#okay but this was actually weezer before weezer am I wrong
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Cold Interview: Year of the Spider - By Therese McKeon (From: ShoutWeb.com)
Scooter Ward is an emotional guy. In fact, as frontmen go, you can't get much more emotional. With "Year of the Spider", the band's third release, you find yourself feeling sad, angry, and even a bit weepy along with the raw-nerved singer. Discovering the diverse layers of Cold's music is as refreshing as it is depressing. The carefully weaving of Scooter's haunting vocals intertwines powerful songs with lyrics that have remarkable substance. Shoutweb hooked up with Cold's leading man for an often teary-eyed discussion of the meaning behind the tracks on "Year of the Spider" and why he pours his heart into his songs.
Kelly Hayes • guitar
Scooter Ward • vocals
Jeremy Marshall • bass
Sam McCandless • drums
Terry Balsamo • guitar
Shoutweb: Hey, how are you feeling? I heard you were sick a while back?
Scooter: I had something wrong with my throat. I had to get a shot in there so I could sing.
Shoutweb: Did you have to cancel any dates?
Scooter: We cancelled one actually because of that. It was in Omaha I think. They stick a needle in your throat then they give you something so the pain from sticking the needle in your throat is okay. I was like, "You know what, man? I'm just sleeping tonight."
Shoutweb: You started out in the Boston area with shows. How is the new material live?
Scooter: We've been together for so long and I think everything is getting better. We finally got the right crew and everybody so everything is really good.
Shoutweb: In the past when I've seen you live, I know you were sometimes frustrated with not getting the sound right.
Scooter: We had a major problem with that but we've finally worked everything out now.
Shoutweb: That's awesome. The times I've seen you live, things that may sound fine to me I could tell were not sounding right for you.
Scooter: (with cell phone ringing)
Shoutweb: Do you need to get that?
Scooter: No, that's just Terry. Fuck him. (laughter) Whenever he wakes up, he calls me. I'm always like, "What? Did you need to tell me about your dreams?"
Shoutweb: (laughter) Or "I missed you!"
Scooter: Yeah, right. "I've got coffee over here for you, baby." (laughter) I don't know what to tell him. It's a total waste of time. He thinks something special happened.
Shoutweb: He doesn't want to miss out. (laughter)
Scooter: It's funny though.
Shoutweb: Are you like the Dad of the band? Is everybody always checking in?
Scooter: It seems like that. They all check in with me to see what's happening or what they need to do. But I don't mind.
Shoutweb: Are you militant in that way?
Scooter: I'm not militant in that way but I am in the "get your fuckin' job done" kind of way, you know? I do so much that I think that they feel kind of guilty sometimes. They are always saying, "Well, man, we'll do something." When I give them shit to do, they're really stoked.
Shoutweb: You run a tight ship there. "You gotta step up!"
Scooter: I'm like, "Come on, man. You want to do this? Let's do this."
Shoutweb: You guys haven't been on tour for a while. I know September 11th did not help matters.
Scooter: We toured right up until then. We did a little headlining tour with Flaw and Dope and then we kind of stopped.
Shoutweb: Then the Weezer tour that went sour.
Scooter: The Weezer show was actually on the same day as the September 11th events. We were supposed to start the tour that night. I remember we were all at the hotel down in the lobby watching shit go down that morning. I ate a biscuit and went back to bed. I said, "If shit's going to be going down, I'm going to be dreaming."
Shoutweb: (laughter)
Scooter: (laughter) Fuck it.
Shoutweb: I need to ask you a bunch of things about this record. I don't know if it's because I have the flu right now or what but I literally almost starting crying.
Scooter: Yeah, I think that's what it was made for. I think once people actually get the lyrics that I really sing instead of making them up on the web sites, then they'll know what I'm talking about. I think when they really get them, because the stuff I'm reading is crap. When you read the real thing, it is way worse. That's how we write. I think that's what we need to do. I just feel like we need to do that. It's good therapy for us and for our fans that are so much like us. It's good that they can express the pain through that.
Shoutweb: Are you solely responsible for the lyrics?
Scooter: Yes. The music pretty much tells me what to do.
Shoutweb: Musically, this record is great but lyrically it's even better.
Scooter: Well, I do a lot of the music too. I really work on the music with the band then I kind of separate myself and go to write lyrics. I focus on the music first because it tells us what to write for lyrics.
Shoutweb: Wow, it's amazing. It's all such a foreign process to me.
Scooter: Me too.
Shoutweb: I usually will first listen to a record when I get it and take notes and then I listen to it a few more times. But with this record, just to enjoy it is such a pleasure.
Scooter: Well, thank you very much.
Shoutweb: It's strange because it is still very depressing and emotional but it is refreshing at the same time.
Scooter: It was really opening up. This is a really personal record. Like I was saying, we've written records before and I've written records that are just story telling a lot. I draw those emotions from me and the band and I just went off farther and kind of developed stories for them. But on this record, it's pretty much really about our lives and really about what we're going through. If I start crying during this interview, because I do that all the time when I start talking about this.
Shoutweb: Are you serious?
Scooter: Yeah.
Shoutweb: You're going to make me cry too. Well, this is what I wrote down about the whole record in my notes. You cannot sing these words and have them ring true, unless these things have happened to you. Now, I didn't mean it to rhyme but basically there you go. That was the feeling that it left me with. This is just too much.
Scooter: It was kind of like that when we were making the record and I was writing the lyrics in Hawaii because I can't write in Los Angeles.
Shoutweb: Really? You can't?
Scooter: Yeah, I don't know why. It's really weird. There's something in the air. We can do music in Los Angeles but I can't write the lyrics in Los Angeles. I don't get it. What happens is, I would come in and write these songs and they would be totally different topics of what they are now. I spoke to Howard Benson before I did this record and I was like, "Dude, I'm gonna make you cry by the time I bring the song in because I want you to understand. I want you to really feel this with me. Because if you can't, then you can't produce this record." I would bring the songs in and he would tell me, "Man, it's almost there but it's not yet." He'd tell me, "I feel that but I don't feel that." What that did to me is just made me open up more. I knew when I was done. I came in there like, "All right mother fucker, this is it. You're going to love this." When I started playing it for him, he'd say, "Dude, it's over. Go ahead." He pushed me a lot so that was cool. I thank him for doing that because nobody's ever done that before. A lot of other producers will just let the band do what they do. They'll say, "Great! Sounds good!" They don't really discipline the vocals or the lyrics because they don't want to get the singer mad. Howard was saying, "Dude, you just told me what you wanted to do with this record. If you actually want to do this then you have to take my advice and you have to listen." His criticism was good.
Shoutweb: I watched the "Stupid Girl" video. You guys look cold!
Scooter: Initially, we wanted to play on a frozen river. They wouldn't let us do it because of the liability of having all the kids on black ice. We had to do it at an elementary school but we still did it where it was freezing. It was cold. We didn't want any Hollywood manufactured cold. If we were going to do it, we wanted to freeze just like everybody else.
Shoutweb: (laughter) But you are Cold so that works on many levels.
Scooter: Right. It seems to follow us. The first six dates of this tour were freezing.
Shoutweb: So, Rivers is guesting on that song?
Scooter: Yeah, I think he's on the pre-chorus. He actually did the first verse initially when he sent it to me. I was on the second verse because "wanna love ya, wanna bug ya"... I don't know but I kind of had a problem with singing that because that's really Rivers. The second verse, I could deal with.
Shoutweb: How did his involvement come about?
Scooter: I had written a Weezer riff in the studio and it sounded like a Weezer song. I couldn't come up with anything for the verses. I had the chorus but every time I played the chorus I heard Rivers voice in there freaking me out. I said, "I am going to send the music to someone who maybe could tell him." So, we went out to dinner a couple of times while we were making the record. He came to our house for parties and stuff. I was like, "Hey, man, you gotta hear this song." Finally, two weeks before the record was done I sent him the track and a week later he sent me back the "Stupid Girl" verses. I was stoked. I was like, "Let's do it." After hearing me sing on the second verse, he wanted me to sing the first verse too. He really likes my vocals a lot and told me that he would feel embarrassed having his own spot. We kind of fought about that for a minute but he won in the end.
Shoutweb: I'd really like to spend some time going through these songs. I don't want a record like this to get shoved in there with all the other records out there.
Scooter: That's cool. That's pretty much impossible for it to get lost.
Shoutweb: It's just a beautiful piece of work.
Scooter: When we play the live shows now, and when people listen to the record. I mean, this is our third record and, even on previous tours where people have heard our record before, there is just no feeling like there is now. When we play live, I have such a different feeling. It feels perfect. This is finally what we wanted to do. It has just that much emotion that we wanted to put out. I think it's undeniable. I really don't think that anybody can say that it's a bad record. If they do, I will be like, "I don't know what you're listening to right now, bro." I don't get it.
Shoutweb: By the time I got to tracks eight and nine, forget about it. I hit "Rain Song" and I just lost it. But let's not jump ahead. "Remedy", to me, has almost a punk rock vibe.
Scooter: With "Remedy" we used the old Cold vibe, like off the first record, the song "Give". We kind of wrote the music around that. One thing with the records we make, we always do it for us but we also do it for our fans. We don't want to feel like we're short-changing them. All of these bands seem to totally change their format like Korn and other bands bringing in crazy beats and rappers and weird stuff. We're going to have songs that are mainstream on this record. Our music has developed and that's just going to happen but at the same time we wanted to incorporate elements of the first two records. We didn't want to get pigeonholed by people saying that we totally changed and sound totally different. Because it's not. It's the same, just better.
Shoutweb: There is this drum/bass thing going on that I love. What are the lyrics about?
Scooter: Lyrically, it's about wanting to be an individual. Throughout my life, I've always had people... I'm not the best person in the world and I have my mistakes just like anyone else. It's just about other people. When you make a mistake or you do something or sometimes you're not sure if it's a mistake or not. You're saying to yourself, "Am I wrong or is this my life?" I've valued people's opinions all my life but I really don't give a fuck. It's about being an individual and about saying, "I'm doing this on my own and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out."
Shoutweb: "Suffocate" has a female vocal on it.
