#rho.odt

[sealacrossthesea]

ocs as horror tropes/metaphors

i was tagged by @gwynbleidd and it took me. a while. to get to it. sorry, but thanks for the tag!

i don't have ocs except ocs for a thing i'm trying to work on (every ant is a titan, i talk about it sometimes), and i don't actually have any visual references for said characters because i know nothing about editing images to make them look cool, and i don't like how i draw :') so i'll just write their names, zero context, and zero clue to their appearance :')

oh, here goes:

Morgan:

meat as horror

meat hooks and conveyor belts and cold metal. the warm eyes of a stupid animal, completely unaware of the watering mouths that await it. "cut here" lines drawn on the body, slabs of steak that bleed and bleed, unrelenting. are you hungry? would you kill to stay alive? you feel like prey, or maybe like predator. sinew is stuck between your teeth, and gore dribbles down your chin. don't chip your teeth on the bones. you feel like the top of the food chain, and don't see the eyes gleaming behind you.

Adam:

the horror of the mother

complete control over you, your complete reliance on her. you are a helpless child, and she makes every decision for you, asserting to you that she knows what's best. hysterical, emotional, even in her love for you, especially in her hatred for you. the fruit of her loins has rotted, and you cannot escape her scorn. distance means nothing if you're doomed to become her.

Joseph:

heaven as oblivion

there is absolutely nothing for you now. you are dead but not gone, you've passed on to the next realm and hit an infinitely extending wall. your fingers dissolve before your eyes, your eyes melt out of your head, your head does not exist. you are not present anywhere, and you cannot hear anything. you've dodged hell, but at what cost? this is all there is now.

Adelaide:

family as a cult

you will never need anyone else. outsiders will hurt you, aim to corrupt you and ruin you and leave you in pieces, but your family will always be there for you. everyone has the same eyes, the same smile. the same sickly yellow light cast over their skin. the same tastes, the same food that melts to gray sludge on your tongue. family recipe. hugs last too long, touches linger and sting like sunburn. don't stray too far. if you come back looking like a wolf rather than a sheep, the dogs will eat you.

Giovanni:

just catholic trauma

(tw for implications of self harm here) god is judgment. every action is weighted, every action is watched. tally marks on a scoreboard, on skin, your body on a golden scale, and you can't shed enough weight to stop it from tipping. worship isn't enough. sacrifice isn't enough. guilt lays across you in layers. blankets, sheets of snow, cling-wrap cutting off your circulation. you can't save yourself, but you can never stop trying. fire licks at your heels, a constant reminder of what is inevitably waiting for you.

Newton:

meat as horror

meat hooks and conveyor belts and cold metal. the warm eyes of a stupid animal, completely unaware of the watering mouths that await it. "cut here" lines drawn on the body, slabs of steak that bleed and bleed, unrelenting. are you hungry? would you kill to stay alive? you feel like prey, or maybe like predator. sinew is stuck between your teeth, and gore dribbles down your chin. don't chip your teeth on the bones. you feel like the top of the food chain, and don't see the eyes gleaming behind you.

okay, that's it for the ants team, and these are surprisingly accurate! again, thanks a lot for the tag! idk who to tag in return, so i guess anyone who wants to do this is free to say they were tagged by me.

#rho.odt #every ant is a titan #oc: morgan #oc: adam #oc: joseph #oc: newt #oc: adela #oc: giovanni #i liked doing this. idk why i've been putting it off so long :') #i know mento ewness etc but. yeah. #thanks again!

[sealacrossthesea]

it's my first day on a new job, but i failed to let my boss know that i'm agoraphobic, have a phobia of phones and haven't left the house in 6 months

#rho.odt #i have to leave. like now #i am however having a severe case of freaking out #if i puke on the clock at this job too it would be funny but also #third job of me meeting that porcelain face first is a bad tendency #anyway oooffff i don't know if i need therapy or a bullet

[sealacrossthesea]

great, i'm not getting notifs about being tagged in stuff. functional website something something

#rho.odt #can you believe it's the first time i have mutuals that also tag me in stuff #and i'm not even getting notifications! #here i am thinking there's no one here and #and apparently that's not the case #ah well. okay.

