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phobio2000 · 7 years

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Relationship is a Biach

My favorite author, Jing Yong (Louis Cha?) wrote many novels. His last one is called "Deer and the Cauldron". I think it's his conclusion on the human condition, which all of his books evaluate. The setting is also the most recent, during the early Qing Dynasty (not to be mistaken with the Qin Dynasty, which is like the first dynasty, or one of the very early ones, the guy who built the Great Wall), so its portrayal of human behaviors come closest to the present day. The main character is not a heroic type. He's the bastard son of the whore, and through a series of events, became the emporer's best friend, and there's a satire element that, politician's behaviors are no different from that of low class sleazy street wranglers like this uneducated young man, which is true. Dinesh D'Souza, after coming out of prison, said he had spoken to hard core criminals and concluded that their business model and way of doing things is very similar to that of the Democrats, so go figure lol :D. It's also his funniest book. However, although English translation is available, a lot of the culture and context got lost in the translation, things that you have to be a Chinese to understand and appreciate, e.g., the bad guys on the snake island actually resembles Mao Tse Dong of the Communist Party, and many jokes are playing with the languages sound and rhymes and just many many many things. The best way to enjoy it is actually through the TV drama. While the earlier ones made decades ago only incorporated the superficial story and very little of the literary interpretations, the more recently made ones took those elements into account and captured a lot of it. So if there are versions online with English subtitle available, voila. It is pretty much the only feasible way to enjoy "The Romance of Three Kingdoms" as well. It was written millenniums ago and even I have trouble reading it, but they did a good job with the TV drama. When I was playing online games, there were people who played "Dynasty Warriors", which is a game based on that book. I said that if you played the game, maybe I can retell the story based on the TV drama, then at least most of the story can be conveyed. I was doing a great job, translating the first episode or two, and then I got emo over some frivolous things and stopped; to this day I thought it could've been great, but oh well lol :D. The book is translated into English, too. My brother's coworker tried to read it but had a really hard time. He graduated from Cal Tech and is very smart and diligent. He used a whole bunch of PostI It notes to make references back and forth. I never found out if it actually worked out for him in the end, though, but TV series + English subtitle is really the way to go. So why am I writing this? I want to discuss the main character of "Deer and the Cauldron" and his outlook on life, or the author's, for that matter. And I want to tie that in with how to best handle relationships, based on how I understand the book, as well as the Bible, while referencing on my own life experiences. This guy doesn't know any kung fu. He didn't want to learn it, too much hard work. There were kung fu masters who taught him some self defense moves that he used repeatedly, and the only kung fu he learned is a special footwork technique, which is supposed to be very high class and lucrative, but he uses it to run away, which is why he's interested to begin with, which made the person who taught him felt really bad, using such coveted technique as a run away tool. There are two moves that he repeatedly brought up, as part of the plot. Personally, the movement does not matter as much as the names. One is called "Fast flowing water from the high mountain" and the other "sweep across a thousand soldiers." To me, these names are symbolic to how he tunes his heart, that his heart is like fast flowing water, not attached to anything or anyone, and when his heart is protected, he sweeps to conquer a thousand soldiers. I don't want to discuss the human condition right now, based on this. It's just too dark, ugly, and unnecessary. Ignorance is bliss. Chances are most people won't have to face humanity at its worse, so why introduce this burden? But in relationships, we are much likely going to face this type of challenges. And I want to emphasize the importance of retaining your balance and keep your heart well guarded, like a fast flowing water from the high mountain. I mean, you can feel deeply for someone but the other person might not, or shows mutual interest but not at the same level, or is not ready to settle down yet, or is the type that's shopping for the best deal--you just don't know, and until you do, you are required to have the discipline to protect your own heart. There's that Britney Spears song that goes "I'm not… that… innocent…". Well, perhaps in her hay days young men fell head over heel for her, but then, if someone accidentally dumped a pot of boiling water on her face, how many of those men would stay? Zero lol :D. So all these feelings, they are all tangible upon the present situation, while truly virtuous men and women are very scarce. In life's journey, love and marriage is considered one of the most important things, and until you grow to become a person of virtue and made best effort to determine that the person you want to be with is also a person of virtue, it's best to keep your heart well protected. Step 2, power and control. Women love to get you to charge in like a bull and then remove the red veil only to reveal a ditch, which, after you fall in, beat you repeatedly until you submit, at which point she can determined whether you are worth keeping or not. If not worth keeping, she will determine whether she can squeeze you to the last drop or not; if tearing your heart out for fun will give her even another ounce of pleasure, well. . . You may rationally argue, "Hey, what about everything you put me through? Don't you have responsibilities and obligations?" Nope, not at all whatsoever. Women hate those words, they hinder their unbridled emotions of wanting