#really earning that emotional support riolu

[mamamittens]

Napped after I got home from work where I spent at least three hours trying not to cry cause I made another fucking pokemon story and kept making it sadder like a FUCKING MONSTER MY GOD and now I gotta sleep cause imma be writing like mad this weekend.

Got the next sponsored chapter of A lone Melody to write and then two comms, hopefully I'll get them done this weekend but it'll beeeeeeeee interesting cause I've been absolutely exhausted.

One day I'll learn how to realize I'm feeling stressed before the crashing stage.

Ah, for reference this means I have 3 sponsor slots left and three comm slots left in the Oh Shit Sale. I don't wanna overwhelm myself but I kinda forgot to consider that I'm already a tad overwhelmed. We'll make it but it'll be a close scrape.

Ah, right, I don't wanna mix this update with rambling so ig I'll just leave it at this!

I now have two plot bunny stories for Pokemon verse! "You've Got a Delivery!" And "Redemption of the Lone Champion" (title pending for this one but damn is it hurt comfort ngl).

Like, I was legit crying before my nap cause I came up with another detail for it. Glad I managed not to cry at work cause idk how I'd have explained to my coworkers that I just made myself sad with my imaginary OC story...

Little excited to get to write these, actually. Maybe I'll spend a bit of time committing more deets to the fics so I don't forget the good parts I've come up with. Y'all... May not appreciate me much for the second fic though, cause DAMN does it hurt and it's just bullet points right now basically.

#mittens update #yes the lone champion idea is connected to the rambling about nonverbal pokemon battles #imagine social anxiety induced selective mutism combined with ptsd and depression #really earning that emotional support riolu

[ofieugogyshz]

Fic;; Memories: Riolu II

Word Count: 1500

Warnings: None

Summary: Another call done, and another moment spent being assessed by your newborn Riolu.

Takes place sometime after this fic. | Which is preceded by this fic.

(Series Masterpost)

-------------------------

Lance and I had talked for a long time. I listened as he shared some updates about his job, his training, the clan, and I shared with him updates from my journey. My heart would lurch in my throat at times when I looked at him. And I'm sure he knew it, too, because my emotions could be read like an open book. But whenever he got me talking about something that happened over here, I would forget about my feelings for just a moment, caught up in whatever the topic had come to. The only thing I didn't share with him was updates about the Riolu that my friend, Blaze, had gifted me. Lance had remembered however, and asked me about it.

I had it sitting behind the chair, but it poked its head up every so often to see who I was talking to. When the phone call ended, I hung up the receiver, letting out a huge exhale.

<<Your heart went really fast! You were really nervous, when this conversation started. But now you're fine. Why is that?>>

At least, that's what I think it wanted to say. It was hard, sometimes, to communicate with it through our bond. It was only a few months old, and still learning how to read me.

The inquisitive stare it gave me was more than enough to set my cheeks flushed.

"A-ah, that's-- that's because--!"

<<He is my namesake, right? Daddy's trainer said he was naming me after an awesome person that you loved!>>

I felt my face burn so hot, it must've been red like a Charmeleon. My voice cracked, nearly shrill from the embarrassment.

"Th-that's!!! It-- I-- He--- Oh, it's not any of your business, Riolu!!"

<<I thought I was named Lance.>>

I felt like crying. This was going to be so embarrassing and difficult to explain.

"Y-y-you a-are, b-b-b-but--! I, uh…" I couldn't help but fumble around with words, embarrassed and ashamed at myself for being unable to say the Riolu's name, seeing as it was named after my crush. It tilted its head at me, unable to understand the mixed up emotions within me. The internal struggle. I don't blame it-- I couldn't either.

<<Did you want to rename me?>> It sounded dejected.

"Oh." That hadn't occurred to me. Officially, we couldn't overwrite the information for a Pokemon's name if it was registered to a different trainer. For some reason, the system that the PCs, Pokedexes, and Pokeballs all shared didn't support that. (Of course, that didn't stop many trainers from referring to our Pokemon however we saw fit.)

"I… Hm." I had never thought about it. I loved nicknaming Pokemon, and that was partly why my Riolu had been nicknamed at all. And I didn't want to offend my friend, who had gone through all the trouble of finding one who felt right for me.

<<You calmed down?>> Riolu tilted its head the other way now, still struggling to understand me.

"It wouldn't feel right. I'm sure Blaze meant good when he named you that, and not just as joke between friends. Your namesake is… an amazing trainer. He's very compassionate towards his Pokemon, and --basically-- a hero. He helps stop crime or other bad things from happening, and he's very sweet, and surprisingly patient, and I think he's understanding, too. He's," and I let out a short laugh. "He's been determined to help me think better of myself, too. Someone like me, who can't even…" I stopped suddenly, letting the sentence taper off. I let out a huge sigh, fighting the impulse to finish that sentence.

