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getitinbusan · 4 years

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Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Y/N doesn’t want a relationship, especially not with an idol. Jaebeom only wants her. Love after heartbreak and all the things that fall in between. Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Smut. Inspired by lyrics, the bold lettering indicates music or lyrics that can be found in the accompanying serendipitous universe playlist.

The only reason to go to the club was to pick up, but when everyone knew who you were, it was just a dumb idea.

Yugyeom and Bam Bam however, were all about dumb ideas.

He hated this scene, didn’t like attention, didn’t like the sloppy drunks and especially didn’t like girls who threw themselves at him.

He wasn’t sure how exactly they’d talked him into coming here tonight. Sitting at the bar, head down he let his phone distract him until the inevitable happened.

Waiting for your drink you watched the scene play out.

“I can’t believe you haven’t bought me a drink yet.” She slithered over to him.

“Why would I do that?” He answered barely looking up.

“It’s the least you could give me in return for all things I’m going to do to you tonight.”

“The only thing you’re going to do that makes me happy tonight is walk away."

A laugh escaped from your mouth and she turned to eye you up and down.

Ignoring him she leaned in closer inserting her hand between his legs. "Listen, you’re not my type, my dick’s not interested.”

Picking his drink up off the bar she threw it in his face, “Your fucking loss.”

“I think you upset her a little,” you laughed handing him a napkin.

“Good luck when she drops this as a Dispatch scandal tomorrow.”

The bartender handed you your drink and you started to walk away.

“Wait,” he stood up and offered his hand, “I’m…”

“Lim Jaebeom,” you cut him off leaving his hand outstretched in limbo.

“You know who I am?”

“I do, and while it was nice to meet you Jaebeom, my dick’s not interested.”

“Wow, that’s just” he grinned…“using my own words against me. I mean… just because you’ve heard of me doesn’t mean you know me.” He was joking, you weren’t.

“I know there’s nothing about your lifestyle I want to be a part of,” you said walking back towards him.

“I know that you’re on tour about 300 days out of the year and the other 65 you’re stuck practicing.”

You got closer, “I know your fans are fucking crazy and they’ll destroy every personal relationship you try to have.”

Closer , "I know that however committed you intend on being, the road gets lonely and you’ve got a whole PR team to cover it up.”

As close as you could be, right in his ear, “Above all, I know that you’re too beautiful and too rich for your own good.”

Backing away, “Did I miss anything?"

Raising his eyebrow he was intrigued at what had you so bitter, "Can I buy you a drink?”

You smirked before walking away, “Already bought my own, thanks though.”

He’d never had a girl so adamantly deny him and he couldn’t get his mind off of you. Picking up his drink he set off to find the two idiots responsible for bringing him here.

There they were, and there you were about 20 feet away. You looked up and made eye contact, smiling before turning your attention back to your friends.

Bam Bam was quick to notice, “Oh, JB!! Say it’s not so, I think he’s got his eye on someone Yugyeom."

Following their glances Yugyeom saw you. "Uh-Uh get that idea out of your head right now, she’s damaged goods."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jaebeom asked.

“It means,” he pulled up his phone and showed it to JB, “That is Min Yoongi’s ex."

He took the phone out of Yugyeom’s hand, he remembered seeing these gossip articles a few months ago. Min Yoongi caught in a cheating scandal, secret relationship revealed!

He didn’t want this. He certainly wasn’t looking for a girlfriend but there you were.

The back story…

They were on to you.

The photographers lurked in corners, cars followed, you could feel their shadows hanging over you wherever you went.

This lifestyle was bullshit. Why the hell did you have to hide? It wasn’t normal to live like this.

As angry as it made you, you still played along. Year two, fuck you loved him. He was like an addiction, bad for you but you needed him.

So here you were, circling the block sneaking into your boyfriend’s house like a teenager trying not to get caught.

It had been the ultimate shit day and it was only 10am. Your alarm hadn’t gone off, you were late for work, got yelled at, quit, stopped for coffee, spilled it all over yourself, cried in the car and now you were dodging the paps just so you could do the one thing that would make you feel better, hug your boyfriend.

Fuck it, they weren’t letting up, let the chips fall where they may.

Parking on the road you walked to the house as quickly as you could and let yourself in.

Still crying, you closed the door behind you stopping to take a breath and re group. How the hell were you going to explain to Yoongi that you’d just outed your relationship?