Scooter: That's Sierra Swan. She was on our second record "13 Ways To Bleed On Stage". She was on a song called "Witch" and "No One". She's just a really good friend of mine. She's been a friend of mine for the last seven years. I saw her play a little club in L.A. and she sounded like Susie Sue to me. I just fell in love with her. I was just like, "Dude, you have to sing with me." She is like the sixth member of our band. Actually, she got signed on Atlantic Records and she's working with The Neptunes right now. She's supposed to have a record coming out in the Fall.
Shoutweb: "Suffocate" seems pretty straightforward.
Scooter: That is one of the most straightforward songs. It's about a relationship where you feel smothered and suffocated. Sometimes when you're in a position like I am, you have people who will be your friend or try to be your friend just because of what you're doing. You lie and you fake. I'm just kind of going, "Fuck, I really thought that you were sincere and that you were trying to be cool. In the end, it's to benefit you." I guess I'm going to run across those people my whole life. I write songs about them so I it's all right.
Shoutweb: Good therapy.
Scooter: I always figured that I could read people really well. I did a good job for a while. At a certain point, there are a lot of people and you're judgment gets a little clouded as to who these people are and what they want to be in your life. Your filters aren't out and you let a lot of people in and weed out the bad ones.
Shoutweb: Even good people turn ugly. It's like "The Lord of the Rings" when you get obsessed with the ring "my precious".
Scooter: Exactly.
Shoutweb: "Cure My Tragedy (A Letter to God)" is definitely powerful.
Scooter: When I was going to write this record, my sister was dying of cancer. (pause) It started in her ovaries and then went into her brain. It started taking over her body.
Shoutweb: I'm sorry to hear that.
Scooter: The hardest thing for me was to be away from her. She's my little sister. She's 27 so she's not little but she'll always be my little sister. It was really hard to be away from her because I've been there trying to protect her my whole life. When something like this happens, there is nothing you can do except for hope. I was away doing the record and I really wanted to be there for her and be with her through the chemo and stuff. She would call and be crying and be all upset about it. It was really hard for me to be on the other side of the country. Making a record really meant nothing to me at that point. I was like, "This is crap. I gotta be home with my sister." She was like, "You can't do that. It means a lot to me. Just write a song for me." (long pause) And I did. It's kind of like a letter to God saying, "If you made the world a stage for me then..." (pause) What kind of happened was amazing. Right when the record was done, and I gave her the song, it left her brain and it's clearing up now so it's kind of amazing.
Shoutweb: Oh my goodness. The power of prayer, even in a song.
Scooter: Yeah, it's weird. Now the next time you hear that song, it will have a totally different meaning.
Shoutweb: Thank you for sharing that.
Scooter: I have to do this. I checked with everybody that I was writing these songs about and I was like, "It might be painful for me to bring this stuff up and write songs about it."
Shoutweb: "Stupid Girl" is more of a lighter theme.
Scooter: "Stupid Girl" was a chance for me to breathe kind of. I was like, "Rivers, thank you!" I don't have to fuckin' cry or think about the dark side of everything on this song. When he sent me those lyrics, the second verse still sounds like a Cold verse to me and the chorus definitely does so it's still Cold in a lot of ways. I detach myself from it because he did the verses so it definitely means something to me but not as much as the other ones. I don't know what his version of "Stupid Girl" is but I think I have a version. My version of it and what I see through it is that you could just be a total piece of trash and at the same time, you don't know that you are. You have this person that's going to leave you and you don't have any idea why. A lot of people are blind to the fact that they are idiots.
Shoutweb: (laughter) Funny.
Scooter: (laughter) You know? I don't know. It's going to be funny because I'm sure a lot of people are going to hear the "Stupid Girl" hook and say, "Hey, it's about a stupid girl." But not really. It's about a stupid man, that doesn't know he's stupid.
Shoutweb: "Don't Belong" has that light, squeaky guitar.
Scooter: "Don't Belong" was pretty much about me growing up. I was always a little odd compared to other people and really quiet. I have people come up to me and them saying, "He's such an asshole because he doesn't talk" or "We see him out and he just sits there." Well, I don't know what to say to you. I don't know what to do to you to make you think and make you understand that I'm all right. It's about everybody's pre-conceptions about me or certain things that have happened to us. It's just feeling like we don't belong. I don't even go out to clubs anymore or anything because when I do I feel like an idiot. I have drunk people coming up to me saying crazy shit. I just don't feel like I belong there. It's the same thing when I go to L.A. I just don't feel like I belong with those kinds of people. It's so fake and so untrue. I'm trying to be as true as I can to people. For them to be sitting there with me at the same table and be affiliated with me kind of freaks me out. I usually say, "Well, this is the business part of it. I'm just going to have to deal with these people to do what I want to do with this music in order to put it out." I think it's just about not feeling that I'm a part of what they think I'm a part of.
Shoutweb: "Wasted Years" has a lot layered vocals, which come across very powerful to me.
Scooter: "Wasted Years" is pretty much. I've had a lot of problems with alcohol and drugs at times in my life. I was ashamed of myself at points. I've always been the guy who knows that he has problems. Nobody ever had to tell me, "Man, I think you've got a problem." I would wake up the next morning and say, "Man, I've got a fuckin' problem!" I know that I was fucked up. I always tried to fix myself but I'd always fall back sooner or later and go right back to the same bullshit that I was doing before. I feel like I've wasted so much time in my life by doing that. It's amazing because I'll probably still fall back again. I think that's actually part of who I am so I don't know if I care if I do. Hopefully, one day I'll be better but I don't know. It's really about my personal life and just how I feel about me. "Betraying life was the life I betrayed with the shape that I'm in." It's hard. It's not easy to win. I think that maybe things would have been better if I would have been more focused and sober and blah, blah, blah but... that didn't happen. What's the condition I'm in now because of what I've done?
Shoutweb: Do you have any regrets?
Scooter: The regrets that I have are people that I may have hurt in the period of time that it was happening. That's probably it. The people that I probably have affected throughout that time.
Shoutweb: Tell me about "Whatever You Became".
Scooter: "Whatever You Became" is about whenever we tour on the road. We meet all these people. It's cool and a lot of them are like friends. They're not really like fans. I don't think of them as fans. I think of them as like a family thing.
Shoutweb: A lot of those friends are complaining because they were putting live MP3s on the web site and they got banned from the boards.
Scooter: Really? They were putting live MP3s out?
Shoutweb: Yeah, I was asking people if they had any questions for you and they said, "Ask him what he thinks about them banning us from the boards!" It was the new material.
Scooter: I think that's pretty cool to put those out there as long as they're live versions. That is unless the sound is total shit. They may have heard the sound quality and said fuck that. I didn't know about that. What was I saying?
Shoutweb: You were telling me about "Whatever You Became".
Scooter: Oh, yeah. We meet these friends and we become friends with them over the years and we leave them the next night. It's like seeing your family for a quick visit and then you have to jet. You never know what happens to these people or if you'll ever see them again. I think I take everything too personally. I love everybody too much. And I really care about how they feel and how they're dealing with what they're going through. It's just kind of strange.
Shoutweb: You have a big heart.
Scooter: I know. It's a curse.
Shoutweb: Some people say that artists in general feel more deeply than other people. They have those extra sensors that are out there all the time. They either block everything out and become very introverted or they absorb everybody else's problems and emotions.
Scooter: I almost wanted to do that for a minute. And then I was like, "Why would I do that?" Let's be the first rock band that actually makes everybody feel welcome and everybody feel like they're really a part of something instead of coming to see some guy on stage and wondering. Because when I was a kid, rock stars were unapproachable. They were kind of in mystery land. They appeared, played, and then went back to heaven or something. With this new record and the way we're doing this, I was like, "You know what? Why don't we be the first rock band that can really be there for our fans and really do this?" Because they're the most important thing to us besides the music and I don't want to fuck up either one of those things. I know that might be a lot to have on our plate but I have nothing else to do on my schedule today.
Shoutweb: (laughter) That's funny. "Can You Feel" is that changed?
Scooter: "Can You Feel" is actually called "Sad Happy". I changed the name. It's about this girl that followed around a little bit on the tour. She was by herself and she was really scaring me because she was getting rides from truck drivers and shit. She was offering favors to them and stuff. It was really scary. After a couple of shows I said, "Sweetheart, what are you doing? What's going on?" She said, "Well, I have to follow you." And blah, blah, blah. She started telling me her story and she told me that her father had molested her. (pause) And he had been raping her for her whole life. She was doing anything to follow us around. I told her, "You're 18 years old now and I don't know if that's cool to bring somebody out with us. I wish you could get focused. If you need help, I'll give it to you." I had given her some money to start out and get an apartment and maybe help her land a job. I kind of looked out for her but at the same time it was really emotional for me to deal with that and her going through that. I was feeling that I was the guy that was supposed to make everything better. I tried. I guess I did kind of do that because she's better now and she's away from him. In the song, I had written about her getting revenge on him. She burns him in a fire. (long pause) It's hard to re-hash that kind of shit.
Shoutweb: Those lyrics - wow! They mean a lot already but when you know the story that goes with it. "I will be strong, I will sing." That's about when I lost it.
Scooter: It happens. And then the "Can you feel" part in the bridge. That's probably definitely where it got to you. I was like, "Can she even feel anymore?" Because I would be numb if something happened to me like that. I was screaming, "Can she feel?"
Shoutweb: We got it easy.
Scooter: I had a great family. I really had a great, great family. It really freaks me out when people tell me stories because I know the things that happen. My pain comes from friends on drugs and fuckin' my whole life and just things around me. Definitely my family was always there to support me even though a lot of times I didn't want them to because I was so fucked up. I was the cool kid and I wouldn't take it from them or I always thought they were wrong or talking shit. I was like, "Whatever! You guys don't know what you're talking about. I'll figure this out." But obviously now, you understand that they were right.
Shoutweb: "Rain Song" has a violin sound in there. Is that what that is?
Scooter: Actually, it's keyboards. We just put it in there. Howard helped us find a good sound and we just used that. "Wasted Years" actually has thirteen violinists on it. It's the real deal but on "Rain Song" we just kind of through some keyboards in there. I'm a big Cure fan and I always incorporate that stuff into the music a little bit. I thought it was a little cooler in there.
