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askamnesiamoonjumper · 2 years

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Strange question, but- Do you think AHIT fandom has changed a lot?

DANG IT I HAD AN ENTIRE RANT WRITTEN OUT AND MY IPAD DIED I GOTTA REDO IT SOBS ANYWAY

yeah definitely! 2020 fandom was a lot different from 2022! Things where a lot more chill back then BUT it was a bit alienating to non subcon or snatcher fans because that’s basically all there was was dadtcher, so 22 has more of an upper hand with having more variety with characters and dynamics, but 22 also has its downsides for starters the drama seems more prevalent then before but I think that’s just due to the fact things have died down in recent it’s not as active as 20 was so the drama just seems like there’s more just because there’s not as much to drown it out with

I felt a lot better about AAU once I severed from the fanon interpretations, the very first version of the story had a severe case of fanon messing with my creativity and once I stopped paying attention to it it definitely helped with my writing feeling a lot freer to just do my own thing and not worry about other aus ideas or trends and just do my own stuff

another thing that changed a lot is ships! Disco train I remember was really popular in 20 but now you hardly hear about it, and in recent theres the rise in snatcher x self shipping which I think is cool! you wanna smooch the ghost? hell yeah brother you not bothering nobody you do you, even if some people think it’s cringe or whatever TRUST ME ITS 100% BETTER THEN OTHER SNATCHER SHIPS THAT COULD BE PROMINENT (x hat kid/adult or x Vanessa etc ) trust me 20 had A LOT of snatchnessa and romanticism of their relationship which was always just a huge yikes for me, so the self shippers are kinda doing a service in showing “hey you can ship snatcher with ocs you don’t gotta pair him with his literal abuser” and I’m very thankful for that, not that you CANT ship snatchnessa it’s just something you gotta be very carful with it’s one of those things that walks the thin vail between ok shipping and pro shipping same with selfcest it gets a pass but it heavily depends on context to know if it’s passes that veil to the proship side or not youknow? It’s just a big slippery slope that as someone who isn’t much of a shipper person I just sit back and watch lol I’m just sitting with my qpr flower crown and watch the madness that is Vanessa stans but yeah shipping rant over

basically 2020 fandom was more chill and welcoming but 2022 has more variety even if it’s smaller there’s more to choose from now then just the Subcon only content like before, both eras of the fandom have their flaws and pros and I do miss 2020 fandom a lot I am glad the fandom has matured a bit since that it’s been very fun to see the changes over time and I’m excited to see what the future holds as well ^^

#tried not to rant too hard but trust me if this was discord I wouldn’t be holding back near as much on discord I go full essay mode with my #-rants about the fandom lol #So you should be happy I spared you from it it’s just the tip of the iceberg of my feelings but yeah you get the idea lol #I love you 2020 ahitblr I love you 2020 ahitblr I love you 2020 ahitblr I love yo—

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kentkennyradcliffe · 4 years

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March 15th, 2011

I am not using Tumblr like I did last year. Instead of reclogging a bunch of pictures and writing a few feelings out, I am using this as my planner. I always have plans and goals, so I figured why not share them with people? This way people can know what goes on in my life, without all the drama or feelings associated with it. I don't like hearing others whine, so I'm cutting out all that from my blog. I want this blog to be direct and to the point.

But before I can do that, I think it's only fair that I fill in the gaps from January to March that led me to this new blog:

I started my old blog for one reason: To get over some obstacles that I felt were holding me back. My ex's, my addictions, my parents, my sexuality, my religion... I was very confused and upset and lost. It took awhile for me to figure out who I was, and it did not make sense for me until one day in February I woke up and everything made sense. I stopped feeling sad about the past, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt good about myself, and I felt happy. It was a shock to feel happy without having a friend around or some weed to get my mood up. It was as if the depression left in a dream and I woke up a new person.

After that day, I have been on this high and I don't want to come down. I have been smoking weed every day, sometimes up to 6 times a day, with Kyme and Claire mostly, or by myself. It was very fun at first, but now I feel like it's too much. The first time we smoked was at my house. Kyme brought her gay friend Nick (who happens to have the exact same birthday as me: April 26th 1991.) and we listened to Danger Days in Kymes car. I was obsessed with the song Destroya, and when you are high, it is so much better. Then we watched Tommy. It was very spiritual for me, almost like a revelation. I was inspired to write a script. I actually had to write a script for my scriptwriting class, but Tommy gave me the creative spark to write. That day was a breakthrough for me, because I had my first new goal: to write a script. Kyme and Claire are going to be my actors and hopefully it will get me noticed in school. I know I have the talent; I just must use it.