Trying to pull your disheveled, tear soaked, coffee stained self together you made the trek to his downstairs studio.

Knocking lightly there was no answer, maybe he had his headphones on. Empty, the usual hub of activity was dark and quiet.

Lately he’d been distant. You thought he was just overworked and stressed. How were you so blind to not realize he must be sinking back into his anxiety.

Making your way upstairs to the bedroom, he was most likely still asleep.

Opening the door, his blackout curtains kept the room shrouded in darkness. You could hear the soothing sound of waves flowing from the white noise machine you’d bought him for Christmas.

Finally, something that made you smile. You would spend the rest of the day curled up beside him forgetting anything existed outside these walls.

Walking towards the bed your feet caught on something, clothes?

Yoongi was meticulous with his clothing, it wasn’t like him to just leave things lying around.

Your heart began racing, it always knew before your brain clued in that something was off.

Lifting the edge of the covers, you now knew why. Laying naked, curled up together, he clearly hadn’t been having a depression nap.

Flicking the lights on you stood waiting for recognition to kick in. He sat up rubbing his eyes, looking beside him he realized she was still in the bed and it was you standing in the doorway.

That was enough, you turned the light back off and left. There was no crying, he wasn’t worth the tears.

Opening the door, it was as if the paparazzi had multiplied, cameras snapping you, clearly distraught, while he followed in pursuit.

What was the expression? Not with a fizzle but with a bang? You’d hidden for two years but now you were finished, everyone was going to know what he’d done.

“I’ve wasted two god damn years on you Min Yoongi, I hope you get a fucking STD from your new slut"

That was that, your whole life spread over the Dispatch gossip page before lunch.

No boyfriend, no job, your life had completely changed over the course of an hour.

It had been four days and you were still on his mind. He couldn’t figure it out; it’s not like you’d even given him a flicker of hope.

“Fuck,” he said aloud as his fingers sent the text.

JB: You’ve got to find out about Y/N for me. I can’t stop thinking about her.

Yug: Why her JB? She’s 100% negative press. Name somebody, anybody else and I’ll hook it up.

JB: I never ask you for anything. Can’t you just fucking call Jungkook and get me her details

-------------------------

Yug: She owns a small bookstore in Ikseon-dong called Serendipity. Listen, Jungkook wasn’t happy about you asking. He said she’s been through enough, and you’d better not fuck her over.

JB: Thanks, I owe you one.

Yug: I hope this doesn’t bite you in the ass.

A bookstore, he grinned, well that was just fate or…serendipity. He could just pretend running into you was a coincidence, everybody knew he loved books.

He pulled it up on Google.

Serendipity, a Bookstore/Cafe located in the heart of Ikseon. A charming Old Hanok hidden amongst the Dongs tiny alleyways

While he scribbled down the address, the reviews caught his eye.

⭐ I don’t know who this whore thinks she is, but I hope her store goes out of business.

⭐ This store is trash just like the owner.

⭐ Stupid bitch deserved to get dumped. I can’t believe Yoongi would find her attractive.

⭐ Poverty ass gold digger. You’d better stay away from our boys.

His heart broke for you, he knew fans could be possessive, but these were just cruel. What terrible things for you to have to read, and for what? False ownership of their idol

-------------------------

Opening the door, the smell of coffee and books filtered through his nostrils, if he could create his own signature fragrance, this would be it. His eyes scanned the shop until he found you, glasses on sitting behind a computer screen at the checkout.

Browsing around he’d glance up every now and again taking you in. He noted how comfortable you looked in your own environment. Unlike at the bar your face was relaxed, soft, even more beautiful than he remembered.

You smiled at the customer you were serving, and he knew he was a goner.

He went back to perusing the shelves, his heart was beating quickly. How was he going to approach you?

“Can I help you find anything,” came from behind him.

He scanned the books quickly, and turned with a smile, “I’m just looking for I Want to Die, But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki.”

You gave no reaction

“Well that’s pretty convenient Jaebeom, because you’re standing right beside it.”

Starting to walk away he caught your hand, “Hey, come on, I’m just trying to know you.”

“Funny, I think you already know all about me, you found me easily enough.” You pulled your hand away.

“Listen JB, I’m a real career killer and it seems like you’re doing pretty well for yourself. Why would you want this kind of drama?”

He knew the words were going to come out wrong but he was trying to say them before you could leave.

