#pregnancy is fucking wild though i remember having a conversation with my mum where she was like ‘yeah it can make a vagina change colours’

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

on one hand yes a fetus requires nutrients from the parent’s body but on the other hand. sometimes people calling it a parasite feels a little strange

#idk maybe it’s because i was raised by a midwife #abortions are an incredibly important part of healthcare but also if someone decides to keep their baby and you’re only thinking about it #as some sort of parasite instead of something the parent is choosing to do and excited about it seems very dehumanising #it just seems weird and off to me #plus i hope no one in healthcare has that view but if they did i would think it could potentially also affect the parent’s care #because yes carrying a child will absolutely strain the body more than it might be otherwise but if it’s something the parent wants to do #then calling it a parasite or something. idk ive just been thinking about this #because viewing a fetus or embryo as some sort of 100% viable life form from the moment of conception is completely wrong. but also if #someone wants their child and is excited about it don’t be weird? #OH it’s because it feels the same as those people who are like ‘i hate All Kids i love when kids cry i would punt a child’ #that’s it. yep. that’s why it feels weird #just thinkin out loud here bc people can be really strange about pregnancy #pregnancy is fucking wild though i remember having a conversation with my mum where she was like ‘yeah it can make a vagina change colours’ #like what the fuck is that about #i know more abt pregnancy than the average person and it is weird as hell and kinda scary

[gradianalastair]

You and Me || Evistair

Who: Avery Clarington & Alastair Wilde Where: Evie’s Place When: 05/03, 2PM Triggers: Pregnancy, crying alastair 

Alastair sighed and rubbed his face. He was still slightly hung over and the slight fight with Tobias right after waking up hadn't helped things. neither had the argument with Levi. Seems like he was fighting with everyone these days. He was really hoping that trend wouldn't continue as he unlocked the door to Evie's place and let himself inside. "Baby?"

Avery ran her hand over her face as she tried to take a deep breather and swallowed thickly, since she knew that she had to talk to Alastair about what the comments he had made towards Levi. "In here." She called from her bedroom, wished that she hadn't left the hospital early.

Alastair followed her voice into the bedroom and stopped at the doorway. He knocked on the frame even though it was already obvious that he'd arrived. "Hey," he greeted softly. "How are you feeling?"

Avery sat up as she heard him and rubbed her hands against her thighs. "To be honest, not that great." She said as she didn't look at him and swallowed thickly. "What did you say to Levi, Alastair?"

Alastair sighed and looked to the floor. "In my defense I apologized several times after." He stepped into the room and took a seat on her bed. "I may have implied that I'm the one that's going to be here for you and the baby twenty-four seven and not him." He paused and rubbed his hands together. "And that I'm going to teach it to call him Uncle Levi. Told him I was kidding..."

"Why did you do that?" Avery asked as she looked at him and swallowed thickly. "Would you get upset if someone told you that you're going to be Uncle Alastair when in reality, you're the father and then got told that it's a joke? When you just found out that you're going to be a father?"

"I'm sorry," he replied quickly. "I'm fucking sorry, okay? You're right. It would upset me. It does fucking upset me. Because that's where I'm at, isn't it? I'm not the father. He is. And I didn't think-" he cut himself off with an unexpected sob and put his head down into his hands to cover it. "I didn't think that would make me feel like this. I'm fucking sorry."

Avery swallowed hard before she sat closer to him and rubbed his back. "Alastair...That's why you got drunk, right? Because you're not the father even though you really want to be the father?"

Alastair nodded into his hands, still not ready to let her see him crying openly. "It's fucking stupid, I know. I'd be a shit father but... I just think about a kid running around here calling you mum and calling me, what? Fucking Alastair?"

Avery sighed as he spoke and continued to rub his back. "Would you stop saying that you're going to be a shit father for once in your life? Do you not remember our conversation we had at the hospital?" She said as she looked at him. "Because I feel like you don't want to be apart of this, every time you say that and it breaks my heart. Also, we can focus on what the baby is going to call you, when things are settled down but for now, we have to make it through the first trimester."

Alastair wiped his eyes furiously and lifted his head to look over at Evie. "No," he argued. "I do want to be a part of this. I swear I do. I know I've been fucking things up the last two days but... I swear I'm going to do my best to do right by you, and the baby, and even fucking Levi."

Avery sighed as she removed her hand from his back and rubbed her face before she stood up. "I don't, understand why you didn't just tell me instead of getting shitfaced. I understand that there a lot of emotions going through your body but babe, if we're going to be together, we need to start communicating more." She grabbed a bag, then tossed some of her clothes in it. "Then be there for me, please and start letting me. Because quite honestly, if we don't do that, I don't know if our relationship can survive this."

Alastair frowned as she stood up. "I don't know if you've noticed but I'm sort of an emotional idiot. I'm trying though, because I do want to be together. I will communicate more." He watched her grab a bag and his eyes widened. "Where are you going?" Was she leaving him already? "Don't- please don't leave. I- fuck I-I swear I'm going to change. I won't drink again. Ever. I promise."

"That's all I'm asking, Alastair, is to communicate more." Avery sighed as she heard him and walked in front him as she cupped his cheeks. "I'm going to stay with your brother and the kids. I need rest and space for the evening because of what happened. I also need time process, everything."

Alastair stared back at her blankly, barely processing what she was saying. She needed space from him. "Okay. Do I- When can I see you again?"

Avery ran her fingers through his hair and rested her forehead against his. "Probably tomorrow or Monday, it won't be long." She said softly. "I'm sure you'll see me at the Pub or even can meet up here again but with emotions being high, it would be best for me to find somewhere to relax at and release any stress I have. Since it's not good for the baby and I already had a panic attack at the hospital last night, I don't need another one."

