#nanabim

[bernardisgross]

ngl tumblr used to be the shit with its search tab now it's real shit, it's awful and useless u_u .. why did you do this... this is literally what made tumblr great....

#nanabim

[bernardisgross]

i watched Doukyuusei (movie) for the first time today and.. and... i'm a changed person.. i feel like a brand new person...

#things i take yeaaaaaaaaaaars to get to #i've always seen it from afar and you know i love and respect the gays #but i never know what to expect from bl (i'm a fujo tm tho !!!!) #so i've always thought..aah .. one day... #more recently i got myself the sarazanmai comic collection (dk what's it's called) and nakamura asumiko drew a little comic in it #and i love her art #i was really curious about it being animated.. frankly the movie on its own was beautiful... ooh how great it is when a beautiful story #beautiful art gets transferred to another medium in this way.. #so beautiful.. #when i get money i'll buy the manga ^^ !! definitely.. #nanabim

[bernardisgross]

i want to blog like i'm a middle aged uncle who's good with the computer

your great uncle, never married, no children, lots of figures in his wood beams atelier, will fix your bike, talks about whatever on his blog, found a great rock ! went on a search for the history of that type of rocks ! here's a pie i baked. My nephew wrote me a card for my bd, it's dusty but i've kept it. Today i touched up the figure i've been sculpting for 6 months, i saw a bird

i wanna be free, i wanna be happy

#nanabim #suicide talk in tags so don't read that #it's becoming harder and harder to go on #but i wanna try #please don't reply about that #this my blog..

[bernardisgross]

I'm the kind to think pushing your mental illness on your loved ones can only bring awkward conversations and strain relationships, or worse, worsen the mental state of your friends and family, when they care for you and have their own troubles to take care of, but i also believe it's important to be vocal about your state, how it affects your everyday life and relationships. Maybe i'm lucky to have them but my loved ones understand, each to some extent, what i may be going through, they love me regardless, they don't act different, and they try to help in their own way. I appreciate all that, i love them for that, i'm grateful for them.

And you know what i'm confident when i say it's all a result of not hiding how i feel or why i may sometimes reject them, why i sometimes need to flee and hide, how i can't always explain it, how most of the time, there's not other explanation than "i'm sick". For my friends and sister to simply go "oh they get 'tired' sometimes" and move on, i'm so thankful :3

#nanabim #talk about mental illness if you're sensitive #you know i've learned myself to keep certain things to myself bc it really only serve to bring ppl i love down #but talking freely about not being well without unnecessary details also bears positive fruits bc it helps ppl see this as a reality #(not a fatality) #tumblr's ugly new editor keeps fcking up my read mores -_-

[bernardisgross]

i know the "even if you don't know or don't realize, you mean a lot to someone" is always true bc i have ppl that mean a lot to mean who probably never think back about me (for various realistic reasons)

but why is it so impossible to apply to myself lol

#kinda hate being like this but it's not like i can physically wrestle with my brain when it does that kind of gymnastic #“everything you say applies to other people but not you it's that simple” #is what my brain says and i just go #*cat meme* HUH #nanabim #LOOKING IT UP i jsut learned this cat is called benchonky... how cute is that...

[bernardisgross]

my boomer trait (n° 46) is taking physical damage when ppl call a website an "app"

#or when they ask if there's an app of xyz TOT #don't you know how faves and shortcuts work ç_ç #nanabim #me at work fighting my employers by telling the customers not to dl the app

[bernardisgross]

*cracking open my can of yaoi* Aaaaah !... what's better than this ?

#nanabim

[bernardisgross]

twitt3r finally fucking collapsing will do so much good to my mental health !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEGOOONE BEGONE BEGONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#nanabim

[bernardisgross]

same-sex obsession is sooooo interesting and a beautiful narrative cornucopia, i need more i need more

character A can't get character B out of their head, they love them to the point they're not sure it's not hate, they want to be with them, to become them, to protect them from others, to isolate them, to let go, to destroy them, to absorb them and so much more

and don't get me started on what character B's stance in all that...

it's just so good, i need more !!

#nanabim

[bernardisgross]

i kinda want more blogs to follow but i don't go digging for posts anymore i'm just toooo lazy......

tumblr is great thanks to all the kits i use to mute everything i don't like but .. there's still this stupid need to find a blog that will never annoy me

#and i mean it in the most respectful way #your blog your likes #i just want it to work with my current mutelist #if i have to add more words or nuke a post i get bitter like an old man #being...old on tumblr u_u... #and by old i mean.. having been here a long time #nanabim

[bernardisgross]

i’m gonna be so old but i’m actually glad we can choose between the ugly mobile blog viewer and pp’ls actual themes bc sometimes .. .ppl .. i need you to know .. i can’t see shit on your blogs u_u i just can’t see shit

#nanabim #always happy to read tags without straining my eyes #and always happy to immediately find the next page button lol

[bernardisgross]

i'm normal again and i'm petty enough to check what ppl think of my wife before i share their art

#omg keep kh fandom away from me #i've tricked myself #also op is free to think w/e they want and enjoy w/e they want #i'm just terra's セコム #nanabim

[bernardisgross]

