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feelbokkie · 14 days

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Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 11

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

genre/warnings: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, friends to lovers, unrequited love, will they, won’t they dynamic, abusive relationship, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, emotional/psychological abuse

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: Swearing, Soobin mention, mention of food, drinking/alcohol (drink responsibly)

summary: Jeongin is in love with his best friend and he has been ever since he met her back in high school. He’s not sure how Y/n feels about him and in order to persevere their friendship, it’s a secret he keeps to himself. But when Y/n starts showing interest in one of their new neighbors, Jeongin starts to worry about the future of their relationship.

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 4,836

screenshot count: 19

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"Uh-huh...Seung--Seungmin-" You wedge your phone between your face and shoulder as you run around your apartment getting your things ready.

"--I just think editing-wise, we can do a whole thing with color filters for mood--" Seungmin continues on the other end of the call.

"Seungmin, that's a good idea but--"

Knock knock

"Should we do that artificially with a filter in post or should we try to mess with the lighting? Lighting might look more natural but harder to produce since a lot of the film is outdoors--"

You drop your bag on your couch and roll your eyes before heading over to your front door, praying that Seungmin isn't on the other side. You love him, you really do, but he's been pestering you nonstop since the start of winter break about the film. You didn't even mean to answer his call. You were so busy getting ready to leave that you instinctively answered the phone without checking.

"That's a really good point and question, but Seungmin I have to--"

You pull open the door to find Jeongin standing on the other side. You raise an eyebrow at him, confused as to why he's even there. You thought he went home to Busan after his last final for the semester. But here he is, standing in front of you with his hands shoved into the pockets of his thick, black puffer jacket. A dark blue beanie sits on his head, pressing his bangs to his forehead. The bottoms of his blue jeans are soaked from walking through the snow. Or rather the slush on the floor that gives the false illusion of snow. You made the mistake of jumping into what you thought was a snow pile the other day and instead slipped into an unsuspecting ice puddle.

"Y/n? Are you listening to me? I'm trying to bounce ideas off of you and you're not throwing anything back." You can almost picture the pout sitting on Seungmin's face right now.

"Am I allowed to talk now?" You ask as you wave for Jeongin to come in.

"Who is that?" Jeongin asks, closing the door behind him and kicking off his shoes.

"Seungmin," You whisper back, holding the phone away from your face so he couldn't hear you. You can only imagine the rant Seungmin will go on if he thought you were ignoring him to talk to someone else.

Jeongin wastes no time yanking your phone out of your hand and putting it to his ear. "Hey, Seungmin, it's winter break. Go drink some hot chocolate and chill the hell out."

"But--" Jeongin ends the call before Seungmin can continue and hands you back your phone.

You stare at your phone for a second, waiting for Seungmin to call back before tossing it on the couch with your stuff. You take Jeongin by the hand and drag him over to the heater.

“Here, before you get hypothermia.” You mutter as you pull him to sit down.

“I’m not going to get hypothermia from the ends of my pants being wet, Y/n.” He laughs. Still, he sits on the ground to humor you.

You pull a blanket from your couch, the one that Lia made you for Christmas last year after complaining about how cold the winter is, and toss it around his shoulders. “Oh? Are you an expert on hypothermia?”

“It’s called common sense, idiot.” He smirks, lightly flicking your forehead.

“If you had any common sense, you would have rolled up your pant legs a bit to avoid this.” You crawl over to your couch and grab your phone to check the time, “I thought you went home like everyone else.”

“I decided to hang back and enjoy the quiet at the apartment. My parents don’t care as long as I’m back in time for midnight mass. Plus my brothers are annoying so staying here is a bonus.”

You swear under your breath when you realize how little time you have to get to the airport You toss your phone into your bag and triple-check that you have everything you need. "Not to be rude or anything, but you couldn't have come at a worse time, Innie."

"You have to go pick up your family from the airport, right?" You glance over at Jeongin as you slip your bag over your head. He's staring at you upside down, his head thrown backward. His round-rimmed black, lensless glasses slowly fall off his face.

"Yeah, and their flight is somehow early so I need to leave like, yesterday."

“Let’s go,” Jeongin slowly stands up and starts walking towards the front door.

“What?”

“Did you think I came here to spend time with you?” He says flatly.

The twitch in the corner of his mouth threatening to break into a smile gives him away. It's barely noticeable, but you know it's there. You've been friends with him long enough to be able to read him like a book. If you wait a little longer, he'll start to smile and then turn his head quickly so you don't see. His ears will turn red and he'll cover his mouth like he was trying to wipe it.

"You have nothing better to do than to drive me to pick up my family from the airport during break?" You question as you grab your apartment keys and meet him by the door.

"Didn't you know?" Jeongin leans down, placing his head on your shoulder, "I was placed on this earth to be your chauffeur. I'm fulfilling my one true purpose."

You slightly move to meet his eyes, careful to still keep your distance. You can feel the heat from his breath on your cheek. He looks at you with puppy dog eyes so soft and kind, they put a begging Kim Seungmin to shame.

"You're so fucking weird." You laugh, gently pushing him off your shoulder. His face feels warm against the palm of your hand. "This is why we need to get you a girlfriend. Someone to make you normal."

Jeongin opens the door and softly pushes you outside. You tighten the scarf around your neck as the cool air nips at your nose. "I'm normal enough around you."

"That is such a lie," You laugh again as he walks out of your apartment. You double-check that the door is locked and follow Jeongin to his car.

***

**Bold = English; Regular font = Korean**

You push in the door to your apartment and walk in first, holding the door open for your parents, brother, and Jeongin. It feels weird having your family in your apartment for the first time. In the four years you've lived in Korea, they've never been over once. Neither of your parents could take off time when you first moved and your brother was too busy moving back to his campus to help. They've seen your apartment in video calls and pictures, but having them standing in your tiny apartment is strange. For the longest time, it felt like you had two lives, one in South Korea and one back home. And now, both of those worlds are colliding. Even if it's only for a couple of weeks.

"Y/n, where do you want me to put these?" Jeongin asks, holding some of your mother's luggage.

"Just put it in my room, In. Thank you," You neatly organize everyone's shoes by the door, watching your family from the corner of your eyes. They took off their shoes when they came in, but their courtesy ends there as they now wander around the small apartment, opening doors and cabinets.

"You'd think with how much I'm paying for the place, it would be a bit bigger." Your father comments from the kitchen.

"It felt small at first, but it's just me so it's fine." You reassure him as you set your brother's things next to the couch. "You and mom are going to be in my room, by the way."

"Oh honey, you didn't have to give up your bed for us." Your mother coos, coming up behind you.

You know in the deepest crevice in your heart that, that's a lie. That if you didn't give your parents your room and instead gave them the pull-out couch that your brother is going to sleep on, she would fuss about it the entire time. Maybe even the rest of your life. Not in an obvious way, no that would be too kind. She'd make little comments about how her back hurts or how she could hardly get any sleep because she could hear the neighbors walking in the hallway. Or that the kitchen faucet kept her up all night. You love your mother, but sometimes she knows how to push all your buttons in the worst way possible.

"Y/n," Jeongin walks out of your room and makes his way over to you. "I'm going to head home now. Call me if you need anything."

"By home, you better mean Busan." You warn as you walk him to the door.

"What fun would that be? Plus, I've never experienced Seoul during Christmas." He grins at you as he pulls his shoes back on.

"And you're not going to this year. You said you're going back for midnight mass." You remind him.

"I can come back on Christmas day. I told you that we do everything on Christmas Eve since Christmas Day is Jesus' birthday. Something about greed and keeping it holy. I'm not going to miss out on anything," He stands up and readjusts his clothes.

"Yang Jeongin--"

"Oh, Y/n, is your friend leaving? Tell...what's his name again?" Your mother asks, coming up next to you.

"My name is Bob, ma'am." Jeongin stands up, extending his hand out to your mother.

"Be so fucking serious--" You glare at Jeongin before turning to your mother. "His name is Jeongin, mom."

"Jeongin, right. Tell Jeongin to stay for lunch at least. As a thank you for picking us up." Your mother places her hand on your shoulder, a large smile plastered on her face.

"Oh, it is okay. Enjoy family time." Jeongin reassures her.

"We insist. It's the least we can do. Think of it as a thank you for also taking care of my daughter."

"What are you doing?" You whisper.

"If it is okay with Y/n?"

"I'm being polite," Your mother whispers through a smile.

"You know how to do that--ow!" You rub your arm where your arm pinched you and pout at her.

"I didn't get to meet your other boyfriend, I'm going to meet this one." She finally admits.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's just my friend." You nearly shout.

"He knows his way around your apartment." She hums, not breaking eye contact with Jeongin.

"That's because he's my best friend, he spends a lot of time here. Hell, he practically lives here."

"He does what?" Your father asks, coming back into the living room.

"Kill me," You mutter under your breath, tossing your head back.