Shoutweb: What is "Rain Song" about? Scooter: "Rain Song" is about... Actually it's weird because from my condo I can see it. It's about a block away where it happened from my balcony. When I had just gotten out of high school, my friend Jack and Becky had moved in together. They had gotten fucked up one night and when they went to bed an electrical outlet shorted or something and caught their curtains on fire. They had gotten burned alive. (pause) I was at my parents house sleeping and I remember that it was pouring down rain that morning. The phone rang and my Mom was like, "Oh my God." I knew it. I knew something had happened to one of my friends again. She came in and told me that Jack and Becky were in the hospital in the intensive care unit and that their bodies were burned and they don't think they're going to make it. I just remember the rain pouring down that rain and every time it rains, I think about her. (crying... again)
Shoutweb: So, there is no having to dig deep for these lyrics or themes. These are right on the surface for you. Raw.
Scooter: No. And after I tell you the story and you hear the song again, you'll definitely feel it too.
Shoutweb: So, no wonder Hawaii is a good place for you to write. It rains every day there.
Scooter: Actually, it's been raining a lot lately. It rained here this morning. Maybe I'll move somewhere that it doesn't rain.
Shoutweb: Speaking of rain, the next song is "Kurt". I am assuming that is about Kurt Cobain.
Scooter: That song is actually called "The Day Seattle Died". And it really wasn't for just Kurt. It was for Layne Staley actually. We were touring with Jerry Cantrell on the first record and we went to Seattle to play a Halloween show. Sean Kenny was with us and we wanted to meet Layne Staley because he was my idol. He was such a sick man at that point. They were like, "Man, he doesn't come out of his house." They finally got him to come out and get dressed up because it was Halloween. He got in a little costume and snuck in up there and nobody knew who he was. He sat down with me and hung out. It was amazing but at the same time, it was heartbreaking to see my idol looking like an 80-year-old man. It was really weird. It was the same thing with Kurt. I was driving home from work one day in Atlanta and I heard the news and I had to pull off the road. It hurt my heart. I'm just kind of talking about the impact that they had on everybody and the music industry and people's lives. When I sing, "We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor" I mean that because when I heard that I could totally just see it. I was just thinking, "That's not cool. What the hell just happened here?"
Shoutweb: Oh, I thought you were saying, "We could all feel the shock when you hit the floor."
Scooter: No, it's "We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor. Never mind the faith if you can't believe."
Shoutweb: I can hear that Seattle sound in that song.
Scooter: That's a big influence on us so I think that always rings true a little somewhere in our songs.
Shoutweb: So what about "Change The World"? It's not the "End of the World."
Scooter: We're always doing something with the world in a Cold record. "Change The World", okay, it's better now. (takes a deep breath) It's about affecting people's lives and not being able to deliver. Some times people expect so much from you and you're going, "Hold on a second." I never wanted to change the world. Everything's cool and everything's good but what did you expect me to do actually? Some times they expect too much from you and it's a little shocking. I try to be there for them as much as I can but some times I can't.
Shoutweb: Do you feel burdened?
Scooter: I don't feel burdened. When I have a lot of problems going on personally in my life and when I get everything else dumped on me too, it is a little heavy. You're like, "Hold on a second. I can't take much more." At the same time, I'm saying, "Wait a second. This is what you set out to do and this is what you wanted to do. Don't be a chump." I try to be strong for a lot of people but I am very weak inside, you know?
Shoutweb: What is "Black Sunday" about?
Scooter: "Black Sunday" is about my girlfriend, a few years ago. She was in a relationship and got married and had a little baby. Two weeks after the baby was born, it died in the crib.
Shoutweb: My Lord.
Scooter: I am with her through all this pain. I know what she goes through. It's really hard to take sometimes. I don't know what to do when things come up with babies and stuff like that. It's amazing and I just can't understand how a human being can handle it. I have a little girl and if anything ever happened to her, I don't what I would do. So, this is just a song for her. The whole time when people tell me these things, I talk to them about it but I guess I don't let them know that I really understand. I just try to give them positive vibes and solve the problem. I just say, "We can do this or that and hopefully everything will be better." The whole time knowing that it's really not going to be better but I'm trying to make it more positive. This was a song to her to let her know that I really understood what is going on. All those nights that she cried and all those nights that she talked about it, that I really, really understood where she was coming from.
Shoutweb: So, I guess you might call this a personal record!
Scooter: Definitely. There are not a lot of personal albums out there right now. I think it's a lot better than listening to a song about going to high school and getting a girlfriend.
Shoutweb: "Kill The Music Industry" is interesting.
Scooter: "Kill The Music Industry", now that's a good one! (laughter)
Shoutweb: (laughter) The machine gun noises are amusing only because of the title of the song.
Scooter: Actually, when we let the record company hear it, that was really funny because we were in the studio and they listened to it. I just looked at the look on their faces and said, "What do you think about that?" They said, "That is really fuckin' something buddy." I said, "It's not targeting you guys, you people sitting in this room. I'm just trying to target the whole music industry as a whole." The music industry says, "Well, this is what's hot right now. Let's shove it down everybody's throat." What they're shoving down people's throats and for the past year I can't stand. Everything is so monotonous and boring and unfeeling. When we write songs and when I write lyrics, if I don't get that chill down my spine then I don't think to put a song out like that. If it doesn't do anything for you then why would you want to share that with the world? But a lot of bands just fuckin' re-hash bullshit and good for them because some are very successful at it. I just think it's crap. I don't blame the bands because they're just doing it and maybe that's all they know how to write about. I blame the music industry because they force it on me. Some of the lyrics are, "They think they've changed your faith. They've gone too far. They mame the way you see. They think they'll can your life and control your mind but they can't relate to real life."
Shoutweb: And I know exactly what you're talking about.
Scooter: You know. If you know any big wigs in the music industry then you know what I'm talking about.
Shoutweb: Who is that singing in the background on that?
Scooter: We had a party. We had the guys from AM Radio, which is Rivers from Weezer's new band. We had the guys from Adema come out. They were all working in the same studio too so we just had a big party so they were all out there. A new band out of Jacksonville called Burn Season was there. Sierra Swan and her whole crew were there. We just got a bunch of people together and had a good time. We had fun doing that song in the studio. It's actually on the DVD. You can see it when it comes out. It's pretty funny.
Shoutweb: When does that come out?
Scooter: We have a DVD that's coming out with the CD. It's from the beginning of "Year of the Spider" to right now. You get to see the making of the "Stupid Girl" video and all that. The two weeks of shows we did. It's really cool but it's sad too. I didn't want another DVD out there where it's just like bands partying. We really don't party that much. We're more about the emotions and the music so I said, "Why don't we make an emotional DVD to go along with the emotional record?" So, everybody feels this too.
Shoutweb: Wow, that's awesome.
Scooter: Well, we have to do these things now. We have to sell CDs.
Shoutweb: Kids were asking about the artwork and the Chinese symbol. Is that the symbol for spider?
Scooter: No, that's the symbol for Cold. When we started this thing with the spider, it was kind of amazing because we didn't know that two thousand kids were going to go get it tattooed on there bodies. All these people have the Cold tattoo now. So, we said, let's do something new. So now there is a new tattoo out. So we all got the new tattoo for the "Year of the Spider" record. It's a way to be in touch with your fans and have something to share with them.
Shoutweb: You had fans sending in pictures of their tattoos for a possible cover?
Scooter: It never said it was going on the cover. Sometimes thirteen-year-old kids think that they understand what I was writing on there. I never said the cover but I always said it would be on the album. When you open it up, the two sleeves are the tattoo photos.
Shoutweb: I wanted to answer some questions from fans. What is the song "Serial Killer" about?
Scooter: I was trying to put myself in a child's place. I tried to feel what it would be like to be abducted by a serial killer, get away, and then look for him later in life or see him later in life and bring back all that emotion that happened when I was a kid. It was a story something like that.
Shoutweb: Some kids love to hear the old songs.
Scooter: We've played those songs so many times live. You just kind of get bored. With the new record and every time we make a new record, we always love the new stuff and we want to play that more. We'll always throw in songs off the old record but we would throw the singles off more because that's the way the business is. Until we have a big headlining tour, we only have 45 minutes to get it all in. We always want to put out the best songs and most emotional songs that we feel we have right now instead of going back seven years.
Shoutweb: "Year of the Spider" was a title you guys chose a while ago.
Scooter: After we made the record, we were thinking about what to call it. I said, "Dude, we're going to call it the year of the fuckin' spider because all of our friends have surpassed us and done great. I think we've made a record that is just as good if not better than all of theirs. I said, "Let's call is Year of the Spider because this is going to be it."
Shoutweb: What's happening touring wise?
Scooter: We're bringing Finger Eleven out with us because they're good friends of ours. Their music is really emotional too. We do 22 shows with Staind.
Shoutweb: Thank you for spending so much time with me.
Scooter: You're welcome. Thanks and take care.
http://www.geocities.ws/sadhappysite/interview3.html
#cold#scooter ward#year of the spider#terry balsamo#kelly hayes#Jeremy Marshall#Sam McCandless#interview#nu-metal#nu metal#metal#alternative metal#rock#alternative rock#2003#shoutweb#song meanings#meaningful
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The Best Albums of 2019
After listening to more than 2000 new albums in 2019, I’ve narrowed my picks down to The 20 Best Records of 2019.
I’ve included 3 essential songs from each pick, as well as a choice lyrical clip and a brief description of the album.
Noting beats actually LISTENING TO MUSIC! So don’t just read my thoughts: follow and listen to the Spotify playlist containing 60 songs from the top 20 albums:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5TWlfWoo54MQ5cYTMmB0RI?si=M_23L6DDRieVuA845A90Pg
01: Yung Gravy - Sensational
Aptly titled Sensational, this debut full-length is a thirty minute party that dances between the hottest trap beats, well-placed samples, and the young Minnesota rapper’s braggadocious persona and ridiculous raps
Hey Alexa, how many bitches can we fit in the Tesla?...Pull up in that Model X with your model ex!
“Whip a Tesla” • “1 Thot 2 Thot Red Thot Blue Thot” • “The Boys Are Back in Town”
02: TWICE - &TWICE • Feel Special EP • FANCY YOU EP
Nine young South Korean women radiate endless energy, bountiful bliss, and some of the catchiest songs to come out not only in 2019 but recent memory
Even when things go wrong, feelings out of control: lessons, to be sure. Be okay, all right! Even a crying face is glittering, filter and laugh! You can return to invincibility, right? Blow off, and we havin’ fun! [Translated from original Japanese]
“Fake and True” • “Breakthrough” • “Stronger”
03: Sublime with Rome - Blessings
Frontman, bandleader, multi-instrumentalist, and producer Rome Ramirez delivers his finest record to date: eleven heartfelt reggae-driven songs that are as well-written as they are masterfully recorded and produced
Watching you feel good tonight: it's your song up on the station, and we don't even know no words. I wanna hear you roll your R’s, singing Spanish in the car, “Dime algo hermosa tonight”.
