#nile: on god y'all better not be doing stupid shit i need to bail you out for

[in-tua-deep]

I sent an ask like this before but I think tumblr ate it so I guess I’m sending it again. I love your tog/tua crossover! It was the post that made me watch the old guard and I’m v happy abt that. I was thinking about Booker ‘I have trauma about my kids growing old and dying’ Le Livre and I can’t help but think he’d go full dad mode on Five at all times. Five gets the father he deserves and Booker gets an undying child. Everyone wins.

oof yeah it would be... complicated to say the LEAST

I’m not sure Booker would be ready in any sense of the word to be a father again, and having an immortal child would be,, really painful honestly, especially when he had to watch his children grow old and die and now there’s this child who gets to live and it’s not fair

and Booker is... a normal father, for lack of a better word. He loved his children. He told them stories and swung them into his arms and pressed kisses against their rosy little cheeks, he held them when they cried and joined in with the laughter, and he loved them

and so he looks at this - this child, because Five is thirteen and he doesn’t deserve this

but Five is not familiar with the idea of a normal father. His father was cruel, was very forthright in the fact that he did not care about the children as human beings. It’s laughable to think that Reginald Hargreeves would ever tell them stories, would ever hold them or kiss their cheeks or laugh with them. Reginald Hargreeves avoided even touching them. A father to Five is monumentally different than what a father is to Booker

they bright side is that if Booker ever acts fatherly, Five doesn’t clock it as fatherly. He might accuse Booker of mothering him? But honestly Booker probably is like “we can’t let Five do X dangerous thing, he’s baby” which,, Grace helped the kids get ready for their missions, she never tried to protect them from their ‘work’

and some of the things are so far outside of Five’s frame of reference that he just assumes they’re an Old Guard thing or something, like when Five gets a smear of dirt on his cheek and Booker automatically grabs a handkerchief to scrub it off

(I can claim this because Five has such non reactions to the same thing in the s2 gifs I have seen that I can only say he’s just like ??? the whole time and just chooses not to address it, especially bc it happens both with a family member AND an enemy and he doesn’t react either time)

To be fair, they all baby Five to an extent, but it looks different for each of them

Andy doesn’t know what to do with a child? She hasn’t really,, been around children for extended periods of time honestly, she’s used to saving kids and is honestly pretty good at awkwardly talking Five through panic attacks. But she’s kind of tough love, and would probably cheer Five up by giving him weapons and letting him blow stuff up tbh

Nicky and Joe are kind of like fun uncles? they tease Five a lot, and he can’t even argue with them because they’re both like 900 years older than him but also they are very emotional and touchy and they like to ruffle his hair and lean on him and give him hugs that pick him up and swing him around. It’s weird and he isn’t sure if he likes it, but it’s kind of nice to be included?? They never had kids so they’re kind of indulgent with him tbh, kids like taking down horrific time based organizations as a pass time right?

Booker is awkward because he is a father and so he does things like ruffle Five’s hair on autopilot or pile more food on Five’s plate or anything, and he freezes because - it’s something he did with his own kids, and,,,,, he might get more than a little emotional about it. which weirds Five out. Booker is definitely one of the more protective of them though and dislikes putting Five in the line of fire

Nile has Big Sister energy, despite being younger than literally anyone else in this au technically considering that the umbrella academy are 3 years older than her. She has what is vastly lacking: emotional maturity. She sort of adopts Five as a kid brother, which makes her nostalgic for her own brother but also Five is so different it’s not a big issue, but Nile used to babysit for money as well and knows how to handle difficult kids and just applies that to Five

(and it actually works more often than not, five is not immune to Nile’s impeccable logic - mainly because Nile doesn’t order Five she lays out her reasoning in a way that he can’t even argue with)

booker has issues, he has a LOT of issues especially regarding kids and stepping into a fatherly role that I’m not sure he would comfortable with for a long time... but he has a lot of time to wrestle with those issues and eventually step into a more parental role since they have... literally hundreds of years together in the future lmao

five has to learn to actually be a child and not just a child soldier, which isn’t exactly easy considering he’s now going to part of the immortal ‘army’ 

honestly i think a good healing part of this au is just... the og squad learning that surviving isn’t the same as living, and even though they still have to be careful about their footprints even with Copley erasing them... I think they have a lot to learn about living

and having normal human ‘sponsors’ to help out... well I mean - the Hargreeves are super wealthy now that their dad kicked the bucket and are probably very willing to go on camping trips or go to Disney World or drag the squad paintballing. When was the last time the og squad just had fun? no worrying about missions and saving people or saving each other, just pure silly nonsense fun

and the Hargreeves are learning to have fun for the first time as well, even if it means Klaus aggressively putting Mickey Mouse ears on everyone and Diego cheating at paintball and Nile teaming up with Allison to get everyone to go to various plays and musicals

the Hargreeves aren’t immortal but they also aren’t helpless either, and I could see them tagging along on any cool missions for a while. Especially Diego, tbh, with his discount batman schtick he has going on

(honestly if anyone would remind Booker of his kids, it would... probably be Klaus? His children were adults when they died, and he saw them dying, and Klaus is skinny as a rail and sickly looking and probably has health issues thanks to the extended drug use and withdrawal going on

so consider: Booker telling Klaus to sit down and let him cook, get some soup in that boy he’s way too skinny, booker is FRENCH he WILL cook for this beanpole. His mama’s stew could knock the plague right out of a person, probably. 

Booker: that is far too heavy for you let me take it

Klaus: oh! no dude it’s fine - 

Booker: sit down !! you look like a strong breeze could knock you over. I will bring you some soup.

Klaus: I’m fine !! Don’t worry about me - 

Diego: don’t listen to him!! he absolutely needs minding 24/7 or he WILL find a way to get hurt

Booker: !! are you hurting right now? Sit down! Honestly -devolves into muttered french curses as he bustles off to the kitchen-)

but yes there you go the og squad and umbella academy combine into the ULTIMATE FAMILY due to shared custody of Five for the duration of the academy’s lives

#tog/tua au #booker has a lot of issues #booker said 'i WILL be the mum friend' #joe and nicky disagree #booker is the group BABY #actually honestly nile is both the little sister friend AND the mum friend #nile: on god y'all better not be doing stupid shit i need to bail you out for #klaus is a sickly looking young man and booker WILL mother him #five is baby but he's feral baby #booker will try to protect him as best he can but also like #five met him and immediately stabbed him which was a bitch move #five is the squad babiest brother slash gremlin #booker: ANDY !! five STABBED me #andy: well did you deserve it? #the gang send copley one of those roller coaster photos of them to add to his conspiracy boards #it's signed 'xoxo nicky and joe ;3c' #copley cries a little inside over this #copley: STOP HANGING OUT WITH CELEBRITIES #allison: lol oh yeah forgot about that #five literally has a buzzfeed unsolved episode about him #but honestly people just expect that level of shenanigans from the umbrella academy #who are public figures and Very Wealthy so the government can't just make the disappear #or steal them for experiments #nile is the one they send to deal with five when he's being unreasonable #she just has cat herder energy to her but also is unhinged enough to jump out of windows and shit so #nile has babysitter energy #but my old babysitter who let me build a couch cushion train around him because he was Very Tired and I was a Very Energetic Six Year Old #nicky and joe just treat five like an oversized cat tbh #'aww look at the littler murder machine!' they say #swinging him up by his armpits and kissing the side of his head