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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [hit her with the shameless party host girl's DMs after literally no time since she was humiliated] Jimmy: It's looking like we need a new scale just for her Janis: seriously Janis: where's the rock she was meant to crawl under and die Janis: 🧠 her with it Jimmy: we probably smashed or hid it when we trashed the place Jimmy: what else do you wanna do about this? Janis: parents are right amateurs Janis: can't even take her 📴 away Janis: what do we do Janis: the DMs are peaking atm, really annoying when I'm trying to sort customers from timewasters Jimmy: I could post hers, but she'd probably take pride in the promo Jimmy: fake 👰💍🤵? Janis: yeah Janis: when your last lad would untag himself from anything you tagged him in and not take a photo with you Janis: that kinda shit is EVERYTHING to them Janis: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: where'd I get a fake 👗 Jimmy: you said you didn't know her, been busy, have you? 😏 Janis: erm shut up, you know they're all the same and it was a generalization Janis: a fair one, but still Jimmy: 👌 babe Janis: [dogwalking photo like there, still busy, thank you] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 🐶🌭💦 #kinkunlocked??? Jimmy: [a picture of Twix with his hands over her ears like shh] Janis: Oh no Janis: do I ring childline or RSPCA? 😏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: how lonely you've been without me Jimmy: one would be a well longer chat than the other Janis: not been 🐶 levels of pining for you Janis: but my ability to fake it if necessary hasn't gone away Jimmy: write me a better DM than hers and I'll put 'em side by side Janis: not hard Janis: even if you aren't as inspiring as me 😘 Jimmy: soz I meant to say write me a 🥇 one Janis: not been long enough you can act like you forgot who I am Jimmy: if Bill can't get me wearing tights and prancing about on stage for a fake ⚔ or 💔 then there's no chance of you managing it, mate Jimmy: so there's no act Jimmy: just don't know who you are Janis: 🙄 Janis: alright, but the point is there is an act and it's clearly still needed Jimmy: 🖋 your 💌 when you're not too busy or owt Janis: [🔥 tweet that would get everyone talking about them as a them again] Janis: like I said, piece of piss Jimmy: [cue a 🔥 exchange cos obvs he's gotta pull his weight and prove how easy it is for him too it's not like he missed her or anything NOPE] Janis: always a pleasure doing business with you Jimmy: pleasure would be all mine if we were done but Janis: that would mean life was fair, wouldn't it Jimmy: that would mean any dickhead could crack on to any other with an @ and it'd make 'em #fated Janis: the point is to put out the opposite and keep the @s from other dickheads to a minimum, I'm aware Janis: so what's step 2 this time Jimmy: you're gonna have to 🙄 at me in person Jimmy: how massive of an audience do you want? Janis: MASSIVE Janis: not only do I get to shout that at you Janis: 🔫 as many inbox lurkers as possible in one 🎯 Jimmy: had my 🤞 you'd say that Jimmy: Alright, that's work ❌ unless you've got nowt but 👴👵 or 🤰👶 in your inbox Janis: sadly, my inbox is about as diverse as 💙 Janis: some 👴 but mostly their sons and grandsons, like Jimmy: leaving me their daughters Janis: you're welcome Janis: only a few who took Mia's casual homophobia to 💘 which is a bit 😬 but you know Jimmy: hang on, there are people who take owt she 🗨s to 💘??!! Janis: ask the other gals Janis: between the 😭 Jimmy: come on, they'd need a 💘 Jimmy: instead of just being 🧫 with hair Janis: 😏 Janis: alright, decent description Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: never been much of a 🖋💕 Jimmy: reckon you might have the wrong 👻 Janis: or Bill has possessed you Janis: without permission is a bit #metoo of him but Janis: different times, you know Jimmy: without buying me a drink, he would an' all Jimmy: that's what I get for having an earring Janis: did he start that or what Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: 💰 on him taking the credit Janis: invite him to a dinner party, or whatever that game is Jimmy: fuck's sake, we don't have to have a dinner party to show everyone we're still #goals do we? Janis: I sincerely hope not Janis: they'd be the FUSSIEST guests Jimmy: nah chuck them cotton wool balls in a bowl instead of crisps or 🔑🔑🔑 Janis: grim Janis: fake 👰💍🤵 is one thing Janis: playing 🏡 is just silly Jimmy: What are we gonna do then? Jimmy: I dunno where the fuck a MASSIVE crowd of our dickhead fans are Janis: lemme 🔭 Jimmy: Tah, if I point mine towards the park I'll probably get arrested Janis: not redeeming that rep for you Janis: have limits Jimmy: I get it 👀 out your window only works if you've seen a murder and you're the one with the dodgy ankle, not me Janis: just saying, you'll want people to think you're in it for the 🐶s Janis: it's gonna be another bullshit party Janis: all there ever is Jimmy: Alright Janis: just working out which will be the biggest Jimmy: been in your DMs too long, girl Janis: ha ha Janis: though sending them back size comparisons is a solid idea Jimmy: it ain't been long enough for you to forget how many 🥇💡 I have Jimmy: pick the one that'll be the most bearable, word and 📷 will get round Janis: I think she'll be at this [slightly smaller basic party] one but there will be more people at [larger basic party] this one Janis: true though Janis: but they'll all be shit Jimmy: are you gonna smack her? Janis: jealousy isn't very goals Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: yeah but even if I'd LOVE to, not gonna have it looking like that's why Janis: so unlikely Jimmy: if you'd love to but you reckon you can't, we won't go wherever she is Janis: s'different for lads Janis: you're a pussy if you don't, I'd be a psycho if I did Janis: we can hit multiple potentially, max coverage, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll crack on building an assault course she can fall off Janis: cheers Janis: [party] is near-ish the CG, go there first makes sense Jimmy: loads of ways to 💀💀💀 ourselves and then just haunt it Janis: caffeine OD, you mean or? Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: 💀👑 ain't possessed me an' all Janis: then fill me in on the poisons you keep next to the caramel syrup, like Jimmy: if I wanted to make your heart beat faster there's no need to make you a latte Jimmy: and for stopping it, there's no need to use ☠ that's Bill's ™ Janis: definitely 🤓 flirting Jimmy: send it to her, she must be 💔🎻😭 by now Janis: is bound to be missing me as well Jimmy: 🤞 she tweets her 💕 for you so I can give it a retweet Janis: lazy back in style then Jimmy: is it? Janis: I'm asking you Jimmy: how would I know? Jimmy: got my own 😎🚬 Janis: 👌 got your 15mins Janis: made up for you Jimmy: if I did I wouldn't be 🗨 to you Janis: 💔🎻😭 I'm sure Jimmy: save it for our fake breakup, Jillian Janis: naturally I'll be living my best life Janis: anything more tragic? think not Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you've been possessed by my ex, not fuming she's dead but not chuffed by the idea of going to a party with her, so wrestle back control Janis: shit at accents Janis: not gonna try to #trigger you Jimmy: she weren't much of a talker, you're alright Janis: don't need the details, you're alright too Jimmy: I'll put my picture I was painting you in the bin then Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Poor boy Jimmy: Oi, I definitely already put the bank statements in Janis: this is the part where I make you buy me shit I don't need then Janis: alright Jimmy: I'll give you a bit to crack on 💭🤔 Janis: if the list ain't double-sided, I've fucked up Jimmy: 🐴🍾👠💍👜💄👗💎🏎🏠🏖 Jimmy: ✈🦷🐅💐👶🦪🚢🖼⌚️ Janis: 👏 Janis: I'll flog most of it Janis: great rate on 👶 Jimmy: and the 🐅 Janis: I wanna keep the 🐅 Jimmy: 🤞 it eats the 🐴 before you get weirdly attached Jimmy: jealousy ain't goals you said, and I would be Janis: feed you sugar cubes if you really want Jimmy: then I'd have to buy myself new 🦷 an' all Janis: they work last I checked Jimmy: til you rot 'em out my head, we'll be proper #goals us Janis: one way to put people off Janis: long term Janis: have to keep doing this 'til the damage really sets in Jimmy: if only you were sweeter 💔 Janis: unlucky Janis: surprised you ain't moved yet Jimmy: nah, you taste nice really Jimmy: unlike that bitter 💊 Janis: obvs 👍 Janis: weird they're not dying to get rid of yous Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: crack on with fucking your co-workers tah very much Jimmy: need a new mum and address obvs Janis: #whenorientationdrags Jimmy: #whenyouvelostyourtouchbecauseyouaintallowedtoslaplassesonthearseatthephotocopierthesedays Janis: #romanceisDEAD Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: that'll be why he keeps getting ghosted Janis: won't get my ma involved then, even though step-sister is ultimate goals in ALL lad's books Janis: she's the 👑 of that Jimmy: if they look like you, yeah Jimmy: not like some of the ones he'd have stuck me with if he could keep a missus around Janis: can't even fuck then, what is the point Jimmy: can chuck 👶 and 🐕 at them Jimmy: they might even live Janis: don't even have to pay 'em Janis: skint equivalent of the nanny, clearly Jimmy: 👍 Janis: now I'm just gutted about my lack of a new dad, thanks a lot Jimmy: take mine Janis: he'll take me out for 🍦 WITHOUT piping my mum?! Janis: yay Jimmy: I dunno what your mum looks like but I've seen you, it's a safe 💰 on yeah Jimmy: say you've been on holiday and it's a tan that'll fade, you'll be alright Janis: make her go along with the babysitter line Janis: always a good one Jimmy: nowt could go wrong Janis: you're being the snobby LiLo twin no swapsies Jimmy: only 'cause you can't do accents Janis: neither could she Janis: I'm just 😎 than you Jimmy: you just wanna pierce my other ear and cut my hair Janis: you do need a haircut Jimmy: bollocks do I Janis: 😏 Jimmy: find loads of yours in owt I've worn AND wake up with it in my mouth Jimmy: it'd take the piss trying to murder you Janis: with this perma-tan? Janis: still get away with it, don't worry Janis: anyway, I'll 💀 you first Jimmy: so you keep promising Janis: time and a place is all I need, new boy Jimmy: if you need a written invite I'm sure whoever's party this is can at least manage to 🖋 your name, Jenna Janis: wouldn't 🤞 Janis: am a vampire though so, at least gotta wave me in Jimmy: good thing you scrub up decent then Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: gonna teach me how to sign it if I make sure you're saying it right in Irish? Jimmy: about equal as useful skills go probably Jimmy: unless your next fake boyfriend is deaf and then I'll be fuming duh Janis: gonna make that happen now, obvs Janis: gonna be a tough stalk but got no doubt in my skillz Jimmy: brb 😭 Jimmy: *🥊 Jimmy: 💪🏆 obvs Janis: I'll tell him you're so 💪🏆 Jimmy: tell everyone how well hard I am, double meaning works for lads and lasses Janis: don't wanna come across as protest too much though Janis: fine line Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll leak my nudes Janis: not gonna hurt your rep Jimmy: I know, but we're trying to clear my DMs not encourage lasses to send more Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I do it when we've been together a bit and I've let myself go Janis: gut covering most of it? Janis: good idea Jimmy: works for Mr Lucas Jimmy: I bloody miss that stud Janis: will 🤞 mine you get at least one date with him 'fore you piss off then Jimmy: SO romantic that Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not like the prospect of being alone with him actually makes my skin crawl Jimmy: 'course not, you know how lucky you are Jimmy: and dead special Janis: sound like his lines Jimmy: we're that #connected OMG Janis: 💫🔮 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: @ me as a 👻 when he does you in though Jimmy: as fake girlfriend's go Janis: you done this before? Jimmy: What? Janis: fake 💕 Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Dunno Janis: just trying to gage how much of a compliment it is Jimmy: how much