#only scathing character portraits. if i was a character from a novel you would hate me

[marietheran]

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#Went to Confession (again) #am still at my most miserable and confused #look I am aware I cannot ask of the priest to tell me <<oh that was only a venial sin you needn't mind>> #but it's also just really freaking hard when you just cannot tell a venial sin from a mortal one #and I know - I know - if you looked at it my attitude towards life is pretty dumb #to write a scathing report: i view life as a path of least resistance. I'm governed either by whims or by fear #which means I have no middle perspective. It's either what's easier now or being afraid of hell #I hardly pay any attention to matters like health or whatever. if I wasn't afraid of sin I wouldn't care about how things impact my mind #If I wasn't afraid of sin I'd have read Game of Thrones or whatever. and of course I would feel unimaginably dirty afterwards. but at least #I'd have read something interesting right? /s #oh and also I'm literally Emma Bovary minus the adultery but that's a different issue #mostly. some of it is probably more connected than obvious at first glance #I'm miserable and it's not even the sort of misery you can make poetry about. #only scathing character portraits. if i was a character from a novel you would hate me #(i would find the novel boring. mundane. there's nothing romantic in this) #(i wouldn't *prefer* to deal with wars - death of everyone you've known - unbreakable badly worded vows or whatever. #but it makes for better stories) #but again you would hate me in mine #// #therese rambles #therese is in an emotional hole #possibly more than emotional but that's the tag