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hitchell-mope · 5 years

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(Second film. At cotillion. Part three. After Mal’s been pulled into the water by huma)

Ben: where is she I can’t see her?

Carlos: how long can she hold her breath

Jay: I. I don’t know

Ben: not long.

Evie: what?

Ben: our first date. She thought I drowned. Went in after me and

Jay: you saved her. I remember. Now we gotta save her again.

Ben: I know to oh boy

(Just then the water bubbles furiously and Uma rises from the surface the lower half of her body octopoid and at least the same height as Ursula was during her final battle, perched on her should is Harry. And bound in a tentacle, barely conscious is...)

Ben: MAL!

Doug: Uma stop this now! You’re acting crazy!

Uma (voice booming): oh no dear. Spiteful vindictive

Harry (having the absolute best time of his life): INCREDIBLY LARGE!

Huma: but never crazy!

Uma: now on to business

(She drops Mal into the ocean and begins trying to capsize the boat)

Elsa: time to put that rusty old wand of yours to work headmistress. Children! Jay Evie Jane Ben. With me

Jane: what’re we doing

Elsa: we’re going to stop this boat from becoming the second titanic. On three. 1...2...3!!!!

(They’re eyes all glow and the boat steadies)

Evie: how the

Elsa: the beauty of a crisis. Now Ben. I assume you’re about to do something heroic and foolhardy

Ben: probably

Elsa: try and make sure that nobody gets hurt.

Ben: of course. I might have a plan. Doug is Agrabahn silk shrinkable

Evie (sternly) and Doug: yes

Ben: ah. Ok then how about this

(A flick of his wrist and he’s back in his vk outfit with a few small differences)

Evie: what happened to the jacket

Doug (tired dad mode): and the undershirt

Ben: they’d weigh me down. Jay could you hold this please?

(He hands Jay the crown)

Jay: sure but oh jeez (Ben’s jogging to the railing) wait wait wait

Ben: yes yes yes?

Jay: first of all stop that. Second of all. Here (he summons Maleficent’s sceptre our of thin air and hands it to Ben). Take this. It should help her

Ben: thank you so much woah head rush. Ahem woozy. Hm. All better now

Jay: yeah that’s because it recognises your magic but not you

Ben: I love being a hybrid

Adam: a WHAT?!?!?!

(Ben uses telekinesis to shove his father out of the way into the corridor)

Ben: blow it out your ass dad. Wish us luck. Imma coming honey!

(He launches himself over the side and into the water. Just barely missing Uma’s tentacles)

Doug: his magic will protect him right

Jay: possibly. If not. Hope you like the throne

Carlos (hitting his arm): not funny.

Jay: sorry

Doug: genies can breathe underwater right?

Jay: yes

Doug: Ben has five minutes. Then you’re going in after them

Jay (phoney British accent): as you command. My liege

(Under the water Ben’s swimming to Mal who’s sinking fast. He keeps dodging Uma’s tentacles. Finally he reaches Mal and put her mothers sceptre within arms reach. The moment it touches her hand her eyes open)

(Back on the ship)

Elsa: can anyone see them and Dizzy please stop throwing canapés at Uma

Dizzy (conspicuously giving Merida the food): it was Merida (innocent giggle)

Elsa: remember that I have a younger sister.

Doug: Hook seems to be having some sort of religious experience up there

Evie: yeah. He sorta reminds of someone

Devie (looking at each other in recognition): Troy McClure

(The waters bubbling again)

Jay: come on guys. Come on. Don’t let her win. Not like this

(Ben and Mal come shooting out of water. Mal’s now a dragon. Ben’s perched on her back laughing and shrieking his head off)

Ben (at the top of his lungs): WAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! MY GIRLFRIEND’S A DRAGON!!!!

Devie: donkey from shrek

(Mal climbs further up into the sky. Ben slips. And falls off her).

Harry: He not gonna make is he?

(Ben plummets through the clouds but pulls up out of it just barely skimming the water)

Harry (fed up): of course he did

(Ben shoots up into the sky. His clothes melt away. From blue and gold to green. He lands on the railing still sopping wet. Now clad in green skelton leaf)

Ben (at the top of his lungs): COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!! (He strikes a power pose, fists on hips and turns to the others on the boat) that was amazing!