of a compliment do you want? Janis: fake ones don't interest me Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: saying if you don't wanna say it, I don't wanna hear it Jimmy: I don't say owt unless I want to Janis: me either Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: weren't a request or anything Jimmy: can be Janis: it wasn't Jimmy: Alright Janis: meet you later then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit Janis: they been in today Jimmy: are we gonna start asking questions we know the answer to now or what? Janis: not the most fun game 2 people can play but Jimmy: but? Janis: both too busy for fuck all else Jimmy: oi, I'm NEVER too busy for you 💕 Janis: that's the official story Janis: also surely 🥇 if I don't distract you from your 💰 Jimmy: 🥇 that you do Janis: hmm Janis: might have to wait on that Janis: my dog walking look ain't one, no doubt Jimmy: it is if my 😍 say so Jimmy: and it were you who said they chase lads and try and all that bollocks, you don't have to, that's why it's goals Janis: what time does your shift end today anyway? Jimmy: I'm closing that's why you got to see my 🐕📷 earlier Janis: she's cute Jimmy: @ her Jimmy: reckon my sister's made her one by now Janis: don't even Janis: Gracie used to have one for every cat we had and they all had a different 'voice' Janis: sign of trouble to come, tbh 🤪 Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: compelling narrative, very 🧼 lives they were apparently living Jimmy: maybe Bill's 👻 will follow her round for a bit, leave me to my 🎭 Janis: obviously got bullied out of that behaviour ages ago, soz Jimmy: like the bollocks Mia has her doing ain't even more Shakespearean Janis: regardless, she's up her 😽 instead now Janis: cats are gutted Janis: all that graft for nothing Jimmy: lovely Jimmy: such a way with words he'll be after you Janis: 'cos you've been soliloquizing this whole time Janis: he's well impressed with me already tah Jimmy: one word for it 😏 Janis: 🛑😂 Jimmy: soz that verbally wanking off these customers for tips don't roll off the tongue in the same way but Jimmy: customer service ain't come a very long way Janis: I get it Janis: worst part of the day is talking to the owners Jimmy: next place I'm fully committing to fake deaf mute Janis: I would Jimmy: back up north they'll be thick enough to believe it were hereditary and stuck me down suddenly while I were gone Janis: could always have one off if you wanna go for a bit of realism Jimmy: most of 'em ain't heard me say nowt any road Jimmy: no need to come for Vinnie's entire brand Janis: you always had the mute part down then Jimmy: that a question? Janis: if you liked the obvious one earlier, can be Jimmy: you heard me say I don't say owt unless I want to Jimmy: unless you've got the deaf bit down yourself Janis: a plot twist too far, I reckon Jimmy: you can have a 🏆 if you're faking being that shit at signing Janis: cheek Janis: you're obviously a bad teacher Jimmy: would be if you were getting me to teach you things you already know, yeah Janis: that'd just be silly Jimmy: nowt close to the biggest load of bollocks we've done though Janis: don't remind me Jimmy: alright, what can I remind you of? Janis: our 🏆👑💪🥇 moments, obviously Jimmy: that's LITERALLY all of 'em Janis: DUH Jimmy: I get it, you want a soliloquy Janis: double-sided Jimmy: [is a nerd so does write her one] Janis: not gonna mark it Janis: can't do it how Lucas does, 'course 💔 Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: you said you couldn't write Jimmy: and? Jimmy: I can't Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: you get what you ask for, just the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: you can do my English homework for the foreseeable then Jimmy: he'll know it's me but if that's alright with you Janis: oh yeah, your connection Jimmy: that and the quality'll go way up Janis: why I'm asking Janis: got that much brain, like Jimmy: don't need loads to be better than whatever 💌 you've done for Lucas before Janis: fuck off Jimmy: What, you're gonna pretend you give a shit now? Or just fake that you're offended that I know you don't Janis: don't call me thick, 'cos I ain't, is what Jimmy: I didn't Janis: Good as Jimmy: Where? Janis: alright, we can drop it Jimmy: you mean you wanna drop it 'cause I said nowt of the sort Jimmy: go on then Janis: shut up Janis: you were taking the piss regardless Jimmy: no I weren't Jimmy: you had the hump regardless, more like Janis: this is helping Jimmy: What's your problem? Janis: what's yours Jimmy: I asked you first Janis: Don't be annoying Janis: clearly, I thought you were taking the piss, if you ain't, then whatever Jimmy: is it? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: actually leave you to it now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🤮 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: nah Janis: you're throwing 💋s I'm throwing 🦠s Jimmy: can you not chuck 💀👑 and her mates about tah, got enough tidying up to do Jimmy: be hair everywhere Janis: sweep it up, stick it back on Janis: pay fortunes for that, well decent tip Jimmy: 🧹💰💰 Janis: don't do TOO good a job, or you will be stuck for life Janis: definitely not the point Jimmy: 🤞 even Ian ain't that useless Janis: statistically impossible that there's no bitch in his office with low self-esteem Jimmy: he's had enough time to wear away any lass who had a bit if there weren't Janis: any day now Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: what you going back for Janis: the weather? Jimmy: 🌧✔ Jimmy: got that here an' all, bighead Janis: alright Janis: can't hear all of a sudden Jimmy: maybe you got water in your ears from all the 🌧 we've been having Janis: I meant you, ignoring my ? dickhead Janis: but could be Jimmy: I've got a mum, don't I? Jimmy: will that do you for an answer? Janis: if you want Jimmy: not really, she's well shit Jimmy: but until Ian pulls his finger out and puts a 💍 on another lass' she's the only one I've got Janis: must be Janis: why'd she let your dad take your kid brother Jimmy: didn't @ her beforehand Janis: why'd you come with him then Jimmy: Why would I leave them alone with him? Janis: if he's done a bunk with some kids, then they won't be with him long Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: alright Jimmy: it's not 📺 you can leave it out Janis: Fine Janis: done Jimmy: are you? 👏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: don't whatever me about my own life, I've got the 🎻🎻 living it, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't more bored than me Janis: I stopped talking ages ago Janis: you don't need to say no more Jimmy: and I gave you a 👏 for it, you after a 🏆 an' all now? Janis: right Jimmy: 🏆 then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't bother about later, alright Jimmy: I'm already bothered about it Jimmy: don't piss about, how's that? Janis: then mute your phone for the evening or until I am Jimmy: I'm not changing my plans just 'cause it's taken you this long to realise I've got a shit mum and a shit dad Janis: then you can go by yourself or realise you don't have much of a plan without my help Jimmy: funnily enough, I already knew I couldn't do this single handed Janis: don't chat to me like shit regardless of however much your life is Jimmy: don't ask me questions if you can't hack the answers Janis: Just don't answer if you don't want to Janis: that's your rule, apparently Janis: don't bullshit you have when you've just been cagey about it, I said alright, so move on Jimmy: it were you who couldn't shut up fast enough, not me Janis: you literally asked me to Janis: why would I keep on Jimmy: I haven't asked for nowt Janis: 'you can leave it out' Janis: so I did Janis: then I weren't interested enough Janis: I hit a nerve, it was an accident, so fuck off and deal with it or drop it Jimmy: what would you like me to deal with, that my mum can't do nowt or that I dunno if she would even if she could do? 'Cause that's where we were going with your bollocks assessment of my life story there Jimmy: they're as useless to me as each other Janis: She did the bunk, not your dad Jimmy: she did one first Janis: right Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I don't reckon he's involved, unless she found him on her way out Janis: your dad know where she is, or was that the point Jimmy: does it sound like he tells me owt he knows? Janis: you'd probably knew if he knew Janis: crap at hiding that kind of stuff Jimmy: is he? Janis: all adults are, especially the stuff they want to keep from you Jimmy: 1. can barely call him an adult 2. he can't lord it over us without telling us, that'll be what he wants to do Janis: yeah, so he don't know Janis: if he could call your mum crap for this, then he would, you'd never hear the end of it Janis: even if smug silence was his style, still loud Jimmy: he calls her all sorts and his girlfriend's never hear the end of it either Janis: is that just male tears 'cos she left HIM though Jimmy: it suits him, when it don't, might be a different story Janis: counts as foreplay for 'em, father of the year, sure Jimmy: I can't make a 🏆 for him an' all, I ain't finished making all yours Janis: you can buy mugs Janis: just so you know Jimmy: WHAT??! Those things I stare at all day?! Janis: yeah, ikr Janis: world's best [insert title here] Jimmy: who does that work for? Janis: never have my name Janis: unlikely they have 'fake girlfriend' so you know Jimmy: never been nowhere how the fuck would I know what the world's got to offer Jimmy: be a pisstake that Janis: ✔ here off the bucket list Jimmy: chuffed to bits, like Janis: how could you not be Jimmy: 💀💀💀 inside Jimmy: and out 👻 Janis: don't stop me living and loving every second Jimmy: why you're 🥇 Janis: feels great Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: right laugh now you've got the 💕 an' all Janis: why else would you pick me Jimmy: ? Janis: 'cos I'm a well known laugh a minute Jimmy: you owe me loads if that ain't all chat but alright Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: yeah, be about right Janis: you weren't wrong, anyway Jimmy: sounds fake that Janis: just saying, whatever you heard or reckoned, about me being sad enough to agree, probably spot on so there we go Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: you either thought I'd be up for this fake dating bollocks because I legit needed a beard or 'cos I had fuck all else on Jimmy: don't be a twat Janis: I'm not, it's comforting, dickhead Jimmy: it's bollocks, nowt else Janis: let me be nice Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you know why I asked you and it's nowt to do with any of that Jimmy: I didn't even reckon you'd say yeah, alright? Janis: had no reason to say no Jimmy: there are loads but it's a bit late now Janis: you know why I said yes as well Janis: so yeah, don't matter Jimmy: no I don't Janis: oi Janis: I didn't take the opportunity to make you say it, why should I now Jimmy: I didn't say you had to tell me, I said I dunno Janis: yes you do Jimmy: stop it Janis: what? Jimmy: I just said I don't, it's nowt to argue about Janis: why you asked'll be why I said yes Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: rude Jimmy: how am I? Janis: how aren't you? Jimmy: THAT'S rude Janis: what you get Janis: weren't interested in nice Jimmy: you weren't being nice Janis: how weren't I? Jimmy: how were you? Janis: 🙄 Janis: truce Jimmy: are you gonna keep being a dickhead after I agree? Janis: don't you trust me Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: 🥇 one Jimmy: I keep telling you, girl, you can't give 🏆🥇 to yourself Jimmy: keep trying to put me out of a job, well trustworthy that is Janis: you keep complaining about how many I need Janis: called being helpful Jimmy: now you're slagging off my work ethic Jimmy: that's called 💔 Janis: finding fault in EVERYTHING I do now Janis: very rude Jimmy: you started it Janis: No I never Jimmy: yeah you did Jimmy: go have a look Janis: do I have to? Jimmy: can't make you from here Janis: that's called 💔 Jimmy: I know 🎻 Janis: what have you been doing Janis: case I need to act like I know Jimmy: