#mc13's grad school adventures

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I got caught in the rain without an umbrella, and all I could think about was that fucking scene in Love Is War where Kaguya and Miyuki are trying to get the other one to offer to walk under the same umbrella together, because I have brainrot for these two and this show/manga that will literally never go away.

#mc13's grad school adventures #love is war #kaguya sama #kaguya sama love is war #kaguya x miyuki #SHIP: sophisticated romantic battle of the brains

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I JUST REALIZED I HAVE LIKE AN EXTRA WEEK BEFORE THIS DUE DATE AND IT FEELS LIKE I AM ATLAS AND SOMEONE HAS TAKEN THE WORLD OFF MY SHOULDERS OH THANK GOD I WAS ABOUT READY TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN THERE IS GOOD IN THE WORLD

#mc13's grad school adventures #god bless my teacher she is an ANGEL

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Oh you KNOW the Fatigue Condition (TM) is bad when you have a double shot of espresso and it doesn't do ANYTHING.

#WHY DOESN'T MY BODY WORK #I WANT AND NEED TO DO THINGS BUT ALL MY SPOONS ARE GONE #THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN THE DISHWASHER THEY'VE JUST STRAIGHT UP DISAPPEARED #mc13's grad school adventures

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A classmate: *asks a small question in class*

Guy in front of me, after the teacher didn't understand the question: I went to the tutoring center about this and they really helped!

Me: where IS the tutoring center, in case I need it?

Guy: *gives me directions*

~~An hour later~~

Guy: Hey, do you need help?

Me: We'll see. I don't know yet. My dad's good at math and I worked through a bunch of material over the weekend.

Guy: I worked through all the problems I could show you what the tutoring center told me.

Me: I'll try to get it myself first I haven't looked at the homework yet.

Guy: I could help you, if you want.

Me: ...? Thanks??

Me, still not realizing what's probably happening: Why was he so insistent of doing a one-on-one math session to work on prob--oh.

#oh dude. I'm auditing this undergraduate class as a grad student who's close to 30 I am probably at LEAST a good 8 years too old for you #mc13's grad school adventures

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WOW LOVE THE FACT THAT MY CAR WON’T START AND I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT WHEN I’M BEHIND ON MY HOMEWORK COOL COOL COOL

#mc13's grad school adventures

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Pros of living on my own: I can order tacos whenever I want.

Cons of living on my own: I can order tacos whenever I want.

#THERE WAS A SALE #mc13's grad school adventures

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*sigh* Sometimes you Try A Thing and it doesn’t work.

#after much deliberation I think I am going to change my major #or whatever the master's equivalent of a 'major' is #because the central conceit of this is...uh...it's untenable #I have to talk to the academic coordination department first though which. wow that'll be fun/s #mc13's grad school adventures

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DUE TO PAIN™, I HAD DECIDED TO NOT DO THIS ASSIGNMENT THAT I THOUGHT WAS DUE YESTERDAY BUT MY TEACHER EXTENDED THE DUE DATE AND NOW I CAN ACTUALLY DO THE ASSIGNMENT SOMETIMES GOOD THINGS HAPPEN

#mc13's grad school adventures #I NEED TO SLEEP #BUT I NEED TO CATCH UP ON WORK I DIDN'T DO THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE MY BODY DECIDED TO BETRAY ME #HOPEFULLY I CAN GET IN A COUPLE OF HOURS #I FEEL LIKE MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY BRAINCELLS LEFT #BUT AT LEAST A GOOD THING HAPPENED

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Okay, now that I understand how the calculations work and where they come from, they’re cool.

#I never learned polar coordinates. guess what we're doing in class right now #and not in a 'teaching you this' kind of way. in a 'building off a foundation they assume I have when I don't' kind of way #thank GOD for online tutorial vids I found a guy who's really good at explaining the things #mc13's grad school adventures

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*sigh*

#good news is I got all my previous homework back and I got a's on them #bad news is I submitted my test corrections a few minutes late #and I know that I didn't do too great on this test #(that's not me Being Anxious like I straight up didn't finish a giant chunk of this test because I Was Anxious And Exhausted) #who knows if my professor will accept them #if he does then there's a good chance I can bring my test up to a decent grade because I think I fixed most if not all of the problems? #but if he doesn't...I don't even want to know #why are tests WORTH so much?? #like there are so few of them and if you have one bad day then there goes a third of your grade even if you understand the material #I have decided that I like learning but I hate school lmao #mc13's grad school adventures #it doesn't help that I never fully recovered from undergrad burnout #like yes I know it's been years but sorry I never did #and that makes trying to do this SO hard #I just want to be a normal functional person #GOD I want that so bad #but here we are. I get this brain instead. #I wish the pool was open this late because dunking my whole body in relatively cold water while swimming laps sounds great right now

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Someone remind me that I cannot take thinking-heavy classes back-to-back next semester.

#I CANNOT FOCUS!! #I GET DONE WITH ONE AND I AM EXHAUSTED AND I HAVE NO TIME TO RESET MYSELF AND THE BRAIN FOG SETS IN AND I ESSENTIALLY HAVE TO TEACH MYSELF #BECAUSE I'M NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF CLASS #EITHER THAT OR I HAVE TO WATCH LECTURE VIDEOS BY UNRELATED PEOPLE OVER THE TOPIC #mc13's grad school adventures #THE ONLY THING THAT EVEN /MARGINALLY/ HELPS IS DRINKING A WHOLE EXTRA-STRENGTH ENERGY DRINK AND I CAN/NOT/ DO THAT EVERY DAY I'LL DIE

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This assignment was awful, and I ran out of time on the last question (and so didn’t do that question at all), but I got through it and I think I did a pretty good job on most of it, so on an overall scale, I Did It™.

#whatever I did it's better than nothing #and whatever I did it was still worth doing #and since I Did It™ that means I won against the brain today. not amazingly. not by the hugest margin ever. but I won. #and that's a good step and that matters and sometimes that's the best you can ask for and it's okay because you still won #mc13's grad school adventures #my therapist said 'the only thing that matters is that you try to do something that makes this week better than the last one' #and you know what? I did that. I should accept that and give myself credit for that #honestly reframing my life to accommodate the aforementioned advice my therapist said has changed SO MUCH for me #and I hope that continues going forward

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Wow, I love it when my brain tries to convince me I have an infectious disease in the middle of class. 🙃🙃

#mc13's grad school adventures

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I love you integration by parts, I love you partial fractions, I love you trignometric identities, I love you u substitutions, I love you calculus.

#calculus #math #mc13's grad school adventures #this is all review so far but I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE THIS IS WHAT I WAS /MADE/ FOR

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WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME NOTATE LINEAR SYSTEMS LIKE THIS

I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THEM

BUT HAVING TO DO THEM THIS WAY MESSES ME UP AND I GET THE WRONG ANSWER

LET ME LIVE

#this class...never have I wanted to thoroughly verbally eviscerate a teacher solely based on their teaching style #(or I guess...lack thereof.) #(I should not have to be teaching myself an advanced mathematics course that's foundational to the rest of my MASTERS DEGREE) #mc13's grad school adventures #all my other teachers are fine!!!! it's literally just this one!!!!!!!

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Oh you KNOW the Fatigue Condition (TM) is bad when you have a double shot of espresso and it doesn't do ANYTHING.

#WHY DOESN'T MY BODY WORK #I WANT AND NEED TO DO THINGS BUT ALL MY SPOONS ARE GONE #THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN THE DISHWASHER THEY'VE JUST STRAIGHT UP DISAPPEARED #mc13's grad school adventures