"If you insist, I'll stay for lunch. If that's okay with Y/n." Jeongin smiles at your mom, not even looking at you. He's good with moms, you'll give him that. You've witnessed him win over every single one of your friends' moms that you've met. It's impossible not to like him, but in this instance, you wish it was.

"What are you doing?" Your head snaps back up, raising an accusing eyebrow at Jeongin.

"She invited me for lunch." Jeongin tilted his head innocently.

"She's clearly jetlagged, don't listen to her." You groan.

"You're overreacting, it's just lunch." He laughs politely.

"And the twelve disciples thought the last supper was just dinner."

"That's blasphemous,"

"You're so right. Why don't you go home before I drag you to hell with me? Better yet, go all the way to Busan."

"Lover's quarrel?" Your brother pops up out of who knows where and drops down on the couch behind you.

Five minutes. It takes your family five minutes in your apartment, a grand total of twenty-five minutes in South Korea in general, for your family to completely drive you up the wall. It all floods back, why you left in the first place. You could have attended film school back home, but you decided to move as far as you could and somewhere they wouldn't have any interest in visiting. You wouldn't have to deal with them much outside of weekly phone calls. Your family could be worse, but the constant meddling in your life is enough to drive you insane.

Annoyed, you grab Jeongin's hand and drag him off to the kitchen. His fingers are stiff in your hand, almost like he's unsure if he should wrap his fingers around your hand. "C'mon, Bob, let's go make lunch."

"I'm...I'm not allowed in the kitchen," He stammers.

"Don't worry, I'm not an idiot. You're not going to cook anything." You let go of his hand as soon as you are far enough in the kitchen. You finally turn around to face him. His ears are as red as the shirt poking out from under his jacket. "I'm just saving you from my family interrogating you."

"I wouldn't mind," He coughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You say that now," You roll your eyes as you grab the apron next to him. You grab one of your spare aprons and hand it to him. "But trust me, after like 2 minutes along with them, you'd be begging me to save you."

"It can't be that bad."

"Speaking of bad," You toss the apron on and tie the string in the back, looking him in the eyes again, "When did you get so good at English?"

"I've been practicing," He follows suit and puts his apron on.

"For?" You walk past him and begin getting ingredients from your fridge.

"...My...resume." He mutters.

"What kind of reasoning is that? You aren't even that prepared for class."

"His name is Bob?" You hear your brother asking your parents.

You let out a deep sigh as you set everything on the counter, "Idiots, both of you."

***

"Mom and dad are asleep, let's go out." Your brother says, walking back into the kitchen where you and Jeongin are talking.

Somehow, lunch turned into dinner which turned into the five you you playing card games until your parents decided to call it for the night. You're exhausted too, although, you're not sure if it's from all the translating you've been doing or just the overall energy you've been exerting for the day.

"And do what, exactly?" You question, dealing out the cards that Jeongin just shuffled.

"Isn't there a place around here that's popular for clubs and stuff?" Your brother sits down in the seat next to you. He rests his head in the palm of his hand and stares at the both of you.

"Are you talking about Hongdae?" Jeongin asks, picking up his deck.

"Yeah, yeah, Häagen-Dazs!" Your brother says happily.

"There is no way in hell you heard him and thought he said Häagen-Dazs--How are we related?" You fold your arms on the table and drop your head into them, resisting the urge to just slam your head into the table at your brother's stupidity. "Anyways, you're too old for Hongdae."

"I'm 25?" Your brother furrows your eyebrows at you.

"Exactly, you're basically geriatric here. They're not letting you in." You explain, lifting your head.

"Plus you're a foreigner. A male one at that." Jeongin adds.

"But...but you guys are young enough right? You can get me in. Plus if Y/n dresses how she did in high school, the bouncers will be too distracted and let us in."

"You're just going to pimp out your baby sister like that?"

"What else are you good for?"

"Literally anything else," You slap his arm and roll your eyes. "Besides, I'm not sneaking you into a club so you can whore around and cheat on your girlfriend. You know, the one you've been dating for 10 years and still haven't proposed to."

Your brother hangs his head low and picks up his cards. "She left me,"

"You should have proposed," You joke, still looking at your cards.

"Don't kick me when I'm down," He groans, dropping his head to the table.

"Down bad, maybe,"

"I'm down bad? What about the time you--"

"Finish that sentence and mom and dad are going to spend Christmas fishing your body out of the Han River." You threaten.

"'Whoring around?' 'Down bad?'" Jeongin whispers to you.

"Channie after two bottles of soju and beer," You explain simply.

"Ah, a slut. Got it." He gives a firm, understanding nod and goes back to looking at his cards. "You know, we could sneak him in. He looks a little sad about his girlfriend leaving him."

"He's just being dramatic. He'll be fine," You wave him off.

You know Jeongin is right. You could just sneak him in. It might be harder with just the three of you, but you've done it before with your friend group. Back before most of you were old enough to get into clubs, you figured out how to sneak your entire friend group in. Did it set the feminist movement back a few decades? Sure, but it was worth it to spend a few hours partying with your friends.

Your eyes can't help but wander over to your brother. You chew on the corner of your bottom lip as you think about it. Sure, he's a pain in the ass, but he's still your older brother. He's taken you to places he normally wouldn't be caught dead to cheer you up growing up. Watch movies that he claims he hates and let you paint his nails and practice makeup on him more times than you can count. He did it while huffing and puffing about how much he disliked it, but he still did it.