you do Jimmy: #🎨 Janis: right Janis: covers all sins Janis: ☕🖋💘 Jimmy: tell me then Janis: tell you what? Jimmy: It's the same question, my dear Janis: oh, all the 🎨 I've been doing Janis: 🏃🐕🏋️🥊 Janis: repeat Jimmy: I should probably post some, remind me when I get back to mine Janis: the fans demand it Jimmy: won't be very #goals for them to be reckoning you've only inspired 💭💕 Jimmy: or true Janis: what are you posting Janis: do I get a preview Jimmy: do you want one? Janis: yeah Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: come here, I'll reenact it for you Janis: 😳 Jimmy: don't worry I'm not ripping off Titanic Jimmy: gotta leave something for the 💭💕 Janis: have a job to steam up an entire cafe Janis: even with the necessary equipment Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😏 Janis: definite health and safety hazard Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: get it now Janis: your manager is a CLOSE 🥈 to Lucas and you want attention Jimmy: your guess is as good as mine, mate Jimmy: never seen him Janis: 🤨 Janis: is CG a front for 💰🧺 Jimmy: might be Jimmy: or he's a 👻 an' all and it's getting crowded ⚰ with me and Bill pissing about Janis: intriguing Janis: 😍 Jimmy: don't dump me for a shyer 👻 Janis: not trying to work my way up your corporate ladder Jimmy: unless that's a euphemism, you're alright Janis: maybe that's the kind of work-related sexy talk your dad is going for Janis: not the one Jimmy: 🤢 Jimmy: can I call in sick off the back of that? Janis: I think so Jimmy: fucking can't though 'cause you're meeting me here UGH Janis: could meet you at yours if I was 💀👑 and knew where it was Jimmy: it were you who said the party was near here Janis: it is Jimmy: not gonna piss off back home then, am I? Jimmy: don't miss Ian that much Janis: power through then, baby Jimmy: help me then Jimmy: you're so 💪🏆🥇 Janis: what do you need? Jimmy: If I knew that I'd be 💪🏆🥇 an' all and I wouldn't need you Jimmy: but I do Janis: tell me when your next break is Janis: and I'll see what I can do Jimmy: [gives her a time for when it's meant to be which I hope is soon for both their sakes] Janis: alright, I'll have dropped the majority of the pack by then so I can do it Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 'course Janis: you owe me a preview Jimmy: 💭💕 til then Janis: easy Jimmy: for you, you ain't carrying ☕ about Jimmy: or making it, #extra🌡don't reckon you want a preview of my newest burn scars Janis: don't hurt yourself Janis: or I'll have to prioritize nursing you Jimmy: it's my turn but Janis: you had a long weekend Janis: wouldn't be fair Jimmy: right Janis: gotta keep being 💪🏆🥇 Jimmy: how's your ankle? you never said Janis: it's alright Jimmy: alright actually or alright how you say it is when you don't wanna talk about it? Janis: alright like it'd probably be better if I could rest it more but I can't so it'd as good as it can be Jimmy: Oi, you're resting it tomorrow Jimmy: tonight goes without saying Janis: you know what I do for my 💰 yeah Jimmy: yeah and I'll do it Jimmy: if I ain't about my sister will Janis: you don't need to Janis: and you can't sign her up without asking Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: I weren't asking for your permission or hers Jimmy: you're resting and she's giving me a hand Janis: you're in charge now, yeah Jimmy: soz I'm SUCH a #lad Jimmy: you can have a go at me when you're better Janis: see how I feel about it then Jimmy: me an' all, see if you're a 🥇 patient or not Janis: you know I'm not Jimmy: that were then Janis: you think I'll be better behaved now? Janis: such an optimist Jimmy: I might just be a realist ☀ girl Jimmy: I reckon I can make it happen Janis: you're being very distracting Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 it'd really take the piss and go against owt I'm trying to do Janis: do my best Janis: even if it goes against Bill's plan Jimmy: I've got my own for you, he don't get a say unless he's #teambedrest Janis: 💀💀💀bed Jimmy: not til I've fixed your ankle and behaviour Jimmy: soz Janis: jesus Jimmy: I get that you don't wanna wait that long, but I'll do my best an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: it's been too long Janis: know it's only been days but Jimmy: it's alright, I'm gonna look after you Janis: what about you Jimmy: what about me? Janis: you need looking after too Jimmy: I sent out my SOS a bit ago and you said you'd be there, don't need nowt else, do I? Janis: you're gonna make me bedrest on my own? Jimmy: you won't be very rested with me and Bill crowding you Jimmy: take all my jobs seriously, me Janis: I'd rather have you Janis: but okay Janis: reluctant 😇 Jimmy: I'll be about keeping an 👀 Janis: Good Janis: make sure you have something to see Jimmy: be a shit nurse if you can't find me whenever you need owt Janis: you're very dedicated to all your jobs, I remember Jimmy: still should've checked on you before now Janis: nah Janis: had no reason to Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: alright, being 🥇 fake boyfriend-nurse would've maybe kept her out of your DMs a day longer Jimmy: til she breaks her leg or something 🤞 I'll be back round for a house call Janis: don't be doing house calls for no one else Jimmy: I ain't doing 'em for you either, that 🚍 took fucking ages Janis: basically live in the 🏞 Jimmy: and you can't do an assault course 💔 gutted Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Calm down, it were my fault Janis: it was stupid, is what it was Jimmy: yeah, I were Janis: nah Janis: I was the one who fell on my arse Jimmy: don't be making it sound like you and Ella are in the same boat Jimmy: that's like saying it's my own fault Asia dropped me on my arse Janis: it's sizeable Janis: 🍑 Jimmy: you giving me a compliment or taking the piss? Janis: which would you prefer Jimmy: you meant it how you meant it, Jules, nowt to do with me Janis: 😏 Jimmy: are you not gonna tell us? Janis: can't a girl have any secrets Jimmy: if that's the kind of fake girlfriend you wanna be Janis: I can't just compliment you Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's not fake at all Jimmy: I won't tweet it to the fans then Jimmy: everything you say to me don't have to be fake Janis: like everything we do Jimmy: I'm not nursing you back to health 'cause it's #goals Jimmy: I know it winds you up not being able to do nowt and I want you to feel better Janis: I actually appreciate it Janis: you know that Jimmy: but I'm not doing it for that either Jimmy: you can be a twat if you want or if it hurts, I don't care Janis: if your sister does the walks, I'll give her the cash, I'm not gonna be that twat at any rate Jimmy: she gets 💰 for doing ours, no need for you to lose out Jimmy: and before you start, it's Ian paying out Janis: I'll discuss it with her Jimmy: or you'll just listen to me and leave it out, how about that? Jimmy: I'll only get her to give me a hand if I've got work Jimmy: write your schedule down or whatever Janis: alright, hang on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [amalgamating your calendar for what dogs needs walking and when tomorrow] Janis: even if you could do the AM, then I'd be rested enough to do the afternoon shift Janis: [list of some of the dogs] these ones only really need taking out, so I can do then and sit whilst they 💩 Janis: but [other list] these ones actually want the exercise Jimmy: no bloody wonder it ain't healed Jimmy: is there a 🐕 about you ain't walking? steady on, dickhead Janis: just LOVE 💰💰💰 obvs Janis: and not being in the house Jimmy: Oi where's that list I done? scroll up Jimmy: you can buy us a 🐅 and whatever else it were Janis: bet 🐅 need LOADS of walking Janis: giving yourself another job there, boy Jimmy: let it eat my 🐕 and it won't be any extra Janis: definitely RSPCA Jimmy: crack on Jimmy: best place for it, can find a home that ain't full of dickheads Jimmy: maybe the dad in that one'll run it by 'em before it brings it back Jimmy: he* Janis: 🎁puppy? Janis: how cliche Janis: did you not give him your list? Jimmy: I don't give him nowt unless it's 🖕 obvs Janis: fair Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: rebel with the one cause, me Janis: ☕ Jimmy: 🛏⛓ duh Janis: remind me to check for sledgehammers before I get in bed with you again Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call it, don't let me stop you 😏 far as compliments go Janis: 😂 shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: alright, one more drop off then I'll be with you Jimmy: ⏲ but be careful, like Janis: 👀 open, I know Jimmy: you'll have loads of time to close 'em in a bit Janis: as long as I get to look at you for a bit before that Jimmy: I get it, as uniforms go, could've done worse Jimmy: tah @ my 👻 manager Janis: not my kink, thank you Jimmy: UGH fine I'll take it off, stop begging Janis: do you have a defibrillator? the 👵 are gonna be hitting the deck Janis: not in a suggestive way Jimmy: Oi I have that effect on 👴 an' all Janis: in yours dreams, babes Jimmy: in sirs Jimmy: and stop messing me about! Either you can read minds or you can't Jimmy: what's the truth, Jolene? Janis: only when the 🧠 is predictable Janis: 💁 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you aren't mad I like you for your ⚒ not your 🧠 Jimmy: get out of my head, you, how's a lad meant to stay fit and mysterious? Janis: far as the fans know Jimmy: steady on, that were almost a promise to keep my secrets there Janis: only the ones that are mutually beneficial Janis: neither of us needs to be outed for fake dating, s'why it works as a deal Jimmy: even if we were, nobody'd believe it, that's why it works Janis: exactly, if one of us went 😤 😠 😡 🤬 and tried to 💣💥 then we'd just look like we were chatting shit Janis: foolproof in that way at least Jimmy: if you wanna smack that lass I'll think of a way to make it #goals, nowt I can't Janis: alright, don't make me 🤤 Jimmy: don't you make me have to get a mop out Janis: 🚬 break, baby Janis: no work required Jimmy: alright, if you want me 🤤 an' all you're going the right way about it Janis: maybe you can take TWENTY minutes instead 🥴 Jimmy: depends Janis: go on Jimmy: if you'll live Jimmy: don't reckon we do have one of them defibrillators Janis: depends as well, that Jimmy: yeah, can you take it or can't you? Janis: 'course I can Jimmy: 20 then Janis: loads I can do for you in 20 Jimmy: just come here Janis: [picture walking with no dogs like omw] Jimmy: already behaving for me? 🏆😍🤤 Janis: I just wanna see you Jimmy: [a picture like 👋 cos he's a nerd] Janis: rude Jimmy: soz I don't have any nudes to hand Janis: 1. amateur 2. not what I meant 3. that you look like that Jimmy: 1. Oi 2. maybe you should say what you mean 3. you're one to talk Janis: I did Jimmy: I'll let you off then Janis: really are 👮 aren't ya Jimmy: 🚔🚨 Jimmy: don't tell that lass I could have her in handcuffs Janis: not rushing into her inbox for anything, let alone that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: she's such a dick Jimmy: I get now why she's so 😍 for me, she ain't got a clue about her angles Jimmy: right crime, that Janis: no angle is hiding that Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I could make her look #goals if there were a gun to my head Janis: shh, don't give her ideas Janis: not allowed to 💀 for her socials Jimmy: if she's listening, it'll be you who's getting 💀💀💀 Jimmy: soz I fucked you over by not being able to get enough of you Janis: I reckon I can handle that Jimmy: for 20 minutes yeah, you said Janis: maybe after that and all Janis: see how we feel, like Jimmy: see how you feel after you've been stuck in my bed for ages with me fussing over you, more like Janis: that too Jimmy: my 💰's on 🤬🤬🤬 Janis: not a bet I'd take Janis: too easy Jimmy: you don't reckon it'll be easy for me to make you 😍😍🤤🤤 again an' all? Janis: you reckon it will be? Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: yeah, it's a question Janis: answer it Jimmy: answer mine Janis: how can I answer that Jimmy: with a yeah or a no Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 25% Jimmy: you making a 💕 scale now? Janis: 😍 🥰 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😛 😝 😜 🤪 🤨 Janis: sliding scale, that one Jimmy: you ain't got 🤤 or 😳 though Janis: UGH Janis: 😍 🥰 😳 🤤 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😛 😝 😜 🤪 🤨 Jimmy: Where are you then? Janis: currently Janis: this dead-in-the-eyes one OBVS 😛 Jimmy: hot Janis: you're 😳 deffo Jimmy: piss off I'm always 😘 Janis: nah Janis: the steam Jimmy: is that a #kinkunlocked with you or what? Janis: just facts Janis: [making self seen in the window like hey] Jimmy: [immediately coming out to kiss her as if it's been years instead of days] Janis: [the most extra moment] Jimmy: [we'll allow it lads] Janis: [shit got intense] Jimmy: [yeah it really did and lbr even if it hadn't you'd still have missed each other] Janis: [casually missed you way too much to be comfortable with] Jimmy: [likewise and also feel bad about her ankle so we have lifted her off the ground during this makeout] Janis: [just rest up on this cafe like no one is watching oh you two] Jimmy: [not even putting on a show rn though we're just doing what we wanna BYE] Janis: [that's how it is from now tbh that's the tea] Jimmy: [sadly not doing everything that they wanna because you're in public thank you but being as extra as we can get away with] Janis: [just enjoy the time you have] Jimmy: [another shit party will be upon you soon enough, you can do whatever you want then] Janis: [casually not wanting to go when time is up] Jimmy: [stay for a bit gal you've got an ankle to rest] Janis: [so unnatural in this environment] Jimmy: [at least he can go off menu for your food and drink choices because christ knows] Janis: where are you now? Jimmy: on which scale? Janis: Both, if you like Jimmy: I don't think I need to tell you where I am on the 💕 one, wouldn't take a 🧠📖 Jimmy: you can probably feel where I am on the other an' all, reckon you're there yourself Janis: alright, fit and mysterious Janis: I get it Jimmy: is it a mystery that I don't wanna be here? Jimmy: must be a top actor 🏆🥇 Janis: your customer service voice won't be a turn-on, promise you that Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: so you're not gonna leave me a tip? Janis: 😱 Janis: #diditallforthetip Jimmy: that a mystery an' all? Jimmy: you're losing your touch, girl Janis: psh Janis: no mystery, maybe I respect the hustle Janis: no, keep your money, no need to lose out Janis: yeah right Jimmy: 😏 Janis: shameless, some might say Jimmy: some will have done Jimmy: what are you gonna say? Janis: officially? Janis: sharing my location, OBVS Jimmy: officially there's never any mystery DUH Janis: so in-synch so trusting yeah Jimmy: unless it's #datenight 😱😱 Jimmy: a lad's allowed his secrets for a bit then Janis: a good idea for when we aren't obligated to SHOW UP to these bullshit parties Jimmy: I get it, you're still 😭 you still can't dance Jimmy: soon baby Janis: I can dance, you won't let me Jimmy: Oi, pick your moments I'm 😭 there ain't a nurse emoji Jimmy: how am I supposed to #flex? Janis: NO emoji can show how caring you are, babes Jimmy: BABE Jimmy: I need everyone to know I have the outfit Jimmy: ugh I'll have to get my 📷 out again, takes the piss, that Janis: GURL 😤 Janis: unless someone has a costume party for their birthday, you CANNOT Jimmy: 🥺 Janis: it's a tragedy Janis: will 👏 halloween 👏 hurry 👏 up Jimmy: that's every day when you're 👻💕🧛 Janis: for my 👀 only Janis: but I'll take some 🔥 shots without your consent, 'course Jimmy: how 🔥 can they be without MY help? Janis: RUDENESS! Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [IRL 😛] Jimmy: you've never looked more 🥇 or 🔥 Janis: shut up or publically declare it Jimmy: [cue some extra posts on socials] Janis: [extra ass reply about how hard it is to let him work like you don't mean it at all okay] Jimmy: [we're just flirting hardcore and we mean every word] Janis: how do you do this Janis: ignore all the 🤤 Jimmy: other than being a fake deaf mute? Janis: some of them must be at least a little 😜 though Janis: not all 🤨🤢🤮 Jimmy: why must they? Janis: odds Janis: not every customer can be Janis: well, maybe they can Jimmy: I ain't bothered, that's about me not them Jimmy: already got one work place romeo in @iantaylor8 Janis: fair Janis: be a weird one to be 💪🏆 about Janis: with your dad, anyway Janis: other barista boys, OBVS 🙄 Jimmy: worse than new boy, that Janis: not like you have nametags or anything Jimmy: [looks down at his like what bollocks does mine say today] Janis: you do all look much of a muchness Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're definitely like, top 3 though Jimmy: you're just being a dickhead now Janis: [IRL 😏] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: very ungrateful Janis: still placed podium Jimmy: what do I always say? Janis: is that a trick question? Jimmy: yeah, if you pay attention to owt Jimmy: keep your 🥈🥉 Janis: I'm paying you plenty of attention Jimmy: if that's the best you can do, we can call it plenty Janis: 😒 Janis: erm, didn't BARELY 👀 at that other lad mopping up that spill for you for nothing Jimmy: very ungrateful, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: MEAN too Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: [comes over and gives her something like a 🍪 in a very flirty manner like am I though] Janis: ['bribery' but as per whispering so everything is saucier than it needs to be] Jimmy: [looks over at the tip jar and back at her with a little lol like] Janis: ['so pushy!' but a lol and a LOOK, and is obvs gonna pay at the end we're not cheeky] Jimmy: [always gotta give her a LOOK back but this one is even more extra cos we have to walk away at the same time] Janis: [actual pouting, like obvs in an OTT way but we know you mean it] Jimmy: [we all know he's gonna come back and kiss her for that pouty lip goodness because his manager is not around] Janis: [not like any customer didn't see you making out outside, live ya lives] Jimmy: [sadly the flatwhites aren't here but it gives us an excuse to have another moment™ when they are] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do some actual work but send LOOKS her way because it's been a long few days without the bae] Janis: I can head out Janis: 'til you're done Jimmy: none of the fans are here running a ⏲ far as I can 👀 Janis: just the ones who NEED everyone to know they NEED to be back in the office asap Jimmy: hang on, Mia's dad's here???! 😱😱 Janis: and you, without a lick of makeup on Janis: honestly, how are you going to catch a man, never mind keep one Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: doubt he's a bigger tipper than 💀👑 Jimmy: 1. I've always got my 🤡 face on 2. I LOVE him for his 💙 and values, tah very much Janis: 1. JUST his type, give or take a few shades towards the orange 2. big yikes sis Jimmy: would've thought it'd be the whiter the better, FULL of surprises, him Jimmy: can't wait to send him my nudes and how many words I can type a minute!! 🍆💦 Janis: oh, strictly FAKE tan honey Janis: lucky for you Janis: 🤞 you get IT Jimmy: legs uncrossed Jimmy: streaky with my bottled tan Janis: stop trying to make me jealous Jimmy: if you'd JUST learn to share we could sort that threesome Janis: sounds like a trio of 🥉 to me Jimmy: I won't have you talking about yourself like that, sweetheart Jimmy: put me out of a job Janis: fuck off 😂 Janis: 💭 up a better third and it could be 🥇 Jimmy: walking out would put me out of a job an' all 💔 Jimmy: unless my manager's our 3rd Janis: 👻🧛👻 Janis: every gals dream Jimmy: 🤞 you don't feel him more than you do me, that'd be my nightmare Janis: awh Janis: baby Jimmy: [sad face] Janis: stop it Janis: everyone gonna rush over with 💰 and I won't be able to get close Jimmy: [comes over under the pretence of cleaning up as if you need to be getting as close as you are to do that, boy] Janis: [just being over-friendly like OMG thank you SO much] Jimmy: [being OTT touchy feely in return but we know you're not really doing it for tips this time lol] Janis: you're trying to get me to 😳 on the scale, yeah Jimmy: keeping you on brand, every dickhead knows pink is your colour Janis: I suit every colour Jimmy: it's only hats you don't, head that big Janis: and hair Janis: a struggle Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: you're really getting put through it, yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: where is your care and attention now, honestly Jimmy: I've got struggles of my own, don't I? Janis: you mean I didn't make you feel better? Jimmy: 1. it's my job to make you feel better 2. I just wanna do that and I can't Janis: 1. **2nd or 3rd job though 2. then I'll go 'til you can 🤏 easier to miss you when you aren't right there Jimmy: 1. Depends how you're ranking 'em 2. 🤏 rude Janis: 1. 💍 to this one, I know 2. I meant it VERY nicely 😇 Jimmy: Where are you going then? Janis: 🤷 Janis: see where my 👣 take me, just quirky like that Jimmy: why are you trying to sabotage all my hard work? Jimmy: that ankle ain't meant to be taking you nowhere Jimmy: at least chuck an 👵 out of her 🦽 or nick a 🛒 off her put upon daughter/son/husband Janis: no 🏃💃 I promise Jimmy: 😒 Janis: trust me Janis: wouldn't do ANYTHING to prolong my bedrest Jimmy: I remember how much it did your head in Janis: some parts of it Jimmy: 🖋 me a list, it's not a bollocks ploy to get you to stay off your feet for a bit longer or owt, I'll TOTALLY read it Janis: only of the bits I didn't like Janis: gonna tell you what I did later Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [blows actual at him as she goes] Jimmy: [we're just watching her leave as per] Janis: earn those tips babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Imma hit up Bill for a 🖋 Jimmy: you should've said, I've had given you one Janis: know you've got a sharpie Janis: want a full feather and ink job Jimmy: bit rude of you to assume I don't have them in my pocket an' all Janis: you were very pleased to see me Jimmy: yeah Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: you can tell me the truth you know, I've worked out you're going dress shopping for the fake 👰💍🤵 Janis: LOVE to be that psychotic Janis: make 'em be my bridesmaids Jimmy: keep your 🥊 up in case you see that lass in there having a try on Janis: fight over the dress, the 🤵 Janis: definitely a romcom Jimmy: buy the one she 💀💀💀 Jimmy: * in Janis: hot Janis: she's short as fuck though, look ridiculous Jimmy: I'll wear it then Janis: hotter Janis: nurse outfit who? Jimmy: save that for the honeymoon, depending where we go depends what you manage to fall off but Janis: full-body cast is not condusive to a wedding LEWK or a good time Jimmy: would make you look fat Janis: well that's uncalled for Jimmy: soz they don't do slimline plaster casts, babes Janis: soz I said your arse was 🍑 Janis: you've taken that to heart, obvs Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: thicc or sensitive? Jimmy: both, obvs Janis: 👀🍵 Jimmy: why are you chucking pea soup at me? Janis: it's tea and I am sipping it, HUN Jimmy: you don't drink green tea, hun Janis: you can't take a compliment Jimmy: you ain't given me any Janis: umm Janis: are you forgetting sledgehammer Jimmy: I said that, you were trying to call me Kathy Bates, nowt complimentary there Janis: now you're just tearing other gals down Jimmy: she'll live Jimmy: if she still is Janis: probably not Janis: lucky cow Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: you know you're 🥵 Jimmy: that'll be the steam you like to go on about Janis: nah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: where's the thank you? Jimmy: that's not why you give compliments, dickhead Janis: it is Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: give me one at least Jimmy: I'm going to this party with you, that's a massive compliment Janis: you're going for you though Jimmy: I'm going so you can start your murder spree and I can watch Janis: oh 😳 Jimmy: the only kink of mine that lass'd ever unlock Janis: good Janis: she better not Jimmy: I'm not gonna dump you for her Janis: don't Janis: you have taste Janis: and a 🧠 Jimmy: you're the only fake girlfriend I want Janis: it works for me too Jimmy: good Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [enough time to have passed that while he's meant to working hard he's drawn a picture of her that's very complimentary because she wanted one and he obvs misses her] Janis: glad you didn't put that on any bitch's latte Janis: it's 🎨🖼 Jimmy: it'd take ages to do your hair, these #bossbabes have shit to do, Jasmine Janis: don't need 'em 😭 into it with 💚 Jimmy: only fun to make you jealous, obvs Janis: you've never made me jealous Jimmy: alright Janis: don't you sound unconvinced like that Jimmy: I won't when you convince me Janis: Easy Jimmy: go on Janis: why would I be jealous Janis: you don't wanna fuck her Jimmy: you know that now, you didn't when you were Janis: when do you think I was Jimmy: come on Janis: serious Janis: I told you on the bus what it was about Jimmy: alright Janis: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I said alright Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What? Janis: never mind Jimmy: stop trying to have a 🥊 with me Janis: why you casting aspersions on my good name Jimmy: Why are you making up words? 