens evry single week #this is also my first gamethat has lasted longer than like. 3 sessions #fun fact! i have never been part of a campaign thats lasted this long #allof them fall aprt after the first few sessions due to ta da scheduling!!!!! #afgghhhggg. very tired of this thing. i was gonna have them all go thru the stories they came from #and figure out some stuff. then the war between the ink and eraser. and that its really abt following ypur destiny with no agency #and destorying the very fact destiny exists by erasing everything. and more meta stuff like that. #its very ever after high inspired tbh.. #tbh this whole thing really makes me feel as though they dont get how much work i put into these things for them to have fun and they do #i just. do not have fun with it very much. i want to get to the big plot meta destiny book fairy tale things so bad! #and every time i plan stuff. i cant do it cuz people are missing. so. like. aghaak. #the most the players will engage with the story and plot is like. to date npcs. which idc abt doing at all. but #that is ALL we have been doing. well that and like. pther stuff idk im jist so annoyed abt this aaa. #like. they just dont remember most of the plot stuff thats happened. or they will literally walk away from the game to do other stuff #the moment its not abt their character they stop listening. or theyre playing video games while playing this game. #and they dont remember the whole session. like. agh. i just want to get to the fun part. #alao it just started storming really scary bad so. #ok im doneeeee. fine #i really love this game so i dont want to not play it but. dam is it annoying every week. and im tired of is so.

[hinadori-chan]

low key wanna like

set up a queue for posts i like that don’t circulate anymore so that way the recirculate but also i don’t spam but like

i don’t think i’ve ever used a queue before tbh lol

#listen i’ve always been the kind of blogger where you just know what i’m about when i’m about it #but since this is more of a fandom sidespace than my actual blog maybe that’s the better route? #cause there’s a lot of really good fanart and fanfics and analytical pieces that just #don’t get as much love since they got burried by time and i wanna bring them back to the forefront becuase they’re GOOD #and people put their heart and soul and time into them and i want them to be appreciated becuase i love them and they make me happy #but also i’ve hit post limit multiple times becuase if this blog and i’m scared it’ll happen again #cause i think you still hit it with the queue too #and like #i do actually use my main blog a log and the posts come from the same pool #(pro tip for new users btw if your side blogs are connected to your main account all your posts come from a pool that your account gets) #(kind of like a deck of cards that has to be distributed between all players) #ANYWAY it might be the better move for now #i’ll stew on that while i try and get myself out of writers block #cause i’ll need to get the first draft of peghawks2023 done this weekend if i want ot done in time for the 16th #need to figure out how to trick my brain into working #had this problem in school also #the only reason i passed is because most my teachers loved me and wanted me to succeed in spite of my executive dysfunction #and my other two teachers hated me so much (adhd kid with a pension to cause problems) that they passed me #just so they never had to see me again lmao #it’s okay feelings were mutual fuck those guys #(or love those guys for the teachers that adored me) #(hope they’re doing good) #what was i talking about #RIGHT queues and writing #yeah i should go do that okay bye for now!!!

[dbphantom]

I figured it out

You haven't done shit

I figured it out

#Ignore the chimney. Please. #Originally was just going to put Lewis's room above the garage but I figured it either has skylights or a seperate attic room so that's #definitely Lawrence and Laura's room [the parents' room] #In my layout for the cartoon I had the kitchen on the other side so the garage door was in the kitchen. I make a lot of reference to this #I am going to go back and fix them I swear... Lol #Also I put Lenny's room on the first floor in the back there bc the garden is basically his #I figure he works with plants he likes that sort of thing #I think Lenny is the black sheep of the family in that he hates going out into the ocean and would rather stay on land #Which you know >w> might come into play later #Luke's room is basically a second guest room since he is a history professor at the college in the next town over #But they still keep it furnished and stuff in case he happens to stop by. Which he never does but still #I know the girls houses don't match the og show's designs (except mostly Rikki's) but like... We have 0 idea what his house looks like #This is the best we got! I'm using it!! #We saw Charlotte's house which is so weird to me. Not because I dislike her. I love Charlotte. But because Lewis has been here since s1 #We've seen Zane's and Miriam's houses. But specifically we never see Lewis's. It is weird to me #It's just like Bella. How tf do we see Will's boat shed but not Bella's house???? #It just feels off to me. Bella is already an underdeveloped character. Seeing her room even once wouldve really helped establish who she is #Maybe that was the point. They didn't even know who she was meant to be outside the plot :/ #Like she could've left some stuff in moving boxes and we could've been like 'she doesn't expect to stay here long no point in unpacking' #She could have photos of all the different places she's been but none of any friends or herself smiling. Just landscapes. #Cutting back to Cleo's room where she has all her photos of her friends framed and stuff #But no! We just see Will's stupid boat shed instead #Smh #Okay I'm sorry I'm not gonna rant abt how they did Bella a huge disservice this time I'm sorry I will NOT #Cruddy rambles