"Shit," You mutter under your breath, "Okay, give me twenty minutes."

~~~

The hard beat of whatever music is being played too loudly over the speakers booms through your body. You can barely see two feet in front of you, with how poorly lit the club is. It's hot, which was a nice contrast from the cold outside when you first walked in, but it's become increasingly uncomfortable, nearly unbearable, in a short amount of time. The Irish coffee he had ordered for you when you first came in was a good idea in theory, something that would keep you awake and still let you share a drink with your brother. But now it's too hot to drink coffee with whisky in it. You had to steal a few ice cubes from Jeongin's water to cool it down enough so you drink it without feeling hot yourself.

"He's having fun," Jeongin points to your brother in the mass of sweaty bodies dancing in front of you. He has his tongue down the throat of some girl whose name you're certain he can't pronounce.

"I'm going to be sick," You groan, leaning further into the seat of the booth you're in. The red plastic leather peels off your skin, nearly glued to you from how long you've sat there. You're glad he's having fun, you just wish he wouldn't do it in your line of sight.

Jeongin laughs and pats your hand, trying to reassure you. His head softly bounces in tune to the music being played. You take a sip of your drink before leaning back again, the bitterness from both the coffee and the whisky hit your tongue in a way that makes you pull a slight face. The whisky burns your throat as it goes down. You feel all warm and fuzzy like you're being hugged from the inside. Except, it's one of those uncomfortable hugs that go on too long and make you feel too hot. There's not much you could do, you already took off your jacket after a few minutes of being in the club.

"Hey," A guy who looks to be around your age, maybe a little older, says, sliding into the booth next to you. "you look bored, do you want to come home with me to eat ramen?"

You close your eyes and take a deep breath before turning your head in his direction. You're entirely too tired, hot, and tipsy to deal with any of his bullshit. "Fuck off,"

"What did you say?" His tone is sharp. You're not sure if he's taken aback by the fact that you can speak Korean or how disrespectful you're being towards him, but you can feel the change of energy radiating off of him.

You feel an unexpected weight on your shoulders. Your eyes flick down and see Jeongin's hand hanging off your shoulder, carefully making sure not to touch you inappropriately. He leans in close, pulling you away from the guy and staring at him in the eyes. "She said 'fuck off.' Now go,"

The man looks between the two of you before letting out an exaggerated scoff and getting up from the table. The two of you watch as he walks over to another table, this one filled with a few girls who are definitely a little too drunk.

"Thanks," You say simply, resting your head back. Jeongin doesn't remove his arm, allowing you to use him as a cushion. You think for a moment, something about this situation is familiar. Not an exact match, but a similar one. You can't help but let out a low chuckle when you realize why.

"What's so funny," Jeongin's other hand brushes against your cheek, moving a stray piece of hair that you weren't aware of that was stuck to your cheek.

"Nothing," You slightly shake your head.

"You're laughing, how is that nothing?"

"It's sad, not funny" You sit up slightly, taking another sip of your drink. "The last time I was in Hongdae, that was pretty much happening a lot. Soobin and I were already bickering the entire night so we got into a fight about it. He was so mad that he made me walk home. Alone. It was pouring rain too,"

“Is that where that cold you had around my birthday came from?”

You let out a low hum and slightly nod your head. Your eyes flutter shut, the warmth in your body leaving slowly. Or maybe you're finally getting used to the heat. Your body feels like it's floating above the table you and Jeongin are sitting at. You know you have a higher alcohol tolerance, but maybe the exhaustion is making you more susceptible to the whiskey in your drink.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He whispers, his voice is soft and warm like honey against your ear.

“It was around 3 am. Didn’t wanna bother you,”

For a second, you're no longer floating but falling. No, not falling, you're being dragged down. Only for a second. You open your eyes slowly. The crowd in front of you is now slightly tilted like you're suddenly in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It takes you a second to realize that your head is resting on Jeongin's chest.

Badum

You're not sure if your heart is beating in tune with the music or trying to keep up with the thumping coming from Jeongin's chest. The thumping in his chest doesn't match up with the music. It's louder and faster than the song that's currently playing. Your left-hand snakes up and presses on his chest, trying to settle his heartbeat, the fabric of his red cotton shirt soft and nearly silky underneath your fingertips.

“Idiot,” He murmurs. He pulls you in a little closer, making the beating of his heart louder in your ear. “You don’t bother me. Stop thinking you're a burden on others when you're not. I'll pick up anytime you call so don't do that again. Okay?”

“Hmm,” You hum in agreement, your eyes fluttering shut again. The beating in his chest slowly settles into a calm, soothing rhythm. You can't even hear the music anymore, only his heartbeat. The smell of his cologne, which somehow managed to last the entire day, finds its way into your nose giving you some sense of security and familiarity. Somehow, it smells more like home than your parents did when you hugged them. Your hand lightly grips the fabric of his shirt as you just lay there.

“C’mon, let’s go dance,” He says, tapping your forehead with his free hand.

“Dance?” You mumble, cracking one eye open.

“You’re falling asleep or passing out from being tipsy. Either way, it’s not going to look good for either one of us if I have to carry you out of here. So let’s dance,” He pulls you upright just as smoothly as he pulled you onto his chest.

You turn to look at him, both of your eyes open now. His face is red, almost like he's been drinking something other than water alongside you this entire time. You reach out and place your hand against his face, gently stroking his cheek with your thumb, his skin hot against it yet again. “Careful, Yang Jeongin, someone might think you're in love with me.”

He slowly sucks in his lower lip, his eyes dance across your face. Like you're a book and he's trying to decipher your words. Or maybe he's trying to find his own and the answer lies in your eyes. He grabs your wrist and pulls your hand off his face before sliding his hand up, taking your hand in his. He gently leans forward, next to your ear. His breath makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. "Would that be so bad?"

You pull away from him, leaving your hand in his, and narrow your eyes at him, trying to read him. You're not sure if he's serious or if the alcohol that's quickly leaving your system is making you misunderstand what's happening. Your eyes scan his face for answers and, unlike him, you're unsuccessful. His face is redder than it was before. It's almost like he's absorbing all the alcohol in your system through your hand.

“In—”

Thump

Someone bumps into your table, causing your drink to topple over and spill onto both of your laps.

"Shit," Jeongin mutters as he drops your hand and scrambles to grab whatever napkins are on the table. He gives some to you and helps you clean up the now ice-cold drink that's dripping down to your feet, his own pants being neglected.

"I'll be right back," He says quickly before leaving you at the table and disappearing in the direction of the bathrooms.

Before you can even process what happened, your brother slides into the booth next to you. "People here are weird. I was making out with that girl and all of a sudden she's talking to me about ramen."

You quickly shake your head and focus your attention on your brother. You pick up the now empty cup that used to hold your cocktail and go back to trying to clean your jeans. "You're going to be so upset you said 'no' later."

"Was ramen code for something?" He turns his full body to face you. You glance at him before going back to clean up your mess. There's a small red mark at the base of his neck and dark pink lipstick smeared across his mouth. You can only imagine how much trouble he was about to get himself into.

"I'll tell you later," You wad up the dirty napkins and put them in your cup.

Your brother looks around, realizing that something is missing, "Where's your boyfriend?"

You freeze at the word boyfriend. You're used to people assuming that you're dating Jeongin, but somehow, this time feels different. Before, it always sounded accusatory. Like the two of you couldn't be just friends. That you were using the term "friends" as a veil to hide illicit-esque behavior. But now...

"Would that be so bad?"

Your brain replays that phrase in your head over. Surely, he was taking advantage of your intoxicated state to tease you like he usually does. That, had you not been interrupted by cold whiskey and coffee pouring into your lap, he would have let out a loud laugh and left his mouth hang so widely open that you wouldn't be able to see past the dark-lined half-moons where his eyes should be as you stammered out a response. Something that he would tease you about for the rest of your lives.

"He's not my boyfriend, dumbass. We're just friends." You sigh, thumping your brother on the back of his head.

Your brother rolls his eyes as he rubs the back of his head, a smile that would make the Cheshire cat envious spreads across his face. "Look, I'm saying this as both your older brother and as a guy, you may be 'just friends' with him, but he’s definitely not 'just friends' with you,”

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @veedoesntknaur @nuronhe

*the rest of the taglist is in the comments*

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feelbokkie · 2 months

Text

Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 5

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, domestic violence (nobody's putting hands on anyone though), toxic relationship, suggestive if you squint, mention of blood

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 2,948

screenshot count: 19 (plus one 1 video at the end)

previous | masterlist | next

Knock, knock, knock

You stand outside Soobin's apartment, waiting for someone to open the door. You have a key. He gave it to you ages ago when he and the other boys moved. He never asked for it back, even when you two were on breaks. Even then, you've only ever used it when one of them accidentally locked themselves out. You didn't feel comfortable enough letting yourself in even though your boyfriend lived there. Maybe part of you was being considerate of Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai's privacy. But another part of you was scared of what you might find one day.

"Do you know how late it is--" The door jerks open to reveal an annoyed Yeonjun. "...Oh...Y/n..."

His face softens when his eyes meet yours. You can only imagine what's going through his head, you know what's going through yours. The picture. What everyone is thinking of you. You hardly had any peace on the bus ride over, you felt like everyone's eyes were on you. Like they saw the picture too.

