#omg im so upset worthpoint shows there had been a rly rad script listing for it

[drewsaturday]

finished rewatching loving annabelle so here's a text wall of random thoughts about it

i'm not saying it's a good movie. everyone in it is soooooooo stupid, because you can't really have the film work out if they're not. but i still love it so much.

there's a lot i doubt i picked up on the first couple times i watched it since i was such a baby back then but idk, scattered thoughts:

simone's aunt had this line after seeing simone and annabelle have an Angsty Moment in the classroom: "I'd like to think if something were going on, if there was something you needed, that you would ask."

this was just after simone and her boyfriend sooooorta broke up i think so her aunt probably thought something was wrong there, or that she was having trouble controlling annabelle, or even perhaps there was a faint hint of awareness that annabelle reminded simone too much of her gal pal who died a few years ago.

the thing is, simone has been asking to be distanced from annabelle the whole movie. at least twice i think. so either her aunt has nooooooo idea that annabelle is personally an issue for simone (in the amanda sense, not the student-fucking sense) or she thinks she can be a source of help for whatever simone is going through despite not listening to her at all throughout the film. why would simone feel like she can go to you when you don't listen to her? when you probably fucked her up a ton when she was a teenager?

in the first instance i remember of asking for distance, simone said annabelle should be moved to a different dorm. her aunt says that simone is capable of controlling annabelle because she had been able to control simone and surely nothing could be worse than that. it rly shows how confident immaculata is that she beat the gay out of simone (if she'd even been aware of it) and made her into a successful mini-me. at the very least, she can't see anything wrong with simone because then that would mean she failed at fixing her rebellious ways.

in another instance, simone was asking to not be stuck at the school with anabelle during spring break. and her aunt did not listen to her about it because of the situation being so sensitive with annebelle's mother being a politician. i really don't think her aunt had any clue, obviously, that she couldn't be trusted with annebelle. if anything she probably thought it would be a good challenge for her, but really i don't think she was thinking about simone at all. the whole situation rly didn't get much depth in her brain.

i could make more definite inferences here if i knew if her aunt realized simone and amanda were a thing. i can't remember if that was clear. but i imagine that since simone was able to continue to wear amanda's necklace, and the priest gave a hint that he knew (ie. this was not a huge thing when they were teenagers that they needed to repent before him for) i imagine... immaculata either didn't know, or thought it was just a phase/choice specifically to piss her off.

her aunt also was drunk stroking her hair saying they don't talk anymore, not like they used to, and it felt... VERY WEIRD. i think it was probably to show how her aunt is a stand-in mother since her own parents didn't do much for her, and how simone's own ~unholiness~ makes her inauthentic and her aunt is starting to realize that. but there is a 5% vibe of like... incest going on there? like her aunt had molested her when she was younger??? i rly don't think that's what the film was going for but the way she kept pushing back simone's hair was VERY CHOICE. it rly depends on when they had been close--when simone was a small child and before she became unholy? as teens somehow, maybe after her aunt "fixed" her? in which case, simone starting to misbehave would make her aunt think they're growing apart when rly simone is just pretending less? did they have a period of time as adults before amanda died, after? i'm confused lmao.

also damn why DID simone come back to the school? i feel like it was probably after amanda died. i can't imagine how broken she had to be to want to go back there after amanda's death since... that school probably played a huge hand in breaking her. maybe she felt it would remind her of amanda, the years they did have together there. maybe she was personally so distraught she wanted her aunt close by because that's the only family she felt she had. had she been a teacher before or did she become a teacher to be able to teach there? did she want to help students who felt as stifled as she and amanda did? she's gentle about it, but does need them to fit in so it rly doesn't seem like a healthy place for her to be. i think she just... felt lost after amanda passed and this was the only place she could see herself.

anyway that priest was so woke. i love him. that little moment of comfort he provided simone probably healed her more than anything her aunt ever did could. too bad he didn't know she was about to go fuck a student.

cat was such a bitch. i do find it kinda... funny that everyone was so mad at her for telling on simone and annabelle? like those relationships aren't allowed for a reason, so theoretically she should've been doing something good, but i guess it's framed that way bc cat did it to be a dick. i loved colins though having such child of divorce energies like "i don't care if they're together because i like them both :)" girl...

anyway simone's motivations. she is very clearly a broken fragile person who never grew up and the film makes that clear, as well as annabelle's own role as a mature comforting presence. i'm not going to say that's like, good justification for them banging, but it's fiction and i think it made sense in context. i just wanted more insight into simone's psyche. oftentimes the music they had for certain scenes spelled things out SO clearly that it felt un-earned, even though to me i could make guesses that lined up with it. basically i know simone is very broken, she misses her dead ex who annabelle reminds her of, she's stuck in a loveless relationship, etc. i just wish we'd been given more for why she actually took this risk if that makes sense? because she's risking a LOT there, but i guess annabelle's persistance helped.

