#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

Idk why but like my brain likes angry girls who are actually sweethearts like…. A lot.

#shut up pls dex #like when my ex got mad in front of me to seething levels it’s like #god please don’t be mad at me #but also god damn you are so fucking hot #plus she was way shorter than me too so that added to it I guess

[dex-starr]

Kink: hair pulling/ponytails in general.

Oh god you don’t even know

#shut up pls dex #I love hair pulling and pony tails so much #I was spoiled for a bit by getting to do this but playing with hair in general is great

[dex-starr]

Ooof the post NYE depression is hitting me like a fucking truck today. Well at least I get my new shit tomorrow hopefully it helps!

#shut up pls dex #I’m missing this person I shouldn’t miss and idk if my brain should even want to be kind to them but it does #I don’t know if I hate it but I definitely feel out of touch with my thoughts and emotions

[dex-starr]

Bro why is someone trying to convince me that all cryptids are evil like that’s bleak and boring.

I think of them like yokai sometimes you just got bros like Haradashi and Tsuchinoko who are just chilling and maybe want some booze

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

Sometimes I really wonder if I’m difficult to love

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

I swear I have to lose my patience with people for them to fucking get it, it's become annoying like y'all ask for so much lmao

I have to really find a new place of balance but that's easier said than done rn

#I don't find the time to actually take for myself these days bc I just end up staring at the screen and zoning out doing nothing instead #the day just fucks away at that point and then I gotta repeat the work week and it's like chipped away so much at my brain lmao #ahhhhhhhh man I need someone I think bc I just ain't doing it well rn like #my life is a mess bc professionally and outwardly I'm 'getting things done' but in reality I'm living in a fucking mess #I got a ton on my plate and even more bc I gotta take care of ppl but I don't have someone that takes care of me here lmao #shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

In unrelated news I’m still confused on my therapist saying he looks forward to our sessions bc I like actually go in with purpose and shit and that I’m insightful about myself and things around me. Likeeeeee I know it’s great especially since I talked about being extremely assured in who I am and what I have to offer and my ability to learn if I come short. Definitely still confused about what I’m unhappy about but fuck it, it’s just a temporary bump in the road that was already bumpy to begin with so we’ll just deal

#shut up pls dex #I’m not happy tonight but I’m cheerful if that makes any sense.

[dex-starr]

My brain feels scrambled for plenty of reasons but like I’m still going and that’s what counts.

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

I may be huffing copium but I can make Dehya work with Furina

totally

TOTALLY

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

I can’t believe I have a co-worker named babu this is like the worst reminder of her lmao.

Like we said this to each other so much that her voice is ingrained in my brain saying it after all these years.

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

Man I need a hug after today that psychiatry shit drained any energy I had.

Let’s hope I’m wrong and whatever the fuck they’re putting me on instead of what was working works better.

Like idk if I have it in me to fight for the proper medication alone bc like the one person I would talk to this and fully rely on ain’t here anymore haha

I guess it was bound to be this way

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

tfw your new therapist confirms your thoughts about the way your messy break-up went.

Like damn dude I know this shit sucked but I didn’t realize it sucked that bad LOL

#shut up pls dex #he’s a nice dude and understands that I’m not like spiteful just hurt #hell it seems like he understands why I’m the way I am too which is a plus and very rare #like thanks for taking my demisexual tendencies into consideration dude you’re great

[dex-starr]

Alright no dating — only me, if that’s how it shall be then I am glad to have known the real deal than to have not.

I said it would be this way and I shouldn’t listen to others even if they think I need that, throwing myself at something I don’t want to do is how I got here. I don’t care if things get better, I don’t care if I’m happy.

But I will be fulfilled.

#shut up pls dex

[dex-starr]

Autism and adhd be damned this boy can pilot a fucking mech let me tell ya

#shut up pls dex #part of the reason I can't stop playing AC6 is I am not hitting any walls yet -- I am just going full newtype on this game

[dex-starr]

It’s funny I looked at my broken relationship from every angle, looked at every possible solution. Probably didn’t shut the fuck up due to my anxiety issues and my anxiety on losing that relationship and person bc they meant a lot.

I had to take a lot of hard knocks to not do that as much but dude it’s fucking hard. Anxiety is shitty bc it’s not the same for some people sometimes. Everybody has their own things they deal with and a manner they do so haha fuck dude I’m still torn up about this all

When will I stop

#shut up pls dex #feelings are difficult — when you’re a dumbass

[dex-starr]

Ah I think that wound you left is finally starting to heal.

It’s just unfortunate that I’ve lost something because of it but I guess even just experiencing for a little was okay. I’m going to play the fool still and think that the experience was the real deal

I’ve been thinking a lot about memory and it’s kind of sad the way my memory is, it’s something I’ve been thinking about since I realized it. I never remember the good simple things usually. I wonder if what I’ll remember are the feelings but I’ll forget you. I’ve put such a mental block on your face and you now haha it’s kind of ridiculous.

It’s weird thinking about how I had so much unwavering faith yet I was scared to share the dumbest choices I’ve made completely. I mean I understand why but it’s just weird, I’m wired to not want to be rejected to an extreme amount yet I’m the one that causes that.

Oh well what good does it do to ruminate about you some more now I’ve done enough of that for a lifetime. Now I just want more peace I just want to experience that without an external source required. I want all the noise to stop

#shut up pls dex #here’s to you