“I feel bad for how you’ve been treated, you deserve better. I think that I could make you better, fuck, not that there’s anything wrong with you.. I mean that we could be better….together, not separate.”

“I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me Jaebeom, last call for the pity party ended a while ago. I’m doing just fine putting myself back together.”

“I’m sorry, I promise I’m not usually like this. I don’t know why I can’t talk to you without sounding like an idiot.”

He sighed deeply, “I’m just…is it okay if I stay? I promise I’ll just have a coffee and read, I really like it here.”

“It’s bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want ”

You felt kind of bad, maybe you were being to harsh on him. Bringing his coffee to the table you set it down placing a slice of cheesecake next to it. “It’s on me.”

“Thanks,” he smiled shyly.

“Can I ask why you chose Serendipity? It’s kind of a romantic notion for someone who’s so cynical.”

Cocking a brow you asked, “Are you really interested, or is this you hitting on me?”

He laughed, “I’m not going to stop hitting on you, but yeah, I really want to know.”

You walked away and grabbed a book off the shelf. Sitting beside him, you slid it across the table.

“Have you heard of The Three Princes of Serendip?” He shook his head no.

“It’s a fairy tale. The heroes were always discovering things they weren’t in quest of.”

He thumbed through the pages while he listened to your explanation.

“That day a few months ago,” you interrupted yourself, “I’m assuming you know what day I mean?”

He pursed his lips and nodded.

“Well, I quit the job I hated, I lost my boyfriend and the whole world treated me like I’d done something wrong.”

You shrugged, still not understanding how it all happened.

“I was lost, I had nothing but myself and a handful of hush money from Big Hit. I came here to hideout but instead I found this place for sale. If that’s not a Serendipitous string of events, I don’t know what is.”

He smiled and closed the book, “I think I’ll take this one today.”

Pretending to be shocked you questioned him, “What? You didn’t really want I Want to Die, But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki? ”

“I think I’ll leave that one as an excuse to come back.”

His deep chocolate brown eyes were heavy on you, you know because you made the mistake of looking into them.

“This is a public space, you don’t need to make excuses to come.” You tried to sound flippant.

“And JB…I wasn’t always this cynical, life just hasn’t given me a chance to be anything but.”

-------------------------

He laid in bed reading, or trying to at least. He’d been over the same sentence about four times unable to stop thinking about you.

-------------------------

You were laying in bed when you heard the ping. You knew it was a stupid idea, but after he left you stalked his accounts, and turned on his post notifications.

-------------------------

The Vlive began, he wanted to tell everyone about a great book he was reading that he’d found in a cool little shop in Ikseon-dong.

📖 Lady: I’m glad you like it.

Reading your comment he smiled, he really was a beautiful man. You examined his features and expressions but they suddenly changed. He tried to quickly sign off but it was too late.

😭Is he talking about y/n?

😱Are you kidding JB?

🤮I can’t believe he’s going after Yoongi’s sloppy seconds.

He knew he fucked up and he didn’t know what to do about it. He’d finally made some headway and now he was back to square one.

So, the next day he was back. Standing in front of your counter he held out a cup of Hotteok.

Before he could speak you jumped in, “See JB, the way this whole retail thing works is, you pick something you want that I’m selling, then give me money for it. Nowhere in the scenario do you bring me random shit just because.”

Your eyes were red, he felt terrible, after only 2 conversations he’d already managed to hurt you.

“It’s not random shit, it’s an apology. I’m sorry I drew attention to you last night.” he paused, “you don’t deserve to be attacked like that."

You turned away trying to gain your composure, "The one thing I’ve learned through all this is to never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you’re apologizing for the truth."

You looked back, "I’ve never apologized for loving Yoongi, because it was real whether people want to believe it or not.”

You sighed, “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t put the target on my back JB it’s been there a while, I’m just sad because now you’ve got one too."

His heart sank when he realized that you weren’t choosing loneliness to protect yourself, you were keeping your distance so he wouldn’t get dragged into it.

He placed his large hand over yours as it lay on the counter. "There’s only one thing that’s going to make me walk away from you.” He tipped your chin so you were forced to look into his eyes, “Tell me you don’t want me here."

The door chimed, you were no longer alone.

"Like I said yesterday, it’s bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want.”

He smiled brightly, “That’s not a no."

Taking the Hotteok from the counter you were still unsure, but he was right, it wasn’t a no.

