#myself from the equation would be completely get out of theor life. and even then i don't believe it would help. there's so much

[chlopieno]

This friday sucks super bad so far.

#vent incoming #my boyfriend is having super bad time and it's strongly related to me yet not my direct fault and the only way i could remove #myself from the equation would be completely get out of theor life. and even then i don't believe it would help. there's so much #internalized stuff #bad family stuff #overall so many bad things pilled up one on another that are centered at the topic of identity #and such that yes. i could leave. but then will it help with the homophobia or transphobia he's facing? if he goes back into closet how #will it help if the base of the problem is still there? #i can't help if he doesnt leave and find a space where his parents have no say. i asked him over and over again to go to a psychiatrist #ive been asking him to do it for over a year. and he has a barrier that makes sharing hard for him but for the love of the saints he needs #help from someone who is qualified to do it. i asked him to choose his doctor so he can be most comfortable. i offered to pay for the doctor #in case he has no money. i try so hard to pull him out of this place of self blame and of blame he receives from his parents #from anyone else #i try so hard to let him know he can ask me for help. i try to make him feel comfortable and safe. i want future with him and he made m #me think he wanted it too but today he told me that he doesnt know if getting together woth me was a good choice. and even if he breaks up #with me i will know that all of it is going to stay the same #i really dont know what to do. how to help. how do i make everything better if i cant do anything about his family and his home? he goes #back there and i immediately start worrying about him. he told me he doesnt feel safe in that town and i cant do anything. i cant convince #him to move out. i cant convince him to drop this old life. i feel so helpless