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isa-ghost · 3 months

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Would go crazy over any q!phil hc's, but may I request some about phil's harem I mean qsmp server polycule?

OHOHOHOHO YOU'RE INDULGING MY STUPID SILLY HAREM. YESSS.

Previous qPhil Headcanons

SO ANYWAY. QPHIL AND HIS INNATE TALENT FOR PULLING BAD BITCHES ON ACCIDENT.

Reiterating initial mentions of this for context:

--He's married to the Goddess of Death (Kristin) and Missa (a reaper). He's also fuckbuddies with Fit (no one can look at their interactions & tell me there's no homo there) and Etoiles. Strictly fuckbuddies; Fit has something blooming with Pac, and Etoiles is aromantic. --Everyone who Knows(tm) about the polycule has turned calling it a harem into an inside joke they only reference when Phil either isn't around or isn't paying attention enough to be like WHAT. --In fact, it's unfolded into a sort of joke folklore around Phil made up by the islanders closest to him that he has this inexplicable charm to him that makes any man-attracted person weak in the knees. (Baghera totally started it. Cellbit, Foolish, & Fit perpetuated it & it spread from there) --All this fruity silliness in mind, I have no fucking clue what queer label I'd slap on Phil, if one at all. Part of me wants to claim him as pansexual bc I'm Pansexual So Therefore So Is My Cubito + the way he'd explain how he experiences romantic & sexual attraction is exactly what I described *my* exp as in high school and my friend was like "yeah that's pansexual." But I also feel like Phil's the kind of guy to purposely not define his sexuality & remain an enigma both as a "mind your business" & a "It's Funny To Not Elaborate" thing. (As of rn I'm rolling with "he's pansexual but in a font you've never seen before")

S O

Obv Mrs. Goddess of Death Kristin came first, she's been with him since long before Quesadilla Island. Strangely enough, she can't recall too much prior to the island just like Phil, but there's no way the Feds know she exists let alone know how to fuck up the memory of a deity. But yeah, she was his first & is his ONLY romantic dynamic within his weird polycule

She's an avid fan of Phil being his best unintentional whore self with them nice ass shoulders on display all the time and that accidental man magnet charm. Loves watching him pull bitches nonstop without even realizing. And loves watching him be a total fruity dork with his besties. She knows if Phil was forced to choose ONE person out of the polycule to be monogamous with forever, he'd pick her. She's not worried at all about his yaoi island adventures

Next came Fit. Hough, what a man. They WERE, until recently, strictly fwb. They fucked nasty behind that gym and I'll die on that hill. The way they talk to each other sometimes? Big boy?? FitMC people are watching?? They fucked behind that gym. Their fwb was called off as soon as Fit got serious with Pac though. Phil was totally chill with it & actively encouraged it. He loves seeing Fit so invested in the romance he's got blooming. They're still more than friends, not lovers, but a secret third thing, the sexual aspect was just removed from the equation. Truly the most QPR of the polycule

Then came Missa. Oh Missa. Their dynamic IS platonic like Phil has stated & restated countless times, but Missa has a (not yet brought to Phil's attention) massive romantic crush on him. He hasn't spoken up yet to keep their relationship from getting rocky at all. But tbh that prob won't happen. They're platonic in the Kiss The Homies way. So what if they make out sometimes and are husbands? So what if they go on adventures that could be considered dates by some? They aren't a romantic relationship, even if Missa secretly kinda wants to be.

And finally, aromantic king Etoiles joined the fray. He and Phil started out as friends and that has Barely changed if at all, but sparring matches get a little too homoerotic sometimes and neither of them can resist the other when they're popping off extra hard. Things have. Escalated a few times. If yknow what I mean. Of all Phil's harem members polycule partners, he & Etoiles have absolutely ZERO emotional investment in the Spicy(tm) things they do together. It's simply a very intimate way of showing each other their respect & admiration for the other. What they have going on is a "*spanks you* good game, let's hit the showers team" kinda deal. They're the type of mfs to finish in bed then shake hands like "gg." Casual sex is >>>> to these two, but it happens waaay less between them than it did Phil & Fit, Fitza was habitual. Codebreakers is a once in a while thing

Btw once Fitpac gets more stable together and whatnot, Fitza could potentially reignite with Pac's consent. That's the key to healthy poly, all parties are informed & consenting. Pac would be like. An honorary harem member. He & Phil would have absolutely 0 intimate relations, they're strictly friends in the most basic sense of the word. They just also fuck the same guy (& would totally talk about it together if alone)

Phil sometimes tries to gauge if Missa only likes men or if he likes women too. If he does, he's going to ask if he'd like to hear about his lord & savior, Big Woman(tm).