“Wicked Heart” • “Light On” • “For the Night”
04: Bring Me the Horizon - amo
Cohesive yet genre-spanning (metalcore, hip-hop, electronic, and pop, to name just a few), the sixth album from the English quintet is an emotional yet insightful rollercoaster masterpiece
Before the truth will set you free, it'll piss you off. Before you find a place to be, you're gonna lose the plot. Too late to tell you now, one ear and right out the other one ‘cause all you ever do is chant the same old mantra.
“MANTRA” • “wonderful life” • “i apologise if you feel something”
05: Weezer - Weezer (Black Album)
Expertly produced and instantly memorable, the long-running Rivers Cuomo-driven California quartet is once again in top form, adding yet another fresh and unique — but distinctly Weezer — record to their extensive discography
Don't get mad at me, I'm just being honest. I should have lied, now you're mad at me? I'm just being honest. How 'bout from now on you'll write the script, I'll read the lines?
“Can’t Knock the Hustle” • “Zombie Bastards” • “Living in L.A.”
06: Big Data - 3.0
Like this sophomore album’s lyrical content — exploration of the impact artificial intelligence will have on humans and on the Earth — the latest project from producer, multi-instrumentalist, and mastermind Alan Wilkis is paradoxically dark yet bright; like AI, this album’s execution is equally flawless and Dangerous
I created a monster, it's out of control, it's going to take me...I didn't know what I was making...But now it's coming, coming for all of us!
“Monster” • “See Through” • “Evolution Once Again”
07: blackbear - ANONYMOUS
Vibrant yet dark, personal yet accessible, the fifth album from Mat Musto is a collection of 18 vulnerable, confessional songs told over slick electronic and hip-hop sounds
You drop the bag and ask me how my weekend was. I love that, though. You laugh when I make stupid jokes, and when I went to rehab, you didn't judge me that bad. I struggle with addiction probs, you always got my back. What am I gonna do the day that my drug dealer moves away? Whatever am I gonna say to my new plug? It just ain't the same.
“DOWN” • “HATE MY GUTS” • “DRUG DEALER”
08: Denzel Curry - ZUU
Hit-after-hit of hip-hop bangers pack this album’s half-hour runtime, with a plethora of guests joining the fray but never quite knocking it out like the young Miami native, Denzel Curry
First they mockin', now they hoppin', all on the wave, 'cause they see me poppin'. Big-big-big large pockets, they start flockin'. Here's what I say when they ass keep knockin'...
“RICKY” • “BIRDZ” • “ZUU”
09: DaBaby - KIRK / Baby on Baby
On his two 2019 albums, his first proper efforts after countless mixtapes and singles, DaBaby unleashes his signature, incessant vocals over relentless trap and modern hip-hop beats
Prolly heard I was broke from a broke nigga, prolly heard I'm a ho from a ho! I don't know what you know, I ain't runnin' from no nigga, let’s go!
“BOP” • “OFF THE RIP” • “Suge”
10: Bayside - Interrobang
On their eighth album, the Anthony Raneri-fronted New York natives sound refreshed, focused, and tighter than ever telling their trademark tales of heartbreak and healing
I love that music saved you, and Lord knows it’s saved me too, but songs never love you back, and you never know the person preaching to you...
“Interrobang” • “Prayers” • “Bury Me”
11: The Hold Steady - Thrashing Thru The Passion
Few frontmen can weave an album’s worth of compelling narratives, yet the Brooklyn band’s Craig Finn finds himself on the seventh The Hold Steady album once again delivering ten more engaging, interlocked tales over his band’s fierce guitar riffs and all-too-catchy choruses
Thanks for listening, thanks for understanding: tequila takeoff, Tecate landing.
“Entitlement Crew” • “Denver Haircut” • “You Did Good Kid”
12: Electric Guest - KIN
Sugary sweet, the third record from the California duo promptly polishes any rough few rough edges they once had to deliver a perfectly slick yet quirkily heartwarming collection of eleven easy-listening songs
I'm like, “this mothafucka might sue me, and that mothafucka might boo me”. I'ma keep on goin' to a better day, all this other bitterness can fade away.
“Dollar” • “I Got the Money” • “More”
13: Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?
Part punk energy without sounding even slightly punk, part emo diary without being a dashboard confessional, the debut record from American teenager Billie Eilish craftily bounces between genres, haunting sounds, and strange stories
If you think I’m pretty, you should see me in a crown. I'm gonna run this nothing town. Watch me make 'em bow one by one by one.
“bad guy” • “my strange addiction” • “you should see me in a crown”
14: The Cat Empire - Stolen Diamonds
The eighth album from Australia’s The Cat Empire is a full-blown dance party packed with catchy, clever songwriting and a room full of drums, horns, strings, keyboards, turntables, and bass
Operator, please, I can’t get out my head. Tell me where I’m going or where I’m being led. Tell me like an order, and order I’ll obey. Maybe I just thought you said, or did I did I hear you say, “We’re going to ([kill a man]) Kilaman-jaro, jaro…”
“KIla” • “Stolen Diamonds” • “Ready Now”
15: Dirty Heads - Super Moon
Co-frontmen Dirty J and Duddy B return to the beach for the seventh Dirty Heads album, borrowing sounds from across their entire discography of acoustic guitars and witty hip-hop to craft a surprisingly delicate record
I'm a flame, I'm a beacon that won't go out. In the dark, in the rain, I'm your lighthouse. When you can't stand the pain, hope you know now, I'll keep you safe, I'm your lighthouse.
“Super Moon” • “Lift Me Up” • “Tender Boy”
16: TENDER - Fear of Falling Asleep
Dark and uninviting, the second album from this London duo is an intimidating but rewarding listen delicately spiced with just enough hooks to keep you trapped in its atmospheric dreams
I’ll be looking for the scent when it goes cold. I’ve been trying to beat the maze with a blindfold on. I’ve been foraging through mud and sticks searching for that power that don’t exist.
“Closer Still” • “Bottled Up” • “Handmade Ego”
17: Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind / Supermarket Soundtrack
Logic returns once again with countless rhymes delivered over his trademark breathless bars, frequently painting an all-too-vivid picture of a famous rapper struggling to comprehend the world around him
All these comments got me lost in my mind; all these thoughts that I'm having are not mine. I always post that I'm having a good time so my life looks perfect online...
“Homicide” • “Don’t Be Afraid to Be Different” • “Lemon Drop”
18: Tyga - Legendary
More than just a collection of hits, the seventh album from the Compton rapper is well-sequenced and effortlessly laced with hook-after-hook for Tyga to deliver his signature obscene lines about things he self-admittedly has too many [sic] of: money, cash, hoes, cars, clothes, flows
Hey, shut the fuck up, bitch, you know who I are. Point blank range, and I'm shootin' for the stars. You niggas subpar and I just raised the bar. You got Rollies on your wrist, this is Chopard. Slide on your block like a fuckin' go-kart, my nigga A&R, still got an AR.
“Haute” • “Lightskin Little Wayne” • “On Me”
19: The Chainsmokers - World War Joy
The third album in three years from Alex Pall and Drew Taggart (and no shortage of guests) is an easy, light collection of ten slick relationship-focused pop songs that find the duo largely eschewing their dance-centric history
You said, "Hey, whatcha doing for the rest of your life?" and I said, "I don't even know what I'm doing tonight". Went from one conversation to your lips on mine.
“The Reaper” • “Family” • “P.S. I Hope You’re Happy”
20: Bear Hands - Fake Tunes
Brooklyn’s Bear Hands returns with another collection of bright, bouncy songs that ever-so-slightly conceal the trio’s underlying sadness and struggles
I don't see how you think you can come to me, and bitch to me, lay out your problems, like ancient history, like I ain't got no other shit to do. I love you, baby, but my lips are turnin' blue.
“Blue Lips” • “Back Seat Driver (Spirit Guide)” • “Mr. Radioactive”
THE BEST ALBUMS OF 2019
Yung Gravy - Sensational
TWICE - &TWICE • Feel Special EP • FANCY YOU EP
Sublime with Rome - Blessings
Bring Me the Horizon - amo
Weezer - Weezer (Black Album)
Big Data - 3.0
blackbear - ANONYMOUS
Denzel Curry - ZUU
DaBaby - KIRK / Baby on Baby
Bayside - Interrobang
The Hold Steady - Thrashing Thru The Passion
Electric Guest - KIN
Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?
The Cat Empire - Stolen Diamonds
Dirty Heads - Super Moon
TENDER - Fear of Falling Asleep
Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind / Supermarket Soundtrack
Tyga - Legendary
The Chainsmokers - World War Joy
Bear Hands - Fake Tunes
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Thinking about Green Day at 4 am
I first became a fan of Green Day in 2005 when I got the album "Dookie" for my birthday. This was a little over a year after American Idiot had come out, but I didn't know that at the time.
My parents bought me "Dookie" for my 13th birthday specifically because my friends had told me I would love Green Day and I asked my parents for a CD, not knowing any of their music. My parents chose "Dookie" because it didn't have a parental advisory warning on it like American Idiot, not knowing it was because the album came out before such a warning was necessary (Imagine my surprise when I figured out what F.O.D. stood for. I didn't swear at 13.)
The next album I got, a few months later, was Warning. Green Day became my absolute favorite band as soon as I heard the song "Misery." Billie Joe's voice became so familiar, I could instantly recognize a Green Day song even if I hadn't heard it before.
Then pretty soon after that, I got a whole bunch of their older songs off of iTunes and my friend gave me a burned copy of a burned copy of American Idiot. The sound quality on that was awful and the songs had the wrong titles... not to mention the very first song on the album was "I hate everything about you" by Three Days Grace. On the plus side, that's how I learned about Three Days Grace. At this point I had heard all of Green Day's discography and owned most of the songs.
The day 21st Century Breakdown dropped, I went to FYE in the mall to buy it, then sat in my room with my boombox CD player and listened to it 3 times.
Uno! Dos! and Tré! pretty much passed me by as uninspiring, except for "Someone kill the DJ."
