#she pauses and adds MAYBE JOE WOULDVE LIKED IT TOO WHO KNOWS HE MIGHTVE CALLED YOU SONNY

[lupismaris]

So technically speaking the oldest son in our family should be named after an eldest son of the direct generations before per Italian American tradition (so one of the parents or grand parents/uncles) in this case but the eldest son died before my father got to meet him and thus the technical eldest son in our family was named after our great grandfather instead and not called Sonny as is tradition (he and my father refuse to admit that he is no longer the eldest son because i now exist)

i am tho realizing that if my Italian grandfather (god rest ya Joe) who half raised me and loved me deeply were still alive to be a part of my transition and were as supportive as i hope he would be, especially in spite of my father failing in the role of being a supportive father, he would no doubt see that our family lacks a Sonny of its own, bemoan the neglect of tradition, and anoint me the new Sonny, the true eldest son

#is this a personal fantasy that only came into existence yesterday after a conversation with my dad about a semifamous relative? yes #technically my brother was supposed to be named more directly and called Sonny and the idea made him want to die #my dad is going on and on about my brother being the eldest son and the first born son and the tradition of eldest sons #and my stepmom just immediately turns to me and goes well i think YOU SHOULD BE SONNY JAMES #she pauses and adds MAYBE JOE WOULDVE LIKED IT TOO WHO KNOWS HE MIGHTVE CALLED YOU SONNY #SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING HED CALL YOU #and my dad just doesnt know what to do or say my brother doesnt know what to do or say and i laugh and test out the name #and she and i just move on to how ill ask the university about my great uncle sonny's student records since thats how it came up #but the fuckin discomfort in my father and brother's faces was really really good. felt authentic. #so now im considering calling on nonno joe. havent done that before. but i think i will. #technically its good no one got named after the semi local famous colonel we were talking about imo #he worked for reagan and probably wasnt all that great in terms of someone id get along with #but the tradition is in this moment what matters!