Yeonjun slightly leans against the doorframe. His hand is firm on the door, ready to slam it shut again. His hair a tousled mess pulled in different directions. The oversized grey zip-up hoodie swallows his slender frame. Part of the jacket slips off his shoulder, revealing the strap of the white tank top he's wearing underneath. His lower lip is red and raw. He's probably been nervously chewing on it for hours. A habit you know he's been trying to break.

"Hey, Junnie." You finally let out. "Is Soobin home?"

Yeonjun pulls the door closer to his body, closing any gap that you might try to squeeze your way through. "Yeah, but you shouldn't be here right now."

"You saw the picture," Your voice cracks. It's less of a question and more of a confirmation. You already know he did. His body language is enough of a giveaway. His face is as red as a stoplight, glowing in the soft porch light. His eyes dart around in all sorts of directions, begging to look at anything other than you.

"I'm sorry..." The red in his face slowly drifts down to his neck.

"I need to talk to him." You shift your weight onto your other leg.

"That's really not a good idea. We're handling it though. Gyu is looking for Soobin's room key so--"

"You can't even look at me right now, Yeonjun. I need to talk to him myself. He blocked me on everything so I have to do it in person."

Yeonjun's eyes finally snap to your face, almost like a spell. "I understand that, and I am sorry but I really don't think you should be here--"

"Yeonjun! Please," You ball your hands into tight fists, your nails digging into your palms as you try to keep yourself from crying. You can feel the all-too-familiar sting stab the back of your eyes.

"...He's been drinking, Y/n." He says softly, almost as if he's talking to a child. Your breath hitches in your throat for a moment. You're not sure if it's the scream you've been holding in since you saw the picture trying to make its way out or a sudden panicked and frustrated scream. Either way, you don't like it.

"I don't care. That picture is still up and more people are seeing it and my life is being ruined very quickly. If you don't let me in to talk to him, I'm going to scream and--"

"Fine," Yeonjun pauses for a moment before moving out of the frame and holding it wide open for you. "You can come in, just...just don't lock the door. Hell, leave it open, we won't listen."

You slightly nod your head at Yeonjun, a silent 'thank you' as you walk into the apartment. The atmosphere is immediately off. You don't hear the distant screams of Beomgyu from his room that you've become accustomed to. Or the noise from Kai making a snack in the kitchen. Yeonjun isn't on the couch playing a game with Beomgyu pestering him nearby. The TV is on and paused on a show that Taehyun and Yeonjun started the last time you were over.

You walk towards the bedrooms, hearing the hushed bickering between Kai and Beomgyu and the faint jingling of keys. As you walk closer, you find Beomgyu kneeling in front of the doorknob, a key ring in his hand. Kai is hunched over Beomgyu's shoulder telling him to try different keys while Taehyun is leaning against his bedroom door, watching his roommates argue with a frown etched onto his face.

"See, I told you to try that one first," Kai lets out a sigh of relief.

"I know, I know, now shut up before I redirect my anger," Beomgyu stands up and stretches, his shirt lifting a little.

Taehyun kicks himself off the wall and walks to the door. He pauses when catches a glimpse of you from the corner of his eye. "Y/n? You really shouldn't..."

You don't notice, but Yeonjun shakes his head, telling him to drop it. All three of the boys quietly step back, their worried eyes fall on your bad. Or maybe they're judging you. They saw the picture too. Their image of you is forever tainted.

You've never liked attention. It's why you prefer being behind the camera instead of in front of it. Being with Soobin, you've slowly gotten used to the attention. Of the peering eyes that the drama you two lived in attracted. How, when you two are fighting, everyone speaks carefully around you and their eyes watch you intently. Or how, when you two are together, they can't help their judgmental glares. But this, this is going to be different. You know that some, if not all of your friends aren't even going to be able to look at you. You're not entirely sure if that's going to be any better.

You push Soobin's bedroom door open and slowly walk in. The air in his room cool on your skin. Soobin rests against the headboard of his bed. The speaker you got him for his birthday 3 years ago loudly plays a song from a local band the two of you saw a couple of years ago. He ended up liking their music more than you did. His eyes are closed as it slowly bobs along to the music, the neck of a bottle of beer sits loosely in his hand. His eyes shoot open as you close the door. "Y/n? Here for another photoshoot?"

"I need you to delete the picture." You say firmly.

"Hm?" Soobin sits up, adjusting the light blue beanie on his head with his free hand. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? You know exactly why." Unsure what to do with your hands, you cross your arms.

"Nothing's showing. Your face is barely in it. It could be anyone." He waves off before taking another sip of his drink, spilling a little on his oversized white t-shirt.

"That's why you tagged me right?" You take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling to calm yourself, only to be met with your reflection.

Soobin throws his head back, letting out a deep hearty laugh before focusing his attention back on you. "You get on my ass because I don't post pictures of you and now you're getting on my ass because I did. I can't win!"

"I meant like a cute picture of me or hell, even an ugly candid. Not me--" You quickly press your lips together, trying to remain calm. You know that arguing with Soobin when he's drunk is pointless. You just want him to take the photo down. "Look, just take the fucking picture down."

“Why?" Soobin gets up from his bed and slowly walks towards you. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and searches for something. "Scared your other boyfriend might see it? Oh, looks like he already saw it. One of your other friends took a screenshot, wanna see who? Guess I have to look out for him too.”

You push his hand away as he tries to show you the engagement on his story. “I don't have another boyfriend and you know that."

"Do I?" He cocks his head to the side, he can hardly hide the smirk creeping up on his face.

You used to love the mischievous smirk that would sneak onto his face. It always preceded a bad idea which was followed by a wink. It's how you two ended up together. You didn't see past his angel-like looks when he asked 'Do you wanna get out of here?' You spent your second Friday in South Korea exploring the nightlife of Seoul. It's how you ended up with a tattoo in a place where only Soobin knows. And how you spent one of your breaks in the countryside with Soobin instead of going home. It's how you ended up letting Soobin take that picture in the first place.

"What do you want?" Your voice strains as you try to fight back the sob threatening to come out. "Do you want me to beg you to take it down?”

Soobin gently places his hand on your face and caresses your cheek with his thumb. The pads of his fingers are rough on your skin. "You always do look the prettiest on your knees."

"Are you doing this to get back at me or something?" Your voice finally cracks, your eyes sting from the all-too-familiar pricks.

Don't cry.

"What am I doing?" Soobin almost looks concerned as he wipes a traitorous tear from your cheek.

Having enough, you push Soobin's hand away from you. "You posted that picture of me knowing that everyone would see it. You constantly accuse me of cheating when I'm the only one who has been faithful the entire time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nico," You cross your arms across your chest.

"Who the fuck is Nico?"

"Great, you don't even know the name of the person you're cheating on me with." You mutter under your breath. "The girl you've been sleeping with since the summer."

"Oh, that? I never slept with her while we were together."

"But you did sleep with her,"

"When we were on a break or broken up or whatever the fuck, yeah. It’s not cheating."

“That’s not the issue. I asked you if you were with anyone else while we were apart and you said 'no.'”

"I say a lot of things."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You're not sure why you asked. Your mind is already second-guessing everything he's ever said to you. Every 'I love you.' Every apology. Every promise. Every secret. Hell, he even told you that the pictures he took would be for his eyes only. You're not sure which ones are true and which ones are lies. If there are even any truths.

"Hm, I wonder?" Soobin walks back to his bed and finally lowers the music.

"That's great, Soobin," You laugh because that's all you can do. If you don't laugh, you'll cry and the last thing you want is for Soobin to see you cry. "You know what, keep the picture up, I'm sure it's already made its way around the university. Post the rest of them. Fuck whoever you want, I don't care. I'm done and I'm tired."

Soobin lets out a loud laugh that sends a chill down your spine. You want to turn and leave, but something is stopping you.

"Okay, Y/n. Go ahead and break up with me, again. And then go talk shit about me to your friend before going and sleeping with one of your many guy friends--"

"I've never once given you a reason to think that I cheated on you when you've given me thousands. And I can promise you, I'm the only one defending you--"

"Don't lie to me! Did you defend me when you went out with Yeji and let her text me like that? What about when you showed up late to--"

"I really am done with you, I can't deal with you when you're like this." You turn to finally leave the room, your hand on the cool brass door knob.

Crash!

Your body freezes and turns cold as your eyes slowly inch to the wet spot on the wall. Your eyes trail down to the floor where there is now a puddle of beer and shattered glass. You've never been more grateful that Soobin is bad at sports. Two inches to the left and that bottle would have hit your head.

"Don't turn your back to me when I'm talking to you!"

Unsure of what else to do, you slink down to the ground and begin to pick up the pieces of glass from the floor. You bite down your quivering bottom lip as you swallow back sobs. You can't hear anything else beyond your sniffling, your eyes trained on the clear glass. You don't flinch as you accidentally cut your hand on one of the sharper shards. The whiplash of the past couple of hours clouding your mind. You're exhausted and slightly scared of leaving. If Soobin was willing to throw something at you, who knows what else he might do? You should have listened to Yeonjun and gone home, it would have been easier to deal with a sober Soobin than a drunk one.

"Hey, hey Y/n, put that down." Yeonjun kneels beside you and gently takes your hand.

"If I don't then..." Your voice trails off, you're not sure what argument you had.

"It's okay. The guys got it. C'mon, let's take care of your hand...and your cheek." Yeonjun carefully takes the glass out of your hand and helps you up as you touch the wet spot on your cheek that you thought was beer only to be met with blood. You follow behind as he leads you out of the room. You catch a quick glimpse of Beomgyu taking Soobin's phone out of his hands.

***

After patching your hand up and putting a bandaid on your cheek, Yeonjun drove you home. The drive was quiet as you looked out the window the whole time. You could tell that Yeonjun had something he wanted to say the whole time, but he kept his mouth shut. You only mumbled out a thank you and a small smile before you walked into your apartment.

