#same one i found in the middle of the toddler kitchen on his back 400 meters from the building he should have been in | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wishingfornever · 6 years

Text

9/12/17 – No Contact: Cheat Day?

I’m being bad. I grabbed a popcorn ball. Just one and I’ll be done with them. They’re one of my favorite Halloween treats. Halloween is my favorite holiday. You know this. I kind of missed it last year. I was super disappointed. :/

There was something I wanted to talk about from yesterday but I can’t remember right now. So, instead, I’ll tell you about my… breakfast maybe? Not that healthy. A bunch of bellpeppers, tomato, and onions. Cheese and ham too, so as I said… not that healthy. Also, I added avocado. I hate wasted food and avocado goes bad pretty fast. So, I cut out the bad part and ate the rest. I guess I’ll have another sandwich of the same style later on and also with a full avocado. I remember. We through out that lemon meringue pie and the funnel cake. My dad couldn’t finish it and I refused to touch it, so it was in the garbage. Of which, I also through out the garbage cans. That means we’ll need to get new cans here. Through out that tarp, through out everything. Especially that lemon meringue pie and funnel cake. I hate wasted food. I feel bad that I didn’t have any but I’d feel bad if I had even a slice. I’m committing and I have to choose my guilt. Right now, my guilt is ham and cheese with a side of popcorn ball. :D Delicious, delicious guilt.

I’m feeling pretty awake so after I finish the popcorn ball I’ll get started on exercise. Then maybe I’ll get back to my book. I know you see what I post on Facebook. I know you’ve seen my book cover. I hope you like it. I like it but it feels sort of… unrelated. The other titles have actual historic stuff from the period on them. I’ll probably get sued for it too. I think my favorite cover is Perdition. It has the Osiria rose on it.

You know me, I’m a whore for that rose. It’s my favorite. I hope if I ever get super rich and you and I get a castle in Spain with a koi (sp?) fish pond that we could surround said koi fish pond with a bunch of Osiria rose bushes. They’re so pretty…

Pretty hopeful, eh? I MUST get a castle and you MUST be in it and there MUST be koi fish and there MUST be roses! MUST MUST MUST!!! That’d be ideal for me. Not sure about you. I mean, you’re the one who proposed the koi fish but I’m the one who imagines it surrounded by roses. I need to look up how they survive the winter.

I also want to make a secret room. You said you know how and I think it’d be super cool. Maybe if I become an author and it makes us enough money to afford that little castle in Spain, we could have that secret bookshelf hold a lot of my books. Then the one book I didn’t write will be the key to opening the door. Might be a bit obvious, though. That’s the problem with me. I’d be too obvious for a secret. Like, if I didn’t go with that idea I’d want to go with a pun or a witty response. For example, it could be the book Common Sense that opens the door.

I think it’d have to be a boring book. Or a book that’s not too obvious at least. Like, it can’t be Twilight because if we’re entertaining a guest, they’d criticize us and grab it to further criticize us. Then our sex dungeon would be revealed. What if we had three secret rooms? One for you, one for me, and then one for the both of us? Like for you, you could have whatever you want. For me, I’d probably have a bunch of airsoft guns or historic regalia (something nerdy like that). Then the third could be the sex dungeon. It’d be so cool to tell a friend before we go out, “It’s time to arm up...” and then open a hidden bookshelf to reveal an armory of toy guns. Yeah, I guess that’s why I’m not rich… because I’m not serious enough for my own good. I look at making jokes, especially bad ones.

I have yet to eat this popcorn ball. I’ve just been ranting about owning a fucking god damned castle this entire time. Brb

I missed popcorn balls. I hate how they’re only available during October. Seasonal products piss me off, especially if they don’t HAVE to be seasonal. I guess that’s one of the reasons I hate Christmas. Then again, I never liked the Christmas songs… all that mirth. Disgusting. Thanksgiving I hated, too. I hate all the holidays that are supposed to bring people together. Holidays are just kind of a dumb tradition.

