#next time a dr asks why I've got so much Mental Illness the temptation to reply 'you fucking cunts' is going to be so high

[thebibliosphere]

I'm not sure the novelty of a doctor actually providing me with compassionate and competent treatment will ever wear off.

Like... I've known for years I am sick. Logically I am aware I've been ignored, abused, and violated. But there's still that abused and gaslit part of my brain fearfully murmuring, "But what if I am doing this for attention and I just don't know it? what if I am a Bad Patient?"

And it's so ingrained that even when a doctor tells me they ran biopsies that confirm my diagnosis irrefutably, I'm still like, "Wow, I sure am a good liar being able to fake biopsies like that." Like bitch, the fuck did I do? Manifest a fake result through the power of my brain?

What kind of Matilda-ass-nonsense do I think I'm capable of? And why am I not using it to make Elon Musk explode at will?

Anyway. I hope my therapist's great-grandkids enjoy the college education I'm about to bankroll. Fuck me.

#chronic health tag #medical abuse #medical gaslighting #next time a dr asks why I've got so much Mental Illness the temptation to reply 'you fucking cunts' is going to be so high #if you're going into medicine in any capacity #please hold onto your compassion #It counts for more than you'll ever know