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#oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story π n i know it's because i'm lonely n
noxtivagus
Β·
1 year
Text
i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait
#π.vents
#bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too
#i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh
#n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah
#n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n
#yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i
#middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like
#my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends
#n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then
#someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah
#n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs
#i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but
#i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't.
#ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah
#used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends.
#oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story π n i know it's because i'm lonely n
#you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too
#but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow
#ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me
#we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless
#i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless
#ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the
#i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what
#to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too
#serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life
#most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears
#in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop.
#sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck
#nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends
#i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.
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