Jay (laughing): wow. You look

Carlos: like Pan.

Evie: HAHA! Harry’s in the drink. Again. (She cackles)

(Harry’s fainted dead away off Uma’s shoulder and crashed into the waves below)

Evie: lets boil him

Jay and Doug: no

Evie, Carlos and Dizzy: aww man

Ben: alrighty then. Anyway.

(He flies up to the girls and puts himself between them)

Ben: This isn’t the way. Both of you know that letting whatever happened years ago influence your actions today won’t solve anything. The best thing to do is to keep moving forward and

Uma: back off flyboy

(She swats Ben away and he gets knocked into a pole)

Uma: c’mon Mal let’s finish this once and for all

(Cecealia vs dragon fight begins)

Evie: and that only took twenty minutes to happen

Carlos: yeah. I woulda thought it’d happen the moment ma turned up not dead

Devie, Jay and Dizzy: yeah

Lonnie: we have to help him

Evie: right. Jay get a ladder. I’ll climb up

Lonnie: no. Not Ben. He’s fine. Look

(Ben’s currently trying to help Mal. Setting up shield after shield against Uma’s tentacles)

Lonnie: I meant the other one

Evie: no.

Jane: we should at least try. It’s the right thing to do

Doug: usually is be inclined to agree but you’ve not seen him in action

Carlos: I say we let it drown

Devie: ditto.

Jay: we’ve gotta fish it-him-out.

Carlos: why?

Jay: because if we wanna get Uma on side then the mollusk has to live. No matter how much he deserves to be lost to the depth

Carlos: I hate it when you’re right

Gil (Boyce quivering): please. Please don’t let him die. Please?

(Carlos looks at Gil stony faced. And relents)

Carlos: have it on record that I WILL stab him at the first opportunity. No matter how much the human golden retriever begs

Jay: so you’re not against Evie and I fishing him out

Carlos: against as in anti harry? Yes. Against you doing what’s gotta be done. Reluctantly no

Jay: love ya C

Carlos (giggling): you are now officially out of the doghouse.

Jay: Melody could you?

Melody (now in a lovely ice blue crystalline dress courtesy of Elsa): yes?

Jay: wow nice threads. Anyway. I have it on good authority that you carry around a certain family heirloom?

Melody: Ja

Jay: don’t know what that means. I’m not danish.

Melody: yes I’ve got my grandfathers trident. So I can help you however you want

Adam: miss Boisen I absolutely forbid you help them

Melody: I do not take orders from you Adam. Never have. Never will. Because I am not part of your staff. I am a student teacher. I am my sisters assistant until such time she graduates. But I am not your employee. So yeah. I’m helping my students. Jay. What do you need

Jay (massive grin on his face): we’re going squid fishing

Melody: where do I aim?

(She juts our her hand and the trident spears)

(At the buffet table)

Vision!Harry: sup losers

V!Ben: oh fuck off you no handed blunder

V!Harry: two hands. Numbnuts

V!Ben: keep talking. See what happens. I would love to dismantle you like a Lego Death Star and immolate your bones with you skin still on them

V!Harry: and the bitch says Uma means nothing to her

V!Ben: no. It’s the island Mal doesn’t care about. If Uma meant nothing to Mal. I’d still be jay.

V!Lonnie: ok I’m completely lost

V!Doug: we change when the closest person to our one changed. I used to be Evie. Tall ghostly pale and terrifying used to be Gil. And our “esteemed” leader. Used to be jay.

V!Carlos (smugly): I’ve always been like this

The other soul guides (sans Lonnie): yippee for you

(V!Carlos smiles indulgently)

(Back to the action at the railing)

Jay: so you’re sure you know how to do this without killing Uma?

Melody: oh my friend. With a fun and grin it works fine

Jay: what

Melody: yes. Yes I do know how to do this without hurting my second cousin

Jay: I’m sorry. Did you say second cousin?