Click

You press your back against the front door and slide to the ground, your body too tired to move anymore. You rest your head on your knees as you pull your phone out of your pocket. Your lock screen is littered with texts and missed calls from friends and classmates. You roll your swollen eyes as you unlock your phone and go to your contacts.

You steady your breathing as your thumb hovers over Jeongin's number, the top number in your favorites. It's nearly one in the morning. On a normal night, Jeongin would be asleep. He's one of the few people in your group who goes to bed at a decent time. You don't want to wake him up, but you need to hear his voice right now.

Bring, bring, bring

You hold the phone to your ear as you tuck your head back in between your knees. The monotone ringing is almost calming as you wait for him to pick up. You wish he was here with you now. Or that Yeonjun dropped you off at his house. But the last thing you want is it getting back to Soobin and giving him another reason to accuse you of something that you would never do. You don't see Jeongin as more than a friend. He's the one person you managed to get close to your entire time in the country. Sure, you love your other friends but there's a bond that you share with Jeongin that you don't seem to have with everyone else.

"Y/n?" Jeongin's tired voice asks on the other end. It's warm and soothing and somehow everything you need right now.

You stay silent, trying to keep calm. You know that the second he hears your crying, he's going to make his way over to you and the last thing you want is to have him see you with raccoon eyes and a bandaid on your face and jump to conclusions. You're not even sure you can look him in the eyes after that picture got out.

"Y/n?" You hear him moving around in the back, his voice slightly panicked. "Y/n, what's wrong?"

You want to just tell him that everything is wrong. That you and Soobin got into another fight and that you had to break up with him for good this time. That you know Soobin has more pictures on his phone and you're scared that he might end up posting them. That your hand and cheek hurt and are throbbing underneath the ointment and bandaids. How loud the heavy pounding in your head is right now and how heavy your heart feels in your chest. How you know that you're going to hear a chorus of 'I told you so's and looks of pity from all of your other friends. How you want nothing more than to be home, home with your parents and older brother. How you don't want to be alone right now.

You wipe the tears pouring down your face like a leaky faucet with your free hand. Your throat quickly becomes sore and dry as a sob settles in your chest just from the concern in Jeongin's voice. "My heart hurts,"

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @veedoesntknaur @nuronhe @lixie-phobia @yongbbokkie @f9clementine @kibs-and-bits @jihanlovic @puppysmileseungmin @jaydebow @kangaracharacha @lilcutieana @lanatheawesome @everglowdaisies @babrieeee @sunshinessky @szkstay @aslou @weird-bookworm @autumn-lv @ismelllikechlorine247 @stay278 @wolfennracha @tesywesy @mmmsvnts

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feelbokkie · 2 months

Text

Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 4

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mentioning of drinking, manipulating, toxic boyfriend behavior

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 14

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Buy me a coffee?

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Taglist

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feelbokkie · 2 months

Text

Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 1

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 20

previous | masterlist | next

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Buy me a coffee?

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Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

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feelbokkie · 2 months

Text

Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 2

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, toxic boyfriend moments, manipulation, mention of food, drinking, slightly suggestive, minor domestic violence (reader gets grabbed roughly but that's all)

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 4,122

screenshot count: 15

a/n: moas, don't come for me

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"Please tell me that you decided to be a good student this year and did the reading." You breathe as you slide into the empty seat next to Jeongin.

He quickly slides his backpack off your desk and drops it next to him.

"Have you met me?" He scoffs, his eyes wide in shock. "I was going to ask you to summarize it to me right now."

You let out an annoyed groan and you lay your head against the desk, silently screaming in your head. If it was a class that wasn’t for fourth years and you didn’t already know the professor, you wouldn’t be stressed. But life would never be so kind to you. It doesn't help that you have this particular class three days a week and today is the third day so you technically had enough time to read.

"How much time before class starts?" You ask quickly, hunching over to your bag and searching for your textbook.

"Like 3 minutes," Jeongin tells you slowly, confused as to your sudden burst of energy.

You pull out your book and quickly flip over to where you left off last night. "I can work with that."

Jeongin can't help but stare at you. He's so used to you being so on top of your game, that he's not sure he's ever seen you this frazzled when it comes to school. You might even be more tightly wound up than Seungmin when it comes to your grades. How you managed to not do the reading is beyond him.

"What happened to your neck?" He asks, his fingers brushing against the dark purple spots on your neck.

Soobin happened.

You know know how he is, you're not even sure why you agreed to let him over last night. He let you study, for a few minutes. And before you knew it, your textbooks were lost between the sheets, and your clothes and your neck was littered with large love bites. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he's a vampire with the way he's always attaching himself to your neck. In the chaos of it all, you ended up going to sleep without setting your alarm and slightly overslept. You barely had enough time to get ready with how far away from campus your apartment it, you weren't going to waste time trying to cover up the hickeys on your neck when one of Soobin's hoodies could cover them up just fine.

Or so you thought.

"Burned myself with a curling iron," You mumble slowly as your eyes scan over your textbook.

"Your hair's straight today," Jeongin moves a loose strand out of your face for you, making it easier to see the words that you barely understand.

"Then I burned myself with a flat iron," You correct.

It's not that you're ashamed of what you did last night with your boyfriend. You just know that Jeongin could be a bit…prudish when it comes to things like this. It's also eight in the morning and you're not necessarily comfortable with talking about your sex life in front of your peers. So for the sake of your sanity and privacy, you have to lie to him. A little white one.

"But--"

"In, I love you but it's hard enough for me to read in Korean without you trying to interrogate me." You snap, quickly becoming stressed by everything around you.

"Sorry," Jeongin slides back into his seat, facing forward. After a few seconds, he hunches over to his backpack. Finally, he sets something on the corner of your desk. "Here, you need this more than I do."

You glance over to the side to find a can of your favorite coffee. A small smile takes over your face. You know he was probably going to give it to you anyway. He doesn't like that brand because it's too sweet. He always fusses when he sees you drink it. Still, whenever he gets himself a coffee, he makes an effort to bring you one too.

"Thank you Innie," You reach to open it but he quickly picks it up again.

"Read, read. You have two minutes to finish and summarize that for me." He says quickly as he opens the can for you.

"You know that feeling that you get when you know a movie is going to fundamentally change you for the rest of your life?" You beam, the corners of your mouth twitching upwards as you walk out of the theater with a bounce in your step.

"Y/n, you say that about a lot of movies," Jeongin laughs as he watches you skip over to the trash can to throw away the now-empty popcorn bucket.

Various sounds from all the different movies playing simultaneously can be heard as you and Jeongin make your way out the the theater. Your mind is going a thousand miles a minute as you replay all the key moments of the movie in your head. Jeongin trails behind you, holding both of your backpacks and your cups.

"I mean it about a lot of movies, Jeongin. I always pick something that sticks with me and make it a part of my personality. Did you think I like eating dessert first because I'm quirky? No, it's because Remember Me taught me that life is too short to not do things that make me happy. Like eating sweets before my meals."

You spin around, walking backward as you start at Jeongin. His smile is so wide you can barely see his eyes and his dimples are as deep as craters.

"What lesson are you taking away from this film, oh great movie Buddha?" He jokingly bows in your direction.

You stop dead in your and blink at Jeongin. You stare at him for a bit. You stare at the black and white flannel over the plain black t-shirt he's wearing and the medium-wash denim jeans he's wearing. A variation of one of his regular outfits. A shirt and some button-up over it and a pair of jeans. You've come to realize over the years that he probably wears similar outfits because of the simplicity and comfort of it all. And somehow, it brings you comfort too. Familiarity, stability.

"Y/n," Jeongin waves your drink in front of you. You chuckle as you take your cup out of his hand.

"Jikai wa jikaidesu. Ima wa imadesu." You do your best to imitate the man in the film you just watched. You take a sip of your drink before opening your mouth again. "'Next time is next time. Now is now.' Going to try to focus on the present more and relish on perfect days like today."

"That means we shouldn't have to worry about our film analysis then," Jeongin smirks as you two start walking again.

"Fuck that, I'm going to sit down tomorrow and work on that paper while the movie is still fresh on my mind. I'm not even going to drink tonight." You turn around and head over to the concession stand. You quietly take Jeongin's cup from his hand place both cups on the counter and ask for refills.

"You should just stay home tonight and write it." He suggests, his face softening a bit.

"Hm, yeah I know but I promised Soobin. One night out isn't going to kill me. It's going to be impossible to not think about this movie for a while. The cinematography. The soundtrack. Oh my god, the overall non-plot, plot. A masterpiece. It should win all the awards."

"It has good reviews pretty much everywhere so it should. But you know that those things are also popularity contests." Jeongin nudges you as the cashier comes back with your drinks and new straws.

You pull your backpack off of his shoulder and swing it over yours as the two of you finally make your way out. The crisp, cool air hits your face as you push open the door back to the outside world. Slightly weighed down by your backpack, you still skip around.