🤓 Janis: gaslighter Janis: deffo a word Jimmy: 💀👑's fave Janis: that's me Janis: 💁 Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: yep Janis: jade green, you Jimmy: @ her she'll be well chuffed Janis: not fun, is it Jimmy: being her fave? I wouldn't know Janis: @ing her Jimmy: Depends Janis: making her 😤 😠 😡 🤬 duh Janis: not 💚 Jimmy: same thing Janis: that's why you reckon I'm so jealous Jimmy: leave it out Janis: alright Jimmy: you're not in the same boat as her Janis: tell me about it Janis: 🛶 to her 🚤 Jimmy: dunno nowt about 🚤 soz Janis: I'm so 💔 Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: Ian's been a letdown in every sense Janis: put it on the list Janis: or was it Janis: either way Jimmy: might use my sharpie to write it on his head so all the lass' have been warned Janis: DOESN'T HAVE A YACHT Jimmy: can't even spell it Jimmy: #thickANDnorthern Janis: do a doodle, babes Jimmy: I've told you, I've only got the one muse Jimmy: and I've done my 🎨 for the day any road Janis: fair Jimmy: @ him with your commissions, bound to find you dead inspiring an' all Janis: be a bit weird Janis: not even seen a 📸 Jimmy: be better off using your 💭😍 Janis: thought as much Janis: not gonna be a 💀👑 daddy Jimmy: who is? He's 💰💪🏆🥇💰 that one Janis: we could all wish Jimmy: we all DO, mate 🤞💭💕 Janis: s'weird Jimmy: that she wants to fuck her dad? Yeah obvs Jimmy: even if my mum's legged it and got 💰💰 I won't be suggesting it to her 💌 Janis: well, yeah Janis: but DaddyIssues™ in general Janis: how many of them are actually about it, fucked Jimmy: don't worry it ain't a #kinkunlocked Jimmy: we can leave my shit parents out of it Jimmy: save money on the fake 👰💍🤵 while we're there Janis: mine an' all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: my mum is partial to a fake illegal wedding, so she'd stay away for the #vibe of it Jimmy: won't be offended, have that affect on mums, like Janis: 🥁 Jimmy: *🎻 Janis: 'course Janis: very concerned Jimmy: still be a better party than the one in a bit Janis: duh Janis: can't fake it better than we can Jimmy: they can't do nowt better, real or fake Jimmy: and we can't stop being #goals Janis: it's the fake happiest day of your life, how couldn't that beat hanging about real dickheads being real boring Jimmy: unless you've 🤰👶 before it then owt else is pointless by comparison Jimmy: gotta use all your fake happiness up on that Janis: not walking 'round with a pillow up my top for 9 months, tah Jimmy: SUCH a part timer, you Janis: of course you'd LOVE it Jimmy: how'd you work that out? Janis: you wouldn't let me do anything, it's the PERFECT time to get out the handcuffs Jimmy: SO soz I've stumbled on my calling and unlocked my ultimate kink, Janet! GOD Jimmy: no need to 🌧 on it Janis: just saying, WELL sure this is how accidents happen, 6/10 REAL babies come from these fake elaborate schemes Jimmy: it ain't my fault all you paddys are still using the pull out and pray method Janis: heathen Jimmy: it's the only thing my parents didn't fuck up, tah Jimmy: no need to get him involved in my sob story an' all Janis: 3 isn't a bad score Janis: unless you got more Jimmy: might be why she left, been ages if she just went to grab 🚬 or milk Janis: could be Janis: bit of a flair for the dramatic but then you'd make sense so Jimmy: dunno why she wouldn't have just had it first and left it with him an' all but Janis: as a baby being the wrong colour survivor, throw that out there Janis: giving her the credit of working it out before seeing it's face Jimmy: plot hole being that there ain't any black or asian people in the north Jimmy: they've got more sense Janis: know for a fact Bradford exists, seen the gritty dramas so, don't lie to me, boy Janis: not to mention the soul part of, you lot didn't know you had one before Jimmy: How far my mum did or didn't travel for her dick appointments is none of my business, girl Janis: not one for the family calendar, no Jimmy: far as the gossip goes, reckon it were a few streets one way or the other Jimmy: explain where all the 💰 were going if I had half siblings in every 🏠 along Jimmy: 🤞 my ex weren't one though, be a bit awkward Janis: awkward is one word for it Jimmy: at least I know her 👶 ain't mine Jimmy: could nick it though, when we need one, every dickhead knows all white people look alike Janis: and if she's your sister, just say your genes are that 💪 Janis: how old is it Jimmy: @ her that's something we might need to know Janis: just need to know how fake sad I need to be for the poor bitch Jimmy: it don't have 🦷 but neither does the dad so Jimmy: maybe his genes are that 💪 Janis: lord Jimmy: bit late to tell her about the pull out and pray thing Janis: helpful to console my sister when she next gets dumped Janis: least he had 🦷 babes Jimmy: chin up, Gracie Jimmy: weren't 👴 with no 💰 Jimmy: and you didn't 💍 soon as you turned 16 Janis: older lady Janis: interesting Jimmy: you reckon she did it to one up me? Janis: weird flex Jimmy: when I get Mr Lucas she'll be 💚 and 💔 Janis: you about that then Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: idk Jimmy: you obvs wanna know something, go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: 👌 I'll shut up Janis: me too Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yeah, party party Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: 🍺 🍻 🥂 🍷 🥃 🍸 🍹 🍾 Jimmy: that'd do Jimmy: sure you don't want 🍵 though? Janis: psh Janis: do you want to have a good time in the time we ain't faking it or do you wanna be wearing green in all the ways Jimmy: I'm trying to make sure you do, baby, nowt I wouldn't do to make you happy Jimmy: heard you LOVE 🍵 Janis: such a twat 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: I miss you an' all Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: bored though, does that count? Jimmy: does it count towards what? Janis: missing you Jimmy: I don't care why you wanna see me, just that you do Janis: I wanna see you Janis: more Jimmy: come back Janis: it's not fair Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna be distracting Janis: but I don't Jimmy: you are, it don't matter if you're here or not Janis: should matter, a bit Jimmy: Oi, you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: I reckon Jimmy: 🧠📖 Janis: can we Janis: go bed first Janis: just this one time, like, not gonna complain Jimmy: Why not? Jimmy: can do whatever you want Janis: but what do you want to do Jimmy: do I have to take back your 🧠📖🏆 or what? Janis: just Jimmy: I want you, dickhead Janis: good Jimmy: it will be when I'm not pissing about here serving ☕ for dickheads who aren't you Janis: ain't even gonna ask you to make me a 🍵 Janis: very serious Jimmy: I won't ask you to make me a 🥪 then, even though I'm SUCH a #lad Janis: fully expecting you to prove it in the other way so that's fine Jimmy: it ain't been long enough that I should need to prove owt but alright Janis: need/want, an argument we can have if you really fancy Jimmy: that's nerd flirting Janis: reckon it is Jimmy: we've FINALLY cracked it, babe Janis: she'll be SO proud Jimmy: do you reckon the 🏆 will be REAL gold? Janis: 🤞 Janis: then we can fuck on the 🚤 Jimmy: if you bother to learn chess when you're resting tomorrow she'll give you another one and then we can 💰💰 the yacht an' all Janis: 😍 Janis: it's a plan Jimmy: you gonna teach me after? Janis: 'course Janis: my fair lady Jimmy: I can't do the accent soz Janis: we'll work on it Jimmy: be a shit roleplay if not Janis: I don't want to be your rich daddy, FYI, so soz Jimmy: I'll live Janis: good Janis: plenty I do wanna do 'til you fuck off and 💀💀💀 Jimmy: do I get a preview or what? Janis: you know I've not punched her out for the dress yet but Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: [some saucy selfie from a changing room] Jimmy: you just said you didn't want me to 💀💀💀 Janis: I said I'd miss you when you did Jimmy: I'll miss you when I do Janis: thendon't miss me now Jimmy: then come here Janis: alright Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: I can take the blame easier than I do a compliment Janis: I don't have to compliment you Janis: or say anything I just Janis: dunno Jimmy: I'm crap with words but that don't mean you have to shut up an' all Jimmy: we can't both be mute Janis: I'm not better though so Janis: maybe we can Jimmy: you're alright Janis: thanks Jimmy: I get how sarcastic that sounded but it weren't Janis: I know Janis: it's easier being fake Jimmy: is it? Janis: for what to say, like Jimmy: any bollocks will do Janis: you reckon any of them mean it Jimmy: probably shouldn't open up a Q&A about it Janis: obvs Janis: how fake is your relationship, lemme know gals Jimmy: start a twitter poll Janis: later Janis: got somewhere to be right now Jimmy: right Janis: 5 minutes Jimmy: Oi no 🏃 Janis: 10 then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least I didn't get home Jimmy: Do you need to? Janis: never Jimmy: I don't have a dress you can borrow Janis: you might not have noticed Janis: but I was in a changing room in that picture Jimmy: yeah I was well bothered about your surroundings Janis: thought as much Janis: all about the aesthetic, as per Jimmy: what else are you thinking? Janis: you Jimmy: if that's a question I'm thinking how long 10 minutes is Janis: wasn't meant to be but Janis: same Jimmy: are you gonna hang about this time? Janis: depends Jimmy: go on Janis: if you want me to Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: I wanna be with you Jimmy: Then stay Janis: alright Jimmy: it's a bit quieter now, you won't have to 🥊👵 for access to the tip jar Janis: my main concern Janis: of course Jimmy: no need to be a mind reader to know that Janis: good thing you don't need to read my mind to do any of this Jimmy: there's nowt I'd need to read your mind for, I've got my own Lucas fantasies, tah Janis: now who can't share Jimmy: never said I could or would Janis: 😤 Janis: what's yours is mine, babes Jimmy: you wanting me for my 🧠 brain sounds fake Janis: wanting you to give me things is the REALEST Jimmy: the 🐅 is on order, my dear Janis: but where is 👴 Janis: oh yeah, ⛓ in your other bed Jimmy: how many beds do you reckon I've got? Jimmy: he'll be ⛓ next to you and you're welcome Janis: ⛓ to me? 