Despite this, I still wish people a merry Christmas. I adhere to tradition because I’m dumb.

I really want a hidden door. Doesn’t need a castle, just want that hidden door. We could live in Nevada or someplace. Somewhere with a house, obviously. I just want that hidden door. If you want to keep your door hidden from me, that’d be fine too. And if we have children, we can hide all LEGITIMATE firearms (also known as real steel) in one of the hidden rooms.

One of my earliest memories. I was a toddler. I somehow found my dad’s revolver. He left it there, in plane sight of a child. Very dumb on his part and he admits it. I was just a toddler so I was exploring and discovering everything. I grabbed the revolver and held it in front of me and pulled the trigger. It fired, the barrel came up and the front sight hit my forehead. I started bleeding and I started crying. It was a loud noise and my head hurt. I don’t remember much beyond that. There was a hole in the wall, though and I’m the reason. That’s something I don’t like about guns. They’re VERY not safe around children. And I can guarantee that if my dad dies, I’m inheriting most of the guns. Was supposed to be all, but whatever. Doesn’t matter. Thing with guns is that you need a place to put them. Preferably unloaded. Some pieces can stay out, like that flintlock rifle above the kitchen but for the most part, they shouldn’t be available for a quick grab. In the event of a home invasion, you can hide in one of the fake rooms and I’ll deal with it. Most home invaders don’t have guns themselves, so I’d be alright. I’m naturally bigger so any threat would be chased off. Criminals aren’t brave and they don’t have to be. They just want to grab what they can and get out. They don’t want to hurt anyone but they will if they have to. It’s desperation. Regardless, sometimes there might be a criminal who is bigger than me or has a chip on his shoulder or have a gun. That’s why you’d hide in a secret room. If we have kids, they’ll hide with you. Thing is, I’d rather not expose them to the sex dungeon so early. Call me old fashion, but let them discover that shit on the internet.

A secret door that leads to a panic room. Maybe in that panic room, a bomb shelter. That’d be super cool, no? In the event of a nuclear holocaust, you might be fine. Problem is you’d have to keep it stocked, so that’s pretty dumb. :/

We could donate the canned food to charity before they expire. Or we can try keeping dried food and water down there. Idk, believe it or not I’m not really into the “prepper” thing. Gas masks would be nice, too. Problem is is that some gas mask filters use asbestos which is super unhealthy, especially old school Soviet gas masks which we may be getting. Good news, though, they can work with modern gas masks too so it should be fine. I don’t like the material some gas masks come in though. Latex… yuck. It feels uncomfortable around the face. Makes you sweaty. And it could tear. Not quality material. We’d have to get gas masks that fit the face and I’d prefer if their material wasn’t shit. We’d see. Probably super trivial but it’s nice to have in an emergency situation. Or in case there is a super potent odor. That’s something cool about gas masks; they kill odors so in case of bad smells, you can over come it with a gas mask. Hell, we should get one for doing kitty litter. :D If you still do porn and we happen to get a house/castle/citadel/fortress that has a hidden sex dungeon, I imagine you’d set up a little studio in there. Or if we have three hidden rooms you’d set up shop in your hidden room. But if you make due with the sex dungeon being your cam room, then you’d have a hidden room all to yourself. I wonder what you’d put in there. Especially if I’m not allowed in. Probably would have your journals. As you said, you never shown me the newest entries. I doubt Haru. Unless Fern the Husky just becomes too unbearable. That said, we’d probably spend nights down in the dungeon. Especially if we have kids. Children like to walk in on their parents having sex. I never have, but I know others have. Or we could… cough lock the door when we sleep. That wouldn’t be so bad. Except the little Stephen clone in my dreams would get SO excited and want to tell us something in the middle of the night and run in the middle of the night in pitch black hallways down to our room, try opening the door, and crash instead. Then he’d cry. He would be our son… -,-

I feel so much better today than I did yesterday. Most of this entry has been me fantasizing. Only been an hour into the new day, too. I’m glad. ^^