"I'll make my own award," You slightly pout, you turn around to face Jeongin again. "Oh! Back to the cinematography for a second. I'm in love with the fact that they used film over digital. It's more expensive, but there is something about film that makes a movie better than a digital camera."

"I think it's the graininess. Digital is...too perfect if that makes sense. Y/n, turn around. You're more clumsy than me."

You roll your eyes and make a face at Jeongin, still walking backward. He scoffs as he rolls his eyes in response, the golden shine from the sun hits his face.

"I'm not going to fa--"

You cut yourself off as you stumble over a rock that definitely shouldn't have been in your path. You struggle to keep yourself upright, grasping the air for some sort of invisible rope to keep yourself from falling. You squeeze your eyes shut as your hand clasped around nothing, bracing yourself for the impact of the fall. Only, it never comes. Instead, you feel Jeongin's strong grip around your wrist, keeping you from hitting the ground. Unfortunately for you, you also feel the ice-cold soda that spilled all over you, soaking right through Soobin's jacket and straight to your skin.

"Shit," You mutter under your breath as Jeongin pulls you up. You lean forward, pulling the fabric of the shirt and hoodie away from your skin as you internally panic.

"I told you so," Jeongin stifles a laugh and he sets his drink and backpack down on the ground.

"Now is so not the time. What do I do?"

He quickly shrugs off his flannel and hands it to you. "Here,"

"A few things wrong with that. 1. I'll still be sticky. 2. We are in public, I'm not taking off my shirt."

Jeongin freezes for a moment, his face quickly becoming red as he stares at you.

"T-then let's head over to my car and I'll take you home." He stutters.

"It's fine," You gather up some of the fabric and wring a bit of the soda out. "I don't want to make your car sticky. I'll just walk home, it's not that far from here."

"That's stupid, let me just take you home,"

"Are you sure?” You ask hesitantly. Jeongin’s car has cloth seats. It’d be easier if he had leather seats. At least those you could wipe down and call it a day. No matter how much you scrubbed it, unless he got the car detailed, it wouldn't be fully clean. And you already know he's not going to get the car detailed.

"Just go Koolaid man," He picks up his things and gently pushes you in the direction of the car.

"Kool-Aid man is insane. I wasn't even drinking Kool-Aid." You protest.

"Yeah but it was red," He teases, running off into the direction of his car. "C'mon, let's go before you attract ants."

"Ants? That fast? Hey, Yang Jeongin, don't run and leave me here."

Your nose is instantly assaulted by the smells of sweat and alcohol when you walk through the door of the third frat house on fraternity row. With all the warm bodies, alcohol, and movement the temperature in the house is a stark contrast to the cool, refreshing air outside.

You're tired of bumping into people as you search the house looking for at least one of your boyfriend's friends. After your conversation with Soobin, you didn't feel like going out. But you knew that if you didn't go, it'll just lead to a fight. You also know that everything Soobin was saying is just the alcohol coursing through his veins, not him.

You shove your way past a couple of people who were blocking the path in the hallway. You let out a sigh of relief when your eyes land on Soobin, Yeonjun, Kai, Beomgyu, and Taehyun sitting on a couch, a few girls sit around them, talking. Yeonjun's left arm is casually slung around a girl that you don't recognize while Soobin sits on his right. Beomgyu sits on Soobin's right, a plastic cup in his hand as he laughs at something Kai, who's sitting next to him on a chair, said. Taehyun's back is to you and a girl is sitting between him and Kai.

Soobin looks at you through hooded eyelids, the corner of his mouth turns up with an annoyed smirk. "Oh look, she finally hopped off Jeongin's dick and decided to join us,"

"Dude," Yeonjun's jaw clenches as he smacks Soobin's chest with the back of his hand.

Beomgyu, Kai, and Taehyun's head snap towards you. You feel all the heat in your body, perhaps all the heat in the room, rush to your face. You can only imagine how red you are. Both Beomgyu and Kai fidget in their seats while sitting quietly. Taehyun just looks at you with soft eyes and a soft pout.

"I'm going to get another drink," Beomgyu mumbles, quickly getting up from his seat.

"I'll join you," Kai jumps up and follows him.

You press your lips in a fine line before forcing the corners of your mouth up into a smile and taking Beomgyu's spot on the couch.

"Sorry, I spilled soda all over myself. Got in my hair and everything." You explain to everyone.

"Sure, 'soda' is one word for it." Soobin slurs. Yeonjun hits his knee against Soobin's knee while Yeonjun while Taehyun shoots him a look. Soobin doesn't seem to notice either one of them, he's too busy staring at you.

"You're here now, so that's all that matters." Taehyun coughs, "How's fourth year treating you so far?"

"My courses are all pretty easy. Saved a bunch of my easy classes for this year so I'm coasting. I shouldn't fall behind when we start working on the film."

"Oh, oh," Yeonjun shouts, his arms shooting in front of Soobin to tap your hand. "Speaking of the film, did you start looking at the script?"

"Oh, Han and Hyunjin actually got the script done on time?" Taehyun asks excitedly, leaning forward in his seat.

"Seungmin threatened to work with a different writer if they didn't. And yeah, I finished with Jeongin during lunch today. It's really good!"

"Right? Those two are idiots but they're geniuses when it comes to writing. This is their best script yet." Yeonjun grabs your wrist and excitedly shakes it.

"What's this one about?" Taehyun asks, his attention fully on you and Yeonjun.

Yeonjun sits up straight, his arm no longer around the girl he was talking to and his hand still on you. "It's this coming-of-age film about these two guys who are best friends in their final year of high school..."

You don't notice that Soobin's eyes finally leave your face and zeros in on Yeonjun's hand on you. You don't hear the scoff he lets out or the look on his face. You're too focused on listening to Yeonjun describe the script to Taehyun. You don't notice anything until Soobin's warm hand finds the back of your neck and his wet thumb roughly rubs the skin towards the front of your throat.

"There, all better," He mumbles into your ear.

"What are you doing?" You whisper harshly at him, not wanting to interrupt Yeonjun.

"Something was on your neck, I was helping you," He hums, pleased with himself.

You freeze, not sure what to do. Soobin wiped off a bit of the makeup covering one of the hickeys he gave you. You don't have any makeup with you to fix it but you're not sure if anyone else noticed it. You ball your hands into fists as you stare at Soobin proudly smirking.

"What are you guys talking about?" Kai asks as he and Beomgyu finally make their way back to the group, drinks in hand.

They set the few bottles of water, soju, and beer on the table before sitting down. Beomgyu takes the now-empty seat next to Yeonjun and Kai takes his original seat.

"Junnie was telling me about Han and Hyunjin's script and it sounds amazing."

"Should we be talking about that here? Are you worried that someone is going to like, steal it or something?" Kai asks.

"Seungmin already submitted the paperwork to our department heads this morning. He spent all summer tracking us down so we could sign the forms so he could turn them in immediately." Beomgyun shouts, "So if anyone takes it, it's on them."

A necessary precaution that the university implemented a few years before you started to combat accusations of plagiarism amongst students. Why it took them so long is a wonder.

"Did you read it, Gyu?" You ask, resting your hand on Soobin's lap as you lean over him.

"What?" He shouts back.

"I asked if you read it?" You ask loudly this time.

Beomgyu takes a sip of his drink before shaking his head. "Don't need to, we're reading it together on Sunday."

"You guys are meeting to talk about it already?" Kai asks, leaning forward toward the group. In the distance, you can hear a group chanting about something.

"Seungmin is on one this year after what happened with last year's film." You explain.

"To be fair, Hyunjin and Han were driving all of us crazy with the last-minute changes. I can only imagine how bad it was for you, Yeji, and Innie."

"It was a pain--"

"Didn't Yeji tell them off?" Beomgyu accidentally talks over you.

"She slapped Hyunjin one day when she was going over the footage once."

"She did what?" Beomgyu tries to lean in closer to hear you over the cheering from inside the house.

"She--"

Soobin leans over, close to your ear. His breath makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, "Maybe you should go sit on his lap so he can hear you better."

"It's nothing," You wave off before leaning back into the couch, chewing on your lower lip. Soobin throws his arm around your shoulder before taking another sip of his drink.

You're not too mad at him. Hurt, yes, but not angry. You know Soobin's been drinking and that is just how he gets. It's not fun, the attitude he gives you, but you know it won't last long. That in the morning, after he gets over his hangover, you'll have your boyfriend back. The one who skipped classes all week to take care of you when you had the flu. And takes you on cute dates. And mumbles that he loves just before he falls asleep.

Taehyun eyes shift between the two of you quietly before sliding over a bottle of water towards Soobin. "Why don't you have some?"

"Why?" Soobin blinks at the shorter man.

"Probably to give your liver a break," Beomgyu adds.

"He had two bottles of soju by himself before we got here." Kai quickly whispers into your ear.

You press your lips together again as you process what he just said. At first, you're not sure that you heard him correctly at first because of all the commotion going on around you. Realization slowly sets in on how drunk Soobin actually is right now. It explains his anger from earlier.

You plaster on a small smile before pressing a kiss into Soobin's cheek. You brush the hair out of his eyes and rest your hand on his face. "Let's go home, yeah?"

"You just got here and now you want to leave?" He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"I've had a long day. And last night...was a long night. I'm a bit sleepy." You try to convince him.

He scoffs, "I told you not to come,"

"You know what?" Yeonjun quickly downs his drink and stands up, "I have work tomorrow and the party is kinda lame. I think I'm going to head out. You guys want to come with?"

Everyone else agrees, either finishing their drinks or abandoning them on the table in front of you. Soobin rolls his eyes before finishing his drink and stumbles as he tries to stand up.

***

"You know, we only left the party because of you," Soobin says suddenly.

Soobin is leaning on you for support while the six of you are walking back to their house on the other side of campus. Beomgyu latched himself onto Yeonjun's back much to his dismay. Taehyun and Kai, walk behind you, talking about something with hushed voices. You know they're talking about you and Soobin. After his behavior, you're not sure how they couldn't be.

"You were embarrassing both of us." You snap back, finally getting annoyed.

Soobin stops dead in his tracks, causing you to stumble back. "I'm embarrassing you?"

"Let's not do this right now--" You gently place your hand on Soobin's shoulder to try to calm him down a bit, only for him to shrug it off.