Etoiles has 100% asked Phil who fucks the best out of the polycule bc like everything else, it's a competition & he Must win, he Must have the best dick game. This amuses Phil very much

*incoherent but clearly passionate noises about how Phil hasn't done anything spicy with any of the polycule in a hot second because of Ender King Situation stress*

GOD he wants to open up to them about it so bad. Like yeah he did w Fit that one time but he didn't go into detail and hasn't said anything since and bc Phil is an idiot that feels guilty easily, he doesn't want to tell Fit more atm bc he doesn't want to dampen Fit's high spirits or take away his time with Pac

OK BUT CONSIDER: POLYCULE GROUP EFFORT TO GET THROUGH TO ENDER KING POSSESSED PHIL AND HELP HIM FIGHT OFF EK'S INFLUENCE. OUGH.

Phil attracted all four partners with his raw skill and talent btw. If you even care. Literally was just going about his business being himself and it bagged him three dudes in addition to the literal goddess he already had

Although his feelings are platonic, Phil is attracted to Missa because Missa is a) the other father of his children and b) such a genuine and sweet person. And funny, even if a lot of the times the reason he's funny is bc he's like 2 seconds from having a stroke over whatever shit he missed hitting the fan this time

Phil is attracted to Fit bc. Well. That's FitMC of 2b2t, baby. Raw skill and talent sees raw skill and talent. Fellow anarchist. Also muscles. And that razor sharp stare. Fit's just dreamy as hell ok, let a man drool a little

Phil is attracted to Etoiles the same way he's attracted to Fit, HOWEVER, the reasoning is different. Etoiles has raw skill and talent, but it's the way he wields it and demonstrates it that makes Phil wanna act up. Also Etoiles is fucking hilarious. Who can resist a good sense of humor? Those dramatics make Phil swoon

#qsmp #qsmp philza #q!philza #cw suggestive #qphil headcanons

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hunterenough · 5 years

Text

December 11

Notes: For @notfunnydean for day 11 of the SPN Advent Calendar Challenge. Warnings for swearing, very brief homophobic language, mild (resolved) angst.

December 11

At two o’clock in the morning, Sam was pacing the rec room. He’d tried going to sleep, but the thoughts whirling around in his mind wouldn’t stop. Something was going on with Dean, and he couldn’t put his finger on it.

He’d barely seen his brother yesterday. He and Cas had been “out” when Sam had gotten up. When they’d finally returned, they were inseparable, constantly touching. He’d seen them holding hands in the kitchen, snuggled up on the couch when they’d watch a movie after lunch, and, they’d stared at each other all through dinner. Well, that’s normal at least.

The kicker, though, had been when Dean had pulled the angel in for a hug and kiss (on the fucking nose) before he’d gone to bed. In the library, with Sam standing not five feet away. Then his brother had just waved at him, mumbled g’night, and left. Cas had just settled in with a book like this happened every night.

Sam didn’t know what to make of it. He’d noticed that Dean had seemed different lately, but this was...more.

“Gabe? I could use some help here.” He sat down and waited. He didn’t really expect the archangel to show, the man kept his own schedule.

Gabriel appeared, sprawled out on the couch. “What’s up Sammich?”

“Something’s wrong with Dean.”

“You mean the baking?”

“No. I mean, not just the baking. He’s being really...affectionate.”

“Did he touch you in a no-no place Sammykins?”

“No! And don’t call me that. He’s just...Ok. If you tell anyone about this, I will fry you in holy oil. That includes teasing.”

“You’re no fun.” He grumbled, but nodded his acceptance.

“First, he demanded that we all be together for Christmas.”

“That doesn’t really seem like something to worry about Sam. Dean’s kinda got a thing about family.”

“For the whole month.”

