#my great aunt who was previously diagnosed with leukemia like three weeks ago was emergency intubated today and is on 100% oxygen

[madigoround]

I’m literally just venting below to get it out of my head feel free to ignore

#my great aunt who was previously diagnosed with leukemia like three weeks ago was emergency intubated today and is on 100% oxygen #and yesterday my grandma had told her that she needed to spend a few days back home to rest because she had been at my great aunts bedside #for the last two weeks straight and my great aunt was guilting her super hard about taking some time to rest and come back to va #so yesterday I was really angry at my great aunt because my grandma got off the phone with my great aunt and was just sobbing for like an #hour and wouldn’t accept that none of this is her fault and she shouldn’t feel guilty #and my grandma was saying how we’re going to make a schedule so that everyone has a turn to go down there so she’s not alone #and i was trying to think about how I was going to go down there and be supportive even though I’m really angry at her for guilting my #grandma for not being there every second of the day when my grandma has HER OWN cancer that my great aunt has never once tried to care for #her because of and then this morning (literally during my first Pap smear by the way lol) I start getting a crap ton of texts #that my great aunt was emergency intubated and her lungs are like entirely being operated by the ventilator and I feel bad cause for a #minute I was relieved because my grandma said she’s completely sedated and won’t know if anyone is there or not so she was going to take a #few days to rest and wasn’t going to rush down there #and then a few minutes later she got off the phone with my great aunts doctor and he was saying she’s in critical #condition and that they’re doing a scope test to see how it went bad so fast and that they think with chemo over the last few days that they #may have gotten rid of the leukemia but that her lungs are filling up with some sort of fluid and won’t operate on their own #and on top of that yesterday my uncle (separate from my great aunt) was driving drunk on his way to work (at 4 am) and got sideswiped by a #truck who then drove away and my uncle refuses to call the police or the insurance because he had a ton of open alcohol in the car and #wouldn’t pass a breathylizer and his car needed to be towed and he had some sort of midlife crisis and bought said 45000 dollar truck #earlier in the year could he pay for that? no he couldn’t so he borrowed some from his retirement to help make the payments #and now my aunt (grandmas daughter) is struggling because of this and they’re going through a real hard time financially #and all of this is very stressful on my grandma and I can’t do anything to help I keep calling people asking if they need anything if theyre #alright and I have absolutely no idea how I’m feeling I feel like I’ve spun that children’s feelings wheel and the arrow has landed on half #the board somehow lol #I’m scared that my great aunt is going to die and I’m angry at her for telling my grandmother she made it worse by leaving and I feel guilty #for being angry at someone who might be dying and I feel guilty because I am sick of this being on egg shells what’s going to happen next #and I’m scared for my grandma who has her own health issues and is making the trip back to Florida to go be with my great aunt and won’t be #back for three weeks and I can’t protect anyone #I don’t know what I’m supposed to do