#my sister and cousin raised me the best they could but even they werent affectionate

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

#i can remember for all of my life any sor of affection was foreign to me #and never felt right #i have never been hugged by my parents they were always working to keep the house #my sister and cousin raised me the best they could but even they werent affectionate #i still remember when i got hugged by my tia on the last day we had our old house #that was the only the 2nd time i was probably hugged in so long #i really can't remember ever being embraced by my mom or even comforted by them #at least when i was sick my grandma would help me get better but even then #i was just left in a room all day until they got home in the afternoon and only saw them in the morning before they went to worm #and once they got bacj from work they were to tired to take care of me #i STILL remember being 8 years old with a cold having to make my own soup cause no one was home and erika had grown up to be so mean to me #so she nevr took care of me n stayed in her room... man i still remember feeling so lonely and wondering what it felt like to be cared for #its probably why when my mom would get sick i would automatically look to take care of her just to hear a thank you son #only to never hear a thank you son or you're such a wonderful son or anything positive just a grunt and a nod... #man thinking of my childhood makes me wonder why i dont remember it at all #did i disassociated do most of my childhood cause i only remember the bad parts which was a majority of my childhood #the only things i remember that were good was when my dad would take me to the movies every Saturday to try and get to know me #but then that stopped when it became an inconvenience to him and instead he wanted to go drink at his moms house with his family #i swear thinking back now i realized why i was so attached to any sign of kindness