Maybe you’d have a closet in your hidden room. I think it’d be a super spiritual room that you’d sanction or whatever. Buddhist writings on the wall, super zen and peaceful… I can see that being the thing. And because it’s your peaceful energy room, I wouldn’t be allowed in it as to not corrupt your own energy that you��ve been manifesting or whatever. Yeah, I can see it. In my room it’d have airsoft guns, as I’ve said. Probably real guns too. I don’t want it to be an armory but that’s what it’s sounding like. I also want to use it as a closet. Not for normal clothes but for dumb little outfits like my hoplite panoply or a victorian era outfit and other things like that. It’d be where I geeked out. Probably would have to be big because… most those things don’t stack very well. I also don’t want to have too many airsoft guns. Weird, right? The thing is, some airsoft maps limit the FPS limit. Some do 400 and others do 350. 350 tend to be close spaced maps in corridors and the like. Thus, I’d need a couple guns to replicate what I feel my playstyle would be and what the map would be like. So, it’d depend. And even if I did fucking GORGE on all these airsoft guns, hopefully I’ll be able to afford it if I’m able to afford a house/castle/cathedral/pope hut with hidden rooms. Dreaming about a future I’ll probably never have is soothing. Probably because you’re in it. Or because I’m super materialistic despite being a communist. ;) Alright, it’s time for me to start my sets. I love you and I’ll message you when I’m done. <3

Just finished. After my sets and when I started jogging, I was super tired. Like exhausted, sweaty, out of breath, and my heart is pumping. I started to jog and… well, I’m still sweaty and exhausted but I’ve gotten my second wind back. I think I need to start jogging outside. Except I can’t with my shoes right now. I’ll be going to Reno with my dad this friday and I’m supposed to get some shoes then. That’d be nice.

I was thinking more about our secret rooms. I was thinking if someone really wanted to get in, they’d throw all the books off the shelf until they found one that stuck and then pull that one to open the door. Then I thought about putting a button where you push it and it unlocks and allows you to pull the book and open the door. Problem with that, they’d just rip it off if they REALLY wanted to get in. So, what if the button were on the bookshelf itself? Think about it. If they couldn’t find a book that opened a bookshelf, then they’d conclude that maybe it’s a different bookshelf and move along. Or if they knew it was that bookshelf, they’d have to rip the whole thing off. And we wouldn’t have to worry about which book to use. :D That said, I think it’d be cool if the secret rooms connected and required both sides to be opened in order to be let in. That way, if you want to get to the sex dungeon from your sanctuary, I could let you in and we wouldn’t have to leave the basement. Thing is, we’d have to separate a basement. If we build a house from scratch, we’d have to invest in digging out the ground and just adding… so much. It’d be super expensive. :/ I also thought about having a gym in my armory. Getting used to the idea that it’s basically an armory for toys and shit. How nerdy is that, eh? But if I had a gym in there, then I’d be a part of the armory too. And because it’s just a room with historical crap and gym equipment, you can go in whenever you want too. We could work out together. You can spot me while sitting on my lap. I’d get so buff so quickly. That said, after I get rid of this fucking skin condition, I want to get a tattoo on my upper back. “This Machine Kills Fascists” except in Spanish. Unfortunately, in order to be awesome and bad ass, I need to get somewhat buff at least. And… also skin condition. I know you still want to get a tattoo. Don’t know what you want to get. Maybe my name. Kidding, I know you’d never get a name tattoo. I remember you saying that.

So, I found a set of shorts that belongs to you. I’m going to leave you a message that the next time I see Daniel, I’ll hand it to him and give it to you. Might not have to message you. Will probably wait until Friday to tell you or something. Idk, I’ll think about it. But it’s your shorts and you’d probably want them back.

Of which, I need a list of things you forgot at Adela’s.

Oh, it’s raining. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling better. Huh. That explains a lot.

Current time, 8am. It’s a sunny day. Bit of smoke, but that’s alright. Got this wasp thing fucking with me. Should really crush it. I don’t like hurting animals and insects are animals. Was hoping it’d fuck off. I haven’t begun edits yet today. Postponed some. ><

I’m going to get to it. Soon, at least.