Warning for : tca, eating disorder, depression

this is just a block of babbling

Today i chopped lots of veggies to freeze and cook later ! I’m exhausted rn but so happy ^^ ! I had a bit of extra money this month thanks to my employer being scared of gov retribution and finally giving us our yearly bonus ^^ so i went out several times this week to buy lots of food !!! Yesterday was such a nice day i went downtown with my cart and walked for three hours from one shop to the other then back home to get special imported groceries i can’t find near me. I’m planning on doing some meal prep again ! wow ... haven’t doing that in a long while ! I used to do that a lot in uni (back then i was unemployed and i got so extra careful with groceries when i started living in dorms which lasted for humm ?? 4 years ??) and especially when i was living in japan. I was EXTRA super poor back then so i had all these pre-portioned stuff i had cooked myself in the freezer (thank goodness i had a freezer in my dorm room °_°) and thanks to that i could get a meal a day. But i was also eating the same chicken/kimchi/veggies/shirataki/rice meal everyday. I got so tiiiired of the prepping and eating the same thing when i came home, i couldn’t do that anymore ! It’s been four-five years and i’m still feeling sick from the “idea” of being limited in what i can eat.

I got sick twice this month and i totally know it’s because my body’s weak from overworking myself with work/shop/work/commission/event, lack of sleep and not eating well enough. Well ! can’t go back in time ! This weekend i went to work feeling so bad and everybody could see how pathetic i was haha but they were all nice so it’s ok! glad i didn’t miss (*is poor*). Anyways, twice is too much u_u *big sigh* so i’ll be more careful in the future ! Can’t say i’ll eat well everyday but next shop opening or something, i’ll be sure to plan nutritious stuff in advance !

Because the problem here is mainly that i don’t wanna cook nor plan groceries :/ . Oh i still have an appetite, i don’t think i can get rid of it LOL it’s in my genes at this point to love food and love eating ! i just don’t feel like doing it anymore and i have a very convenient supermarket right round the corner of my street so °_° .. just picking what i feel like eating when i do even if it’s not a proper meal ! I’ve had a sandwich phase recently, i ate so many of the pre-made disgusting sandwiches TOT !!!!!!!! i don’t like ready-made stuff but boy was i eating these sandwiches !!! so convenient, didn’t take me any time ! I’ve grown tired of them thank goodness ...

I talked with a friend and coworker who’s pretty much going through the same and it’s nice to have someone else near who you can mention it to bc it can easily put you in a tight spot, ppl (and i include myself) are often quick to worry and thus chastise you for bad “habits”. I know it’s out of love but it’s tiring nonetheless. It’s nice to have someone understand it’s not a habit and that whatever you’re eating it’s ok, as long as you’re eating !!!!! That’s the 1st step and it’s great !

Something else is that i eat very differently from what i used to ! i still eat meat and fish but only cook fish from time to time. I only eat meat if i eat from a restaurant (or if i buy disgusting triangle sandwiches 🙄), i don’t wanna cook it anymore. Trying to stop eating it completely but i know it takes time and i do have a “weak” body. So all that to say that everything i’m used to cook (and i used to looove cooking for myself) well .. is kinda out of the party now huh... it’s not hard to make the same dishes without the meat though, but sometimes i’m really like :I ok .. something’s amiss but i don’t have like.. tofu in the fridge. ALSO i’m a lazy person ;9 and i don’t like inconveniences

also food is hella expensive.... bro..... the corpos... they’re out of control.......... the price of things in the stores .. °_° bro.. u ok ??? they really said “then, starve”

Also wanna mention i’m only able to think about this and actually putting in the work in gathering ingredients etc bc i’m not doing anything else. Like, this is the moment, it’s now or never ! I’m in a slow period with work so i’m just .. well doing nothing (RESTING!!!!) which allows me to actually try to cook ! Also mentioning that i’ve still been eating random stuff during that last few days of hunting and gathering HAHAHA (bread...bo-bun from the shop, apples, bananas, bro i can’t even remember what i ate on monday and tuesday ?????) so .. prepping’s great but let’s see if i actually take stuff out of the freezer and heat them ;9

une affaire... à suivre 😎

#all is well dw !!!! #nanabim

[bernardisgross]

i found this website in 2011.... started using it myself in 2012 i think.... so yeah.. a decade...

never really been deep in tumblr culture bc of my tendency to stay in niche spaces but i'm still fond of the idea of it... most of my internet friends i met here, lots of realizations about myself i've had here....

love the vibe of my curated dash forever ! whatever happens, i'll be there !

#nanabim #i love my friends #and i love looking at pretty pictures #and i love absurd humour #and i love discovering artists casually #and i love observing my own growth #and i love learning about random things i'll then share with my friends and others

[bernardisgross]

how terrifying is it that you really can’t look up anything on youts anymore like.. 5 boosted results and then random recommendations i didn’t ask for and aren’t even remotely related to my search keywords?? .....man...

#looking up anything sucks these days make it stooooop #i'm used to being very specific in what i type in search bars and thoroughly searching results but i can't even find results that are not #crap now :s #keep us stupid and uninformed and try breaking our will to learn more yeah #it's 2 am and i'm too tired to get angry but it's here...it's adding to the fuel #nanabim

[bernardisgross]

anybody knows how to get the old photo post editor ??? kinda hate the new one and the fact idk how to upload photos from different folders ^^ i hate it take it back tumblr !!!!

#nanabim #send helmp... #i want stuff to show up properly on any blog so i don't want pictures to be embed in text posts (fake photo posts) like it did at one point #i changed my theme but it was fucking up my layout i don't want that anymre #can websites stop making things worse ?? like .. i just wanna talk with whoever's making these decisions ... like why BRO