OKAY I WROTE A WHOLE FUCKING SECOND HALF TO THIS BUT IT GOT DELETED SO I’M WRITING IT AGAIN.
ANYWAY, about Uno! Dos! Tré - I probably know some of the songs by ear if not by title, and I would recognize the others thanks to Billie Joe’s distinctive voice. But those albums mostly passed me by, and I wondered if the era of Green Day was over. They were still my favorite band, but I figured they may not make new music, and that would be fine with me. 21st Centure Breakdown was one of my favorite albums, American Idiot was incredible, and Dookie would always be a favorite. Warning was also one I loved, and though I wouldn’t be able to place earlier tracks on which albums they were as I bought them as individual songs, they were always fun to listen to.
But then, Revolution Radio came out. And it was INCREDIBLE. I love RevRad, and I’m even planning a RevRad inspired tattoo (the idea is the smoking radio with the smoke drifting up, turning into a bed of roses, in which the lyric “My head’s above the rain and roses” is inked, surrounded by more roses). Green Day is Eternal.
The reason I give all this background information is because I am a Big Fan of Green Day. They’re my favorite band of all time, and have been since I was 13 - that’s 14 years of fandom. I’ve loved Green Day for more than half my life.
So that’s why I want to give impressions on the new song drop “Father of All...” or when it is not censored, “Father of All Motherfuckers.” I heard the song the day it dropped on the radio. And honestly? I’m not sure what to think about it.
On first listen, I wouldn’t have been able to tell it was Green Day if not for the radio DJ telling me it was Green Day’s new song before it dropped. I liked the song, but it was lacking Billie Joe’s voice. I mean, I could hear it in bits of the song, but the sound I had known across all albums, even as their music style changed, was missing. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the song, and I’m eagerly anticipating the album drop and the Hella Mega Tour with Fall Out Boy and Weezer (I really, really hope I can get tickets. I am unable to get into any presales, so I hope there are actually tickets still available during general onsale.) But the song itself was a little underwhelming.
However, upon second and third listen, and looking up the lyrics, it felt more like Green Day. The song was more reminiscent of their pre-American Idiot days, particularly lyrically. And I like that. But I still am not 100% on it.
To be fair, I didn’t like “Bang, Bang” when that dropped as the first RevRad single. I thought it was boring. I came to like it a lot, even if it’s not my favorite song on the album (that honor will go to “Still Breathing”). So I may come to really the song, and the album may be a real standout. I don’t know yet.
What I do know is that I absolutely LOATHE the way Billie Joe and the band have been doing press for the album. “Rock has lost its balls”...really? Saying that rock is dead and they’re the ones who are going to bring it back is what every aging rock band of the last 50 years has said as they get older. And you know what? It’s bullshit. Maybe rock and roll isn’t the same. Maybe the genre is dead as it used to be. But there are wonderful new artists and musicians and people from older days who change their sound and this type of talk is insulting to them, not to mention beneath Green Day. Music evolves and changes. Do we listen to Big Band music anymore? No. Jazz? Sometimes, depending on the setting and mood! And I’m not complaining about emo dying out and Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco changing their sounds to more pop-rock-something or other. I still like them! And it’s not like My Chemical Romance will ever reunite.
My point is, Green Day is being childish and judgmental. And it honestly disgusts me. I’m hoping this sort of talk blows over, and I can enjoy the album without dealing with it. I know Billie Joe has his own mental issues, I do too, and that has lead to saying things like “We’re not Justin Bieber motherfuckers!” or whatever it was he said when he had his breakdown in concert. But that’s not what’s happening here. This is a very conscious marketing of the new album as rock the way it used to be. And I doubt very much that it even will be rock like it used to be - especially if “Father of All...” is a typical example of the tracks on the album.
My point is rock will never be the same as it used to be, Green Day is disappointing me in the PR department, but I’m still cautiously optimistic about the music. And at the end of the day...
Rock is dead. Long live Rock.
#green day#father of all#father of all motherfuckers#new music#rock music#music#rock is dead#long live rock#review of sorts#oh the inanity!
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Wanna Fight?
Pairing: Carol Danvers/(Gender Neutral)Reader
Summary: Carol still gets haunted by her memories and it impacts her sleeping. You are plagued by what you lost when Thanos eradicated your closest friends. You both fight to cope.
The compound was eerily quiet at three in the morning. Not that anyone was asleep, but there was the unspoken rule that after one, everyone would be respectful and quiet just in case someone actually has the opportunity to get a full night's sleep. You were not that person, and neither was Carol Danvers.
Everyone who was left in the Avengers was suffering from insomnia after the battle at Wakanda. There was too much to think about, and too much to consider. You, like everyone else, saw the disintegrated faces of your loved ones whenever you closed your eyes. This is why you didn't mind Carol knocking at your door in the middle of the night.
“Wanna fight?” She asked immediately after you open the door.
You were already dressed in your workout gear. “Sure” you said, as though you weren't ecstatic to give yourself something to do instead of lie awake for hours.
The training room lights hurt your eyes when you flipped the switch. Carol gave you very little time to adjust before tackling you to the ground. “Geez, give me a second to stretch” you wriggled from her grip, kicking her off.
“Hurry up, I'm bored” Carol pouted. You could tell she was having flashbacks in her sleep again. Some of her memories were still taking their sweet time to come back. Not all of them were pleasant, which usually prompted your early morning training sessions. You knew fighting helped her clear her mind, but you didn’t totally understand why she always chose to fight you.
“Restless, more like it” you rolled your neck and readied your posture. “What did you see tonight?” You lurched toward her, attempting to tackle her to the ground.
Carol didn't lose balance, though and jabbed you in the ribs, causing you to retreat. “Weezer, in concert” She tried swiping at your legs but you jumped quickly enough to avoid her kick and threw a punch which she dodged easily. Grabbing your arm, she twists it so it is rendered useless.
“Bullshit” you knew she was trying to avoid the truth. “No way you saw them live” you roll forward, untwisting your arm and grabbing the Kree hybrid's arm for leverage as you place your foot on her stomach and throw her over you. You hear her land on her back, harshly and she lets out a small gasp for air. “What did you see?” You asked, again. You stood up and Carol did that badass move where the hero jumps on their feet after lying on the ground by vaulting their legs. You’ve seen it before, right? You were impressed but you rolled your eyes.
“I don't remember, it was just a dream” Carol threw a punch and it landed directly in the middle of your face.
You could taste the injury before you felt it, but boy did you feel it. “OW” You cried out, clutching your nose “WHAT THE HELL?” you leaned your head forward to let the blood drip down.
“I'm sorry! I thought you were indestructible!” Carol grabbed her towel and brought it to your bloodied face. You were drenched in warm, sticky blood.
“I am, but it still hurts!” You tried setting your nose before it healed wrong and you'd have to break it all over again.
Carol poured water on your face from her bottle, effectively waterboarding you. After nearly choking you, Carol wiped at your face “Sorry I didn't think that would happen” she watched as the bruising under your skin quickly dispersed back into its normal colour.
You coughed water out of your mouth and wiped some excess blood off your face though you were still covered. Carol leaned in very closely to look at your face. She looked concerned but mildly entertained by how quick you healed. You could feel her breath on your mouth “Do I look okay?” You asked, suddenly concerned with your appearance.
Without any warning, Carol kissed you. She grabbed your chin and pulled your face to hers and she kissed you right on the mouth. You were happy to be covered in blood so she couldn't see your blush. “Yeah, never better.” What a weirdo.
#carol danvers#carol danvers/reader#captain marvel#captain marvel fic#self insert fic#i know it isn't blatantly wlw#but it is#also carol really did see weezer#mcu fic
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Random Ny updates on Ny things
lots of photos, cosplay progress, ffxiv stuffs, life feelings and rotten nyan bleh feelings of insecurity
bought myself a new friend on a whim while shopping with friends about two weeks ago
the costume so far
still need to add fur to the bottom, but apparently I still remember how to sew by hand- need to figure out the best way to attach it, though. The collar I put on like a dress shirt kind of collar, but I don’t think I can do that for the bottom part (other than just sewing the fur backside to the shirt frontside, which almost seems too easy to be right- the cuffs I put front-to-front and folded over afterwards, giving them that flat edge on top, but not sure if I want that flat edge for the bottom...)
the tights, I made a mold of my leg out of duct tape (what a silly idea), but only had enough for one go around, so it was very flimsy after being removed. I decided the smarter method would be to fold the mold in half and cut the shape out of cardboard, which I did.
I don’t think I’ll have enough turquoise paint for the stripes, so I ordered more about a week or more ago... except it was undeliverable, because they sent it to Florida, and now they’re reshipping it, and estimated date was anywhere between the 23rd to Nov 5th, so yeahhhh. Last I checked, it got to the right place (PA), but then ended up in Delaware? so we shall see what happens
Haven’t even worked on the skates at all, which worries me, but the party is planned for Friday roughly (getting my friends together is always a thing). I notice distancing tends to be pretty lax around here, they deal with people on cash registers all day though so they’re used to being exposed and I don’t need to protect my mother anymore so hm (should get a blue mask and put some graffiti on it, though)
Tomorrow sounds like it’ll be friend-crunch-day, helping another friend with their costume and such as I try to fix mine. Haven’t worked on mine in a few days because dealing with blehs, but should get back to work on it (only a few days left...)