0 notes

reesesxxpieces-blog · 7 years

Text

Chapter Twentyfive : Thanksgiving

John James

“Da!” the little voice called from just at his feet. Gripping at his knee. Ironically the same injured one he had gotten as a result of him being born. An irony all itself as he was sure it would come up when describing what he had sacrificed for his kids. River; a bum knee. Rhys; a hole in his lung. Leading him only to wonder what was to come with anymore potential children and whether he’d survive to tell the tale. “Okay, okay…” whispering down to the little guy at his knees imploring his attention while he set his brother down, he coaxed him into peace so the baby wouldn’t hear him. Pulling up his thin blanket just underneath of his belly button. He’d draw back and reach down for River. Showing him the sight of his little brother. “See? Brother is sleeping…” John would whisper to him, watching River place a single digit over his own lips and hush. A slobbery effort but an agreeable one as River told him that they had to be quiet. Nodding, he’d agree.

“That’s right.” He reminded him before he’d turn and go to leave the room. Ready to occupy the boy downstairs with a collection of toys spread about while their first collective Thanksgiving dinner was prepared. Whether it would be a success or not was another story all together but it was the effort that would count here. Yet, one step towards the door earned a whine from River who was starting a chant of “Da” again and again. “What, bud?” whispering, stopping in his footsteps where the little boy was whining once more. A point back into the room for something he wanted. Realizing he wasn’t going to get out of this without the little boy either getting what he wanted or freaking out. “Show me.” John instructed, placing River on his feet where he was quickly getting a running start.

Arriving to the nearby sidetable beside his brother’s rocking chair where his mother so often sat with River’s little brother. Grabbing something on the top of the table, Johnny wouldn’t make sense of it until he returned. Holding it up to him with a groan. “Da.” He demanded. Glancing down, it was a book that he had seen Spence with. Reading to Rhys with her own personal touch. Now River wanted it read to him apparently yet he was barking up the wrong tree. “Bud…” he began, not even sure how to explain that much to him. That he couldn’t read. That he had a hard time with it. All he saw in that moment was his dad and wanting to read him something. “I…” River implored him with the book again, pressing it into his hands where he’d take it. Glancing down towards the book and him where he thumbed the cover. Reading the inscription for Rhys, knowing that they would have to get one for River as well. It would be too easy to overlook his early months when he was not with them. Yet, they’d have to make sure it went off without a hitch. To make up for that time so he didn’t have to compare that time with Rhys would clearly had everyday documented.

“Da!” the boy stated again. Reminding him to be quiet with a finger to his John’s own lips. “Okay…we’ll try…” he offered for the boy. Tucking the book under his arm as he picked him up and took him to the rocker chair. Sitting him down to the lap where he clapped out of sheer excitement. Part of him wanting to explain to not get too excited. “I’ll try but you should ask Mommy. She’s better at this.” He began. Thumbing open the front page where there would be no singing, lots of pauses and stuttered words. The wrong words being horribly pronounced yet River did not seem to mind as by the time he got through half of, the little boy was off and sparing him.

Spencer James

“Cook at 400 degrees for forty-five minutes.” Reading the directions out loud to make sure she didn’t miss a single step, determined that their dinner tonight would come off without a hitch, Spencer took everything slowly, making sure nothing was missed along the way. The phone rang just as she was placing the pan in the oven, turning around quickly to grab it before it stopped. “Hey!” she offered in an excited tone, listening to an instant onslaught of information being transferred from the voice on the other end of the line. “Okay, yeah, that sounds good. I’m shooting for 4, but it might be 4:30. So if you want to come over earlier, you can. And if you want to just plan on 4, that should be good too.” The conversation continued as she checked two pots on the top of the stove, managing herself quite well if she said so herself. “Alright. He’s upstairs with the boys, but I’ll let him know.” A moment later, the call was ended and she was back to having two hands to work her way through the list of fifteen items that were to grace their table that night.