annabelle... is so much ;sljkdf. i liked the details about her ex, both simone and annabelle getting some visual metaphors for moving on through each other (simone letting the photo of amanda float, annabelle giving her the prayer beads... those are going to get confiscated tho girl rip). i think she probs has some mommy issues from her mom being a politician, and she also had to grow up fast as a result hence why she's in such a mature role throughout.

before i forget, i swear when annabelle had that moment where she interpreted a quote to be about sex she said something about how love is everywhere, in everything, and the priest later on said god is everywhere/in everything. and i don't know if simone believed in god--i know annabelle wasn't even catholic--but maybe if she did, that sort of connection helped her bridge into "this isn't TOO sinful maybe it's fine :)" j;lksdfklj.

i love simone but man she's dumb in a fun way. like, i know she's stunted. but her discussion with her bf where he was like "i want to be with someone who actually wants to be with me :(" and she was like "....i want that for you too..." and said it with her whole chest. oh my god. babygirl. AND HE STILL DANCED WITH HER LATER. take a hint man, your sex is so boring she has to go fuck a student.

i think i mixed up annabelle with that girl who's repeating senior year but i actually did remember this film as having annabelle being confirmed 18 or something. i guess no confirmation is better than her being younger canonly but j;klsdf oops.

uhhhhhhh also that quote about not seeking new landscapes but seeing with new eyes. if i had the braincells i could probs apply that in a lot of ways. but im head empty rn. i think simone probs clung to that when she was at the school with amanda--they're in catholic hell but at least they have each other and they can find new adventures through that. annabelle probs took it similarly with simone. and simone probably kept it in mind when she returned there to teach, or actually... she betrayed it i guess. she didn't seek out anything new, she just returned to the old. until annabelle brought another lens through.

i'm all over the place but i just remembered for simone's motivations i know it was clear but i would've loved to see actual flashbacks to her and amanda, or flashes of amanda when annabelle was beside her to hit home how lost in time she is about it all. i feel like... i know she probably isn't feeling much generally, she's going through the motions, and now she has annabelle so she feels conflicted, etc. but i do think they didn't give her a tonnnnnnn to work with since it is quite hard to get much insight into her when she isn't stroking photos of amanda bc she can't rly talk to anyone about this. she can just sit in the bath and be sad.

i liked that note from amanda about how simone had always been the stronger one because simone feels so fragile and in need of a rock to lean on by the time of the movie. enter annabelle i guess.

cat was a bitch but it was cool to see her talk about being into girls but not identifying as gay bc she likes boys too. i think she meant it as being in denial maybe? because then she tried to "experiment" with annabelle and the word bisexual was never used. i think she would be bisexual if she had a word for it. but it was cool to see diff identities as well as that line about another student who was obsessed with simone freshman year.

colins was so precious. there r so many little things that i don't rly get the "purpose" of (like... the porcupine i guess? though that did show that simone bends the rules for her less-conforming students) but it did make the dorms feel more lived in.

oh also i don't think simone and annabelle's relationship would ever work out long term. they're both clearly struggling from shit--amanda's death, annabelle's breakup and general life--but i don't think annabelle would come out of this damaged if that makes sense? annabelle finally gave simone a place to grieve, and maybe her return to the school marked an attempt to close herself off from having to face that actually. because the school is all about putting on a front and suppressing yourself. so when a student like annabelle shows up and is so intensely herself... it's hard to run from yourself as well.

maybe re: immaculata's understanding of amanda and simone's relationship, bc the necklace simone wears in memory of her is a cross perhaps it shows it was a hidden romance, since the cross is unsuspecting. whereas for annabelle she;s openly gay and that's shown by her wearing prayer beads from another religion, an affront to the school's only-one-way catholicism.

i had more thoughts as i was watching but im out of them now. im just rambling so dont take my wording choices too seriously pls lmao. i'm not saying it's a fantastic movie and that it portrays a healthy relationship exactly. like there's def more room for them to have condemned it. but i don't mind that they didn't since... escapist fantasy, simone got arrested, and the ending where charges were dropped was an alternate end only available on dvd. i do wish we knew the characters ages but i like that it's not totally set in stone for similar reasons.

i found a lot of comfort in this movie as a teen and while if any adult acts like simone, run, i still rly felt Seen as a younger lesbian who only likes older women, and i still do have a special place in my heart for this film giving me recognition of that.

#txt #incest tw #not in the movie canonly just a scene that had me going ??? #anyway i need to see if there's an original script available for it anywhere #bc i think ultimately it remains a nice movie for me personally #but there is a lot of surface level stuff i want more insight into in that sort of way #i think there were some behind the scenes videos on youtube forever ago at least for the filming process so #i should check those out maybe n look for any interviews i can find #just bc it intrigues meeee #omg im so upset worthpoint shows there had been a rly rad script listing for it #but this was honestly long before i ever actually saw it so i cant be too upset i Missed Out #i keep finding social media posts of ppl putting them up for sale but they all look so scammy and i missed out by a couple yrs :/ #JLKSDSFJ I MISSED ONE FROM A FEW MONTHS AGO the director posted it :| #i guess that gives me some hope