The next big step for me was talking to a boy named Cameron who lived about 30 mins away from me. He liked to smoke, and listed to new hardcore, and had gauges. He was everything I liked, but he was slightly chubby. I used to be so picky about who I dated, which is why I have only have had 2 serious relationships. Everyone I dated in high school does not count. We "dated" for like a week, and then I lost interest. It was the first time I lost interest in someone. Usually the other person loses interest first, but this time I was the one who had to break it off. I realized then that people can lose interest easily, and it is not necessarily because the other person did something wrong. I had to explain to Cameron what happened, and he understood. I told him about my past with relationships and how I am not good in them, and about how I am still discovering what I like. I see my sexuality as fluid. I can go from liking boys for awhile, to liking girls, but never at the same time. Right now I feel like I am asexual, because I am not interested in sex or dating. For the first time in my life, I am happy being single.

Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but I realized I was never in love with the people I dated. I was in love with an idea, fabricated by songs I grew up with, from the movies I saw, and from longing for a soul mate, when they just wanted sex or some fun. I would get emotionally attached and obsess over them and need to be around them all the time. I had no love for myself so I tried to find someone who could love me instead. I spent my time finding people who could fix my heart, when I should have been working on myself.

When I had that day of revelation, I spent the last days of February learning how to love myself and not put so much pressure on my friends. The downside to this was that I stopped caring about others for while, in the sense that I didn't want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Cameron didn't get to date me like he wanted to. I stopped talking to Jonathan as much. I closed my old Tumblr and left a lot of people who thought we were best friends in the dust. I deactivated my Facebook for a while. I completely shut out anyone that I could not see in real life every day. That's when Kyme and Claire became so important in my life. I wanted them to become friends with each other, so all three of us could hang out together. Now we are a group and I love it.

I know I am much happier now. I like spending time with Kyme most of all, because she puts me in a good mood without doing anything. She is fun, confident, diverse, smart, has talent, and knows fashion. I haven’t' had a friend like her since I was 15. It's giving me a reason to get back into fashion and music and art. I got so lost in my own world of music and fashion that I forgot about the world. I like living in the world and staying on top of it. Kyme is one of those girls who could own the world with her voice and talent, I've seen only a small part of it, but I can tell she has the right stuff. I want to be on her level again. I can get there but it will take awhile for me because I have so much to learn. I have the talent, I just have to improve it and hone my skills.

I have always wanted to be a singer, not like a pop singer, but like a front man in a band. I practice singing to songs by AFI, MCR, 30 Seconds to Mars, Placebo, Tegan and Sara, David Bowie, Morrissey, Lady Gaga, Old Chiodos, D.R.U.G.S., Pierce the Veil, A Day to Remember, Asking Alexandria, Eurythmics, etc.... I want to combine hardcore with electronic and have pop hooks like MCR, and have a theme like Lady Gaga, and lyrics like Morrissey, and look like Craig Owens mixed with Brian Molko. But this is something I have to work on. I am far from ready.

I have so much I still need to improve about myself. I have finally fixed the internal conflict inside of me, so now I have to work on the external. My look needs a serious revamp.

The first thing is my body. I'm forcing myself to work out, no matter how painful it is. Yesterday I ran for about 15 minutes, then did a workout in my men's health book. I want to get my abs tight and smooth, because right now I have a small pudge. I think it's because I ate so much when I would smoke, and I didn't work out for a month. But now I am eating better and drinking protein shakes and working out again. I have all the right stuff; I just have not used it in awhile...

The other thing I need to work on is my hair. I fucked it up during the winter, so I had it cut razor short and have been letting it grow back out since January. Right now, my hair is to my eyes and the sides and back are about 2 inches. I have a plan for it, but it has to get longer.

Once I have the body and hair I want, I will feel even more confident. I am saving up some money to spend on new clothes, since my wardrobe is outdated. I spent $200 on new clothes over the weekend. I bought a dark green military style jacket with a fur hood from forever 21 (there is a men's department now in the mall), some rude fit skinny jeans from hot topic, and some skate shoes from kohls. I shopped online at interpunk and hot topic and bought A Day To Remember shirt that has snow white wrapped up by worms coming out of an apple, a MCR shirt with an eyeball on it that says galactic destroya, a Pierce the Veil shirt that says the band’s name in stitches, black thermals with Miss May I, Attack Attack, and Lady Gaga on each one, a black vest that has a furry hood on it, a grey Bennie with studs on the front, and matching fingerless gloves. I am going for a mix between hardcore and indie. I still have lots of clothes I can match with these new clothes, like my plaid button ups, and my skinny jeans, and my wide collection of hoodies and hats. But I am getting rid of outdated stuff.

By the summer, I should have everything going for me. If not, then I will keep working on myself. I'm always a work in progress anyway.

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