Melody: yes. Ursula is my mother’s aunt. That makes Uma and my mother cousins. That makes her and I second cousins.

Jay: I am so sorry

Melody: why would you be sorry? So I’m related to a villain and her daughter. So is Ben. So are you and your little found family. Let’s help your friends.

(She throws the trident in Uma’s direction and it nicks the tentacle that was about to knock Ben out of the sky. Uma bellows in pain)

Uma: WHO DID THAT

Melody: hey! Hey you! Giant scary girl! Listen to. Ben. Or you know, me. Either one will do so

Jay (aside to her): not helping

Melody: yeah thought not

Jay: ok here’s what we’re going to do. Evie. Carlos. Fish the creature from the black lagoon out of the drink. I’m gonna help Ben.

(With that he flies up to where Ben is)

Jay: hey buddy. Need a little help?

Ben (still desperately dodging the tentacles): yes please

Jay: then grab a tentacle

Ben (scandalised): what?

Jay: you heard me. If we don’t do this then the student body will be a human interest story on the news tomorrow morning

Ben: ok

(They dive down and grab one of Uma’s tentacles. Below them in the water Harry’s screaming at them to let her go. Uma for her part does a good job of fighting them off. Mal just hovers there confused)

Jay: and lift

Ben: oh dear

(They fly upwards past Mal and drag Uma along for the ride. Harry grabs on to a tentacle and refuses to let go. But then he slips and lands painfully on the railing)

Carlos: finally. The Hook family line has ended

Harry: I HAVE TWO SISTERS

Carlos: who the fuck cares! Lonnie. Doug. Would you be dears and drags that on to the deck. I’ll get the carving knife

Doug: should we

Lonnie: quiet I don’t think we’re allowed to talk

(They deposit Harry in the deck and Carlos stands over him knife in hand)

Carlos: what do you want me to do Jay!

Jay: keep him there. And E! Keep those force fields up. Otherwise the first thirty rows WILL get wet

Evie: what are you gonna do?

Jay: this (to Ben) DROP HER

(The king and the genie let Uma fall into the water and the impart would’ve reflooded the deck if not for the shields. Unfortunately. This only serves to make Uma mad again. And she channels this anger by ensnaring Ben in her tentacles slowly choking the life out of the king. Jay’s had enough. His body assumes its golden lustre and he flies up into Uma’s face)

Jay: THAT. IS. ENOUGH. YOU KNOW THIS ISNT THE WAY. YOU KNOW THIS WILL ONLY SERVE TO FURTHET ALIENATE YOU. IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE YOU NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE A PETULANT CHILD AND START PLAYING THE GAME RIGHT. OTHERWISE IT WILL BE JUST YOU AND THAT THING THAT IS SPEWING TWICE SWALLOWED SEA WATER ON EVIES MANOLOS LEFT ON THE ISLAND TO ROT

(On the deck Evie jumps out of Harry’s range)

Jay: SO WHAT IS IT GOING TO BE. A TANTRUM OR ARE YOU GOING TO USE THE BRAINS I KNOW YOU HAVE

(Uma’s face silently crumples. She (surprisingly gently) puts Ben back on deck, soaked to the bone and retching slightly from the choking but none the worse for wear, plucks up Harry and swiftly disappears beneath the waves leaving Ben’s ring behind)

Jay: well. That was surprisingly easily handled

(He flies down to the deck and hands Ben back his crown. Mal flaps back down, purple and green smoke surrounds her and she’s back in human form, except her hair’s undone, her dress is purple green and black and she’s holding the sceptre in her right hand. She smiles weakly at the crowd. The promptly spins around and vomits over the side. Loudly. For two full minutes. Jay rushes over to her)

Jay: hey you. Now. I got you a cap of mouth wash. And a breath mint. There you go. Now. (Loud whisper) a dragon. A giant fire breathing scaly ass mother fu

Mal (taking his face in her hands gently to shit him up): I know. I know.

Jay: how?

Mal: that I don’t know

Jay: oooh the sceptre.

Mal: that’s probably

Jay: now. The king awaits. Shall we?