Having Jade over was nothing new by this point. The woman had been all over them since the time Rhys was born and Spencer didn’t mind at all. She had genuinely liked Jade all along and enjoyed having a female around from time to time. She also enjoyed the fact that the woman was so bonded to Rhys, giving him a sense of family where he was lacking from Spencer’s side of things. Between the next steps, she shot a text to Judas, asking if he would be coming at 4 or some time before, knowing he’d be game for extra time with both of the little ones. She returned the phone to the countertop before carrying on with her task list until all at once she stopped.

The sounds from the baby monitor had been such of any other day in the James home. With two little boys who ran the place, either Spencer or John or both of them were constantly onto something with them. This time, John had taken the lead, letting Spencer spend the entire day in the kitchen as he seemed to understand how important this was to her. She got the great pleasure of hearing her boys’ day through baby monitors when the guys were upstairs and over the countertops when they were downstairs. Rhys had fallen asleep, prompting John to take him upstairs to put him to bed, where then he would get that one on one time with River that he so thrived in. ‘Da.’ The little one’s voice through Rhys’ monitor would threaten to wake the little one in the room up. ‘Da.’ Again, the boy urged, drawing Spencer to walk over to the monitor as though she could help him through it. Staring at the lights on the device as they lifted with each word spoken.

‘Bud… I…’ John’s voice came through a moment later, where Spencer noticed hesitation, yet she couldn’t be sure what he was hesitating on. She took a breath, tempted to climb those stairs and help with whatever it was, yet she remained where she was, waiting, knowing if John needed her, he’d call her. ‘Okay… we’ll try… I’ll try but you should ask Mommy. She’s better at this.’ She couldn’t quite place what in the world was going on in Rhys’ room between John and River, but she continued to wait it out until all at once, she understood. ‘A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him…’

She listened as John made his way through the first pages of the book. His voice held no flow to it at all, the man clearly struggling to find the words to speak out loud to his son that he surely held there on his lap. Her breath was stolen as she gripped the baby monitor in her hand as though she could help him through the device without him losing face in front of his son. “She sang, “I’ll love you forever…’” Spencer mouthed the words from memory as she had memorized the book cover to cover many years before when her own mother would read it to her time and time again.

Listening to John making his way through it, she leaned her back to the countertop, finally easing down to the floor. The boiling pots and baking pans no longer meant anything to her. She had lost the tasks entirely as her heart was trapped in the plastic of a baby monitor, determined that she’d be seeing John through to the end of that book in spirit at least. As each sentence passed his lips, coming forth no easier than the first had, she had tears streaming down her cheeks. A silent cry as she wished to help him, yet knew that it was best that he find his own way through this. It was best for him and it was best for River. Her fingertips traced the edges of the monitor with the same gentleness that she’d stroke one of her son’s faces.

It would not be the first time this book had made her cry, as that had been when Rhys was three weeks old and she’d read it to him for the first time. But this would be a different cry altogether. This wasn’t a cry of knowing what was to come with their own sons, that would one day grow up and leave them, only to wind up being left by their mother in assured death. This was the cry of a wife, watching (or hearing) her husband struggle with something that she could be of no use in. She knew he had to do this just as much as it seemed he knew he had to do this. There was a little boy who wanted nothing more than for his father to read him a book and John would not deny the boy, even if he knew he was in a situation that was going to prove difficult for him.

Her tears fell more heavily as John made his way to the middle of the book and River’s feet could be heard finding the floor, scampering off and letting John off the hook. As John’s voice stopped, she knew River had run off and surely the man was now chasing down the toddler upstairs before he found the top of those stairs that still needed a gate placed at them. Lifting her hand to the counter’s top, she laid the baby monitor there against the surface so she could bring both hands to wipe over her own face, attempting to dry the evidence of her tears before the boys made their way back down those stairs and she’d be caught.

-November 24, 2016

#bookofjames #chaptertwentyfive #tildeath #riv #2016

0 notes