"No, let's do this right now because you've been pissing me off today. Do you know how embarrassing it is to sit around, waiting for my girlfriend for hours while she's out doing who the fuck knows what with another guy?" He raises his voice. A few drunk stragglers turn their heads towards the pair of you as they walk by.

"Soobin, he is my best friend and we were out doing homework. I apologized for being late and I told you what happened."

"Why should I believe you?" He cocks his head to the side.

"Because I'm your girlfriend and I've never given you one reason to doubt me." You turn your head to the side and squeeze your eyes shut while taking a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down.

It's not his fault. He's drunk. This isn't your Soobin.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Why would I lie?"

"So you wouldn't get caught,"

"Doing what?"

Soobin steps closer to you, closing the space between you. "Why don't you tell me,"

"Hey, you two good?" Kai asks as he and Taehyun approach you.

"We're fine," You turn to shoot them a reassuring smile.

"Hey," Soobin roughly grabs your face and forces you to look at him. "Look at me when I'm talking to you,"

Before you could open your mouth to tell him to stop, both Kai and Taehyun are between the two of you. Taehyun shoves Soobin back while Kai checks on you.

"What is your problem?" Soobin laughs.

"What's going on?" Yeonjun asks, walking back to the group with Beomgyu in tow.

"N-nothing," You whisper, still thrown off by how harshly Soobin turned your head.

"I'm taking Y/n home," Kai says suddenly. You're not used to him being serious. You're not even sure you've ever seen him serious the entire time you've known him. You're not sure you like it.

"We were just talking, Hyuka. Stay out of it." Soobin tries to explain, walking forward, only to be pushed back by Taehyun again.

"You made it my business when you put your hands on her." Kai turns back to you, placing his hand on your head, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Hyuka. It's okay. He's just drunk, he didn't mean it like that."

A glimpse of sadness flashes across his face for a moment. More pity than sadness really. Almost like he's apologizing to you on Soobin's behalf. You're not sure why he feels the need to. You know that once Soobin is sober enough, he's going to come and apologize for his behavior. He always does.

"Yeah, no it's cool. Go ahead and fuck one of my friends. I'll just go back inside and find some desperate girl. Then we'll be even."

"Okay, dude, that's enough. Hyuka, Tae, go and take Y/n home. Gyu and I got this dumbass." Yeonjun takes Taehyun's spot and pushes him towards you and Kai.

"Both of of them? Now that's being greedy. Be careful not to choke on both of their--"

"What the fuck is your problem?" Beomgyu asks this time.

"C'mon, let's go." Taehyun orders as he gently pulls you away from your boyfriend.

You bite your tongue as you nod your head softly and walk away with Kai and Taehyin on either side of you. You know he doesn't mean it, but it still hurts. You've never once thought about cheating on Soobin, but to hear him say that to you hurts. Your heart is pounding in your chest and the cool air feels mazing across your face. You look back over your shoulder to see Yeonjun and Soobin arguing and Beomgyy texting someone on his phone.

"You okay?" Taehyun asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't that bad. But he'll be back to normal tomorrow."

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feelbokkie · 2 months

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Sorry, I Love You | Prologue

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 18

masterlist | next

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feelbokkie · 11 days

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Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 13

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 26 (2 are gifs)

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@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @veedoesntknaur @nuronhe

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feelbokkie · 2 months

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Sorry, I Love You | Ensemble

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

taglist: CLOSED

masterlist

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feelbokkie · 28 days

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Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 10

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food and eating, hints of past abuse (nothing explained or depicted)

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 3,447

screenshot count: 6 (plus bonus picture)

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“…I talked to the guy who ran the place and he’s going to let us borrow a car for free.” Ryujin while lifting one of the tables, Yeji lifts from the other end.

“So I don’t get to demolish a car with a sledgehammer? C’mon, Ryu, you're killing me. Let me do something," Beomgyu whines, dropping his side of the table and flopping down to the group. Yeonjun struggles to keep the table from dropping on his foot, shooting a glare at him that would definitely send him six feet under if Beomgyu was the type of person who gave a fuck.

"Don't you have props to get?" Jisung asks, setting up the chairs around the tables that are already in place.

"Yeah, but I don't get to make anything. Jeongin and Y/n have been going with me to thrift stores to find everything and it's boring. My creative expression is being stunted!" He screams, his voice bouncing on the walls.

"So was Changbin's height but you don't hear him bitching and moaning about it," Jeongin mutters, walking back into the room with Changbin. Changbin stops dead in his tracks and just stares at him,

"I was literally just minding my own business..." Changbin breathes to himself before going to help Yeonjun move the table.

"Speaking of shopping, I'm reminding all of you that you should be sending me your receipts so I can reimburse you with the money from the film grant. And no, coffee and food does not count as a film expense." Ryunjin sighs as she and Yeji set the table down.

You sit in the corner of the room with Hyunjin, helping him write the name place card name tags for everyone. You focus on working on the tags for the crew while Hyunjin works on the cast. You know he only offered so you wouldn't have to see Soobin's name. It's moot, you've already mentally prepared yourself to see him in person for the first time since you broke up with him. Seungmin's already come up to you three times to remind you that don't have to be there today. But you can't avoid him forever, so why not start now? At least you're surrounded by all of your friends.

"Oh good, you guys are done." Seungmin walks in with Chaeryeong in tow, both of them carrying a small stack of scripts. The pair of them set the scripts on the table you and Hyunjin are sitting at.

"You guys don't have to staple those. Lia and Tae are coming over right now to do that." Chaeryeong says as she stretches her arms.

You nod your head as you set your last card in a neat little pile. You look at Hyunjin, who is smirking to himself as he also places his last card in this pile.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu start setting out the food they brought on the tables designated for the crew. Jeongin gestures for you to sit by him as he quietly helps spread out utensils. You quietly take your seat just as Beomgyu slides a bowl over to you.

"Thanks," You softly smile at Beomgyu.

"Time to eat like our lives depend on it because we have about 15 minutes before the actors get here," Yeji says quickly, sitting down and immediately opening her food.

All of you eat in silence, too focused on trying to finish your food before everyone gets there. Nobody says anything as you and Jeongin share your food, a habit that the two of you developed early in your relationship. It started when you couldn't decide what to eat one day for dinner with the group, having to decide between two things and unsure which to choose. They both sounded good, but being new to Korean food at the time, you weren't sure which one you should get. Jeongin offered to order one of the meals and split it with you while you got the other one and did the same. Now, anytime you two are eating, you split the meal.

***

You help Kai clean up the tables while the rest of the crew choose their seats at their respective tables. Taehyn and Lia sit by the door, ready to hand the actors their scripts and name cards. Yuna is around somewhere, running a last-minute errand for Seungmin since she didn't need to be at the table read today, but came anyway after finishing classes early for the day.

You toss the trash in the bin and head back to take your spot next to Jeongin. You quietly dig around your backpack for your copy of your script. When you find it, you gently set it down on the table along with a pencil to take notes later. You look over at Jeongin, who tosses his script on the table with a notebook and a few pens. It's laughable how different your scripts are. Yours is still neat and mostly perfect while Jeongin's is already falling apart, all bent corners and tattered pages. You'd think he's had his copy for years.

"Ever heard of a binder? Or a folder at least?" You joke, flipping through his pages. There are doodles and notes scribbled in the margins; possible visual effects that might play out during a scene filled with a bunch of question marks and "ask Seungmin"s.

"Makes my backpack all bulky," He rolls his eyes at you, gently taking his script from your prying eyes.

"I've seen the inside of your backpack. You barely have anything in it, you can handle a little bulk." You point at his empty bag, lying open on the floor.

"Yeah? And where am I--"

Bam!

Jeongin is cut off by the classroom door suddenly opening. Everyone stops what they're doing to see who, or what, caused the door to open so violently. You quirk your eyebrow as you watch both Felix and Chan standing at the door, panting heavily. Felix collapses on all fours, trying to catch his breath while Chan leans on the door frame, his head resting on his forearm.

"Didn't your class end like 5 minutes ago?" Lia questions, her hands hovering over the name cards unsure of if she should look for them or get them some water.

"Y...yeah...we...we came...straight her...here," Chan pants, squeezing his eyes shut like he's seeing stars.

"Isn't it on the other side of campus?" Ryujin questions this time, walking over with water bottles for both men.

Felix takes the bottle before looking up. His eyes scan the room before they land on you and then he looks directly across from you. Wordlessly, he crawls over to the table on the other side of the room. He picks the chair directly across from you and climbs into it, "Fucking booked it...n...needed...to...'fore... before...zoo in..."

"Zoo in?" Yeonjun's face twists in confusion and concern at Felix's words.

"Ah, it's a long story, he..." Changbin glances at you for a second, "he's talking about he who shall not be named."

"Lord Voldemort?" Both Jisung and Beomgyu question in unison, tilting their heads in the same direction.

"Oh my fucking god," Hyunjin throws his head in his hands.

You watch as Chan finally moves from the door and slumps into the seat next to Felix, the water bottle in his hand now empty. Still trying to catch his breath, his hand flies to Felix's back rubbing it. Chan makes eye contact with you. He stares for a moment before he winks.