[ginalinettiofficial]

in case anyone was wondering it’s nearly five am and i’ve spent all night reading fucking icarly fanfic as if it’s not 2023 so like that’s where IM at today

#d speaks #did i know how much i cared about these characters before i impulsively decided to rewatch a show i haven’t seen since age 14??? NO I DIDNT #i haven’t watched icarly since the fucking eighth grade at BEST and that was fully 13 years ago #i figured i’d put it on for some background noise and nostalgia when it came up on netflix #HERE I AM A DAY LATER HAVING FUCKING FEELINGS ???????? ABOUT IT ????????? #getting sad about a finale i NEVER EVEN WATCHED……… #debating if i should go and fucking. watch the FIVE MORE SEASONS OF THIS SHOW #plus that ENTIRE OTHET SHOW W ARIANA GRANDE I NEVER ONCE SAW BECAUSE I WAS TOO OLD FOR NICKELODEON WHEN SAM AND CAT CAME OUT #and then to find out icarly has been rebooted?!?!??? and IS CURREBFKY PUTTING OUT EPISODES OF THEUR REVIVAL??????? #what am i meant to do here. watch icarly AND victorious AND sam and cat AND ICARLY 2021!?!?!???!??!?? #for WHAT daina?????? a fandom with 700 fics on ao3?????????????? #WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF ????????????????????????????? #i’m so out of my mind right now what the fuck has today BEEN #icarly #guess i shoudl fuckin tag that in case this is my new hyperfixation!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!! #this is awful i hate myself so much. why do i CARE if these characters get together they’re 13 and i was 10 years old last time i cared!!!! #i don’t even know who is endgame because i ‘outgrew’ these shows when fucking glee and jersey shore dropped!!!!!! #i didn’t watch the later seasons of icarly or most of victorious because i was too busy watching fucking teen wolf and drooling over 1d!!!! #watching fucking. game of thrones and shit!!!!!! i was Too Old For That Shit and now here i am. one month from being 27 #getting all emotionally invested in this DUMB SHOW FROM MY CHILDHOOD #like what’s next daina?????? gonna watch hannah montana and go looking for some jake ryan miley stewart fanfics????????????? #watch some fucking wizards of waverly place and get really worked up about how selena and demi had a friendship breakup??????????? #text my friends who were into this show with me when it was airing and see if they wanna listen to me analyze this shit?????? #whilst their CHILDREN NAP IN YHE OTHER ROOM AND THEN WHEN IM DONE RANTING I CAN GIVE THEM ADVICE ON THEIR MARITAL PROBLEMS???!??!??!?!?!?!? #this is insane i’ve lost my fucking mind. i’m not fucking doing this mark my words i am NOT doing this #this is a one off i will consume the best fics of this fandom and then i will put it down and step away and be DONE i CANNOT do more #mr incredible voice i’m not…… strong enough……. #fuck i should watch the incredibles maybe THAT will fix me

[strohller27]

.