-------------------------

Standing at the bar in the exact spot you’d met him, you’d hoped he’d be here tonight. You felt like a desperate fool with a schoolgirl crush.

Three days had passed since you’d last seen him and despite your best efforts, you found yourself missing him. You hated the way your heart hurt, of course he’d given up why would this be a surprise?

A hand reached around placing a drink on the bar in front of you. "You look like you could use this, still pining over Min Yoongi?"

"Actually I’m waiting for a friend Minho."

"I could be your friend tonight Y/N. I guarantee I can get you to stop thinking about him,” he grabbed your ass.

“No thanks, I don’t think 5 minutes in your bed will change my world.”

He grabbed the drink back, “No wonder he cheated on you, you’re such a bitch."

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb…you’d let your guard down and everything was feeling all too personal. Shooting back the last of your Soju you grabbed your jacket and made for the exit.

"You’re not leaving when I just got here?”

Your traitorous heart fluttered, “I didn’t know I was supposed to be waiting."

His grin got bigger, "Are you mad because maybe you actually missed me a little?”

Mad, sad, who could tell them apart anymore?

“Yeah, actually I am and I’m livid with myself for it."

He put his hand on your waist, "Hey, I’m sorry, I got called for re shoots.”

His thumb rubbed over your hip soothingly, “I only have your work number…I just got back and I was hoping you’d be here"

A voice shouted from across the bar "Don’t waste your time on that one JB, come sit with us"

You closed your eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, "You heard the man. I’m leaving anyway, I guess I’ll see ya around.”

Shooting a look at Minho he ran out the door to catch up with you.

Standing at the curb waiting for a cab he reached his hand out to you. “I wanted to be with you tonight, and I’m pretty sure you wanted to be with me. It’s still early, let’s go somewhere okay, can we still do that?"

Placing your hand in his, "Only if we’re alone…and there’s alcohol.”

He smiled victorious, “I think I know a place."

Walking up the crowded street you felt better, anonymous. He kept squeezing your hand making sure you hadn’t slipped away.

"Right here,” he stopped in front of a pink neon lit Karaoke Bar.

“Karaoke? I think one of us has an extremely unfair advantage JB."

"Don’t worry I’ll let you win."

Stepping closer to him you kissed his cheek, "Why are you being so nice to me JB?"

"Y/N, why do you keep questioning my motives?”

His hand ran up your arm, “I hate that you’ve been mistreated for so long that you don’t realize what normal behavior is.”

He held the door open for you, “How’s a private room and bottle service sound?"

-------------------------

You consumed copious amounts of Grey Goose as you took turns performing for one another. What you lacked in vocal talent you made up for in your ability to mimic choreography.

"I think I’ve lost my voice,” you shouted after your efforts to sing Itzy’s Wannabe.

“I’m going to have to tell JYP about you, maybe with some training you can debut next year and come on tour with us,” he laughed.

He queued up the next song, “Come here, I want to dance with you."

You moved into his waiting arms and allowed yourself to surrender to his pursuits. His song came on and you laughed, "it’s so cheesy Jaebeom-ah!"

He sang anyway,

Our love will lead the way for us

If the road ahead is not so easy

Like a guiding star

I’ll be there for you if you should need me

You don’t have to change a thing

I love you just the way you are

You let your head rest on his chest, his heartbeat was louder, more important than the words he was singing.

Glad he was holding you up, you felt a little drunk, a little in love and for once, you weren’t going to stop yourself.

He kissed the top of your head and held on a little tighter, "So does this mean you’ll finally give me your number?”

You looked up at him nodding, locking eyes he moved slowly closer, lips almost touching …until his phone went off.

He frowned, “Fuck, it’s management. Sorry I’ve got to check in. Just stay in my arms ok?"

"You’re going to read texts over my shoulder? How romantic,” you jibed, but you didn’t break away.

JYP: Dispatch has reached out to us for comment regarding a new dating scandal. They were tipped off that you were with Y/N at Cakeshop Night Club tonight and now they are outside of the Karaoke bar waiting for photos. We need to discuss your intentions immediately. A car will pick you up in 15 mins, wait inside for security. Do not leave the building together as it is still controllable speculation.

You could feel his body react to what he was reading, deep breaths, tensed muscles and finally pulling you in tightly. “What is it J?"

"I’ve got to get you out of here, the press are outside"

He handed you his phone, "add your number.”

