#poor dummies x_x

[lizardperson]

ockiss 24 - day 2! aka That Damn Dress

using ockissweek as a reason to post more of my sappy bullshit, but this time longer, and more sad.

content warning: much much self hate, and some alcohol

"But you look so hot! You HAVE to buy it, come oooonnnn! Also I bet Daria will just LOVE seeing you in this…" "You're terrible. Ugh fine, I'll buy it. But Daria won't care, that's totally not her taste…"

'If you're not super busy can you come over for a sec? Not gonna take long'

Daria raised an eyebrow at that text message and got up from her desk. She had assumed July was already on the way to her evening out dancing with Mika, but apparently not. She still wasn't sure anyway why July had agreed to that outing - something about getting out of her comfort zone, and Mika helping with that, but to Daria it just seemed like her friend getting talked into various activities that she didn't actually enjoy. Oh well, she was old enough to make her own decisions, and all Daria could do was occasionally remind her that she didn't have to do every single thing Mika asked her to.

She crossed the hallway of their apartment building and knocked on July's door, who promptly opened and pulled her in by her arm, startling her.

"Hey, thanks for coming. I just really need your opinion real quick, please be honest - how fucking ridiculous do I look?"

Daria swallowed when she finally took in the view. July, her July, in a very short, very revealing dress. She had never seen her like this before. The way the black silky fabric hugged her curves, accentuate exactly the right spots… This wasn't even the type of clothing she usually cared for on another woman, and yet all she could do was stare for a few very long seconds, taking in the sight. It wasn't like she hadn't seen July in various states of undress before, at this point they were basically living together, so relatively speaking the total amount of visible skin wasn't even that scandalous - and yet. And yet.

"That bad, huh?" July remarked at Daria's silence and sighed, turning away. "Mika talked me into buying this and said I should wear it, but I look like some kind of weird goth scarecrow or something, it's stupid, I --"

"July," Daria interrupted her, "you look amazing."

Slightly startled July looked at her. "What?"

"I think you look great," she confirmed, having to once again keeping herself from not staring too long. "But if you are feeling uncomfortable because it is showing too much skin, then you should change into something else. I am sure Mika will understand."

July hesitated for a moment, still looking a bit doubtful. "You really think I look good."

"I do."

"Not ridiculous."

"Not ridiculous at all. Quite the opposite."

They looked at each other silent for a few moments, then July nodded. "Okay. I guess I'm not getting changed then." She hesitated for a moment, mustering a weak smile. "Thank you. For the honest opinion. And the moral support."

Daria smiled. "You are as always very welcome." Now if only she could stop staring… Almost forcefully she pulled her eyes away and cleared her throat. Enough about that damn dress. "Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up later? I really don't mind."

July waved it off. "Nah, it's fine, I'll take a Uber."

Daria suppressed the urge to ask if she was really sure, and the even bigger urge to stare some more at all the deliciously framed naked skin. "Okay. Then I hope you have a fun night." She hesitated for a moment. "And don't let Mika get you into trouble." Did she just sound like her own mother?

July laughed. "We're just going to a club, how much trouble could there be."

"I'm sure she will think of something," Daria remarked dryly, being once again met by a laugh.

"You still haven't forgiven her for the weed incident, hm?"

"No comment," she chuckled. "Anyway, have fun. I will see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

July pulled her into a hug, and Daria almost winced when she touched her soft and warm skin, part of her hoped this skin contact would not end anytime soon. But of course it did. Something told her this was going to be a very long night.

~~~

The first thing Daria did when she was back in her own apartment was splash her face with cold water. Maybe a really cold shower was in order… She stared at herself in the mirror, the familiar feeling of disgust creeping up inside her. "What is wrong with you, you stupid old cow…" she murmured at herself and sighed. Pathetic.

Scotch. Scotch might solve all her problems. She just had to drink enough of it.

Bottle in one hand and glass in the other she dropped down on the couch. The scene from earlier replayed in her head over and over, and she scolded herself. Did she have to be such a creep, staring at her best friend like that? If she was lucky then July had been in her own head too much to notice that - hopefully. Or maybe she had caught her, and was now laughing about her with Mika, mocking her miserable being. No, July would never. She was too much of a kind person for that. If she had noticed, she would just feel sorry for Daria, pitying her. And somehow, that was even worse.

She sighed, emptying her glass and refilling it again in the next motion. How beautiful July had looked in that damn dress. Seductive. Enticing. How much she had wanted to just touch her, feel her skin, discover every inch of her body. Slowly pushing the straps of the dress over her bare shoulders, dropping that piece of clothing to the ground, revealing her in all her glory…

Stop it.

Great. Fantasizing about undressing her. That was a new low. What a worthless creature she was.

