#only frieinds meta

[thatgirl4815]

Loved these tags from @fromthedepthsandbeyond on this ask so wanted to use them as a jumping off point for a discussion about Sand in Ep7. (I hope you don't mind.)

Sand as a 'pathetic' character

I've seen quite a few folks on Twitter up in arms about how pathetic the narrative is painting Sand to be which, in my mind, is all relative. Because if we're comparing him to Nick, then Sand seems to have quite a bit of self-respect. But all these comments got me thinking how Sand does have self respect in so many aspects of his life; aside from Ray, he would seem to have everything put together. And Ray is the one thing he can't reconcile with his lifestyle, the one thing that doesn't fit. Up 'til now, he's allowed that.

Also got me thinking about this discussion I had with @waitmyturtles last episode regarding the woobification of certain characters. Looking back, I wonder if having Sand finally act out in Ep6 was all leading up to this moment, as Sand's revenge on Top quite literally is a major catalyst in bringing Ray and Mew together. After getting revenge on someone he thinks deserves to be punished, Sand is also being punished too. In some way, I wonder if that is a commentary on the cyclical nature of vengeance--how no matter how justified you are in your payback, you will pay for it too.

Regrets

What is Sand's personal plot? Clearly it's all tied up in Ray. But what do Sand's ties to Ray say about him? It says he's a natural caretaker, likely due to his upbringing, but it also says that caretaking plays a major role in his self-concept. What Sand is learning is that he does not demand exclusivity in his caretaking role--though he might want that, he hasn't demanded it from Ray, because he doesn't think he has a right to do that. Sand has a very acute awareness of morals and what is within his own bounds to demand. In this case, I think it goes back to what First said about Sand handling his emotions on his own; Sand wants Ray to care for him only, but he knows that's not a requirement of their relationship. Ray, on the other hand, demands Sand's sole attention, even though he doesn't deserve it. Despite Sand being burned near-constantly by Ray, he is the one who still feels like he can't demand things of Ray because of the pre-set terms of their relationship.

It also makes me curious...for all the pain it has caused him, how much does Sand regret getting his revenge on Top? Was it worth it? Because if he truly loves Ray, then we would assume that he does harbor regrets. (Which brings me to another question: Does Sand truly love Ray? What stage of infatuation is Sand at right now?) Looking morally, Sand likely thinks he was doing the right thing for exposing Top as a cheater, regardless of the consequences. But knowing if he has regrets about this could be a major clue in to just how down bad he is for Ray.

One of the reasons I'm loving this show so much (despite that crapshoot of a part 4/4 in Ep7, ugh) is because it's putting characters like Sand, who aren't even center stage, in an uncomfortable position. Sand has to confront his own values by pitting his morals and his feelings against each other. Going back to Ep3, is Ray 'just an exception'? Or has this kind of value-bending happened to Sand before?

And, in going back to the tags, is Sand going to change because of Ray? Personally, I think the Joker/Harley Quinn dynamic between Ray and Mew suggests that they will be making major changes for each other, which could stand in direct contrast to Sand. Ray is satisfied that he has finally gotten Mew to adapt to his lifestyle and be with him the way he wants, so why won't Sand give in too? Why won't Sand remain the person Ray wants him to be (as in: someone who drops everything the moment he calls)? Why can't Ray be in control of the people in his life the way he can't be in control of himself?

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