But JYPs text was still open and you saw every word.

You keyed in your info and switched it off before handing it back.

You breathed deep, “You know, sneaking in and out of buildings is my specialty,” You put your hand over his heart and gave a sad smile.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m sure there’s a back entrance, I’ll just grab a cab home. If you go out the front they’ll be too busy taking photos of you, they’ll never notice me.”

You tried to sound confident and uncaring so he’d do what was best but Jaebeom had his own plan.

“Get your stuff, we’re going out the front together."

He pulled your hand through the bar and out the front door. Lights flashed as they took their photos for tomorrow’s headlines.

Hailing a cab he leaned over and kissed your lips, "I’m going to call you as soon as I can okay?”

You weren’t okay, your first kiss would be your last kiss. Your smile hid the stabbing pain in your heart, you knew it was over before it had started.

“Jaebeom,” you called him back after he closed the car door behind you, “It’s been a really great time.”

He smiled and waved.

Getting into the companies blacked out Suburban he was happy, he was going to stand his ground.

He’d felt bad that your first kiss had been under these circumstances so he opened his phone to text you a quick apology.

Searching the contacts he found your entry, “I’m sorry” with random numbers underneath.

So much for not getting attached. Unlocking the door you collapsed crying, the exhaustion of life had finally beaten you into submission.

The shrill ring of the store’s landline broke through the quiet of the courtyard, a reminder of his persistence. He wasn’t going to give up so you had no other choice but to cut him off.

-------------------------

Barely having slept, coffee in hand, you made your way over the wooden path to the store.

The indication light was flashing in a rhythm that brought back the sound of his heartbeat in your ear.

You have one unheard message…

Y/N, I know that you were happy last night, don’t walk away from this…from me. Do you remember the day I first came into your shop? You asked me how I intended to fix you? I didn’t know then, I was just grasping for a shot…but…I know now..I’m just going to love you. All you have to do is let me…can’t you just let me?“

Reaching out you hit delete and tried to convince yourself it was for the best.

-------------------------

Watching from your office he’d come in everyday for a week. The staff, as instructed, told him you weren’t there but several times he’d caught you looking at him through the window.

He looked hopeful but you were sure he’d get over it, you’d get over it.

There was a light knock on your door before the handle turned.

"Hey, sorry Y/N, he insisted on leaving this for you.” She placed the book on your desk and left.

Running your hands over the cover you could tell it was well loved.

Its condition would normally drive you nuts but it was his, and in his passionate demeanor he’d most likely tackled it head first, caution less, as was his way.

You were unfamiliar with it, Tablo’s “Pieces of You." Flipping through the marked up pages you found a bookmark, a hand drawn blue tree with flower petal leaves pointing to what he wanted you to see.

"So here I am,

Choosing to kick away the ladder

So that I may remain at your side.

I understand your solitude

I see your shadow.”

His phone number was scribbled on the inside cover with the inscription. “When you’re ready, whether it’s tomorrow or two years from now."

-------------------------

The worn book sat on your desk catching your eye every so often. He hadn’t been in for a few days, had he given up? Why did it hurt to think maybe you’d never see him again?

"Fuck,” you opened the cover And picked up your phone.

Y/N: I miss you and I don’t want to do that anymore.

JB: You don’t have to, just let me in.

Y/N: I need some time.

JB: I’m just….Y/N…don’t shut me out okay?

He left you space as requested ….sort of.

Every night you got notifications of his v lives. He talked to you indirectly through the camera, speaking about the books he’d read while sending secret messages through his song choices playing in the background.

He looked happy and he never wavered when your name was brought up by the fans. He stood up for you, called you a friend and told people they shouldn’t say such horrible things.

Slowly he was breaking your resolve, you were healing.

📖 Lady: I really enjoyed Pieces of You.

He smiled knowing you were online. He queued up his next track, it was Junny’s By my side and he sang…

stay right by my side

And let me teach you how to love

With you I just can’t get enough, oh girl

He closed his eyes and hummed in contentment.

Your phone notification broke the trance Jaebeom’s sweet melody had lulled you into.

Yoongi: Can we meet, I think we should talk.

Y/N: I don’t fucking think so.

Yoongi: it’s about Jaebeom.

-------------------------

You got to the coffee shop early and were surprised he was already there, punctuality was never his strong suit.

He stood to greet you. Thinking better of the hug he was going for, he gestured to the chair.