“Oh.”

“Then, I put up mistletoe all around the bunker, and Cas kissed him. Like right on the mouth, in the kitchen, and I was right there, and Dean just...blushed.”

“He didn’t freak out? Like, no ‘no homo’ speech?”

Sam shook his head. “And he gave us these cards that let us talk to him about feelings. When I used one to ask about Cas, he just puked it all out. Like how perfect he is, and he loves him, and he wants to be with him forever.”

“Huh. Not that it was really a secret, but he actually said that? Like out loud?”

“Yeah. Then, well, you know about the music thing.”

“I know more about the music thing than you do in fact.”

“Ok, so then, yesterday, they’re just gone in the morning. Dean says they went out, but he didn’t say where, and when the get back, they’re like conjoined twins, and all staring at each other and smiling.”

“They always stare at each other Sam. Been doing it for years.”

“No, I mean, no awkward looking away, no throat clearing, just smiling at each other. Then, Dean gave him a hug and a kiss goodnight. A kiss on the nose. Right there,” Sam gestured vaguely at the rec room door, “and then he just went to bed. And I was right here.”

The two men just sat there, Gabriel, for once, looking honestly thoughtful, and Sam watching him anxiously.

“I think I might have an idea.”

When he didn’t go on, Sam leaned forward. “Well?!”

“I think he’s under a spell.”

“What? We haven’t had a witch case in...I don’t know, it’s been a long time.”

“No, not like an angry witch spell. Let me do some digging Samster, I’ll figure this out.” Just like that, the archangel was gone. Sam sighed. Might as well try to get some sleep then.

~~~~~

“What’s up with your hunter?” Cas didn’t even blink when Gabriel appeared in his room.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the baking, and the blushing, and the smiling, and the love songs?” Gabriel was careful to mention only the things he’d witnessed personally. He had no urge to test how serious Sam was about his threat.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Like, oh, I was wondering when somebody would notice? Did you spell your hunter Cassie?”

“No! However…”

“However what?”

“I think that Dean may be under the effect of a spell Rowena provided him.”

“And we’re not panicking about this because?”

“Because the spell is a blessing.”

“Castiel, just because this spell has some positive effects for you doesn’t mean you can call it a blessing.” Gabe had his best disappointed parent face on.

“Not that kind of a blessing. The spell is actually a blessing. Et quod absque necessitate vel addita est accipere quod sit causa damnum. Revelare cubito verissimo essentia rei. Manente animi sanctitate nutrire possit. Dean has been using it to remove impurities from food.”

“So it was more palatable for his angel.”

Cas nodded sheepishly in reply.

“And when did you start to think it might be working on more than the food?”

“The first day. Dean’s soul…”

“Cassie, you’re blushing like a schoolgirl. What precisely did you see in Dean’s soul?”

“Dean’s soul is always bright, you know that as well as I do, but lately it’s been...more.”

“Details little brother.”

“It is like looking at the sun, intensely bright, complete with solar flares.”

“Soul uncensored, huh?” Cas’ blush deepened. “So, you’ve just been sitting back to enjoy the show? Not the least bit concerned about this?”

“I had considered contacting Rowena about it, but it didn’t seem to be causing any harm. I did look into the spell myself, and I don’t see how it could have any ill effect.”

“And when he stops using it?”

“What?”

“What do you think is going to happen when he stops using it? I think it’s pretty clear that the spell is working on Dean, not just the ingredients. What do you think is going to happen when he stops blessing himself.”

“I didn’t think…”

“Obviously. Let’s do that now, shall we? So, the spell is designed to ‘reveal the true essence’ by taking out the added garbage. I’m gonna make an educated guess here and say that for a person, like Dean, that means taking away a bunch of learned behaviors and ideas, maybe even some of what he learned before you rescued him in hell, leaving only his core attributes. Sound about right?” Castiel just nodded.

“So, what do you think might happen when all of those things start flooding back?”

Cas felt like a fledgling at this point. He’d known Dean was behaving differently. He’d seen the change in his soul. It had been stupid of him to think that it was fine just because he’d believed it was just an amplification of his normal self. Dean would never say all of those things he’d said by the pond if he hadn’t been under the effects of the spell.

“Cassie?”

“He’s going to regret it.”

“I don’t know if I’d put it that way.”

“No, you’re exactly right. He’s going to regret using the spell and he’s going to feel like he was tricked.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“You don’t know Dean very well, do you?” With that, Cas disappeared.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

~~~~~

Gabriel appeared next to Sam on his bed. Sam scrambled back, but settled when he realized who was sitting next to him.