ALSO MY BOY IS REPAIRED
they sent that shoulder piece fast, like super fast- It was here by the 21st, mann- this is the piece they sent, arm and everything
First I thought, okay, just remove the jacket and put it on the other one- but then I realize, oh, wait, no that won’t work, it won’t stick, and this new jacket is glued on. I thought to super glue it on, but trying to remove it started to tear the peg, so I decided, okay yeah no leave it alone and figure out how to remove his torso
so I removed his torso, which took a bit of force, but now he’s back together and much looser but looking good, godd
also I turned 29 on the 11th, a pretty uneventful day all things considered. Friends came over the other day to deliver gifts (though one forgot his, twice, somehow), the other was a purple DDLC girl plush and pin because she’s purple (I should probably play that game to completion), the photo I have would dox me though and too lazy to get another photo at the moment
Otherwise playing a looot of FFXIV recently, beat the main story (first one at least), got the DLC and doing the Red Mage things (as a former fencer I am down though critical of my lalafell’s footwork), slowly trying to make glamours for every class, and the latest mission thing I’ve done was fighting Moogles to knock-off This Is Halloween, what a great fight (somehow managed to get like 8 unique moggle weapons and it makes me happy they exist), mainly a BLM/WHM/RDM/Weaver though Ninja was also fun (white mage is scary but Kresna is very good at doing crazy pulls when he’s the tank and I somehow help people survive by the skin of our teeth)
the crew (myself, Kresna aka Kure, my friends Spired aka Yomi, and James aka Sebastian, who only plays FFXIV in order to play mahjong with us), we all really enjoy mahjong now if you couldn’t tell (also Kresna’s character is great and now he’s making a Rivers Cuomo lalafell and we’re all going to be bards in a Weezer cover band, also shout outs to how cute Yomi is and the magnificent pompadour and sideburns Sebastian has)
But now to the less nice things
So, hmm. Still dealing with depression, a lot of it caused by interpersonal relationships, I suppose- My flaws and anxiety-induced communication issues make it really hard for people to feel like I care or am interested in them, I think. Seeing how I hurt people, and being powerless to help people on the verge of collapse or even suicide, it eats away at me. I can’t just leave them to their depression, and I want to stay connected and I genuinely value them in my life, but it’s taken such a toll on my own mental health and I absolutely cannot leave them alone, either- the type who can and would genuinely go through with taking their own life if left with absolutely nothing. I’m not sure what to do to help them or myself, but it’s hard just watching and being the only one who can listen.
Finally drew a Rotten Nyan picture today, but not that happy with. My feelings keep swaying between good and bad, and I think I’ll add more bad in a follow up doodle as well.
I worry I speak my mind too much- to other people, with these tumblr rants, with my tweets, I feel like I talk an unnecessary amount, mostly about myself, but never about what’s important to other people. I feel I make other people feel less appreciated by how little I talk to them or about them in comparison.
I feel like what I want to make makes me a creep, and that the people I consider friends, or at least close followers, would slowly vanish on me if I keep making it. Or I risk getting labelled as something, or being mocked for my creations. It’s a weird paranoia.
I’ve had some good talks with some friends this week that helped me feel more productive, watched some artist stream and forced myself to join another discord for that artist to try to interact with other artists, as well as trying to force myself to communicate and compliment their art as much as I reasonably can. It’s hard, very hard for me, but I need to treat people better and gain more connections.
But these things have been lightening my mood a bit, and trying to inspire me to draw more. But the uncertainty still lingers- Middle Lave for example, all I think of anymore is being mean to them, or remembering the bad or the humiliating instead of making more cute things. Any time I think of any scene, it just gets twisted. I can’t think of any good scenarios, either. Thinking of all the situations that make MLave cut themselves, or cry, or how frequently MLave had restroom issues (I could write pages and pages on that nonsense alone at the risk of it becoming some fetish work or something, I already feel like I’ve written too much about it), nonsense like that. Which, is it fine to just write about that anyway? I don’t know. I’m told there’s an audience for anything, and if people want to read it, they will, and if they don’t they don’t have to, but I’m still scared of pushing away an already existing audience- Followers are one thing, I don’t expect people to keep following something they don’t enjoy, but I guess just people I’m closer to, followers who take the time to interact with me frequently, I worry what they think of me and losing them (though I don’t want to be clingy or guilt-trip anyone either).
I also think of some of the word choice I’d use- it’d be accurate and authentic, but I worry with how people will take it (for example: Lave’s nickname growing up was “retard” or “r-tard” by their sister, and “faggot” by their father, and I know that kind of language is frowned upon even more so these days, but it’d be a disservice not to include it I’d think)
I have a separate twitter for Rotten Nyan though, I just haven’t used it, so maybe when I finally update the comic I can just keep all the twisted stuff locked away on it and the tumblr accounts.
There are lots of weird things I worry about, since on the topic- I feel like I’m just very naive. I see a lot of people enjoy “bullying” my character Dolly, and at times I wonder if I should encourage it, or speak against it, or what. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, and it makes me wonder if I’m a creep for enjoying tormenting Lave, enjoying portraying self-harmful or humiliating or self-deprecating scenes and wanting to talk about them or draw them, it feels wrong. I think of Suicide Boy, where I feel it takes it a bit too overboard, but I wonder if I’m any better.
Other things I see, say, pacifiers for example, I see them a lot in my pinterest feeds and some artists I follow. First I worry they’re some kind of kink I don’t know about, and if I had them to my character it’ll sully my art somehow unexpectedly, but then I see Animal Crossing add them, so there must be some fashion trend or something to it, maybe? I probably wouldn’t actually draw art of one honestly, but it’s a weird trend I don’t understand I guess, and I wonder if I’m weird for thinking it looks cute sometimes and weird at others.
I guess overall, in short, I’m just afraid of making something that drives people away from me, or being known for something I don’t want to be known for, or something. At the same time, I feel like worrying about it and talking about it so much also makes me a creep, somehow.
Anyway, if you couldn’t tell I’m just rambling at this point, but I should change subjects.
I did lose 10 lbs / 4.5 kg since I officially started my diet two months ago, which is nice. I still am too embarrassed to say what my weight actually is (gained a little bit of weight during quarantine), but I’ve basically lost what I gained this year and am almost halfway to a healthy BMI. Afterwards, I see no reason to change my diet (other than maybe how little energy I feel eating less than 1500 calories a day), so I’ll see how far the diet takes me before it plateaus. If I can be a bodyweight to cosplay Kuja by the time I’m 30, that’ll be ideal (of course, I’d still need to put in effort to get rid of a belly and eat healthier foods, but yeah). Still surviving mainly on 100% whole wheat bread, skippy peanut butter, and kraft mac and cheese / spaghetti with meatless sauce, but in measured portions at least with three meals a day.
Also, mann, between depression and FFXIV, I’ve really been neglecting ACNH- still try to play it every day, but usually only late at night when everything’s closed, so missing out on a lot of Halloween stuff I feel.
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buddy holly
“why are these homies dissing my girl? why do they gotta front?”
((aka, challenge three. thanks for the rp, grace! i had a blast :) title and quote creds to weezer. 1.1k words))
🌸
to put it simply, poppy’s day was going to shit.
she was a) still sleepy, despite it being three in the afternoon, b) having cramps (blech), and c) was a spazzy asshole as per her usual attitude. it only got worse when she accidently knocks into princess mallory in the halls. “oh my god, i’m so sorry!”
mallory whips around with a scowl. “watch it!”
“my bad, dude. are you okay? not like… injured or anything?” that was her first mistake.
mallory stares at her. poppy can practically see the ice forming in her eyes. “i am not a dude.”
“sorry, would you prefer “bro”? or “homeboy,” perhaps?” poppy asks her sarcastically. second mistake.
she haughtily lifts her head. “how about highness,” she says coolly.
“i feel like “highness” tends to belong to people who are actually polite.” the frost in her voice equally matches mal’s. third mistake.
“you've just met me and i'm the one who's impolite?”
“i mean, your answer to me saying sorry was ‘watch where you’re going’, so… yeah, you are.”
“i believe i said 'watch it'.” god, she’s so snooty; it’s like she’s never met a person below her caste in her life.
“either way. besides, i’ve heard the horror stories from other selected about meeting you.” it’s not a lie- most of them are either a little frightened by their interactions with her or are just pissed that she hasn’t given anyone a chance to prove her wrong.
“aw, are the reigning rejects scared of me?” a taunt stains her tone. she wants to get a rise out of poppy- it’s obvious by her continuation of a bullshit conversation.
poppy pretends to ponder for a moment, trying to think of something that might throw her off. “i feel like “pissed off” might be a better term for it. or possibly “curious.””
mal shrugs. “boo hoo.” damn, nothing gets past that wall of bullshit.
she comes up with something that could be the exact ammo she needs. “why are you so angry?” that was her fourth mistake.
mallory pauses, taken aback. “w-wha- excuse me?”
perfect, says her internal monologue. her external monologue calls for a shrug and a sarcastically therapist-esque tone. “i dunno if it’s predisposition or what,” she starts, faking sympathy, “but clearly you have a lot of bottled up emotions in that pretty head of yours.”
mallory’s eyebrows shoot up. “what gives you the right to speak to me this way?” her facade has broken slightly, thin ice beginning to crack under pressure.
the dead eye contact with the princess gives her just enough courage to say, “nothing, really. i just think maybe someone should let you know that you can’t take out your emotions on other people.”
“are you trying to get sent home?” mal asks, frustration evident in her tone. she looks flustered. she obviously wasn’t expecting for one of the ‘reigning rejects’, as she put it so kindly, to call her out on her shit- in fact, she probably didn’t expect anyone to call her out on her shit.
“somehow i don’t think you have the power to do that.” she probably does according to some subclause article blah blah blah, but it never hurts to try.
snobbery has returned to her voice. “i can tell nate about your lack of respect for his dear little sister.”
poppy gestures past her dramatically. “be my guest,” she says, a challenge in her voice.
“watch me.” she bumps her way past poppy.
“have fun, my man!” clearly false cheeriness fills her voice as she returns to apparently masculine coded slang as a way to taunt mallory. god, i’m such a bitch.
mal spins back around and moves closer to poppy. “i am not your man!”
“see, this is what i’m talking about. if an itty bitty comment like that sets you off, you have far bigger problems than slang that most people consider gender neutral.”
“do you want something?” mal asks. she’s pissed- not new- and shaken up- definitely new. poppy’s never, ever seen her this off her game before. she’s a little pleased with herself for accomplishing this. her mother would call it schadenfreude- taking pleasure in others pain.
she shrugs. “not really. i’m just a massive bitch.” that’s the difference between them. poppy can admit when she’s in the wrong, just as she’s doing now, but mal is a whole other taco stand. she probably never thinks she’s in the wrong, as if she’s above morals and laws because she’s a one.
the lake has frozen back over, frostiness returning to her tone. “we're done here.”
“this has been a scintillating conversation.” poppy puts every bit of the very little happiness she has left into that one sentence, but she doesn’t mean it.
unfortunately, mallory can’t tell that. “no, it has not.” her voice is snippy.
with nothing but another shrug, poppy responds with a nonchalant, “everyone is entitled to their own opinions.”
with a frustrated shout, mallory leaves with nothing but a yelled goodbye. poppy calls after her. “see y’all later!” she waits until she’s mostly out of earshot to start cursing her out in every language she knows even a vague curse word in under her breath. she runs through the basics- scheise, shit, mierda, tonto del culo, futue te ipsi, cabra- before she goes through her mental file folder of welsh ones.
she returns to her room, giggling about her stupid welsh swears (and her possibly imminent elimination) and collapses on the bed right as caroline begins to make it. “are you fucking kidding me?” caroline says with a laugh.