“I want to say I’m sorry”…he stammered over his words.

“I know it means nothing and you hate me but…I am…sorry.”

He remembered your order and it was already on the table.

“Can we just cut the shit. Why exactly do you want to talk to me about Jaebeom?”

He ran his hand up the back of his neck, “I keep getting messages from the fans about you two.”

“You know what Yoongi, I’m tired of your fucking fans. They’ve sent me hundreds of death threats, they write rude comments on my business page and now that someone actually likes me again they keep telling him that I’m a piece of shit."

You spit the feelings that had been trapped inside you out at him.

"You know you could have told them to stop, but you didn’t.”

He looked at you puzzled and pulled up his weverse page.

“You think it’s only you?”

He scrolled through reading you select comments.

“I’ve lost all respect for you Yoongi… I can’t believe you’re a cheater. Here, this one’s great……..Y/N deserves better, I’m happy she’s with JB now…"

You were shocked, not once had you seen or received messages that were team Y/N.

"Well you fucking deserve it."

He shrugged, "Jaebeom, he’s a decent guy…Jungkook’s been talking to Yugyeom and word is you’re not giving him a chance because of what happened.”

He wouldn’t look up from his Americano.

“Don’t let me fuck up your life any more than I already have okay, I’m not worth it."

You sighed, reaching across the table to touch his arm.

"I appreciate that you’d come here to tell me that."

He picked up your hand and held it tightly in his.

"I’m sorry I did this to you. Let him be the man I couldn’t."

Standing to leave he kissed your cheek, grabbed his coffee and walked away.

-------------------------

Sitting in your office there was a soft knock at the door, "Hey, sorry, I just…did you,” she approached apprehensively with a cup of tea, “have you seen the dispatch page?”

It didn’t take long, the photos, the headlines, the comments…

Yoongi and Y/N are back together! Seen today, the couple were holding hands and kissing over coffee. Was she just using Lim Jaebeom?

You felt the wind knocked out of your lungs, of course this would happen.

Had Jaebeom seen? What would he think? As you sat panicking he sent a text.

JB: Just can’t manage to stay out of trouble, huh? I’m beginning to think you tip off your own location to Dispatch to grab the headline.

You threw your phone into the drawer and slammed it shut.

He waited, no answer, shit… he’d shoved his foot in his mouth again.

Why did he turn into a completely inarticulate unfunny idiot when it came to you?

JB: Y/N I’m sorry that was supposed to be a joke…

-------------------------

You looked at your assistant, “I think I really fucked up, you want to go out and get completely loaded tonight?"

She smiled agreeing, "I’ll start closing, you go put on something sexy."

You stood to leave, "May as well, If I’m going to get accused of stupid shit I might as well make it worthwhile.”

-------------------------

The drinks flowed freely and you just didn’t give a fuck anymore, about anything. If they were all watching, you didn’t care. You danced, you sang, you laughed, you needed no one. Until he was in front of you.

“Shit, let’s go”, you grabbed your friends hand but she smiled devilishly at you.

“I called him, its time to get the fuck over it Y/N. You’ll thank me later,” She waved him in and walked away.

Zeroing in on you, he made his way over. Ready on the defensive you expected him to be angry.

In your best effort to save face you’d cut him off before he could you.

“If you want to be mad at me go ahead, but I fucking warned you this would happen.”

You were pointing at his chest, trying to drive your point home.

“So if you’re here to tell me you don’t want anything to do with me, you go right ahead Lim Jaebeom."

"Are you done?” He raised his voice.

“You are the most stubborn girl I’ve ever met Y/N. I’ve gone to bat for you for the last month, I never gave up. AND! despite how hard you’ve pushed me away I’ve never left. Do you think I’d actually walk away because of a dispatch article?"

You both stared in a deadlocked gaze. Time standing still until he wrapped his arms around your waist. You could feel a million eyes on you all at once.

"Take me home Jaebeom.”

He grinned and kissed your forehead, “I thought you’d never ask."

The ride was quiet, you tucked your head under Jaebeom’s arm, the vehicle’s movements making you sleepy. He held your hand like a nervous high school boy, afraid what he really wanted to happen was about to happen.

The car pulled up to the front of his place and he smiled nudging you awake. “We’re here.“

Drunk and groggy you looked around, "where’s here?"

He put his arm around your waist to keep you from falling over, "You’re at my place, in Hannam. Remember? You asked me to bring you home?”

