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moderninsight · 5 years

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A Love Like That (The curious case of Him & Her, Reprise)

Days become weeks and weeks become months and soon it’s half past and then some. It hasn’t been 365, not yet - not quite. It may very well be for it’s been 278 since her all consuming heartbreak.

She remembers when her heart was set on fire. Too much had happened, too much was at stake and too much was lov(ed) and too much was lost. An epic heartbreak warfare mess and the wildfire had run ‘round in its own madness. But the flames were soon flooded by the monsoon in her heart and she was left in the ashes of the love she had so freely gave. When love leaves you, time stops and the world as you know it reverberates to its core creating tremors and aftershocks galore. A burn so slow, so treacherous that it left her gasping for air on days without end. She remembers the exact moment her heart was wrenched open, bleeding for every minute of every hour of every God damn day. Mind-filled, heart-heavy and tear-stained, barely breathing through corrupted lungs. And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could not put her back together again. For this kind of heartbreak had no pain relief, not when all she knew betrayed her for lack of true effort and she was traded in for a good (e a s y) time over a good thing. Too much had happened, too much was at stake and too much was lov(ed) and too much was lost and r e p l a c e d - just like that. And in due time, her rose coloured glasses shattered and she saw him for what he really was - a lost little boy masquerading as a man.

They say “time heals all wounds” and so it goes, and so it shows. But she now knows that time just moves you along with no choice and no say and she sank too far and too long that she f i n a l l y decides to swim and not sink. She puts on a brave face (God, how exhausting) and all on her own she picks up the pieces and soldiers on.

So she catches flights, still in her feelings and puts in a woman’s work. She gets lost in Japan with her wounded heart, dragging it along the kaleidoscope of Tokyo lights and eating away the night sublime. She bullets over to Kyoto and tries to take in the serene but the dull ache in her chest is all she feels. She takes her heart next through Korea to the Philippines where she reunites with her family after 10 long years. She laughs, she cries and lives a little more. She delights in the palm trees, sea breeze and the loudness of it all. She doesn’t know if it’s more fun in the Philippines but she does know it’s more fun with her smile. Then she’s off to Orlando for a Disney adventure, screaming from the tallest heights and rushing through torrential downpour in what truly is The Happiest place on Earth. Then she’s back on cloud nine and finds herself dancing through Havana nights, a city truly frozen in time. She relishes in losing the outside world and roaming through rainbow buildings and retro cars, falling asleep to Cuban lullabies. Then she’s running through the 6ix with less of her woes and remembers the last time she was in Toronto. Doe eyed and naive but fast forward to today, she’s feeling 28. Here’s to another year she muses, here’s to more life, more heart and MORE HER. And soon enough she’s back home and no longer the girl she once was, broken and in disarray but a woman in search of her word. She may have lost the battle but she’s clearly winning the war.

In the midst of it all she had already put herself out there. Unsure, unready and so very afraid but she hits download anyway. The whole thing is daunting and the fear inescapable but when is anyone ever ready for anything anyway? So she jumps head first (for once) and heart after. She swipes left aplenty but swipes right on a few and - It’s a match!

She doesn’t know what to think of him at first, ‘cause she left him on read as she plane hopped in June but his interest was engaging and oh so soon they exchange numbers and “Can I call you?”

His voice catches her off guard - older and more refined and so sure of himself as they spoke of everyday things. And next thing you know they set a date and she’s standing in the movie theatre with a nervous fervor. They’re thrilled by swinging spiders far from home and endless conversation and next thing you know it’s past midnight and she’s found herself intrigued beyond belief. The next few weeks are filled with his smile, his laughter and boyish jokes

[*sunglasses on, hat on* “This is my running like an actor look” to “Where’d all these cars come from? It’s like the Avengers rolled through, slow down Spider-Man!”]

But nothing excites her more than the way he stimulates her mind [”You know we’re an anomoly, You and I”]

She finds herself glowing in this connection they’ve created, talking of near misses of years past [”we were both in Langara at the same time!” and “just gonna go back in time and be like see you in 5 years?”] to a soft familiarity as if she’s supposed to have known him before [”I used to fly LA all the time, pretty sure you were my gate agent once maybe twice”].

But it’s the little things she’ll never forget and the little things he’s done for her in such a short amount of time. From car rides home, Bazzi’s 3:15 and singing to old school jams and Backstreet Boys. And God, he doesn’t know it but boy could he sing. And every time he did, her heart skipped a little faster than it should.

He takes her to nature, hand-holding, eye-glancing and steal-kissing. And soon enough he feels like summer. From sunrises to sunsets to before midnights and to his handsome cockiness she decides that she likes. “What’s your type?” She’s not sure, she likes what she likes but if she really had to choose he’d be her type. And he tells her that she’s different [”yeah I’m different”] But there’s still a garden in her heart and the walls are very high. They joke that they’re “friends with feelings” but then the elephant in the room was always looming and she knew perhaps it was too good to be true. He chalks it up to “timing,” the invariable third party in the tango of life.

Her heart sinks a little because he nips it in the bud before anything can really bloom and she thinks it’s a shame because she knows they could be so much more than just g r e a t. And in the end, she wishes he would stay. [”I know what i’m missing out on,” he quietly says] Ah, at least somebody does.

But she’s never felt this before...as though a missed opportunity had passed them by but she gets it, she understands. God, she understands. He’s always been upfront with his convictions and they still joke through it all and she respects him all the more but damn, what a shame. She hopes they can still be friends, minus the feelings (maybe) because he’s cool enough to kick it but who knows she may never hear from him again...and so it goes, so it shows (See you in 5 years? hah).

And for a split second she allows herself to play make believe, thinking of the would have’s, could have’s, should have’s they could be. You find someone you like and you roll the die and the hand she’s been dealt had folded too quick - and that’s okay. But there’s always a pendulum swing and what goes down must come back up. So she’s grateful for his charm and the mind he has that she so wishes she could still pick. And the gratitude still wells in her heart for she’s writing again and she has him to truly thank. s i g h.

So days become weeks and weeks become months and soon it’s half past and then some. It hasn’t been 365, not yet - not quite. It may very well be for it’s been 278 since her all consuming heartbreak.

But she knows she’s a woman worth pursuing, who grows only in love with herself even more. And a woman who loves herself is deadly for that she is sure. Her resilience astounding, her drive alluring and forever searching from the depths of her world-building soul. It’s hard being a dreamer in a realist world but that’s what’ll make you fall in love with her. She thought she was a woman in search of her word but she’s always known what it was. She may have forgotten for a moment in the midst of all that madness but now she knows she’s truly a work of heART.

And real love? It does make canyons out of mountains and divide oceans apart. It isn’t just about making someone feel special, anyone can do that. Again, real love is a real work of heART - just like her. And when love finds you, let it in. And when love finds you...let it show, let it grow. Love is made with the fondness of sighs, a perserving sweet and a fire in lover’s eyes. Hardened hearts yet open eyes and a touch of vulnerability sealed with a kiss after a long day’s night. And when the right people come into your life, there’s no such thing as “timing”, no barrier it can’t overcome because when real love finds you...it’s t i m e l e s s and those kind of people are always right.

She’s still afraid of falling but she’s no longer scared of heights for she knows she can give a love like that.

Hey google, play “Love like That” by Snoh Aalegra

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