“Dude, not cool. It’s three o’clock in the morning.”

Gabriel just shrugged.

When he was awake enough to notice that Gabriel wasn’t his usual boisterous self, Sam sighed and slumped back against his headboard. “What did you do?”

“I asked Cassie about the spell.”

“And why does it look like somebody just killed your dog?”

“Now he thinks that Dean only loves him because of the spell.”

“So you know what the spell is?”

“Yeah, it’s a blessing Dean’s been using to make the food taste better.”

“Dean’s cooking is always good.”

“No, I mean, the ingredients. He’s been purifying the ingredients so Cas can enjoy them too.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.”

“So it was working on Dean too?”

“Yup.”

“How? I mean, Dean’s been more open, but he’s still been Dean.”

“Basically, the spell is designed to strip out anything that isn’t naturally there. For the ingredients, that means additives and chemicals. For Dean…”

“For Dean that means a lifetime of people telling him how to think and act.”

“Yeah.” Sam slunk lower at Gabe’s answer.

“But doesn’t the fact that Dean hunted down such a spell just so Cas could enjoy breakfast prove that this is more than the spell?”

“I don’t think Cassie took it that way.”

“So how did he take it?”

“Well, he basically decided that Dean was going to regret everything and he, ummm…”

“He what? What did he do Gabriel?”

“He skipped Earth.”

“He WHAT?!?”

“He flew away. Off the earth as far as I can tell.”

“Jesus Christ those two. It’s always something. So, Dean doesn’t know yet?”

“No?” Sam started to unbury himself from his blankets. “Ummm, whatcha doing?”

“I’m going to fix this, right now.”

“You know it’s like three o’clock in the morning, right?”

“I don’t fucking care. Those two have been dancing around this for years. I’m not going to let them fuck this up again. I can’t take another decade of their self-induced angst.”

Gabriel grinned as the hunter started toward the door. “Go get ’em.”

~~~~~

Dean’s door slammed open and he was instantly awake, gun ready, blinking wearily at the door.

“You sleep with a gun in the bunker?”

“You don’t? What’s with the door slamming anyway?” He glanced at the clock. “It’s 3:48 man, what the hell?”

“Have you been using a spell to make food taste better for Cas?”

Dean’s face went red. “How’d you-”

Sam waved him off. “It doesn’t matter how I found out. The spell, it’s affecting you.”

“No it isn’t. It’s just a blessing.”

“So, you normally go around kissing Cas? Cuddling on the couch is just an everyday thing? Being honest about your feelings without me having to drag it out of you, kicking and screaming, that’s just how you roll?”

“The card-”

“Yeah, the card let me ask, it didn’t say you’d just spill your guts out for me. Or that you’d tell me Dad fuckin’ beat the gay out of you.”

Dean was silent for a second. “I didn’t say that.”

“Not in so many words, but you implied it. But that isn’t the important thing.”

“What are you saying Sam? The spell’s making me do things against my will? ‘Cause even if it was affecting me, it couldn’t do that. I did my research before I used it.”

“So what does it do?”

“It just, takes out impurities.”

“So, if it was affecting you, what do you think it would take out.”

“I don’t know man, but I know it wouldn’t make me anything I’m not already. It’s not designed that way. Pretty much the opposite.”

“How often have you used it?”

“Just in the morning mostly, for breakfast. So Cas could enjoy it too.” He blushed again.

“So, every day? It hasn’t had a chance to wear off?”

Dean shrugged.

“And if somebody asked Cas about the spell? What would he think?”

“Cas knows the spell can’t hurt anything.”

“Ok, but he wouldn’t worry about how you might react if you found out it was affecting you?”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“What aren’t you saying Sam?”

“I might have told Gabe I thought you were spelled.”

“And?”

“He might have asked Cas about it, and Cas might have freaked out a little.”

“Sam…”

“I know, okay? But I was worried! I didn’t know you cast the damned spell on yourself.”

“Oh my G- Neither did I okay? But it doesn’t matter if I did. It didn’t force me to do anything.”

“Well, I know that now.”

“So, if I’ve got this right, you had a panic attack and asked Gabe for help. Gabe charged in and dumped that on Cas, and Cas wigged out and what?”

“Ummm, Gabe says he flew away.”

“Fuck. Who knows what he’s thinking if you thought I was being forced into something and Gabe told him that. Jesus Christ.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Just go away Sam, I gotta figure out how to turn this shitshow around.”

“I really am sorry Dean.”

Dean just waved him off. When Sam had retreated, closing his door gently on the way out. Dean settled in against his headboard to think.

Cas knows when I first used the spell. Cas thinks the spell forces me to do think I normally wouldn’t. Yesterday, under the influence of the spell, I told Cas I love him.

Fuck.

