#palestinian peeps pls scroll by. this is just my own issue

[hussyknee]

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I need someone to give me permission to stop following Palestine. I'm really burnt out, my hyperempathy is killing me, but my OCD won't let me step away. I know I make so little difference, and yet taking turning away feels like a betrayal and abandonment. What right have I to be tired when I'm not even Palestinian. How is my mental health important when it's Palestinians living a nightmare they can't wake up from?

I know that hurting myself out of care is counter-productive, but that's pretty much been my whole life. I've all but landed myself in hospital nursing my rescue animals and doing what advocacy I can for my causes on social media. I'm just... acutely conscious of how little I can contribute to society, with all my disabilities, while my parentification trauma makes me feel immediately responsible for any deficit of care in the world. It's all just driven by hyperempathy and compulsion and maladaptive behaviours, and my kindness feels cancelled out by my temper and reactivity. Idk. I'm just really tired and feel ashamed of both wanting to disengage and not being able to.

I keep telling myself: I am a drop in the ocean but part of a great current, my only job is to not evaporate lest others evaporate with me. But I'm so close to evaporating.

#personal #on mental health and allyship #in which i make it all about me #still need advice #palestinian peeps pls scroll by. this is just my own issue #knee of huss #life update