🥺 Jimmy: Alright Janis: awh baby Janis: you're the best Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: come prove it Jimmy: or you come here and we can go round the back so I don't have to prove it to anyone but you Janis: how could I refuse an offer like that Jimmy: you might do if having everyone 👀 is a #kinkunlocked Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'd be a shit nurse if I can't manage that Janis: never Janis: [show up] Jimmy: [thank god his manager isn't here cos we don't need to be getting in trouble today] Janis: [got time for that lads] Jimmy: [it's not a cockblock we need rn] Janis: [live ya lives tbh] Jimmy: [it's deserved] Janis: [gotta get to this shit party in a while] Jimmy: [we'll do our best to try and let you have some fun there too but yeah] Janis: [you know you will, gotta pretend to be put upon] Jimmy: [mmhmm] Janis: [meanwhile, chill whilst he finishes here] Jimmy: [try not to be too distracting by which I mean please be very distracting haha] Janis: [casually so obvious to everyone what you just did like] Jimmy: [once again devastated Mia isn't here to be devastated but we can't have everything] Janis: [sure one of your coworkers/if not multiple can be trusted to say something] Jimmy: [Pete would NEVER but there's bound to be loads of annoying barista girls who work there] Janis: [can't all be good boys] Jimmy: [shoutout to him for blatantly covering for Jimothy there because I doubt very much you were due another break sir] Janis: [you'd be so lucky, casual MVP tho] Jimmy: [we stan Pete and this lifelong friendship between you and your future children so] Janis: everyone 🔊 you, mute boy Jimmy: your fault, that Janis: 🤏 yours Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: what's the blonde girl's name Jimmy: why? Janis: keeps 👀 at me funny Jimmy: maybe she heard you Janis: what you saying Janis: I sound funny? Jimmy: might be how she does 😍 Jimmy: not every dickhead's as good at flirting as me Janis: *nerd flirting Jimmy: hang on, I'll ask her if she knows how to play chess Janis: she'd 💘 that Janis: check out her name tag whilst you're there Jimmy: she'd love that it'd look like I was 👀 at her tits Janis: exactly Janis: just get express permission 'fore you 🖐 then it's fine Jimmy: fine for her Janis: who else? Jimmy: me if I were gonna bother Janis: 🙄 alright Jimmy: what are you 🙄 at me for? Janis: well I ain't looking at her tits, am I Janis: good one Jimmy: it won't be right any road Jimmy: none of the name tags are Janis: how do you not know Jimmy: What 'cause I'm BFFs with her? Janis: if I can remember however many dogs stupid names Janis: well unprofessional Jimmy: I can't remember yours, why would I bother to commit hers to memory? Janis: be more believable if she hadn't heard you Jimmy: it were you saying mine that she would've heard Jimmy: I've not said yours Janis: shut up Jimmy: bit late for it Janis: ugh Janis: [going to the toilets] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do some work Jimmy: I'm a bit busy chatting to blonde barista #1 Jimmy: we're gonna be mates by the end of this shift or my name ain't Jamie Janis: see, yours is your real name Janis: full of shit, you Jimmy: her name's gotta be Reagan then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: is there owt else you wanna know? Janis: can find out the rest myself Jimmy: 👍 Janis: enjoy then Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [flying out this bathroom] Jimmy: watch your ankle Janis: it's my ankle Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Jimmy: you wanna carry on with why you're getting mardy for the next thing? Janis: no Jimmy: what? Janis: just leave it Jimmy: no Janis: then I'll leave Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: why should I? Janis: you ain't Jimmy: I haven't done nowt Janis: then it's just how you are Janis: me and all Janis: chuck a #fated on it, whatever Jimmy: long as you chuck a load more #s after it to tell me what's up with you Janis: there's a word limit, surely Jimmy: that what's done it, is it? Janis: Sorry my life story ain't fitting in a tweet Jimmy: the fans an' all Janis: 💔 Jimmy: just Janis: don't matter Janis: gotta get shoes Jimmy: don't go Janis: don't need to stick around to have her judging me Jimmy: she's not asking you to, I am Janis: thanks for clearing that up Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: seen not heard again Janis: 👌 Jimmy: I'm trying to talk to you Janis: what, then Jimmy: I'm sorry for being a twat Janis: you don't Janis: what you saying sorry for Jimmy: I dunno but I've done something obvs Janis: really sincere then Jimmy: I wouldn't have said it if it weren't Janis: how can you be sorry for something you don't know you did Janis: don't need your impression of a middle-aged bloke, tah Jimmy: 'cause I know it's made you go into a strop with me Janis: I ain't in a fucking strop, for starters Jimmy: call it what you want Janis: don't you call it a strop, twat Jimmy: okay Janis: I ain't gonna say sorry Janis: but it's fine Jimmy: I don't want you to Janis: good then, ain't it Jimmy: is it? Janis: don't it feel it? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one that's easy enough to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to an' all Janis: why would I ask a question I knew the answer to? Jimmy: 'cause you don't wanna answer any Janis: I've answered all your questions what you on about Jimmy: then why don't I know what's upset you? Janis: you're just that oblivious, I reckon Janis: it's alright, upset's too strong a word Jimmy: so put another word to it Janis: you've mildly annoyed me Janis: most people do Jimmy: how? Janis: do we have to Janis: you've blanket statement apologized Jimmy: alright Janis: what you want me to stay for anyway? Jimmy: you said you wanted to Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: not have a cake and a coffee Jimmy: do what you want then Janis: obviously Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [out again lmao] Jimmy: [watching her go again but 😒 this time] Janis: [oh you two] Jimmy: [do you wanna do a skip to when he's done here?] Janis: [makes sense boo] Jimmy: We going to this party or what? Janis: that's the plan Jimmy: the plan were you'd meet me here Jimmy: where are you? Janis: had enough of that place for a lifetime Janis: 'round the corner, you know the gym? Janis: on the way so you come here Jimmy: I'll find it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up like this isn't gonna be really awkward] Janis: [barely nodding a hello and walking on] Jimmy: [just gotta follow her cos you don't know where you're going] Janis: [hope this isn't a particularly long walk lol, especially in the heels you've bought despite your ankle 'cos gotta be that bitch] Jimmy: [we all know he's noticed them and is fuming but we're not saying a word obvs] Janis: [fun times lmao] Jimmy: [🚬 because if it's not a long walk it gives him an excuse to stay outside for a bit because we don't wanna do this rn or lowkey ever] Janis: [always so lowkey offended when he doesn't offer her one but likewise, what you gonna say] Jimmy: [it's his ultimate shade, feel it gal] Janis: [at least you secured another bottle so you can now not share that like if that's how we being] Jimmy: [I'm loling cos she'd be taller than him in heels] Janis: [tom cruise whomst] Jimmy: [at least she actually is tall and not just like 5 ft 4 but taller than you that'd be worse] Janis: [you're hot you don't need to be insecure boy] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't, well not about that anyway, the other issues are strong but] Janis: [neither of you has that going on lol] Jimmy: [literally going straight into the kitchen to see what booze there is the second we're there because we're not asking the bae to share with us we'd rather die] Janis: [just having to make a point of finding whoever's party this is and being chummy af] Jimmy: [take a bottle boy and get stuck into it because I doubt the CG closes that late so you're probably here early again] Janis: [giving him a hot sec before] Janis: right, are you gonna come at least look at me or what Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me how to do this Janis: you aren't doing it at all right now so Janis: how am I meant to know Jimmy: [comes in and kisses her in a really extra fashion to make a point] Janis: [SUCH an aggressive kiss, nbd people] Jimmy: [oh the vibe there is rn, excuse us everyone] Janis: [at least this can be a bigger, more actually happening party when it gets going but for rn] Jimmy: [for rn we're kissing and downing whatever this beverage is between said kisses and looking hot doing it] Janis: [when you wanna take this somewhere more private but you don't 'cos then you'll have to stop so just endlessly making out] Jimmy: [and you also don't wanna have to talk to her or look at her so it's easier to just keep kissing] Janis: [excuse you, the few randoms that are here already lol] Jimmy: [makes me die to imagine the scene] Janis: [assumedly it's like the close friends already hanging then you two just show up like ook] Jimmy: [with your PDA and intense vibe] Janis: [ahh the drama, eventually break off by going in his pocket and taking the essentials like bye with a wink] Jimmy: [at least you can take your turn being fake social with these party goers jimothy, use that barista charm again] Janis: [dragging this smoke out for as long as humanly possible] Jimmy: [comes out after it's been ages and gives her his jacket because that's the fake bf thing to do not because he's worried she's cold or anything caring like that] Janis: [surruptitiously looking around to see who/if anyone can see, so she knows how buzzing to be about this gesture 'tah' but snuggling into it all cute case anyone looking out the kitchen window] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we have that 😎 rep anyway so we don't have to worry] Janis: [hearing a loud ass group of people showing up out front and fully sighing like thank fuck] Jimmy: [taking a huge swig and heading back inside] Janis: [go talk to these new people, convince them to dance with you] Jimmy: [oh boy that's the last thing your sulk needs, we know you can't dance] Janis: [and that you don't want her to on that ankle in these heels] Jimmy: [he's so annoyed there's no faking he's not] Janis: [ahh the fake lover's tiff that ain't even] Jimmy: [your turn to strop off sir, go to the kitchen and do some shots with people in there] Janis: [when you've danced for a sufficient amount of time, go disappear into the loo or somewhere] Janis: how do you wanna play this Janis: is it like, loud makeup sex or something more subtle Jimmy: you heard me say do what you want Janis: this isn't about what either of us want is it Janis: what will look better, that's why we're here Jimmy: go with whatever you reckon'll look better then Janis: why so I can do all the work Janis: come on Jimmy: I'll do my bit when you tell me what that is Janis: yeah, then I'll do fuck all then, oh wait, that don't work Janis: got to be a team effort Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: jesus Janis: you wanna be here all night now is it Jimmy: you just said it ain't about that Jimmy: so it don't matter, does it? Janis: if you're having a good time, then I'll say I'm sick, knock yourself out Jimmy: wouldn't be #goals of me to not give a fuck that you're sick and keep the party going Janis: very lad Janis: they'll allow it if you can at least be bothered to do a decent goodbye Jimmy: I'll just go an' all, let 'em think we're together Janis: then we may as well do what we came here to do Janis: stop being awkward Jimmy: I've done nowt wrong, stop having a go at me like I'm fucking this up Janis: all I'm trying to do is work out the next move Janis: you're being uncooperative about it Jimmy: yeah it's me who keeps pissing off, not you Janis: I was dancing in the main room Janis: I've gone to the toilet Jimmy: 👌 Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: fine Janis: I'll go back until you're ready to do something about it Jimmy: you do something about it Janis: I'm fucking trying to Janis: You want me to do something so you can complain I did it wrong after Janis: if it don't work for us both, there's no point Jimmy: Why the fuck would I want that? Janis: so you can be pissy and have a go at me Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you Janis: then let's stop fighting on this and get it sorted Janis: why won't you if not that Jimmy: I don't know what to do, alright? Janis: alright Janis: we don't need to overcomplicate it Janis: we can leave it at routine socials, she clearly don't give a fuck anyway, does she Janis: or your new BFF Jimmy: who am I BFF's with now? Janis: the blonde girl, you said Janis: I did not know how serious the shamelessness issue was, that was an oversight on my behalf, like Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: I'm saying Janis: you could be fake married, and they'd find it hard to give a shit Jimmy: are you saying you don't wanna do this any more an' all