#okay for once I am not ranting from rock bottom #but I did a lot of good coding in RStudio today #the bad part of that is I’m trying to tidy up the old Vulcan dictionary I used for my Semantics and Morphosyntax papers #this data is SO MESSY I cannot believe it #trying to get it to the point where R will even LOOK at it without being like ‘OH MY GOD THERE’S AN UNEXPECTED ITEM IN A PLACE’ #NO I WON’T TELL YOU WHERE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON’ is like. pulling teeth #RStudio is a toddler I swear #it’ll be like ‘No! I wanted mashpotato! this not MASHPOTATO!!!’ and throw a fit until you put a comma in the right place #and then suddenly it’s like ‘Oh! ok! I eat this instead of mashpotato!!’ and you’re like???????!:! #anyway ​I’ve finally gotten the data so that R finds it readable and started isolating single values per cell #but insodoing some of the new columns I made have values that need to be in their own columns #like I have a column that has part of speech data mixed in with semantic domain data & other stuff #so now I’m going to have to do an if { loop #guess what we never covered in class? .-. #And since my professor is useless I will have to learn how to do if { loops by myself #OH and there’s bits of this table I may end up having to separate out then pivot then re-integrate #guess what else we never covered in class? .-. .-. #yup. so now I have to learn how to do pivot tables by myself #it’s either learn how to do these things on my own or find a work around that’s so jury-rigged it’ll never be reproducible #*heavysigh* I will figure this out even if it kills me

[astrxealis]

sorry for rambling so much about milgram btw my thoughts are often a mess and i think too much about it but i am good now i think <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #i finally properly get fuuta's character i think teehee. after a lot of thinking and thinking and thinking #it hurts my head a bit ngl (figuratively) bcs ejghbghjag i try to look at it at all sides and whoops i end up getting confused w #what is the truth and what are my actual beliefs/feelings/thoughts a bit! </3 but my head is clearer now (hooray!) #anyway yeah fuuta innocent. guilty -> innocent -> innocent imo!! can't say totally for sure tho w the 3rd but i think he shld be forgiven #i feel a bit ehgbah for my thoughts being so messy before (also scared someone will misunderstand me) but i think yeah i was looking #at it already in the 2nd trial perspective. how to explain. but yeah blah blah blah yeah! #i think he's a good guy at heart fr but he. yeah. and i think there's smth to do with the 'pressure' and all with that #he needs to hold himself accountable for his actions even if it may be true that yk. he isn't the only one and it's rather sad he's the #only one who got all the blame so i get why he's acting that way even though ofc it isn't okay in the end. dude needs to admit and all #and he's getting uhh better! i want to talk more oops but it's almost 2 pm holy shit. i'll probably put my coherent thoughts in my notes #instead. but yeah. tbh i'm not sure if i can really say he always felt somewhat guilty/regret ever since the start #bcs it's he may just first feared the consequences but then again he never expected it to escalate to death (tho even if the #outcome turned out to not be that bad. cyberbullying is never okay!!! bullying is never okay!!!!!) but he's the character #who puts up a front of sorts and as someone who often likes characters like that. it's possible i'm misinterpretating him but #personally that's how i see it ^___^ but dude yeah guilty first trial fr so he can be more yk to really loosen up and admit it n all #or at least. take a step closer to doing so. yeah!!! okay i think i've properly cleared my head now #i just hope no one like. misunderstands me from my many rambles WABHBJHBG #oh i actually really relate and understand fuuta actually. yeah. NOTHING AS BAD AS HIM i mean that genuinely but yeah #he's starting to accept that his actions bring heavy consequences and he's showing a lot of guilt and regret. still a tough front tho #aghhhh i really hope he gets voted innocent this time around for real. he's a good guy at heart and i do think he always knew #he was guilty. and etc etc etc i stop rambling now zzz love fuuta fr tho his character means a lot to me actually #actually idk there's still a lot to his character i feel. it's either from his perception still or yk. does he actually feel guilt? #but yeah imo he does. and i'd like to believe that too also bcs i get his character but i ofc can't still tell for sure! #blame shifting may still be a problem. he feels regretful for sure i believe but for what reason is a question still #tbh judging fuuta here is (for me) like judging me from a bit into the past so sorry if i'm really fired up about this. #i get he's just a fictional character but i really want to do this 'right' (but what is right tbh?) #in any case even with all the complications i think he's improving. sort of. and guilty is concerning for him if he YEAH. so innocent. #oops too much tags but i get it now <3 !! also btw i've never bullied/cyberbullied anyone just to be clear :] just to be clear