Mal: we shall

(They walk down the stairs to where the series is. She and Ben smile at each other. Then he scoops get up and plants one on her. Carlos, not one to be outdone, scurries over to Jay, dips him and plants a longer one in him. Which gathers an even bigger cheer from the crowd. Especially Gil who can be heard over the others)

Doug: it’s about damn time.

Mal: hey jay. Stop by my room later. We gotta talk

Jay: well let’s see have you talked with Doug yet?

Doug: no. No she has not

Jay: you first then me. Capiche?

Mal: capiche

(On the chaperones platform Fairy Godmother is tight lipped)

Elsa: they’re teenagers headmistress. They will kiss.

Fairy Godmother: oh it’s not that your majesty. I can smell something unpleasant

Elsa (sniffing): you know what. I can too

Merida: it’s rotten skeleton leaves. What our dear little boy king is wearing.

Elsa: Oh. Queen Mother. Your turn

Belle: Ben?

(Ben doesn’t answer, he’s still looking at Mal in reverence, until Mal clears her throat and cocks her head to Belle’s location)

Mal: it seems that your clothes are rotting away dear.

Ben: is everything

Mal: oh yeah. But your shoulders are exposed

Ben: right. Ummmm. Wait right here

(He teleports to his mothers side. When the smoke clears he’s back in his vk outfit. Still without the beanie jacket or undershirt)

Ben: better?

Mal: ooooh so much better

Belle: the tuxedo was so much more

Evie: don’t worry Belle. The silk used is shrinkable. So this is preferable.

Belle: ah. Ok. Now Ben. I and the others adults are going to the yachts bar. Lumiere is going to be here as damage control. But you are in charge. Understand?

(Ben nods emphatically. The four women turn to go but Mal catches up with them before they leave)

Mal: Fairy Godmother. Do you think I could get my spell book back from the museum? Tomorrow I mean. Only that the last few days did a number on me and made me realise I can’t not use what I have. It’s not healthy and it’s not right. Is any of this making any sense to you at all?

Fairy Godmother: of course dear. It’s your property after all. Just say the word and it’s yours

Mal: please?

Fairy Godmother: where would you like it to be?

Mal: Jay’s room. Bedside cabinet. With a protection spell on it so only Ben and I can use it. Because. I have helluva lot to teach him

Ben: I very much look forward to learning from you

Mal: and. I’m sure Ben would agree. Magic classes. For those that want them. I know I would. No. I know that I need to learn more control WOAH!

(Ben’s scooped her up in a bear hug)

Mal: I take it you like that idea

Doug: when you were >ahem< out for the count Ben decided that it was time that magic be fully reinstated

Mal: I LOVE THIS BOY

Belle: I can see that the kingdom will be in very safe hands with you two and you are on his back

(Mal’s clambered onto Ben’s back and she’s stroking his hair away from his face)

Elsa: Queen Mother. I believe this is our exit cue

Merida: aw but I wanna dance

Elsa: the bar has Guinness whiskey

Merida: PEACE FECKERS

(She runs off)

Belle: that was easily handled

(As they’re leaving)

Belle: Verna could you get me the family lawyer please

Verna: of course ma’am. Uhhhh. Heh heh. What for?

Belle: I need to see mr Hartcourt about divorcing Adam and adopting that young man

Elsa: Gil? You want to adopt Gil?

Belle: yes. Problem?

Elsa: none whatsoever. In fact I’ve got an idea I’d like to run through with Ben. When the cotillion is over tomorrow of course

Belle: I assure you your majesty you shall have the full unwavering support of my son and I

Elsa: god save the king and his mother then

Belle: indeed

(Back at the cotillion)

Carlos: alright. ALRIGHT! Everyone. The ones of the hour. My parents! King Ben. Lady Mal. Take it away old man

Ben (laughing): I’m only two years older than you C

Carlos (a “I’m cute so I can get away with it” look on his face): still older

Mal (chuckles as she tilts Ben’s crown): I think what Carlos is trying to is: let’s party

(She uses magic to levitate the electronic equipment above the deck and they all start dancing)

(This is when “it’s time” happens)

#disney descendants #zendaya!mal

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