Alastair closed his eyes and clenched his fists into the bed sheets. "Okay," he replied. "I understand. I'll just.. I'll be at the Inn if you need anything then, alright?"

Avery placed her hands on top of his hands and kissed his cheek. "Hey, look at me." She said softly as she looked at him.

Alastair didn't want to look at her. He didn't want to watch her pack and walk away, even if it was just the weekend. He was being a selfish idiot, he was well aware of that fact. She needed to destress, to relax and rest. He understood that, but he just desperately wished that he could be the one she came to for that, not his brother. After a few stubborn moments he opened his eyes, another traitorous tear falling as he did.

Avery reached up and wiped away the tear as she met his eyes. "I love you, we're going to be okay and I don't want you to be thinking the worst okay? We can still text, call and even Facetime." She started to say before she straddled his hips and cupped his cheeks. "I also don't want you to be thinking that we're going to break up when we're not."

Alastair wrapped his arms around her in a daze. He processed her words and was happy she wasn't breaking up with him but he couldn't get past what she said. "You... love me?"

Avery nodded as she caressed his cheeks with her thumbs. "I do, which is why I need some space because if we don't, Im afraid we're going to be at each other's throats and I don't want that kind of environment for the baby."

"I love you too," he uttered quietly. It was the first time he'd ever said those words out loud to someone he wasn't related to.

"Im so glad that you said it again because I wasn't going to accept it when you were drunk last night." Avery said softly and pecked his lips.

"Drunk idiot, but an honest drunk idiot," he said against her lips. He held her against him, dreading the moment he'd have to let go so she could head to Tobias's.

Avery shrugged a bit. "I didn't want to accept it because you were drunk." She murmured back as she wrapped her arms around his neck and bit down on his bottom lip a bit.

Alastair turned away from the kiss to bury his face in her neck. He clung tightly to her. "Can you accept it now? God knows I'm fucking sober."

Avery sighed when he turned away from the kiss and felt him bury his face in her neck. "Yeah, I can." She said softly.

"I love you," he repeated. "I know we haven't been together that long so maybe I'm getting fucking ahead of myself. But you walked into my life and turned my whole fucking world upside down and now all I see is you. All I want is you." He clutched at the back of her shirt nervously and pulled away from her neck so he could look Evie right in the eye so she could see just how serious he was being. "I fucking love you, Avery. Every part of you. I want to live with you and raise that kid with you. And I know you still need space but when you're ready... I'll be here."

Avery cupped his cheeks and captured his lips in a kiss, not saying anything quite yet. "Thank you, so much." She murmured against his lips.

Alastair kissed her back with closed eyes. "Thank you for loving me," he replied. He was still unsettled about certain things and childishly upset that he'd have to go a few days without her, but with his feelings out in the open he felt that things might actually be alright.

Avery nodded before she kissed his forehead. "Thank you for loving me and being here with me through this." She said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Always," he replied softly. "It's going to be alright now. You just rest up with Tobias. I'll apologize to Levi again. I'll work things out with him and with Hunter. I'll take care of everything, okay? I promise."

"Please don't, mess things up again." Avery replied as she pulled away and stood in front of him. "Don't, joke about any of what you did with Levi to Hunter. Be civil and get shit figured out on your end."

Alastair reluctantly let her go and looked up at her. "I promise," he said again. "I will sort things out."

Avery nodded when she heard him. "Thank you." She reached for his hands and squeezed them. "I should get going."

Alastair squeezed her hands back and stood to join her. "Yeah, I should too. Text me later?"

Avery walked over to pack up her things, including her laptop. She grabbed her charger and nodded slightly before she glanced over at him. "That's if I don't fall asleep."

Alastair walked to the entrance of her room and waited for her there as she finished up collecting her things. "You probably should," he said. "You can text me tomorrow. Let me know how you're feeling after getting some rest."

Avery nodded as she placed her bag straps onto her shoulders, hoping it wasnt heavy. "Yeah, resting is a good thing and I will." She kissed his cheek and glanced around to make sure she didn't leave anything behind before she looked back at him. "Walk me to my car?"

"Yeah, of course. And here, let me take that." He reached out to grab her bag. "You probably aren't supposed to be lifting things, right?" Once she'd made sure nothing was missing he walked her to the door and locked it behind them. "Don't let Hazel Basil talk your ear off when you get there. You need actual rest, alright?"

Avery thanked him when he grabbed her bag from her and shrugged a bit. "Probably not but I am anyway." She mentioned as she led him to her car and opened up the boot. "I'll try not to let Hazel do it, since Im sure Hazel has a lot of things to say. I'll definitely try and rest, but Im not making any promises."

Alastair placed her bag into the car and then gave her a quick kiss before shutting it. "I wouldn't blame you if you do end up falling victim to her chatty ways. Haisley's hard to resist when she starts in on something." He took her hand and brought it up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. "I'll see you in a few days then?"

Avery smiled softly as she listened to him and nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you for the tip.” She nodded as he kissed her knuckles. “Yeah, in a few days.” She kissed him and held out her hand. “Want to give me back my spare key?”

Alastair pouted but dug the key out of his pocket and dropped it into her hand. "You mean I don't get to keep it?"

Avery shook her head as she pocketed it. “Not yet, no. We have a long ways to go.” She said before she kissed him.

Alastair nodded. He was a little disappointed. But she was right and he was getting ahead of himself again. He kissed her back and then took a few steps from the car. "I love you. Text me when you get there? I know it'll just be a couple minutes, but still."

"Love you too and yeah, I'll text you." Avery said before she slipped into her car and got buckled up before she started her car. She waved goodbye to him as she pulled out of the driveway and started to head towards the pub.

#para:evie #clarevelyn