<<Are you dating him?>> It was a very innocent question.

"WH-WH-WHAT?!?!?!?" I screamed, earning a few rude stares from others in the Pokemon Center. I devolved into completely incoherent babble for a moment.

"I-I-I--aha...ha-- h-he-- n-n-n-no…!!---m-me?? Hahaha--" I flailed, waving my arms wildly before screaming into the palms of my hand. My face felt hotter in that moment than any fire Pokemon I had ever trained. I groaned, whimpered, whined --even a shrill, squeal-like sound--, unable to coherently give this tiny, relatively newborn Pokemon an answer.

"W-what makes you--- wh-where w-w-w-would y-you-- w-why??!?"

My brain had short-circuited, but, somehow, Riolu had sensed where I was trying to go between all the stammering and stuttering.

<<Pika told me. She said you have a crush on him. That you want to go on things called 'dates'?>> There was a pause. <<What are those?>>

I turned around to look at my Pikachu, who turned away from me, whistling.

"P-Pika….!!!" I made a fist, shaking it. Some of it in anger, more of it in flustered frustration.

<<What is dating?>>

I buried my face in my hands again, this time a muffled scream held within them.

"I-it's…." I let out an annoyed sigh. It was a struggle just to even speak the words, especially right after your own Pokemon asked you about your crush. "It's w-when y-you… y-you really like s-someone. And t-they do too. L-like you, I mean. A-and y-y-y-you… Y-you b-both…." I let out another muffled scream, this time out of frustration. "W-Why do I have t-to tell you any of this a-anyways?!?!"

Riolu sulked, flinching back a little. I immediately felt bad, sensing its recoil from the shout.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that--I mean, I don't know what I meant it like, but-- n-no no no, umm…. Pika!" I turned around to my Pikachu. She was still pretending not to be involved, flinching when I suddenly called her out. "Y-You explain it, you brought it up!!!!"

Pika let out a sigh of relief. She must've thought I was going to punish her somehow, but at the moment, I wouldn't've been able to think of anything even if I wanted to. She turned around, hopping up onto the seat, and began explaining in her own Pikachu language whatever Riolu was asking of her.

I sighed, and picked at the dead-ends in my hair. I couldn't understand the exchange, but I could sense the growing curiosity from Riolu, as well as the feeling of its curiosity being sated.

I wanted a relationship. I wasn't going to lie about that. But I messed up when I was a kid, and I'm pretty sure I had that avenue closed off because of that immaturity. I still had a crush on him, and I was lucky. He still let me talk to him. It hurt, sometimes, talking to him. I wanted to tell him again that I liked him. I really, really liked him, like a whole bunch more than back then. Now we had a good friendship. I knew more about him than when I had blindly charged ahead, led on by a silly notion of how I thought dating worked. I was scared to lose that friendship with him, if I blurted out my feelings once more. …..Hell, I'm sure it was obvious that I still liked him, no matter how hard I had tried to quelch those feelings. Except, now, instead of a forced notion of what kind of person I should like, it felt more natural. I wasn't liking him because I thought he'd make a good boyfriend. I was liking him for him. Something I was convinced no one would like me for.

We had a more natural relationship now, as friends. ...Well, as good of one as I could manage while freezing up whenever we talked, blushing madly, until I could forget for a moment during a conversation that I had a crush on him. It was hard.

"Emotions suck," I muttered.

<<I want to meet him.>> The thought came unbidden, and it took me a moment to realize that it was Riolu who thought-- well, felt-- it.

"A-ah, I-I don't think we could do something like that!!"

<<Why not?>>

Why not? Why not indeed. "B-because! H-he works! And-- And he has the league!"

<<But I want to know his feelings for you.>>

At that comment, I felt myself freeze up, like I was made of ice. I felt so cold, scared of that notion. Of finding out if the answer had changed in our few years' friendship. If it was completely hopeless. But at the same time, my face had heated up. Because what if it was changed…. What then? What do we do then?

<<Sarah?>>

I felt a gentle tugging on my hand. I looked down to see Pika and Riolu looking up at me, concerned.

"O-oh. Sorry if that alarmed you."

Riolu felt confused. It didn't know how to interpret that or my emotions.

<<You felt really scared. It looked like Thunderbolt!>> Riolu told me, waving its arms as it described the aura wave to me. I pet it gently on its head, a quietly confused noise coming from its mouth this time, rather than our bond. “Ri?”

-

"If you want to understand Riolu better, you might want to try asking the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, for advice. She has a Lucario."

"Y-yeah, m-maybe. I'll try that."

That was the last thing Lance and I had talked about, before we ended our call.

#pokemon #selfship #pokemon selfship #writing #selfshipping #pokemon fanfic #selfship fic #fic series: memories lucario