or what? Janis: and all Janis: right Janis: when did you decide that Jimmy: I haven't decided nowt I'm asking if you're in or out or if you're just whinging about what we already know about lasses Janis: you wouldn't say it like that if you hadn't Janis: and I was saying that we might need to rethink some shit so it works better but that don't matter now Jimmy: I just did say it like that and I also just said I ain't decided nowt Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it were my idea and it's good Janis: if you reckon it's so good play the game Jimmy: fuck routine socials then Jimmy: if they're gonna be shameless, I'll be shameless Janis: alright Janis: sounds promising Jimmy: it would be if I knew what to actually do Janis: let's think Janis: obviously the #goals best boyfriend ever cutesy shit doesn't work on them all Janis: so we need to show 'em the opposite without you giving it to them, like they reckon you wanna Jimmy: the opposite being what? me playing myself? Janis: basically Janis: so, aside from ignoring them, how would you wanna respond Jimmy: I'd tell 'em to leave me the fuck alone, obvs Janis: so let's do that Janis: literally do that, not a social @ everyone Janis: they can have a 📸 each, they ain't ashamed to be direct so, worth a shot Jimmy: what about you? Jimmy: 💀👑 ain't gonna be impressed or 💔 by this Janis: the goals shit is, as she's incapable of feeling human emotions Janis: fake we're doing some cute thing this weekend, then we're off the hook for any parties for a couple of days Jimmy: Alright Janis: no need to be together actually, plenty we can fake from a distance, yeah Jimmy: easily Janis: that's alright, then Janis: come here so we can take the shots Jimmy: [does] Janis: [letting him in the bathroom, probably to the annoyance of people waiting, not soz 'can be more of a fuck you if we ain't got an audience' shrugging like you got to explain everything 'cos awkward] Jimmy: [I hope there was a line of people waiting lol] Janis: [almost certainly] Jimmy: [just looking at her because you have not dared to prior to this] Janis: [managing to look back like hey] Jimmy: [sitting on the edge of the bath like you've got all the time in the world to piss about in here because what a day and intense convo we've had] Janis: [sitting on the floor with your back to the door 'there's some old photos on my phone, that we never used, I think' you know you've not deleted 'em 'if you don't want to take more' as per talking quietly so people don't overhear] Jimmy: [comes over and takes her heels off because we're angry and worried about them in equal measure and holding his hand out for her phone like you need to scrutinise if these photos are good enough and you're not just stalling for longer] Janis: [shooketh but just handing the phone over, we all know they the ones from when it went too far and hard to post which would make them perfect for now but just hoping he's like no no lol] Jimmy: [does not remotely need to sit down ridiculously close to her and look at these so she can also see and relive the #mems but does] Janis: [just touching where he used to have a big lovebite like not there now, as if they're likely to notice] Jimmy: [does the same to her but doesn't stop at just touching it because why would he when he can just put it back there, duh] , Janis: [when the noise comes out 'cos frustration is too high rn] Jimmy: [spurring him on to keep going as if she needs any more or we need any excuses, but we're going for quality not quantity for once here because just really want her to feel it] Janis: [getting out, barely between the sounds you're making and the ones you're holding back meaning your breathing is ragged af, 'you know what we could do...'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ? because we know you can't speak rn boy and we know exactly what happened when you tried to because there's no holding anything back with you] Janis: ['video message her' just looking at him so he knows you're serious 'party girl, that is' 'cos blonde barista was not being that extra and we don't need to involve her] Jimmy: [when he would have imagined a million possible things she could've said then but never that but gets her phone from wherever it got dropped when they were having that moment so she knows he's on board] Janis: ['reckon you can make it look accidental whilst making sure she sees or are we being that shameless that we just do it without the pretense?'] Jimmy: ['I can make it look and sound however you want' because could and also how saucy did you wanna make that proposition boy] Janis: ['just-' repositioning herself to be on top of him as per 'make it look and sound like you've got everything you want, however you do it'] Jimmy: [thank god that whatever feelsy thing he was gonna say about her being everything he wants won't come out because SUCH a noise does whenever she gets on his lap because it's his shameless fave] Janis: ['like that' and we happy 'cos can't be confused about how into this we both are at least] Jimmy: [also Harry has never given you a sound like that, god bless you Jimothy, and bless you both because this will look accidental for the same reason that you end up out of frame during photoshoots, you're too into each other to care] Janis: [or made you make any kinda sound, no blessing for you boy, like truly, enjoy the brief snapshot you gonna get gal] Jimmy: [I like that though cos you don't deserve to think you matter or got under Janis' skin party gal but we are gonna enjoy the excuse to say things we wouldn't normally like how beautiful the bae is and shit like that because we can pretend it's just for the benefit of] Janis: [saying his name way more than we did earlier for that fuck you moment] Jimmy: [still not saying yours yet gal but don't worry it'll be worth the wait] Janis: [don't even care that you're not calling that girl, just need to get it out there lol] Jimmy: [I respect it] Janis: [the people outside this door must be livid] Jimmy: [I vote he should've broke her dress in some way, purely accidentally because that'll be a mood when they do have to go back to this party and it makes me lol cos you can't return that now if you wanted to] Janis: [100% down] Jimmy: [didn't notice at the time obvs but then it's like 😳 so soz gal] Janis: [style it out babe] Jimmy: [we know she won't care and she's got his jacket if needs but he'll be worried how he do] Janis: nice one, mate Jimmy: weren't EXACTLY what you were saying but close enough Janis: [😏] Janis: was there, you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I get it, too soon for reminders Jimmy: have your recovery time then Janis: fuck off with your massive head and find us some drink Jimmy: [does go and forage because kind of bf he is but we're looking back at the dress worriedly and doing an adorable worried lip bite because 😳 did not mean to be that extra] ] Janis: you're cute Janis: not my favourite Jimmy: bigheads are your type, I know Jimmy: but I've fucked the possibility of body shots 💔 the 👗'd be off you after the one Janis: ha Janis: you think you know Janis: and lads might disagrre but reckon you can see enough as is Jimmy: I do know, just heard it, along with every dickhead waiting to have a piss Janis: you act like you were silent Jimmy: not that decent of an actor, am I? Jimmy: and silent films were ages ago Janis: I can feel what's real and what ain't Janis: neither of us need to pretend we can't Janis: like I've never pretended I don't really like fucking you Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll take that compliment Jimmy: you can stop trying to give 'em out now, my dear 😏 Janis: it's you who's trying to take the piss, dickhead Jimmy: bit rude how you reckon it's not #effortless Janis: how could it be when your natural state is 🤓😍 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: sure babes Jimmy: [brings her a drink of some description] Janis: [cheersing and going in] Jimmy: [just looking at her cos we can now we're not fuming] Janis: [definitely left our shoes in that bathroom] Jimmy: [boy you've really ruined her lewk in all the ways, she's not made of money in the reboot how dare you] Janis: [she could've stole them it's fine lol, doing a thumbs up at him like ?] Jimmy: [I hope you did gal, just shamelessly touching her hair like lemme fix that for you as if that's remotely why you were staring at her] Janis: [a look like really? 😏 'cos least of the issues you've caused here] Jimmy: [shrug because we can't think about the dress issue because we're embarrassed so gotta act like we're not] Janis: [checking the phone to see if party girl has done anything but she must just be crying about it so 👍] Jimmy: [getting close to her like you wanna check the phone too but 1.you have your own 2. she told you it's fine 3. you don't actually care that much] Janis: ['happy now, baby?' gotta ask him in an extra way 'cos back in the party but also genuinely asking] Jimmy: [hugging her because it's a fake boyfriend yes answer for everyone but as he does it writes 'you?' on her with a fingertip unbeknownst anyone else because obvs wants to know if she's happy before he knows what mood to be in] Janis: ['how could I not be?' in his ear 'cos hugs him back obvs] Jimmy: [picks her up because that tricksy ankle could be a reason and finding her somewhere to sit in the midst of this party like excuse me everyone] Janis: [obviously makes him sit with her, imagining an arm chair so you're both kinda curled up] Jimmy: [we're snuggling] Janis: [just ignoring everyone at this party how we meant to] Jimmy: [live your best lives lads you've had a way more intense time than I envisioned when we started this convo so] Janis: [hohaha love it] Jimmy: [we'll let you have a chill time now it's fine] Janis: [or will we haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [yes gal or Jimothy'll have no secrets left] Janis: [poo] Jimmy: [well that's just rude] Janis: [jkjk]

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Chloé & Buster

Chloé: You've not been in School! Where are you? Buster: I'm in Dublin. Do you actually need something? Chloé: STILL Chloé: Slacker Buster: I don't need your permission or ask for your opinion, like Chloé: Well I do need something, as a matter of fact Chloé: I want to tell my parents, you said you'd be here Buster: I will be there, like I said Buster: When? Chloé: Well uh now Chloé: I thought you'd be in so we could plan outfits! Buster: Well, I'm gonna need to get a flight which means I also need specifics Buster: I'm not matching with you, get real Chloé: Oh idk Chloé: We'll see when you get here Chloé: Ooh maybe we can go out for dinner Buster: Fine, I'm here until the 11th at least Buster: Do you mean you wanna tell your parents over dinner? Chloé: WHY 😩 Buster: How is that your business? Chloé: It's so long Chloé: I've done so much Christmas shopping for it where am I gonna put it all if they don't know ugh Chloé: Just saying Buster: It's really not, Chlo Buster: What's a few more days Chloé: Spoilsport Chloé: BUT FINE 😒 Buster: You need to start taking this more seriously Chloé: I'm the one trying to plan it! Chloé: You're off doing God knows what Buster: I'm here trying to get my head together Buster: Whose fault is that? Buster: I've told my parents, it went great, thanks for asking Chloé: Well isn't that nice for you Chloé: Can't all just piss off whenever we feel like it, and I'm immature, HA Buster: If you can't read the sarcasm in that sentence, we've honestly got much bigger problems than anything I'm doing Buster: I've hardly pissed off on holiday, have I? I do live here too Chloé: Yeah but the hols haven't started yet have they Chloé: Honestly, so unreliable, what kind of Dad do you expect to be? Buster: It's 6th form and we ain't at Eton are we? Buster: I've got my work sent over anyway Buster: As for what kind of dad I'll be, that's strictly hypothetical since you haven't actually got the DNA yet so Chloé: I'll do it after Christmas Chloé: I'm very busy right now Buster: You and me both, babe Buster: But this is important Chloé: If it really is then come back Chloé: I'll do it sooner Buster: Don't talk to me like that Buster: You