~~~~~

Dean waited until noon to be sure the spell had worn off. There had been no flash of light, no sudden wave of regret. Really, there’d been no big sign that it was gone, just a gradual feeling of guilt and a growing weight on his conscience.

Well, shit. Being ‘normal’ me kinda sucks.

He’d spent the intervening hours thinking about how the spell could affect him. It was written to remove all of the things in the food that didn’t belong. Things that were added either intentionally or just by the environment. He considered that.

People were shaped by their environments. His dad had spent years teaching him how to be a hunter...how to be a man. How would the spell react to that? How much of who he was had been ‘added without need’ or had ‘caused damage?’

He sure as hell remembered the lesson Sam had mentioned. He didn’t remember what had brought it up, but he remembered every fucking blow of John’s fist. “No son of mine is going to be a fucking faggot.” He’d had to make up a story about a hunt gone wrong to get Sam to stop asking questions.

There’d been other things too. Men don’t cry. Men don’t show emotions. Hunters can’t love. Don’t show weakness, your enemies will use it against you.

All of that had just been gone, and he’d like it. He hadn’t even realized what kind of weight he carried around normally. Having it all back...kinda sucked.

He could sort of see where Cas had gotten worried. After years, years of knowing Dean, the last couple of days had probably been like getting shoved into a different reality. How was he supposed to predict what would happen when they were all back in the ‘real’ world?

He said he loved me. Said he’d been in love with me for years. Dean had to trust that Cas had meant that. We’ve both been holding back, waiting on each other to say something.

He knew, soul deep knew, that he was in love with Cas. It wasn’t new. It sure as hell wasn’t because of some spell. Shit, he’d gone to Rowena for help in the first place just so the angel, my angel, could actually enjoy the food he prepared. So he could share that with him.

He could make this right. He just had to make Cas see that all of the things he’d said and done weren’t just the spell.

~~~~~

Cas? You got your ears on? The spell wore off and I wanna talk to you.

Dean’s prayer lit up in his mind, like they always did, but Cas slumped deeper into pile of dirt he was leaning on. He wasn’t ready to give up the tenuous thing they’d been building.

C’mon Cas. I need you here man.

Cas sighed. What is it they say? Time to face the music.

He flew down to the kitchen, appearing invisibly, to observe his hunter. The man’s soul, bright as ever, showed the evidence of the now missing spell. All of the things he’d observed before the spell joy, passion, guilt, longing, rejection, loss were there, now caged by tiny black threads fear. He couldn’t leave Dean alone and afraid.

~~~~~

Dean was waiting in the kitchen, impatient. It wasn’t like Cas to make him wait, at least not recently. He was screwed if the angel was ignoring his prayers. He huffed out a relieved breath when the angel popped in a few paces away.

“Hello Dean.”

“Good morning, sunshine.” Cas just stood there.

Okay, looks like we’re doing this the hard way.

“No good morning kiss?”

“I thought the spell wore off?”

Dean marched over to Cas, grabbed his lapels, and tugged him tight to his body. Every cell in his body was aching to look around to make sure no one was watching them, but he fought the urge. He pressed his lips against the angel’s for a brief kiss. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want a kiss.” He didn’t release his grip, just looked into those blue eyes.

“It doesn’t?”

“Nope.” He purposely popped his lips on the ‘p’ sound.