[sealacrossthesea]

i'm feeling so... weary

#rho.odt #i kinda hoped i would get my hyperfixations back #bc i started meds and i did have interests when i was on meds before the whole ordeal #but now it's like 'everything's the same but i'm more aware of it' kind of thing #which i feared might happen #and i kinda want to d*e ngl #also my agoraphobia didn't go anywhere :) #as well as the other thing i needed meds for #guess it really is hopeless. huh. #perhaps i shouldn't have quit smoking then. being a miserable smoker just. adds to the whole vibe #why am i even here? to get more fucked up as time goes on? fuck off.

[sealacrossthesea]

i got tagged by @bearsgrove to make myself and/or an oc in this picrew 🦭 thank you, river! 🦭

i couldn't decide, so i made both me and newt from ants because i don't draw her enough, but she deserves more spotlight :'D

i'm tagging anyone who also wants to give it a try, this picrew is really good 🌱

#rho.odt #tag game #oc: newt #me n my fifty shades of black wardrobe... #also. sad that the cat hat can only be in one colour #i crocheted myself a kitty hat with purple and dark green yarn and it's very cool and like 50% of my style #the other 50% is that selkie-ish shawl i've almost finished

[sealacrossthesea]

more picrews!

i was tagged by @gwynbleidd to make my characters in this picrew. thank you! :D

once again, behold the ants:

Adela | Eveline

Adam | Joseph

Newt | Morgan

as usual, tagging anyone who wants to do this :D

#rho.odt #every ant is a titan #tag game #oc: adela #oc: eveline #oc: adam #oc: joseph #oc: newt #oc: morgan #there's a bigger cast obviously #but these are the ones that are more or less fleshed out #it was a fun picrew and it even had adam's hair #one day i'll write the actual story instead of making the guys in picrews #but not today

[sealacrossthesea]

i hate when i'm hit with the "i want to play dnd (or any other ttrpg) with someone so much" because every single time i've tried playing ttrpgs except the first campaign were absolutely disastrous. some got close to being heartbreak level disastrous (my friends and uh. idk how to classify that one person anymore bc i kinda thought they liked me too. anyway, they all ghosted me so. yeah.) and dnd isn't even my fav system, probably because my first game was a homebrew heavily based on wod and it was a good campaign and despite being squeezed in mid-campaign, my character had a great story and even though he died, he had such an emotional epilogue i nearly cried. yeah, guess that's why i miss tabletops... not the whole "got into dnd with people i barely knew because my one friend was friends with the group and then everyone ghosted me forever and idek why" thing. anyway. woooooo. we're just going on huh? i took my meds and i was barely conscious to begin with. bye.

#rho.odt #hm i had a wild thought to replay vt///m:b #tbh it's *not* a favourite of mine and i dislike some parts #and also something in it triggers my migraines #but it's a good game. i like wo/d system #i wish wt//a was more popular than the v/tm but eh. ehhhh #sorry to all the vamp lovers but i am not too fond of them #i'm more of a werewolf fan myself #what am i even talking about here #man. i'm exhausted.

[sealacrossthesea]

can it be november already.

#rho.odt #i'm on my hands and knees begging for the early sunsets and cold weather #and snow. man. snowy nights are the only reason i haven't kms yet #idk how to survive summer #sunny days just make me more miserable than usual

[sealacrossthesea]

anyway. haven't had much motivation to write and i was re-reading some stuff i wrote bc of a tag game (hi, you know who you are :D) and man. adam needs therapy. joseph needs... more therapy. morgan is terrible, and yet not unhinged enough. he's unhinged in a "absolutely rabid but still somehow keeping the exterior of someone in control" while also being a vile cunt. adela needs to chill. giovanni... did nothing wrong and i wish i could apologize to him. as for rose, i can't reveal anything.

#rho.odt #every ant is a titan #sort of. related to it at least #i am bad at dialogue though #which is fine when writing morgan. the guy never shuts up #loves to hear himself talk especially if he gets to destroy someone psychologically #eh. ok. tired now.

[sealacrossthesea]

i'm attached to my icon's vibe and i had a thought that maybe drawing a seal with a bagpipe in a medieval manuscript style would be a good idea.