“sorry, cariña. i had a shit show of a conversation today with princess drewgi today, wanna hear about it?”
caroline, having been forced to learn welsh swears with poppy two weeks ago, knows exactly what she’s saying and who she’s talking about. “please. i have no drama in my personal life.” poppy recounts the events for her, caroline laughing in the right places, saying burn right where it’s necessary, and generally just being her amazing, gorgeous self as per usual. “so long story short, if you were to fuck another guard, it probably wouldn’t be a big deal?”
poppy laughs. “no, probably not.”
“what about a maid?” while her mouth and eyes are still smiling, caroline’s voice has gone soft and serious.
poppy stares at her. “umm… i guess that would be okay too. why do you ask?”
caroline stares at her thoughtfully for a second before leaning and brushing her lips against poppy’s. she leans back before blurting out “aw, fuck, i’m sorry, i didn’t-” her voice is quickly cut off by poppy pulling her back in and smiling against her lips.
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Wishshiping for the otp meme!
Who made the first move
In terms of romance, definitely Yuugi. He was the first one to realize that he was in love with Jounouchi, and thus the first one to confess. Jounouchi was completely blindsided by this, and took a while to come to terms both with his own feelings and the fact that it was okay for him to feel this way (and that he wouldn’t be ruining Yuugi’s life if he admitted that he returned his feelings—far from it, actually), but even in the midst of telling Yuugi this, of trying to explain how he felt and where he was coming from, Yuugi was the one to make the first move again by kissing him outright. Jounouchi only got his act together the next day, when he tried once again to explain, ended up saying “screw it,” and this time was the first one to kiss Yuugi.
But still, especially considering it took Jounouchi so long to sort things out, Yuugi was absolutely the one to make the first move.
Who said ‘I love you’ first
Canonically (and I love that this is canon), Yuugi!
That’s from the official colored version of the manga, by the way. I added the text (and we all know that’s an accurate translation), but the coloring is official. Everything about that is official. It’s canon. Yuugi canonically told Jounouchi that he loved him first. It’s the only love confession in canon. ♥
That said, even if we’re talking about inarguable romantic confessions—as in, “who told the other that they were in love with them first”—then that still goes to Yuugi, as described above. Yuugi realized his feelings first, and Yuugi confessed first, and somehow, despite the canonical “I love you” pictured above, Jounouchi was still surprised. (Though the idea that anyone, much less someone as incredible as Yuugi, could ever be in love with him played a big part in that. Poor boy has no self-esteem.)
How often they fight
Very rarely. Jounouchi and Yuugi have such complementary, compatible personalities that they rarely clash. Their opinions often align, and even when they don’t, they’re far more prone to simply discussing it than they are actually fighting about it. The only thing that really moves them to actual arguments is if one of them is self-deprecating, because neither one of them stands for that. And even then, the arguments never turn to insults, never turn to degrading the other, never turn to dragging the other down, because that’s the very thing that upsets them! And I mean, you could try to say that I’m just viewing them with rose-tinted glasses, but I’m really not. We see in canon that the only time Jounouchi grows angry with Yuugi is when Yuugi is tearing himself down. We see in canon that Yuugi vehemently stands against Jounouchi’s opinions when Jounouchi’s opinions are negative ones about himself. Otherwise, they work in perfect sync and harmony. They’re absolutely comfortable with one another, and minor disagreements don’t escalate into huge fights. They communicate too well with one another for that to ever happen.
So yeah, they fight only very rarely, if ever. And whenever a fight does occur, it’s always resolved by the end. They’re never ones to let it lie/go to bed angry.
Whose big spoon/little spoon
Jounouchi is the big spoon, usually, and not just because he’s so much taller than Yuugi. Rather, it’s because he’s absolutely the person to just randomly throw his arms around Yuugi and pull him into a hug/snuggle. He’s a very cuddly guy, that Jounouchi Katsuya. That said, Yuugi has his fair share of hugging Jounouchi from behind as well, especially in bed. They’re definitely not too shy to cuddle.
What their nicknames are for each other
They don’t really use nicknames too often, really! Yuugi does switch to calling Jounouchi by his given name, Katsuya, once they make their relationship romantic, and sometimes he says it with a certain lilt just to see if he can get a blush out of Jounouchi (which works, most of the time, though to be fair the first handful of times Yuugi called him “Katsuya” was enough to make him blush). Jounouchi almost always just calls Yuugi “Yuugi,” though if he’s really tired sometimes he’ll shorten it to just “Yuu.” Other than that, they’re not really ones for nicknames …
… although, there was one time when Jounouchi—having just woken up, with his hair all mussed and his voice still rough from sleeping—called Yuugi “babe,” and the sight of Yuugi’s face turning very, very red was enough to wake him up the rest of the way. He, of course, took full advantage of the situation to point out that Yuugi was blushing, to which Yuugi covered his own burning face with a pillow and said, “I am not, shut up!” and it was all very endearing.
Whose the better cook
Jounouchi! He had to learn to cook at least basic things growing up, given that his mother walked out when he was ten and his father was an abusive alcoholic who wasn’t about to be good for anything ever. Of course, they were impoverished (with Jounouchi, child that he was, serving as the breadwinner given that his father was both unemployed and a chronic gambler), so he couldn’t afford very expensive ingredients, and wouldn’t know much of what to do with them anyway given that he was so young and didn’t have time to learn. But that said, he at least learned to make basic dishes (things with rice and egg, that sort of thing), which is more than Yuugi ever had to learn, given that Yuugi lived with his mother and grandfather, both of whom provided for him.
When they moved into their apartment together after high school, Jounouchi did teach Yuugi what he knew, and he also took the opportunity to learn more recipes. Truth be told, while Jounouchi is probably not going to win (or even enter) a cooking contest show any time soon, he’s actually a pretty good cook! Yuugi, at least, always loves whatever he makes. And Yuugi himself has improved considerably, even if Jounouchi still does the lion’s share of the cooking (especially since, once they’re in their condo and officially committed, he’s home more often due to the radio station demanding less hours than Yuugi’s gaming company, and as such has more time to do things like cook and clean). So all in all, Jounouchi is the better cook, but Yuugi has still improved a lot over time.
Their song
I’m going to take this to mean “songs that I think describe their relationship” versus “the song that they consider theirs,” since I don’t have enough experience with Japanese music to know what they would consider “their” song to be. That said, I have several! Like, seriously, an entire playlist’s worth, though I’ll keep this brief, haha.
Both Perspectives:“My Best Friend” — Weezer“When everything is wrong, I’ll come talk to you.You make things all right when I’m feelin’ blue.You are such a blessing, and I won’t be messingwith the one thing that brings light to all my darkness …
“There is no other one who can take your place.I feel happy inside when I see your face.I hope you believe me, ‘cause I speak sincerely,and I mean it when I tell you that I need you …
“You’re my best friend, and I love you.And I love you, yes I do.”
Yuugi’s Perspective:“Favorite Thing” — Yuna
“It’s in the way you drink your coffee,and how you have faith in me.And you love your cameras,and you tell me that I’m good enough.Boy, you bubble-wrap my heart.
“The way you look out of the window,and you stay because you know.It wasn’t your intention, but you can’t helpbut to crash in, like the wave I’ve been waiting for.
“And all the things that I used to be afraid of—suddenly, it all disappeared.
“When I feel like the world has turned its back on me.When I feel all alone, and I’m left with nobody.Oh, when people wanted me to be somebody else …But you love me completely.”
Jounouchi’s Perspective:“Fear the Future” — Emma Blackery
“They say there’s strength in numbers,and I was weak as one.But now that we’re together,look how strong I have become.I used to fight alone,now I fight for me and you.And the people who upset youare now my enemies, too.
“When I start to miss you,I go to sleep, and thenI’m another day closerto seeing you again.And I want you to remember thiswhen you put yourself down:I cannot fear my future now that I have you around.”
“My Best Friend” would probably work best as “their song” since it works from both perspectives—but either way, the others are perfect, too, so they needed mentioning. ♥ (And again, I have more where that came from, but … these three are probably the best fitting ones, so. Here they are.)
Who remembers their anniversaries
Both! And when it comes to their anniversaries, they usually plan activities together, rather than surprising each other with spontaneous gifts. Surprises are usually saved more for birthdays than anniversaries, you see. ;) But yeah, they’re both good about remembering things like this, especially since they’re both sentimental dorks who are thrilled that they have someone to celebrate anniversaries with.
Their favorite thing to do together
Play games, of course! They play all sorts of games together, given that they’re both huge nerds (to the point where the draws beneath their bed are filled with games instead of clothes). Card games, board games, figure games, video games—their condo is filled with games (and so was their apartment before it), and so gaming is absolutely their favorite pastime.
Aside from gaming, though, they also do like watching various anime and other shows together, and they tend to get into new manga and such that’s released as well. They also like watching bad B-movies to make fun of them, haha. (Not horror ones, though. Even B-level horror movies can be a bit much for Jounouchi sometimes. Yuugi, thankfully, understands.)
How they would get engaged
Well, unfortunately, same-sex marriage is still not legal in Japan, and so it definitely wasn’t back in the early ‘00s when they first got together … and as such, in all honesty, Jounouchi proposing that they go in on a mortgage together (for their condo) was very much like a marriage proposal, given that he was proposing that they live together (and be together) for the long haul. They’re basically engaged after that. ;)
But that said, if/when marriage does become legal in Japan … I could imagine them hearing about that, hearing that it’s legal now, and not really thinking too much about it. It’s in the back of their minds, but they don’t really need it, do they? They’re already committed to each other. This is for real, and it’s forever. But that said, I could see them sitting on the couch one night, watching TV, Yuugi leaning into Jounouchi’s embrace, and Jounouchi saying, “Hey, so … now that it’s legal, we should probably get married.”
And Yuugi’s quiet for a minute, letting that sink in, before he says, “Yeah, okay.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
And they smile at each other, kiss, and that’s that.