to have fun, such a killjoy. While there are good women who are not like that, many aren't, and even if there are some who are good or decent, this is just what women do. Only very very few women who would deliberately not hurt people for their own fun, yet statistically speaking the person you are dealing with is not one of them lol :D. So you got to cultivate lots of love to give, yet at the same time, having the self control so that you won't fall into a ditch and get beat senselessly. Be hopeful, yet be wise, be wise as serpent yet gentle as dove, knowing how to protect yourself while not using that knowledge to hurt anybody else. Be ambivalent and always ready to let go when the line is crossed. Obey God when it comes to determining someone being worth keeping or not. You must manage your own emotions in the spirit of "The spirit of the prophet obeys the prophet," which means, you can be totally into something or someone emotionally, yet your mind is always clear and in control of what's happening. Relationship is a very weary thing. Paul wrote that those who are married will suffer in the flesh, and I think this is what he was referring to. Becoming virtuous and be with someone virtuous can really reduce this suffering. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. What's the point of being with someone good looking when that person is going to make you miserable and not love you and treat you well? Yet what's the point of being with someone not good looking when her heart isn't any better than those who are? Yeah, don't be thinking that if you make this concession you'll be better off; the heart is devious above all things, who can know it? And frankly, I only know a lot because I got beat up a lot. It all sound so good on the surface, and there are perks, but there's the other side of the coin, too, which is actually really hard to bear. And after all these years, boiling it all down, relationship does drive you crazy, men or women, it's all the same, and it's through this process that we learn to love. And to me, truly, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If God says stay with it, I stay with it. If God says leave, I leave. Boiling it all down, in most cases, there's really no reason compelling enough (outside of the realm of practical benefits or things like cheating or really really foul behavior) to say a relationship is worth persevering or enough is enough. I think that, if there's enough sincerity, enough truth, enough love, enough of what's real, then it's worthwhile praying about whether to stay or leave, given that you are also naturally fond of the person, as well, of course. And I think in your heart there's a threshold where you start to feel that the other person's really ewwwy and nasty and just that really appalling feeling of "Geez, I didn't know she's really like that, what did I ever saw in her to begin with in the first place?" And then, there are times when you may feel that way already and felt like it's long overdue once you do, there could be a lot of emotionally entanglements involved, while the other person may do whatever it takes to keep you, and that's when you need to count her as dung and scrape her off the sole of your feet and make a run for it. Men are project centered, like you do this I do that we both win and then we plan something more to do and win some more. But women like to strangle you like a python, making you feel so good and bad at the same time, which I'm not sure that's the right thing, but it's what they do, and when you pull out all the stops, all the indoctrinations, this is what they tend to naturally do. It's weird why. I don't understand it. I can't make sense of it and properly gauge it and determine the best way to work with it. I can only pray and trust in the Lord to guide me with his eyes. The thing is, when women don't give men shit, men take women for granted and women feel neglected, mal-nourished, not happy. But when a woman gives men shit, men feel miserable. It's like, only one of us are meant to be happy, not both, well, at least not having everything one want, like love this but hate that, being driven crazy yet feeling all right in some way, too. I don't think that's how God intend it, yet, the way men envisions how things God intend it tend to end up making women miserable and unfulfilled. Relationship is really hard, people could be married for decades and still struggle with what I just described and never ever really comes to a place of perfect happy medium; it's only going to be a place perpetual turbulence and calm or a place of concession and giving in for the sake of harmony. In Proverbs the writer states that there are a few things he does not understand, and "the way a man with a maid" is one of them. Is he referring the mystery of sex or relationships, as well? And really, like even as far back as like ten years ago I concluded that the only happy place is what Paul wrote, that being with Christ is far better for him, but for the sake of taking care of the churches, sticking around is far better for them, and that to him, to live is Christ, and to die is vain. When you can die to yourself to that level, then, and only then can you find peace within yourselves. But ironically, women don't want that, because when you're dead, they don't get to play their games with you and beat you up really good. I mean, you being willing to die to yourself and be their servant, even that's not good enough for them. Isn't that crazy? But like, ten years or so later, coming full circle, I still don't think there is any other way besides this in a relationship, when your hope and expectation is in Christ, that only he can really solve this and perfect love. In the meantime, when both sides choose to die and serve, only then can true harmony be attained, yet that's practically an impossibility, but a life long goal and pursuit, nonetheless. And whether to stay single or struggle, leave it up to God, but prepare yourself regardless, because we will be married to Christ one day and that makes preparation our responsibility, as Christians. And with that, I really think this is the very best I can possibly do.

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