can't hold me to ransom over this when I've already got my life on hold over this Buster: You can't be deliberately vague and then act like you're waiting on me Chloé: How are they even going to do it anyway? Chloé: The DNA Buster: It's just a blood test for each of us Chloé: Yes but how do they get it from the baby Chloé: Lydia says its a giant needle that could kill it, I'm not doing that Buster: Lydia is chatting shit, don't worry Buster: It's non-invasive. The baby's DNA can be found in your blood stream from 9 weeks apparently, so it's like they are taking the baby's and mine to compare, that's all Chloé: It's been over that, hasn't it Chloé: Just trust me, this is all so silly and nasty Buster: How can I trust you? Chloé: God, I'm not a monster Chloé: This is so offensive Buster: I trusted you about the pill and here we are Chloé: I've never got pregnant before Buster: That doesn't mean shit though and you know it Buster: You're not that stupid Buster: My Auntie slept with a dude once, with a condom and still got pregnant, like Chloé: Exactly so why bother Chloé: if its meant to be its meant to be Buster: 'Cause this isn't how I want things to be Chloé: Well tough Chloé: It's happened now Chloé: You should've insisted on a condom Chloé: I can't be held responsible for you and your inaction Buster: You shouldn't have slept with me Buster: I told you no when I could insist on anything, I do remember that Chloé: Oh what, so I raped you now? Chloé: How could you even say such a thing, that really happens you know Chloé: it's not a joke Buster: I'm not making a joke Buster: I'm saying it shouldn't have happened how it did Buster: I don't get why you'd want it to anyway Chloé: It's what we do at parties Chloé: you've slept with everyone else Chloé: why not me Buster: I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: You're horrible Chloé: I'm in a highly fragile state right now Chloé: which is your fault Chloé: so don't speak to me like that Buster: Until you wanna go party, yeah? Then you're fine Buster: And believe me, I'm reining it in with everything I could say Chloé: What, like you're being a perfect little choir boy Chloé: such a double standard Buster: I'm not pregnant Buster: And what I do isn't your problem, we aren't together Chloé: Well it's horrible Chloé: so I deserve some fun Chloé: Thank you very much Buster: Fine Buster: I don't wanna fight with you, Chlo Chloé: Then don't Buster: I'm trying Buster: This isn't fun for me either Chloé: Oh, poor you Buster: Come on Buster: I'm just saying Buster: Can we start this convo over? Talk properly Chloé: Alright Chloé: Let's be friends 😊 Buster: Let's start by trying to be civil, yeah? Buster: Not run before we can walk, like Chloé: No take backs! Buster: Alright Buster: How are you then? Buster: Is it actually horrible? Chloé: Yeah, I'm getting so fat Chloé: it's disgusting Buster: The baby's gotta grow, babe Buster: Are you taking all the vitamins and bullshit? Chloé: I did anyway Chloé: Sugar bear hair and all that Buster: Not the same thing Buster: You need Vitamin D and Folic Acid Chloé: Ooh, so smart 😘 Chloé: I'll get some Buster: 400 micrograms of folic acid each day and 10 of Vitamin D Buster: I think the folic acid is just for the first bit maybe though, but you should take the vitamin D all through and when you're breast feeding and shit Chloé: Ugh, this is why I didn't take Science Chloé: Do you think if I pump then my boobs won't get saggy? Buster: I can't answer that for you Buster: Not something I'm gonna ask my Aunties or mum Chloé: 😂 Chloé: Maybe I'll just stop my milk, idk Chloé: already going to have all this flab to get rid of, I don't want a boob job as well Chloé: Daddy would never pay for that 🙄 Buster: You'll be fine Buster: My Aunt had 10 and she looks the same as she did in all the photos from before, I swear Chloé: WHAT Chloé: that's like something out of the 1900s Buster: I told you I had a lot of cousins, how many did you think I meant, like 4? Chloé: Well yes Chloé: I don't have any because my only Auntie must be barren or something Chloé: and all her husbands keep dying Chloé: How does she pay for them Buster: 😂 Buster: She's literally a genius hot shot engineer and her husband's got a restaurant here that everyone raves about Chloé: It's not funny Chloé: It's very shaming 😂 Buster: It is quite funny, babe Chloé: Maybe your family isn't as chavvy as I thought Buster: Rude Buster: I thought we were being nice to each other Chloé: I am! Chloé: I said they weren't Buster: But you said you reckoned they were Buster: So I dread to think Chloé: I told you before Chloé: everyone thinks so Chloé: and that one cousin didn't exactly help your rep Buster: Yeah well, everyone thinks they know lots of things Chloé: Well come on, you've got to admit Buster: What? Chloé: I know it's your family but state of her Chloé: like you said, quite funny, right? Buster: What's so wrong with her? I don't see it Buster: Or find it funny Chloé: Where to begin 😂 Buster: How about you don't Chloé: 🤐 Buster: Better Chloé: Naughty Buster: Behave, you know that's not how I meant it Chloé: Shame Buster: Don't start Chlo Buster: You'll ruin our new rapport Chloé: 😥 Chloé: Fine Buster: Yeah? Good Buster: You need to be fine with it Chloé: But whyyyy Chloé: we're having a baby Buster: We MIGHT be having a baby, but I have a girlfriend, definitely Buster: And even if I didn't, I'm not going there with you Chloé: DEFINITELY Chloé: a baby's for life Chloé: girlfriend has a shelf-life of 2 months, max Buster: For your life, I don't know if this baby has anything to do with mine Buster: And maybe that's how long your boyfriend's last but Chloé: 😤 ugh Chloé: I'm just saying Chloé: this is more serious than whatever little thing you've got going on Buster: Act like it then Chloé: You too Buster: I can't act like anything Buster: I'm not stepping up for a kid that isn't mine Buster: So until I know, this is what you get Chloé: I'll prove it to you Buster: Please do, either way Chloé: You aren't getting out of it that easy Chloé: it's 100% yours Buster: If this kid is mine, I'm not trying to get out of it Buster: But look at it from my side, yeah? Chloé: No, you're calling me a slag Buster: I've never said that Buster: But that night I was blackout levels of gone, Chlo. I don't remember fucking you, if I did, that's just the facts Chloé: Umm I'm not so sad I'd make it up Buster: Regardless Chloé: What are you up to? Buster: Same as you I assume, getting my school work outta the way so I can do shit I actually want Chloé: No but everyone else is Chloé: No one will come out, I'm so bored Buster: Go get your vitamins Chloé: Not the shopping I had planned 😂 Buster: You can reward yourself after Chloé: I'm not going out by myself Chloé: Loser move Buster: Technically you ain't Buster: The baby's coming too so Chloé: 🙄 Buster: Stay in then Buster: Order them online Chloé: Whatever Chloé: Still bored Buster: Hit up one of the lads Buster: I'm sure they aren't that desperate to study Chloé: Haven't you heard? Everyone's all coupled up rn Chloé: 'Cept me Buster: I'm surprised you're letting that stop you Buster: I've told you multiple times I am and it means nothing Chloé: RUDE Chloé: 😲 What do you think of me Chloé: Your girlfriend is either not real or far away, that's why, it's different Buster: It's not Buster: Besides, me and her are in the same city right now so Chloé: It is Chloé: She won't know Buster: Yeah she would, 'cause I'd have to tell her Chloé: Why? Chloé: I'm giving you a free pass here Chloé: Hypothetically Buster: I don't want it Buster: I want her Chloé: I'm not that fat Chloé: I promise Buster: It's not about you Buster: And I highly doubt you're fat, Chlo Chloé: It's never about me Buster: I'm not gonna say I'm sorry Buster: I'm not your boyfriend I can't be that for you Chloé: You're my baby daddy Chloé: that's way more Buster: Don't call me that Buster: Christ Chloé: 😂 Chloé: You're funny Buster: Offended it's taken this long for you to realise Buster: 'Cause yeah Chloé: Awh babe Chloé: You've been so grumpy lately I forgot Buster: Can you blame me? Buster: Getting the mood swings in before you do Chloé: Ugh, I'm so not gonna be like that Buster: I don't think you get to decide, babe Chloé: Yeah Chloé: People are just overdramatic Chloé: I'm going to have a waterbirth it's going to be like going to the spa Buster: Good luck with that Buster: I hope you haven't ever shit yourself at the spa though Chloé: BUSTER 😷 Chloé: That's so gross Buster: It happens when you give birth, sorry to be the one to tell you Chloé: Ew no Chloé: You're lying Buster: I ain't Buster: Big family, remember? I've heard worse as well Chloé: Shut up Chloé: I'm not gonna do that it's gonna be so chill Buster: Whatever you say, Chlo Buster: I won't say I told you so after, I'm not that much of a prick Chloé: Although Chloé: I might get a C section Chloé: not decided yet Chloé: it won't be as relaxing but apparently they can do it with less scarring now but idk Chloé: Bikini ready never again 😥 Buster: High waisted though Buster: You'll survive Chloé: That's so middle-aged Chloé: God sake Chloé: can't they just Chloé: vacuum it out Buster: If you have an abortion, yeah Chloé: Not funny Buster: Not joking Buster: Childbirth ain't easy Buster: You're gonna have to deal with it Chloé: It's not that hard Chloé: people do it every day Buster: And shit goes wrong every day too Buster: All you're gonna care about is getting the baby out, scar or not Chloé: Meh, guess so Buster: Be serious Chloé: I am Chloé: It better look cute Chloé: Tori's sister just had a baby and it's so ugly Buster: Well if it's mine you don't have to worry about that Buster: So sort your priorities Chloé: Cockiness is such a turn-off babe 🙄 Buster: Thank god Buster: Turning you on is the last thing I want to do Chloé: DON'T RUIN IT Buster: Honesty isn't gonna ruin anything Chloé: You were being nice Buster: I still am Buster: Being nice isn't the same as wanting to fuck you Chloé: Don't be crass Buster: Whatever Chloé: You have to though Chloé: Do you really want someone else raising your child Buster: What are you talking about? Buster: I don't have to be your boyfriend to be my baby's dad Chloé: You do though or you'll just get pushed out the picture Buster: No I won't Buster: Believe me Chloé: I've not seen my real dad in yonks Buster: Well, that's shit for you but that's not the kind of dad I'm gonna be Chloé: My Dad is great, he sends me loads of money Chloé: Mummy just doesn't want him around, that's all Chloé: or his new wife Buster: Regardless, that's not what it's gonna be like if this baby is mine Chloé: 'Course Chloé: Because you're going to be nice, right? Buster: I'm gonna be around Chloé: Hmpf! Chloé: Not the same thing Buster: I can't make promises Buster: Other than that Buster: How nice we are to each other is a two way thing Chloé: I'm trying Chloé: Let me and you'll see how nice I can be Buster: I'm trying too Buster: But I'm not gonna be a doormat for you Chloé: I don't want you to be Buster: What do you want then, Chlo? Seriously Chloé: Be with me Chloé: Be a family Buster: That's not gonna happen Chloé: Well, I'm not going to just go away Buster: I'm not asking you to Buster: If that's my kid, you can't Chloé: So we may as well be together Buster: No Buster: I'd never do that to a kid, I don't love you Buster: How do you think that's gonna work? Like I'll have girlfriends then come home to you and play happy families Chloé: You haven't tried Chloé: Give me a chance Chloé: and some time Buster: You either want to be someone or you don't Buster: It's not a test you can prep for, babe Chloé: You have to put the work in Buster: I'm putting the work in with someone else Chloé: What's so special about her Buster: What isn't? Buster: Again, I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: I don't buy it Chloé: charm'll fade Buster: I don't care if you do or don't Chloé: Well you should Chloé: I'm offering you a lot here Buster: Well, don't Chloé: I'm going Chloé: Molls and Liv need a coffee break Buster: Alright Buster: I'll see you when I'm back Chloé: 👋

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