~~~

The next hours went by somehow, with the bottle slowly emptying, and Daria's thoughts drifting back again and again to July, no matter how hard she tried to drag herself away from that. July, smiling at her. July, falling asleep on her shoulder while they were watching a movie. July in that damn dress.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts. Daria frowned, contemplating for a moment if she had imagined that. It was late -- she had no idea how late, she just knew she had been drinking for a while, considering the almost empty bottle -- and there was only one person who would show up here at this hour. She should just ignore it, pretend to be already asleep. That would be the smart and sensible choice of action.

Unfortunately she felt neither smart nor sensible in this moment, and got up to open the door. What a bad idea this was.

How radiant she looked. Daria reminded herself that breathing probably was a good idea, and mustered a smile.

"Hey."

"Hey. Was wondering if you're still up." July grinned at her, leaning on the door frame. "Can I come in?"

She didn't even wait for a response, just pushed herself past Daria and went in. Her wobbly walk and the slightly slurred speech told her that she had been drinking, so they had that in common. The difference being, July just had a fun evening out with friends, while Daria had tried to drown herself - normal people activity versus pathetic self hate activity.

July threw her coat on the couch, made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, with Daria following behind. Then she hopped onto the counter like she always did, but apparently the alcohol had given her some balance troubles. Daria was close enough to prevent her from falling down, lightly putting a hand on her hip to keep her steady.

"Careful," she murmured, getting distracted by her being so close suddenly. Maybe she should move her hand that was still resting on July's hip… or maybe she shouldn't. That fabric felt really nice. Her skin below it would probably feel even nicer. God, how much she wanted her.

"Sorry, I think I had a drink too much," July remarked, giggling. Something fruity, Daria guessed from the smell on her breath, and she wondered if she would still taste it on her lips. She should really move back a step or two. Eventually.

With no idea how long she had been staring at her again, Daria tried to disrupt the silence. "Did you have a nice night?"

July nodded vaguely. "Yeah, it was fun. But loud. And too many people. Don't think I'll do that again very soon. But now I can at least say I've 'been to the club' or whatever…"

"Glad to hear."

They both were silent again for a few moments, just looking into each other's eyes. Did she imagine it or did the space between their faces get smaller by the second? She still had not moved her hand away, which would be the smart thing to do. But just this once in her life, doing the dumb thing sounded so very, very inviting.

"You really think I look good in this?" July finally asked, still in doubt about her appearance.

"That dress looks great on you." Her voice felt hoarse, as if she was slowly losing the ability to form coherent speech. She really needed to bring some distance between them, this was getting dangerous. She really should. She just really did not want to.

"Would look even better on your bedroom floor," July jokingly replied in fake deep voice, then lauged about that terrible pickup line, and it came so unexpected that Daria couldn't help but laugh too.

And then her heart stopped when she suddenly felt July's lips on her own.

It was a soft kiss, gentle. Questioning. How amazing her lips felt, how long Daria had dreamed about this. How long she had wanted this. This was such a bad idea. But it felt so so good.

Her body took over, leaning into the kiss and pulling July closer, who took that as an invitation to wrap her arms around Daria's neck. She buried one hand in July's hair, still somehow trying to deepen the kiss, and was rewarded with a small moan. God, she wanted her so bad.

No. Stop.

The rational voice in her head somehow resurfaced again, and she was suddenly painfully aware again of what was happening here. Bad idea. Terrible, bad idea.

She forced herself to pull away, at least trying to bring some space between their faces.

"July, I'm sorry, I-- we need to stop. I'm sorry," she heard herself ramble, still barely able to form a coherent thought. "We can't." The urge to apologize even more grew with every second.

"Why not?" July looked at her concerned.

Daria pulled out of her embrace and stepped back, rubbing her face for a moment.

"Because we are both drunk and this is a terrible idea, and we really shouldn't. We can't," she heard herself repeating, feeling like she had lost control entirely. "I am so sorry."

July remained silent for a few moments, seemingly also entirely overwhelmed by the whole situation, and they just stared at each other, until she then suddenly hopped off the counter.

"I'm sorry," Daria repeated once again, but July just shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come, I'm… I don't even know what I was thinking, I'm so sorry, I'm just gonna-" She sounded so embarrassed. Hurt. Rejected. Daria hated herself so much in this moment. This was all so wrong.

"July, I'm…" she pleaded, not even sure what she wanted to say. Forgive me please.

"Sorry for showing up here so late," July muttered, on her way to grab her coat. "Goodnight, Daria."

And with that she had rushed out of the door, her scent still lingering in the room like a ghost. How had this all gone so wrong…

#ockiss24 #july tag #duncan tag #otp: bury your heart #poor dummies x_x #lizardwriting