#otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[inklore]

hangman can’t stop running his mouth during sex and gives the cockiest dirty talk known to man and you try to fake hating it but your body says otherwise

coveted facade.

part two | series masterlist

pairing: jake ‘hangman’ seresin x (f)reader

word count: 1.05k

warnings: eighteen+ content, porn with plot, unprotected sex, dirty talk, begging, illusions to enemies to lovers.

etc: this had way more plot than my filthy ass intended it to but i can’t help it ok i am a mindless slut running on obscene thoughts thanks to this fuckingdude.

i do not give anyone permission to translate or repost my work, please be respectful — if you enjoyed please comment or reblog!

Your eyes ache at the involuntary itch to roll them into the back of your skull—their usual reaction to any of the words that come out of his mouth. The only logical reaction to the endless cocky comments and pretentious tones that make you grow tireless the more time you're required to spend with him. It’s pathetically easy for you to not roll your eyes in annoyance at him right now, though. Your optic nerves dissociating the annoyance with something more pleasurable; his cock fucking up into you.

But to keep up appearances of course, because fuck Hangman. Him making you come on his cock is victory enough he doesn't deserve any more semblance of gratification to his ego from you—you try to rally up your best look of irritation of the words spewing from his parted lips as they trail down the column of your throat.

“Who knew you’d be so easy.” His smirk against your heated skin has you scowling at the ceiling, your fingers tightening in his hair only making his expression deepen and bare his teeth to nip at your neck, making your body shudder against his.

There’s an arm around your waist as his hips buck up into yours, you would think in this position—you on top of him, hand in his hair, your tits that he loves to suck and play with so much bouncing against his chest, your nails digging into his bicep—that you’d have some guise of control. A show of you using him, taking what you want from him. But as it always goes; Hangman is in total control, poised. Playing your body like a fiddle he knows too well, knows how to touch in just the right spot to have you like puddy in his hands. Knows just the right swipe and nip of his tongue against your flesh to have you trembling. That perfect thrust and pounding of his hips that makes you come harder than you thought physically possible.

And, begrudgingly to you, his words know how to fall from his mouth and land on the core of your want that has you rolling your eyes in pleasure instead of annoyance, your pussy clenching around him.

And fuck does he know it.

You don't need to try to give it away, to hide it. Everything you felt for him, because of him, dripped from your body like a plentiful stream of scowls, moans, and whimpers. Hangman drinking from you like a man discovering new land; conquering you as his own personal source of repartee and pleasure. This little dynamic the two of you had was vicious and teasing on the outside for those looking in. But behind closed doors there was nothing but raw sexual tension and lust that always knocked you for a loop and had you thinking ‘why him?’

Out of all of the other pilots who you could stand, why had you went and fucked Hangman?

And why can’t you give it up?

An answer simply answered by his thumb pressing itself onto your clit, the slow-hard circles he rubs into it making your moans come out more weak, more frequent and loud; Fuck, he made you feel so good, too good. Not fucking him would feel worse than not fucking him.

“Oh, baby, how many times will this make it?” You don’t have to open your eyes, you can feel the wattage of his cocky smirk through your lids, “for someone who claims to hate me you come on my cock an awful lot.” His teeth nip at your chin, “I think you should thank me. Say ‘thank you, for making me come, Jake.’”

Jake. Not Hangman. Jake.

You’ve been fucking for so long you’ve dropped callsigns. So long, that the bite behind you saying his name has morphed itself into its own callsign of pleasure the both of you un-admittedly enjoyed; if the way his cock twitches inside of you each time it falls from your panting lips is anything to go by.

“Fuck off.” You groan in the farthest thing from indignation.

Hangman chuckles cockily, his hot breath against your skin as the assertion from his hold on you and the stamina of him having the strength to continue the steady—incessant—thrust of his cock in your cunt, makes the fluttering around his length turn into that vice like clenching; you’re so close again.

“That’s the attitude that got you in this position. Thinking you have everyone fooled, walking around callin’ me names. Being so cruel, when we all know how much of a slut you are for my cock.” He grunts against your lips, “You’re a bad liar, sweets. But if you’d like to keep pretending that you don’t love me, that you don’t love coming on this cock, then I can gladly,” he moves his thumb from your clit grinning, “stop.”

“Jake.” You groan in frustration, the daggers in your eyes as you look down at him making his grin grow into that frustratingly smug stretch, that you hate to love so much.

God he’s so annoying.

So breathtakingly annoying; his emerald eyes filled with a desire hot enough to burn through you, his smirk just as singeing—if not more.

Fuck you hated him.

“If you want to come you know what to do.” His hand moves to the back of your neck to close that sliver of distance between your lips, as he pulls you down the rest of the way. And just like the rest of him; his lips are perfect, his tongue filling your mouth the cherry on top of said perfection. “Ask me nicely,” he smirks.

And you really really want to tell him to fuck off. But he’s fuckng you so excruciatingly slow that it has your insides flip-flopping with too much intimacy, you need him to go faster. Need his fucking to match the cockiness of his words before you do something crazy like moan for him in the weakest whimper to “make me come, please, Jake, please.”

His pleased chuckle makes your spine tingle, “Thatta girl.” He presses one last kiss to your lips before you’re breaking the seal of his lips with a moan from his thumb returning to your clit, “that wasn’t so hard was it? Now come on my cock, and don’t forget to thank me while you’re doing it.”

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