You looked him up and down giggling, “Yeah I did.”

Trying to balance you and getting his key in the lock he finally got the door open. At least 5 cats came running to greet him, “Oh my God JB, you’re a crazy cat lady!"

"This is why I can’t have friends over,” he picked up the smallest fluffy one and kissed it’s head.

The pretty little Siamese brushed against your leg until you picked her up. He looked shocked, “She doesn’t like anyone."

"You purred into her fur, "Well I’m not just anyone, am I?”

“Clearly."

He walked over and took the cat from your arms, "Let’s take care of you. What can we do to minimize the hangover you’re going to have in the morning?"

He held your face in his hands. "What do you need?"

You were feeling a little dizzy, whether it was from the alcohol or his proximity you couldn’t be sure.

"Maybe some fresh air, water…your arms to keep me from falling over.” You propositioned.

He slid the balcony door open and led you outside. “You’re going to have to hold onto the rail till my arms get back."

The air was cool and you closed your eyes inhaling deeply, everything felt right.

Perched atop the Seoul Skyline the stars shone brightly in the astronomical twilight. In the grand scheme of all the overblown things that had taken place in the last few months, you were still just a small player in a larger roll occurring around you.

A helicopter broke through the silence of the night "Uh-oh, looks like Dispatch tracked you down already.”

You shot him a look, “what, too soon?”

He passed you a glass and an aspirin, “Drink.”

He stood close beside you, leaning on the rail staring out at the city. You walked your hand over closing the distance until it touched his.

“I want to apologize."

He cut you off, "you really don’t have to, you didn’t do anything wrong."

He brought his hand the rest of the way to lay over top of yours.

"I’m pretty sure you once told me to never apologize for showing your feelings because if you do you’re apologizing for the truth."

Amazed you turned to him, "You remember me saying that?"

He nodded as you moved towards his lips.

He pulled back, "Y/N, you’re drunk, I’ve already ruined our first kiss I’m not going to let you forget the second."

"You’re a good guy JB"

He wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your head.

"Unfortunately I am…so I’m going to have to send you to bed."

You looked up at him with big eyes and a pout, "You don’t want to sleep with me?”

“Jesus Christ, you think I don’t want you? You’re really making me question my morals right now.”

He ran his hand up your arm and sighed while spinning you back towards the door.

Flipping the switch his bedroom lit up before you.

“It’s so cozy Jaebeom-ah. Cats, Plants, nice sheets…how are you still single?"

He handed you a t-shirt from his drawer, "I was kind of hoping I’m not anymore…you can sleep in this."

You grabbed it looking upset, "I’m going to feel bad if you sleep on the couch.”

He undid the zipper that ran up the back of your dress. “You’re going to feel bad in the morning anyway plus you’re not even going to remember this conversation."

You broke out the pout again, "What if I get scared or lonely?”

He bent down and picked up the cat that had followed you since you arrived.

“Nora is the best company and she wouldn’t dare let anything happen to you.” He kissed your forehead and pointed, “Bed, now."

He was still laughing at you as he turned off the light and closed the door.

-------------------------

You woke up in the huge bed, alone save for the tiny cat curled up into your side. The smell of coffee wafted under the door calling you to get up but your head swam in scenarios.

You remembered him being a complete gentleman, you remembered falling asleep against the pillow that smelt like him, you remembered…he was just on the other side of the door.

You liked it here, you didn’t want to leave. You wanted him to know you weren’t a waste of time, you’d already lost so much of it by pushing him away.

Grabbing your phone you composed your words into a poem you needed him to hear.

I was fine on my own, every night I slept alone

The distance kept me safe

It’s easier to fake the feel than dance around with something real

Promises might break

Then you came along and said that I was different

You were missing something and it felt like we should see

Normally, I’d fall away, your face is a distraction

But I like the way that you’re distracting me

I went home before my friends so I could hear your voice again

But it feels strange to care

I hesitate to say out loud that when I’m drunk and in a crowd

I pretend you’re there.

We watch the helicopters from the top of your apartment

And all I could think is I don’t want to leave

Normally, I’d fall away, your face is a distraction

But I like the way that you’re distracting me

I’m writing this from your bed while you’re in the other room

I like what you do to me, and I wanna tell you soon.

