#my stomach is churning just thinking about going to work Tuesday morning in the ark

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I’ve not been having a great time lately. Since March 2020 really but this year in particular

#therapist asked me Tom draw how I feel for our sessions #she’s my Ed therapist and she’s an art therapist #and since March my anxiety has just ramped up tenfolkd #which is on top of the anxiety that’s already been ten fold since the beginning of the pandemic #but my father dying I think really fucked me up a little bit more #I have. a job where I have to read and write about instant death constantly #I already have secondary ptsd and thanatophobia #and both of which were increased when my father died #and was faced with the realization that eventually I would be without my mother as well #that combined with other stuff at work my anxiety has been at a 20 #I’m extremely afraid of the dark and of bugs #Friday morning I screamed bloody murder for a minute straight bc I thought someone was in my backyard #and even tho I’m pretty sure it was my phone #I’m still terrified of going outside #and now I want to ask my manager if I can come in later for my shifts #I’m sacrificing key afternoon time otherwise spent at therapy appointments #but I think I need the daylight #my stomach is churning just thinking about going to work Tuesday morning in the ark #dark #and my therapist and I have concluded another big factor into my anxiety right now is just I’m very lonely #idk how to date people idk how to find a partner #I don’t see my irl friends much bc we are all busy #I feel very alone #and I used to not care but now I are and I’m very sad about it #suffice to say I feel like I’m in the middle of the dark with a flashlight that’s not working #even tho I have a flash light aka all my therapy I’ve done in the last ten years #and my friends and my mom I still just don’t know how to utilize it in a way that will ease my ever increasing fear over things #anyway I want a hug but I don’t have anyone to ask for one #Jen in real life4444