“But… I thought…” Cas let his words trail off.

“You thought what?”

“I thought you might regret-”

Dean cut him off. “I don’t regret anything. Not kissing you, not...what I said, not even casting the damned spell in the first place.”

“But you said-”

“The only thing I regret is wasting all that time. I know, there are a million things that could have gotten in the way before, but I still wish we’d have worked all this out a long time ago. Hell, Cas, the only reason I even cast that damned spell was ‘cause I wanted you to want to have breakfast with me.”

“I always want to spend time with you Dean.” Cas wrapped his arms around his hunter’s waist.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t want me without the spell. I’m not good at all that emotional crap.”

“I told you yesterday Dean. I’ve loved you for a long time. Long before the spell. I just needed a hint that it was okay.”

“I might not be so...lovey dovey…”

“Dean, I know you. You outside of the spell. Once I got through the translation, I could see how you show me every day. I don’t need you to be ‘lovey dovey’.”

Dean could see the air quotes, though Cas didn’t move his arms.

“Okay then.”

“Okay.”

Dean leaned his face into his angel’s shoulder for a moment, taking a deep breath of his stormy scent and finding a hint of his own body wash. He grinned. He showered again.

“So, should we call the boys in for lunch? They’ve been pacing all morning, figuring they screwed everything up.”

“The boys?”

“Sam and Gabriel. I think they’re in the library preparing a summoning or a binding spell or something.” Cas looked alarmed. He released Dean and took a step back.

“Gabriel. Get in here. Bring Sam.” Dean raised his eyebrow. The two men appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Dammit Gabe, the bunker isn’t that big. We can walk.”

“You didn’t hear him Sammich, he sounded serious.”

The two men turned to face them, puppy dog looks firmly in place. Cas held firm. Dean just grinned.

“You will not, under any circumstances, use a binding spell on Dean.”

“Or Cas.” Dean piped in.

“Or me. Understood?”

The two nodded, appearing appropriately chastised.

“Good. Now, we’re going to have lunch, then we’re going to go out and enjoy the snow. That fresh stuff covered up our snow family.” Dean motioned them to the table and went to the fridge to dig out lunch meat. He’d been saving the trail bread for just such lunch. At this point, just about everything in the house had been blessed several times over. Cas helped him prepare thick sandwiches.

Sam grinned at him when he sat down close to his angel.

“Not a word Sam, you’re still in the dog house.”

“Just glad to have you back Dean.” He said, before taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

“I’m going to miss that spell. This bread is amazing.” Gabriel mumbled around his own giant bite.

“I didn’t say I was retiring it for good. I just let it fade this morning to...for reasons.” Dean blushed.

Cas aimed a smile at him, but nobody called him on the blush. Good thing or those asshats would be eating frozen pizza for a month.

~~~~~

They’d finished lunch in silence, and Dean had given Sam and Cas their daily gifts. New boots today. Nobody commented on the sappy look he’d given Cas when he’d thanked Dean with a kiss. Nobody commented on them standing shoulder to shoulder while Sam tried his on.

Nobody commented when they met at the bunker door to get bundled up to go outside and Cas was dressed in his own jeans, his new boots, and two layers of Dean’s shirts.

When they’d clomped around to the back of the bunker, Dean blew out an amazed whistle. “This was not here yesterday.” The backyard had been transformed. There was a large sloping hill, decorated with what appeared to be four packed lanes and a finish line.

“I thought we could try another winter tradition.” Gabriel said smuggly.

Cas tilted his head, earning him a gentle headbutt from his hunter.

“Sledding!!” Sam hollered, starting toward the hill. “I haven’t been sledding in forever!”

When they were all positioned on their sleds at the top of the hill, Gabriel raised his arm. “Race to the bottom. Go on three. One, two, THREE!”

“Last one to the bottom makes breakfast for a week!” He yelled as they slid down.

Dean laughed when he crossed the finish line last. “Rigged! I demand a rematch.”

He lost every time, but he still felt like he’d won when Cas pulled him off the ground and into a quick embrace. “I’m glad you lost Dean, I enjoy your muffins.” The lascivious grin on the angel’s face made it all worth it.

#spnadventcalendar2018

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