Maybe you’ll shy away, maybe you’ll fall apart

It’s hard being honest, but I’m being honest

Get in the play, running your fingers through my hair

Don’t wanna behave, how do you act when no one’s there?

Feeling inside, feeling a way, it’s different and it’s working

Oh, you make me nervous, oh, you make me nervous

You read it over and flopped back on his pillow…send…you heard his notification go off ….you waited.

-------------------------

There was a soft knock before he turned the handle.

He looked beautiful standing in the doorway. His pajama pants hung low on his waist, it was the first time you’d caught a glimpse of his body and your breath hitched at the sight.

Wrapped in nothing but his sheet you pulled the covers back in invitation.

He walked over to where you sat, "Is this what you really want?”

You bit your lip and nodded.

He pulled his pants off letting them fall to the ground and he crawled in beside you.

His hands drew through your hair and his lips found their way to yours…properly, undisturbed, no flashbulbs to commemorate the event. It was soft and languid, his tongue taking its time to explore your mouth.

He pulled away to stare at you, “Tell me I can finally have you."

"All of me Jaebeom…I’m yours.”

He caressed your face, thumb sliding between your lips, over your chin and down your neck as he kissed into the crevice of your collar bone.

It had been so long, yet it had never felt like this. You could feel his desire with every touch, his lips, his fingertips and his hard cock pressed up against your hip.

“I want you so bad J,” your hands tugged through his hair as you wrapped your leg around his body to guide him in closer.

“Shit..Shit…do you have a condom? I just never thought this would happen..fuck"

You both collapsed back onto the bed breathing heavy.

"Ugh, no,” you sighed frustrated.

He put both hands over his face, disappointed that even this moment couldn’t go smoothly.

You rolled into his side, “I never stopped taking the pill…and after what happened, I did get tested…I mean, if you’re not okay with it..it’s okay…we can wait.”

He placed his hand on your cheek and kissed you softly, “I haven’t been with anyone in years, it’s mandatory we get tested during our physicals…"

"Fuck thank God!” You rolled on top of him and ground yourself over him.

Laying kisses down his chest you let your fingers skim lightly over his abs. His skin tingled with goosebumps under your touch and you felt him twitch at your center.

“Are you ready?”

He nodded biting his lip, “Please."

He held your hips as you lined yourself up over him. Not breaking eye contact you slowly lowered yourself, taking him into you.

You felt like you could cry, it had been so long since you’d let yourself feel the intimacy of giving yourself to someone.

You both moaned in unison as he hit your cervix. "You feel so good,” he sighed.

You didn’t move, you wanted to feel him in you, feel him filling you, this wasn’t just sex. You were both here, in the same place at the same time feeling the same thing.

There was no past, only two people fusing themselves to one another’s future.

You began rocking your hips. Looking down his face was focused, beautiful, lost. His lips were parted and soft breaths escaped from between them every time you met back together.

He held you pressed against him as he sat upright. Brushing away your sweaty hair he kissed your neck, your shoulders and down to your breasts. He touched them reverently, his fingertips brushing lightly over your nipples making you clench around him.

His face scrunched up, “oh my god baby, you can’t do that.. it feels too good.”

Pushing his hair back you placed kisses all over his face, “We can do this all day, as many times as we want, I’m not going anywhere.”

He secured his arm around you and flipped you onto your back.

Hands on both sides of your face he rolled his hips into you. He hit different, deeper, the repetitive sliding building up the orgasm inside you.

It wasn’t rushed but it was excited, your hands, mouths and bodies had no motive other than providing each other pleasure.

Wrapping both legs around him you held him tightly against your core. “I’m so close Jaebeom, so close…”

Your head was thrown back and your hands gripped the pillows beside you. You felt him cumming, spilling out of you as he continued. He didn’t give up until your nails were dug deep into his skin and he could feel you pulsing around him.

He collapsed on top of you trying to catch his breath, “Are you okay? Was it okay?”

You couldn’t help but smile at his sincerity, “It was perfect.”

Your voice trailed off and immediately noticing, he sat up to look at you.

“I’m scared Jaebeom, I don’t want this to start wrong, I don’t want to keep us a secret."

"Then let’s not.” He grabbed his phone and held it up to take a picture.

“Are you fucking nuts?” You asked while hiding in the sheets beside him.

He tapped the keys, “What are you writing?”

He wouldn’t answer you, “Jaebeom-ah, give me the phone…stop!"

Smiling he hit SHARE and handed it to you.