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474gs-eu263-blog · 4 years

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Can't breathe

My tattoo suddenly has significance

I've barely had a call or text from the people who claimed I abandoned then, the same people I gave almost all my money to before I left so I knew they'd be fine, the same people I made sure was healthy and safe before I did anything. A few texts from my fiancee. Did I say fiance? My bad. I forgot she called it off bevause I saved two innocent girls from fucking dying of a deadly disease. But not a single phone call from her, no attempt to hear me speak. Apart from my ex Leonie and her mum, no ones even been talking to me?; Can someone please explain to me why I'm always made out to be the bad guy in every single story no matter how much good I've fucking done!!?

And the message s I sent have gone unreplied to, even the people I helped before I left,. not heard a thing from them. I'm the kind of person who'll distribute all his wealth, walk until my feet bleed, and do anything to protect someone I care about. When the shoe is on the other foot, most people won't even send me a text

People are fucked up

blood test result at 4in the morning

I've still not developed any immunity which is a bad thing, people who recover start to develop immunity by now

But my antibodies haven't gone into to over drive completely yet which is a good thing

But they're close to getting worse which is a bad thing

Oxygen levels in my blood are severely low which is a bad things it's why I am so no on energy

But my lungs have put up a really good fight so far

Seems like 50 50 now

Could toss a coin but I'd be scared to look at the coin

My ex has fallen into a steep depression bc I got taken into hospital and has , her mum stopped her and removed all tablets from the house. Her and her mum blame themselves for needing rescuing v

Had to hearv them cry on the phone today, I couldn't speak back. Ventilator. But they've been on the phone to me 8 hours a day just talking to me, or talking to each other while I listen. It really helps, I've put on a cold front this whole time even weeks before I left for Italy. People would be surprised to know the things that they think don't bother me or even make me flinch, really do. I don't let it show tho. but I'm really fucked emotionally, I have been ever since march last year because of someone who fucked me up . Someone who hurt me bad. I mask it so well, but it affects me more and more each passing month. I think it will always affect me . And I'm worse than ever emotionally especially right now with everything going on and coupled with the fact that you know, I m here!. Its a lot, Emotionally I'm worse than I am physically. But It's just nice to hear the voice of someone through the day, . Have to type messages back instead of talk, I mute myself because the sound of me breathing badly for 8 hours isn't very sexy. I'm just really really grateful

there isn't a single thing on the planet I wouldn't do for someone I care about. I'd do it all over again knowing it would get me here v

I don't barter with the life of people I care ab

But i have to be strong for them. Because Leonie's not going to feel better until I get out of here, so I have to sort my lungs out asap and get tout of here for her sake

When I say I can't breathe I really meanI can't breathe , every 5 minutes I'll go so long without taking in a single lungful I keeo thinking this is the end , every 5 minutes if Feels like I'm gonna die. It's Been that way for the last 24 hours

I can't explain what that feels like emotionally

, more results at lunch time tomorrow so I'll post an update then

And I can't explain how hard it is to try and sleep with this thing on my face. I can't lie on my side. And Every time I'm nearly asleep I jerk back up struggling for breath. I can feel my lungs hurt, I can feel my lungs inside me, hurt

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archer-wolfe-blog · 7 years

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Who: Dan & Archer What: Dan and Archer make the decision to leave the caves. Where: The caves, after hours.

Archer wrapped his arms further around himself, cursing the fact he had forgotten to grab his gloves before leaving his and Austin's makeshift room this morning. It was cold. He knew he needed to go and chop some more firewood, but it was still morning - they had time. "I don't know how much longer we will be able to take this," he muttered to Dan sitting next to him. "Ivy has been struggling as it is, and now Sadie?" He exhaled in a huff.

Dan pulled his coat tighter around himself but it didn't seem to keeo the cold away any more than it already was. He sniffled a little as he breathed, trying to ignore the oncoming head cold he knew was around the corner. "It's getting harder each day. I'm worried if we stay, we're at risk. Ivy's due soon, if that baby is born in this weather....I don't know if it'll survive."

Despite Archer's large, burly, Texan self, he was struggling with the weather change. And hell, if he couldn't handle it, he couldn't even imagine the baby that was to be born. It'd surely die, even if they slept by a fire every night, it was sure to die some other way. "By my daily observations, there's still snow on the ground... travel will be exceedingly difficult should we choose to leave...." he didn't know if he sounded eager or hesitant.

"What choice do we have though? We get lower down and move at least the air is warmer. Staying here...we might start freezing in our sleep." Dan shuddered at the thought, pulling his coat tighter. "We're not prepared for a winter this heavy..."

Archer blinked away the sudden image he had in his mind of shaking Austin's cold, frozen and blue body and cleared his throat. "The planet is changing, with pollution stopping and all," he used facts as per usual to quell his stomach's turning. "I would not be surprised if it snowed back down south - though I reckon by my mama's grave it wouldn't be near this bad."

"So we move South then?" Dan cast a glance towards the entrance of the cave as he listened to the wind howl and whistle through some rocks. "We can't stay here. If we stay, people will start to die...and then we're going to risk people trying to leave on their own or turn against one another."

Dan was right, and Archer knew that he was even if he didnt want to admit it himself. People could only handle being lead by others if no one was dying. When people started to die, when hope was lost... that was when they did things without thinking. And Archer wasn't about to have any of his groups blood on his hands. He nodded slowly, rubbing his hands together. "South seems like our best viable option. I know there were plenty of refugee camps down there in the beginning - maybe some of them are still stocked with supplies. When d'ya reckon we should leave?" At times like this, Archer didn't know what he'd do without the former teacher.

Dan nodded slowly as he listened to Archer. He knew it sounded easier than it would be but these days taking a whiz was just as deadly as going out to get food. "As soon as possible, the longer we leave it the closer we come to risking people. A few days? A week maximum? Enough time to stock ourselves up and plot a vague route?"

Heaving an exhale, he closed his eyes and put his head in his hands for a moment, trying to think of how he was going to tell the people who had trusted him when he said this was the right decision that he'd been wrong all along and now it was time to move again. Why had this burden fallen on his shoulders? Why did they have to look toward him in their darkest moments? Archer didn't know, nor understand - all he could do was try his best. He nodded and pursed his lips as he pulled back into a sitting position once again. "We have to tell the others."

Dan let a reassuring hand fall to the man's shouldef beside him, the man he'd come to proudly refer to as his best friend and family. "We'll understand, we'll be right beside you." He let a soft smile settle as the skin under the curve of his eyepatch wrinkled at the gesture. "We can tell them individually? Like ws can gather the boys up; austin, boone, my two - and tell them. Breaking it into small groups might make less confrontation."

It was good to have Dan's empathetic reasoning at times like this. Sometimes he forgot how to work things through in the most simple of ways - he blamed his logical calculating. Sometimes the easiest solution was staring him in the face. "That sounds like the most effective way to do it," he stated with a nod, standing and holding out his hand for Dan.

Dan took the man's hand and hoisted himself up, thankful for the help since even though he lost his eye years ago the transition from sitting to stansing could still through his balance off. He began walking, gesturing his head towards where he'd last seen his boys. "The sooner we tell people the sooner they can prepare."

Archer followed the other man, nodding as he spoke. "Yeah, reckon sooner is better than later." It was going to be a hard trip, and honestly he was nervous for everyone's reactions. The man may have seemed like he was all steel emotions, but in all reality he was just as scared as everyone else

#006.

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