#rho.odt #that is if i ever get my motivation back #i used to enjoy drawing medieval horses and like. shocked people #love that specific art style #wish i was a medieval monk/scribe whose job was rewriting religious texts #and drawing weird animals in the margins #i even know about medicinal herbs and stuff #although. maybe i'd have to be a catholic for that... such a big sacrifice

[sealacrossthesea]

pics from my fav hangout spots that don't look like found footage for once because i was there during the light of day

#rho.odt #my pics #i was feeling like shit after work #however. perks of living on the outskirts. my way back from the bus stop is all like this #and i love lichen. haven't seen mushrooms yet but we gets lots of those too #also saw a lot of hares and a bunch of beavers and lots of hedgehogs #probably the only things i like about spring

[sealacrossthesea]

more pics from my walks.

#rho.odt #my pics #i have a shitty phone camera and i only go on walks when it's dark and there's no one around #bc i'm afraid of people #the third pic was just bc morning view from our kitchen was nice #also. shitty phone camera aside i like how some of the pics look more like found footage #blair witchin it

[sealacrossthesea]

more talking that nobody asked for: had a mad panic attack (because today's a work day and i am terrified of leaving the house even when i'm feeling fine), and i'm still reeling and don't know how i would survive today. the good news - caved in and bought a pack of cigs, and all it gave me was insane nausea, so... that's more of a deterrent for me than just yearning while forcing myself to walk past cigarette stands in supermarkets. victory, i guess? amidst the miserable state i'm in, this is something nice, i guess. i do have to thank my declining health for that, like, i just can't handle poisons as well as i used to, but if that means i don't depend on whether i have a full pack on me anymore, then i'll take it. plus, my breathing has improved. also, i start therapy soon and fingers crossed i won't be hospitalized because my old therapist said i'm at risk from what my mum told him.

#rho.odt #oof. ouch. #i'm shaking badly and UGH

[sealacrossthesea]

🦭🦭🦭MUTUAL CATCH UP🦭🦭🦭

i was tagged by @bearsgrove hi!

LAST SONG: Death by Cellar Darling

CURRENTLY WATCHING: i'm not really into shows, i have terrible problems with attention and memory, it takes me months to years to finish a single season and by then i forget what happened at all

THREE SHIPS: uhhhh Ever Given, SSV Normandy, The Ebon Hawk (serious answer - i don't care about shipping all that much, sorry)

FAVORITE COLOR: indigo blue and moss green, sorry, can't decide between these two

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: i mean, i just consumed a cup of tea? i really don't like thinking of like playing games or reading as "consuming" something, and considering my memory problems, it doesn't end up consumed at all! barely touched. but anyway, right now i'm fighting for my life replaying kotor and i'm veeeeery slowly reading asoiaf books because they're the only ones i can process rn. don't care about the show, but the books are okay

FIRST SHIP: Uluburun shipwreck, according to Wikipedia. (serious answer though - Beleg/Turin, and in my defense i was 13 and extremely into silm which hasn't changed, i just grew indifferent towards shipping)

PLACE OF BIRTH: in the mountains somewhere in eastern europe

CURRENT LOCATION: in the west of eastern europe

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: haven't met the person who would be into my "haunted by demons" aesthetic

LAST MOVIE: Re-Animator. aside from one of the worst cpr scenes i've seen, it was a fun movie and made me almost laugh a few times. i love the squelchy practical effects

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: mostly on my original story, and since i have a new easel, i started sketching ideas for a new painting because i still have my oils and a blank canvas somewhere

i tag ummmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it? consider being tagged by me

#rho.odt #tag game #about #i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #thanks for the tag!

[sealacrossthesea]

1st day summary: i survived, but at what cost. i should really figure out what kinda work i can do from home because i knew i wasn't the most well adapted person, but it wasn't so glaringly obvious when i wasn't leaving the house. and i have a monster headache. and i can feel my nicotine addiction would resurface soon. this isn't even my longest clean streak...

#rho.odt #at least it's part time and the hours are short #being 4 hours around people + transit was hard enough #i am terrified of public transport but i can't drive so #have to deal with whatever the fuck my mind throws at me in crowds

[sealacrossthesea]

we're so fucking back

#rho.odt #just hearing the soundtrack made me feel at peace #yes i have replayed the game 84657957 times. yes all were with the same shep #i wish there was a me game where you could play as an alien....... #i would've loved to play as a q*orian. we have so much in common #for example i'm also violently allergic to a lot of things and get sick every time someone sneezes within 50 m of me #oc: neil #he's the original. the prototype. the guy who cracked my egg. he means more to me than any other game character