#seriously my blood pressure is thru the roof

[emblazons]

forewarning - (not all that serious but still) medical / body + anxiety talk so please skip if that makes you uncomfortable

My health anxiety has been so thru the roof lately 😭

Seven weeks ago now I was told I had high blood sugar levels (diabetes + high blood pressure run in my family, and my dad had a minor heart attack at 55 just this last November) so it freaked me out enough to totally rearrange my diet (healthily) to repair it. Honestly it’s has gone really well—I feel so much more alert + workouts go better + I’ve lost 15 lbs of the 30-ish I plan to lose (sounds like a lot but also…I’m really tall lmao).

That said…I’ve just been stressed beyond belief about getting bloodwork done because I’m scared that despite all my positive changes—and even though it’s been such a short time relatively—something will come up? Which wouldn’t be an issue, except all this health concern has made the physical symptoms of my anxiety worse, which feeds this vicious spiral of anxiety causing physical symptoms causing anxiety.

I know logically that doesn’t track—and that I’m doing everything I should be doing + can feel and see a difference in my health—but…my brain will not accept it in the slightest. Like. I had a whole ass panic attack (shaking, crying, hyperventilating) at the doctors office over a regular checkup, which is why the blood work is happening in the first place LMAO

That combined with the fact that a week ago I cut my hand deep washing dishes (the space between my ring + pinky finger on my dominant hand) and had to go to the ER for stitches?? I’m all over the place over here, and while I know all of this is necessary + I can’t control if I get seriously sick anyway…I’m just fucking STRESSED.

Anxiety is the worst. Especially white coat syndrome.

#anxiety makes things 300x worse than they actually are honestly #and while I’m ‘high functioning’ af it’s still a disaster internally jsksksjd #also I am genuinely okay. this is mostly just me leaking my anxious thoughts aloud #I just think being single + living alone and only having (admittedly loving) support from a distance is making me spiral a bit over here lm #the me tag

[scrumptioushalfbakedbratt]

My life will never get any fucking better.... Wake up to hell .... I can't deal with this shit anymore..... Wanna walk out on me your gonna have no where to live..... It's by the grace of me you still have a home ..... I can not deal any More ..... I seriously am going to have a fucking mental breakdown .... My chest is killing me and my blood pressure is thru the roof ..... I hate my life .........

[verivr]

Discord servers are truly host to some of the worst scum on earth I can't believe that there are kids who think it's a good website

#no because tell me why my sister got to explain to people why she kicked out a dude for saying slurs. quickly. #seriously my blood pressure is thru the roof #v.txt

[wizardlycatpants]

As usual I am completely dreading going to the doctors! Even tho I like my current doctor and it's only a routine physical, ugh and I know I'll have to go do blood work after. I still can't beat down years of conditioned anxiety from so many asshole doctors who always ignored or belittled me about my health concerns. Like when I was still going to the ped center I had a doctor just flat out ignore my complaints of knee and back pain and was paying more attention to her student doctor than me, and I think we all know how that ended up for me; hours of painful physical therapy and forever comprised knee joint function! Worst of all is I like this doctor and she's really nice and I really wanna tell her my concerns about having been undiagnosed as ADHD my entire life, but I'm paralyzed by even the thought of it. I don't want to be seen as a hypochondriac or like I'm not taking this condition seriously, thinking about this has kept me up constantly! And then I was thinking well I won't tell her that, but I'll talk to her about my hearing problems, but than that leads back to the fact that my auditory processing problems are something that can occur in ADHD and I'm just a cowardly ball of anxiety who is also upset that my grandmother didn't do my wash like she offered so I have no clean bras! Fuck I hate doctors appointments and I have a damn dentist appointment right after! My blood pressure is gonna be thru the roof when I get there!