It finally clicks that both Felix and Chan ran a marathon across campus to ensure they would get there before Soobin did. You know that the three of them, along with Minho, have similar schedules and they're all in the same class that just let out. The fact that two of your friends have to inconvenience themselves makes you feel weird inside, and not in a good way. Terrible even, like you're burdening them with your personal problems. Your hands drop from the table top and into your lap, wringing your hands. Your nails digging into your skin. You break eye contact, focusing on the dirty carpet instead. There's a dark spot that you can only assume used to be a piece of gum, black and hardened from months of being stepped on and neglected.

"Where's Minho? Did you guys use him as a sacrifice or something to slow him down?" Changbin hands both Chan and Felix their scripts and name cards.

"No, he went to get us food because he 'wasn't going to do all that.' But I think he was just hungry. We've been busy since early this morning. The photography students were doing headshots so we beat the crowd." Felix explains, finally sitting up.

You freeze as you feel Jeongin's hand goes on top of both of yours. It's enough to snap you out of your slight daze. You turn to look up at him, only to be met with the back of his head. He's busy talking to Beomgyu about something, you're not even sure how he knew what you were doing. He wiggles your hands apart, taking the one closest to him into his hand and squeezing it tight all while not pausing his conversation. You can't control the small smile that creeps up on your face. Somehow, Jeongin's touch is pulling you out of your head a bit. You squeeze his hand back as a thank you.

The two of you sit like that for a while, quietly engaging in separate conversations. Slowly, more actors fill the room and take their seats. Minho finally comes in and brings Felix and Chan their food before taking his seat on the other side of Felix.

“Tch,” You didn’t see Soobin walk into the room, you were too focused on your conversation with Yuna. But the all too familiar annoyed sound was enough to make everything around you free.

You quickly yank your hand out of Jeongin’s and set it back in your lap. You look in the direction of where the noose came from in time to make eye contact with Soobin before he shakes his head and turns his attention back to Taehyun. You notice Soobin’s around a girl with familiar thick black curly hair.

Nico.

You know a little too much about her. After your break up with Soobin, you spent a little bit of time researching her. Mulling over how much better she is than you. She’s a freshman and an acting major too, so there’s no coincidence that she’s here. She must have auditioned and got a role. Part of you wants to go up to her right now and tell her to run but another part tells you not you. That it’ll somehow backfire on you if you say anything. You’re not even sure what they are. Part of you thinks he's doing this to get back at you, to hurt you still just because he knows he can. A larger part of you is worried for her.

Trapped in your brain, you’re on autopilot as the table read starts. You don’t register any of what’s being said. You introduce yourself when it’s time but after that, you’re back in your head, staring at the space on the table being occupied with your script. You're not needed for the table read anyway. Maybe you should have listened to everyone and just went home after class. It's been months but Soobin still holds so much over you. You don't hear the welcome speeches from Seungmin, Ryujiun, Jisung, and Hyunjin. You barely hear something about credits and zero-tolerance policies. You don't even register when the actors start to actually read the script. Everyone's voice blurs into one large unrecognizable one. Everyone's voice but Soobin's.

You definitely should have listened to Seungmin and gone home after class. You don't notice how Jeongin turns the pages for you to keep you on track. You barely notice the tap of his knee against yours until he slides over a piece of paper towards you.

Your head rests on the car door, the cool air blowing on your face. You and Jeong drove around for a little bit with the wind blowing through your hair. Washing your worries away. Or maybe but pushing them back for a moment.

You don't remember the table read. You checked out for most of it, having read the script previously you didn't really need to pay attention anyway. Not that you could even if you wanted to. Not when Soobin was in the same room with you, flirting with some other girl. Not when your eyes kept meeting during bouts of stolen glances.

“Do you ever wish you could run away as far as you can in one direction and just start over wherever you stop?” You sigh, leaning back into your seat. Your eyes focus on the water in the lake that Jongin parked in front of. You're not entirely sure where the two of you are. You don't really care.

“I have... a little over half a tank of gas left. If we keep going straight, we should be able to hit Busan." Jeongin hums, "It’s a port city so we could become fish merchants or something. Or we could probably drive straight into the ocean if you’re feeling adventurous. Maybe we’ll find the lost city of Atlantis.”

You turn to Jeongin, tilting your head to the side like a confused puppy, “We?”

“Yeah," He scoffs like it was so obvious that he was meant to go with you. "what kind of best friend would I be if I let you run away by yourself? Plus, my life would be so boring without you. I get sad thinking about how you might not be able to stay after your student visa expires after graduation.”

“I might come back." You pull down the sleeves of your jacket, suddenly feeling cold. "I know the industry better over here than the one back home.”

You play with the hem of your sleeves for a bit. It's been on the back of your mind lately. Moving back home and leaving South Korea for good when you graduate. Not because you want to, but because your visa has an expiration date. You could always apply for a work visa but without the promise of job security, it's proving harder for you to be able to find a way to stay. You don't want to leave your friends and abandon the life you've built for yourself but it's not as simple as wanting to stay.

“If they won’t let you back, I could just marry you so that they have to,” Jeongin says softly.

You're not sure if you've heard him properly. Your body runs cold despite your large jacket. “What?”

“I-I said you can marry one of us guys so you can legally stay,” He turns his face away from you, rubbing the back of his head. His neck and ears quickly becoming red.

“Hm, yeah." You hum, facing forward again, focusing on the white birds that landed on the water. "Don’t know how my parents will feel about that but if push comes to shove…”

“My parents are…strict so they might not let it slide but they’ll warm up to you. It’s impossible to know you and not like you,”

“It took you a while,” You laugh, remembering how long it took Jeongin to warm up to you.

“That’s…a long story,”

“We have time." You sit up straight, adjusting your seatbelt across your torso. "We’re driving into the ocean to become merpeople right? That’s about 5 hours, give or take.”

Jeongin lets out a loud cackle-like laugh that you've only heard a handful of times, “You don’t even know how to swim!”

“I’ll grow gills,”

“That’s not how that works!”

“Why are you yelling at ms? This was your plan,”

“Your first mistake was going along with it.”

You turn your full body to face Jeongin, holding your seatbelt in your hand so it doesn't choke you. “And my second mistake?”

“Thinking that we would turn into merpeople and not just drown.” He finally sets the car keys in the cupholder between the two of you

“You wouldn’t let me drown,” You say with a level of certainty that you're confident with. You're not sure why, but somehow you know that Jeongin would never let anything bad happen to you if he had anything to do with it. And if he's the one driving, he's definitely not putting you in harm's way.

“You’re right, I would never let you drown,”

“Wait, isn’t Busan next to the Yellow Sea? Atlantis was supposed to be in the Atlantic Ocean, hence the name Atlantis.”

“Well, shit...We’ll find something down there. I’m sure of it.”

The two of you sit in relative silence for a while. Watching the sky shift from blue to pink to orange while music softly plays from Jeongin's phone. Occasionally, he'll hum along to the song. Quietly, so as to not disrupt the peace in the car.

"My Korean isn't great" You start suddenly, "but I'm painfully aware that our friends think I'm a fucking idiot because of my feelings for Soobin."

"I'm sure they don't--"

"I'm not saying that so you can cheer me up. I know already. I saw it in their faces every single time I told them we got back together. It's just..."

"Just what?"Jeongin questions as he lowers the music on his phone.

You stare out at the water, watching as the birds from earlier finally fly away. You're not sure if you should continue, but you take a deep breath and do so anyway.

"Look, I know he's not a good person, you don't have to tell me that. I was there. I lived it. I relive it in my dreams. But sometimes, just when I think I'm done for good, I see a glimpse of the old Soobin and I think 'This time will be different.' And it is... for a little bit. And then I lose him all over and I'm in a new circle of hell."

"Y/n..."

"A large part of me knows I don't deserve any of this. But there is a small, incessantly annoying part of me that is somehow louder telling me that I'm not going to find someone who will love me more than Soobin does...did."

"You're wrong," He says simply.

"Hm?" You hum, turning your head in his direction.

You watch as Jeongin's mouth opens and closes repeatedly, no sound going past his lips. He's at a sudden loss for words, like he knows what to say but he's not sure that he should say it. He quickly squeezes his tight shut before sighing.

"I j-just meant that...our friends. We all love you. There are 17 people who love you, not including your family. But our friend group already ratios him so, you're wrong."

"You know that's not what I meant..."

"I know!" He groans, hitting his head on the headrest "I know, just--someone out there loves you more than Soobin ever did. Trust me. Just...just don't...give up. Don't go back to him and don't give up. Please?"

"Do you...know something that I don't?"

The tension in the car is so thick, that you're not sure how either one of you are still breathing. Jeongin has trouble meeting your eyes. He faces forward, chewing on his lower lips as he thinks. He pinches the bridge of his nose before finally turning to you.

"It's just a feeling I have in my gut. Honest to God, I know nothing. And you know how religious I am."

"So religious that you don't even go to Church."

"Don't start with me, I already get that from my mother weekly." He groans before turning to you. "Look, you trust me, you always have. Trust me on this: someone out there loves you so much that your happiness means more than their own. And when you're ready, they'll...they'll appear in your life. So don't go back to that asshole because you think he's it for you. Because he's not."

There's a tone in Jeongin's voice that you're not used to hearing. He's serious. You can't remember the last he wasn't fucking around. He's almost always joking. He rarely gets mad and he even rarely gets serious. At least, not around you.

You take it in the hardened expression on his face. The thin line his lips form. The lines in his forehead from his eyebrows furrowing. The pleasing look in his eyes begging you to believe him, even though you always have.

You give him a small, yet tired smile, "I trust you, Jeongin."

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