What their wedding would be like
Well, here’s the thing. They would want it to be a private, personal affair, just family and friends. And traditionally (at least from what I’ve read), this is how it’s done in Japan! Marriages are held at a Shinto shrine, and a Shinto priest conducts the ceremony, which is only witnessed by close family members of the couple in question. I feel like Yuugi and Jounouchi would also want to extend this to close friends, so those in (requested) attendance would be Yuugi’s parents and grandpa (he will still be alive for this, he will live forever, let’s not think about how devastating it’s going to be for everyone when he finally passes on), Shizuka, Honda, Anzu, and Bakura. (It should be noted that Shizuka and Honda are absolutely counted as Jounouchi’s family. Shizuka is his little sister by blood, and Honda might as well be his brother. His parents are not invited for obvious reasons.) They drink the traditional sake, say their vows, the ceremony is concluded, and then they can have the reception wherein all the other guests are thus let in so it can be a good time and a party.
This is what they would want, but the problem here is that they’re both … kind of … famous.
Obviously Yuugi still has his fame from being the King of Games, and by this time he has created some amazing games during his time as a developer for MalleaBoundary Games—enough so that his name is out there as a hot shot developer, at least. Meanwhile, Jounouchi is a very popular radio host who also does things like press coverage of entertainment events, Let’s Plays for the station’s website, et cetera. Setting aside his international fame from his time playing Duel Monsters publicly (second in Duelist Kingdom and a finalist in Battle City are both big deals, especially since he was so new to the game!), in Domino City he’s quite the big name, and his Let’s Plays get views all across Japan.
So although they want it to be a small affair, even at the reception, press definitely try to crash it. So there is a nice ceremony at a Shinto shrine, as is custom … buuuut there’s an issue with keeping the press out (especially as Jounouchi recognizes some of them and tells them to “come on, guys, screw off!”), and Honda has to tell Jounouchi at one point that he can’t knock a reporter out on his wedding day, right before Honda turns around and knocks out the reporter for him.
“You are the best best man,” Jounouchi says.
“I know,” Honda says.
(Note: I don’t think the whole “best man” custom is actually a custom in Japanese weddings, but the dialogue worked well, so let’s just have that little tidbit in there for funsies if nothing else.)
How many kids they’ll have
None! I’ve discussed this before, but the short version is that Jounouchi has a lot of hang-ups when it comes to being a father, to the point where it’s something that he feels actual fear/aversion to, and Yuugi has, in all honesty and again with canonical evidence to back it up, has never been very good with/never liked kids too much. (Like, he likes kids from a distance—he wants to create games that they’ll enjoy, but he’s just not very good with kids up close and personal. He gets very aggravated by them very easily. I can reference manga chapters if people need me to.) This, plus the fact that he works so many hours and knows that the bulk of the child rearing would be with Jounouchi even if they did adopt, leads him to never really bringing it up. By the time they do think about/discuss it they’re in their late thirties/forties, and by then it feels too late, so they just don’t. They’re child-free for life, and much happier that way, in all honesty. :) (They’re also the coolest uncles to their friends’/sibling’s kids, though. Like, Shizuka’s kids absolutely love their Uncle Katsuya, for sure. There’s no doubt about that.)
That said, they do adopt a bearded dragon shortly after moving into their condo. His name is Bat (specifically the Japanese word Koumori, which translates to Bat; they named him after the English name for the Devil Dragon Duel Monsters card). He’s as good as their child and they have him for many years. :)
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Help! My boyfriend CAN’T STOP listening to Weezer!!!
Y’all,
These are desperate times. Russia, politics, foreign countries, government stuff, it’s all been building up for a while. I thought that if I just focused on the small things that I could tune out what was happening in the world and everything would be okay, which worked for a while, until I remembered that disaster could strike in my personal life as well.
I haven’t read the news in months, so I have no idea what’s going on in the world, and I’ve been able to start sleeping for at least 45 minutes a night and eating well-balanced breakfasts each morning. I even started flossing once a week. I was literally killing it with the self-care and my life was literally so amazing until something happened, which has brought me here today and compels me to seek help from my online community. I’ve turned to every resource I could find — friends, family, my therapist, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, Google, Wikihow, EHow, Bing, Etsy, Stumbleupon, AIM, Neopets, etc. — and nothing has worked. I’m writing to you all as a final effort to remedy the crisis happening in my home.
Three weeks ago, I came home from work to find my boyfriend listening to Weezer. I’ll call my boyfriend Flarg, for privacy reasons. Not because he doesn’t have a real name, because he actually does have a name that is not Flarg, but that’s just what we’re going to call him. So, back to the situation at hand; it was mid-afternoon and Flarg was listening to Weezer. Now I know what you’re probably asking, not out loud, but kind of wondering to yourself in your internal monologue, “what’s wrong with listening to Weezer? Weezer is a perfectly respectable 90s post-grunge alternative rock band with influences from heavy power pop and 70s metal, as described in the ‘about’ section on Spotify!” If that’s what you’re thinking, I agree with you; all of those things are very accurate. But that’s not the point, okay? This was just the beginning.
At first, Flarg was listening to Weezer like any person might listen to music, playing it in the background while working or cooking, or listening to it on the train. This is perfectly healthy behavior and I am not condemning it by any means. Weezer is a good band and people should listen to them in a healthy way. I also think Weezer is very wholesome and their music is fun and silly and they deserve all of the commercial success they’ve gotten, as well as real fulfillment and reason to believe that humans were put on this earth for a reason and that our lives are not in vain; I hope that all people find this, and if career success can provide a shortcut, more power to ya, I think that’s great, seriously. I really like Weezer and I value all of the musicians associated with it; I think their lives have inherent worth and dignity and I respect them as human beings as well as artists. People should definitely listen to their music and also be friends with them and be nice to them. But people should STOP listening to Weezer if it starts to interfere with their emotional and physical wellbeing!!!
Weezer, taken in healthy doses, is very good for holistic health. It’s feel-good, it has toe-tappin’ beats, and the tone has an excellent balance of humor and sincerity. Listening to Weezer makes me to high-five every person I pass on the street and play non-competitive intramural volleyball with them. Weezer is so earnest and pure it will make you believe in love again. That being said, everything is good IN MODERATION!!!!!!!!!
When Flarg started listening to Weezer, I wasn’t concerned at all. I was all like, you haven’t discovered Weezer before? I’m happy for you because Weezer is a good band and I think listening to them will be a net positive in your life! By all means, keep listening to Weezer! But then, everything changed. Flarg started listening to them more, while brushing his teeth, while falling asleep, while waking up, while taking a moment to tie his shoelaces, while waiting in line for groceries, and during comfortable silences in conversation.
It’s not just affecting us, it’s also affecting the household. The other day, we came home, and he had removed all of our wall decorations so that he could put up posters of every Weezer album cover. He also disposed of all our food so that he could use the cupboards and refrigerator space to store the Weezer albums that he had purchased on vinyl, CD, and tape. He also got DVDs and VHS tapes of every recorded Weezer concert in history. Yesterday, he bought an expensive waterproof speaker system that he could install in the shower as well as the bathroom and kitchen sinks so that he could always listen to Weezer whether he was bathing in the shower or in one of the sinks.
I’ve been trying to convince him to get a matching butt tattoo with me for months, and he’s been totally resistant to the idea, but lo and behold, since his Weezer passion started, suddenly he’s all gung-ho about permanent bodily alterations. He got an accurately sized tattoo of Rivers Cuomo’s face over his own face, and he got the other members’ faces tattooed on the back of his head and on each of his knees, so he’s like Professor Quirrell in the first Harry Potter, but like if he had tattoos on his knees. You know how some people get forked tongues so that they can look like a snake or whatever? Well Flarg got someone to alter his tongue so that it’s now in the shape of the Weezer “W” logo thing. It’s kind of cool but it’s also extremely alarming. None of his friends or family know what to do either. We all think it’s some kind of quarter-life crisis, but I’m not sure this is temporary. He’s already listened to Weezer’s entire discography hundreds of times and their novelty hasn’t seemed to fade a bit. It’s like every time he listens to Weezer he thinks he’s hearing the song for the first time. I’m like, Flarg, you just listened to “Island in the Sun” eighty-four times in a row, aren’t you getting bored at all? And Flarg looks at me as though I’ve just suggested that he might get bored of a Weezer song after listening to it eighty-four times in a row, because that’s exactly what I’m saying, but I didn’t mean it that way. I think Weezer is good enough to listen to for hours on end, no question, but like, isn’t there a point at which it’s kind of excessive? This morning I was like, so, Flarg, you’ve heard every single Weezer song many times, have you tried maybe exploring a new band or checking out similar artists? Maybe you would like them too! And Flarg looked at me like I had just suggested that he might enjoy listening to music that’s not Weezer. And that’s what I said, but that’s not what I meant, I just thought, I don’t know, okay? I take it all back. I don’t know anything anymore. Maybe Weezer is the only logical framework through which to view the world and make sense of my life and the human condition. It’s like choosing to believe in God. You just decide whether you want that kind of order and structure in your life, and a way of understanding yourself, and then you have it. Should I just make this choice? Maybe Weezer is the easiest way to be introspective and learn about what it means to be human and why we’re all here in the first place, anyways. Right? It’s as valid as anything else is. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I walked into a coffee shop this morning and everyone was like “his name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.” And I was like, why is everyone reenacting this scene from Fight Club? Is this like an Improv Everywhere setup and I’m supposed to know what to do and I should participate but I can’t because I have anxiety around audience participation? What’s my role? Do I have a role here? Do I have a role…anywhere???? Am I like, suddenly realizing that my life is a lie and everything is wrong with modern society and it’s turned me into someone I can’t recognize and Weezer is the only true reality??? And maybe Flarg and I are the same person since we both love Weezer and this whole time I thought I was a separate person but now I know that we’re just one person along with everyone else because we’re all like one consciousness because identity is a construction and none of it is real but we’re all one because that’s how the universe works and because we all love Weezer. Is that what’s going on?? Is Weezer the only thing that makes sense anymore???! Should I quit my job and follow Weezer around in a big van with Flarg until we learn enough about them that we can emulate every aspect of their lifestyles and get their social securities numbers and impersonate them and steal their identity because they are the only identity worth having?????? Is that what everything in my life has been leading me to? Is there no other way?????? Are we all members of Weezer and we always have been and always will be and we just didn’t realize until this very moment??? TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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