#nct 127 timetamps

[perhapsthanatos]

꒰ ⌗ FALLING FOR THE WRONG ONE; 03:29 am with johnny! ꒱

⌕ ˒ pairing: johnny x gn!reader

⌕ ˒ genre & au: suggestive. angst. non idol au. exes!au.

⌕ ˒ playlist: numb by men i trust, dreams tonite by alvvays & soft sounds from another planet by japanese breakfast.

⌕ ˒ word count: 705~

⌕ ˒ warnings: this is set after a house party. very suggestive. implications of sex. morning after (?). hickeys. lowercase intended. not proofread. strictly a work of fiction.

⌕ ˒ note: i was reading @nct99 s johnny fic awhile back & had the sudden urge to write something for him :( & also im so sorry for the stupid amounts of party fics ive been writing recently

⌕ ˒ taglist: @yamyang & @fullsunfluff (if u wanna be added, lmk!)

tonight, the moon looks at you in shame, her harsh light surrounding the room as a not so subtle reminder you that you are no more than disappointing.

she glows, revealing all the flaws of the unprompted mistake you made. from the moonlight, you can see your discarded clothes around his bedroom floor, as well as different stains adorning the bed sheets. turning around carefully, you can see him in all his glory.

his rosy cheek is pressed against the pillow. the dip of his bare collarbone is exposed by the blanket that barely hangs over his broad shoulders. his wine red lips are slightly parted and bruised. he sleeps peacefully, his mind somewhere off frolicking around in dream land. however, despite her intentions, her luster is the most kindest on him.

you continue to lie awake as the usually busy city stays ghost quiet. you look and feel like a wreck, only having the opportunity to properly sober up now. red marks and bruises are scattered all over your skin, the bags under your eyes growing more prominent. you can’t quite remember when the last time you dreamt was. perhaps it was yesterday, perhaps it was last month, perhaps it was the last time you’ve properly slept.

it’s been almost over a year of wasting away at graceless parties, drinking and having casual yet sleazy hookups for the hell of it. but even then, you always seemed to end up in the same four walls with none other than him, your ex.

you remember that you had met johnny a few years back through a blind date set up by a mutual friend, hitting it off quite well. you’ve been together for awhile, learning and growing from each other in the process. truth is, he is nothing short of perfect. he treated you like royalty, but you just never felt as if you could return the love he gave.

love has always been a weird concept, and you always thought you were somehow cursed as a child. it was just something you were never good at, wether it be giving or receiving. you just can never find yourself to commit and stay forever, but he was always so dedicated.

you'd hate to say it out loud, even if you knew that you never deserved him. after all, he is a good man with good intentions. but what you felt for him was never love.

but even then, there were definitely times where you wish you hated him, even if you couldn’t bring yourself to. hatred would’ve always been the easier option. with hatred, you would’ve known what to do. hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love.

you were just hopeless and incapable, and yet you always found a way back to each other, meeting eyes at a party from afar, unable to look away. you’re subconsciously getting closer and before his hands meet your hips at the light up floor, he's already pulling you into a feverish kiss.

you also remember back when you ended things bittersweetly the living room of your old shared apartment, thanking him for the experience and apologizing that you couldn’t give back what he gave.

you wince as the unwanted memories stain your head. you recall that you had left that day with a couple of cardboard boxes and a guilty heart.

in his head, he knew deep down that he had it coming. he knew you couldn’t handle the long relationships and are more used to the meaningless summer flings and quick one night stands. he just couldn’t seem to let go of you because you were a breath of fresh air in his rather dull life. you took him to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. with you, he never knew what to expect which always left him wanting more. he keeps telling himself that this will be the last time before he finally pulls away and moves on, but there is something too addicting about you for him to leave that easily.

but this is the ninth time you have found yourself covered in his sheets and scent after the breakup.

and now you finally decide that this will be the last.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

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