#mannn its crazy how so many of my traumatic experiences in my teens can be linked directly to the denial of my autonomy over my life

[gothmods]

This idea of enforcing lengthly wait times and psychiatric assessments in order to access hrt is a very personal matter to me as well since that was my experience and not only did it cause unnecessary and prolonged distress but also involved downright ableist and ill-informed probing on my status as an autistic person

I wasnt even approved for puberty blockers until 2 years in despite already being largely post-pubescent when i was referred and had to have a hospital board approve my case despite my turning 18 before them passing a verdict

What is so traumatising about the process is the denial of autonomy. I knew the consequences of hrt, i had them rigorously explained to me over almost 3 years of compulsory medical and psychiatric evaluations (including seeing a fertility specialist about freezing my eggs in case i wanted biological children, so i was considered old enough to consider child-rearing but not old enough to make my own decisions about my body outside of that????)

And still i had no control over the decision on whether or not i could start hrt

Then i transferred to the public adult sexual health clinic for the remainder of my care and it was such a system shock because one of the first things the endo said was that it was not her job to monitor my gender identity or feelings - it was mine, and that as long as i kept wanting hrt she would keep prescribing it

Surgery was a similar experience, my surgeon advised me on the best options for my body and the outcome i wanted - and the decision to undergo it was mine and mine alone

You cannot remove regret without removing autonomy

And yet people wonder why teenagers, a group so frequently denied autonomy in the basic happenings of their lives, would be resistant to being denied control over their transition

#regret was never a concern for me not only because i was adamant this was the right choice but also because i never understood the anxieties #around me changing my mind because i simply did not see being a woman who had previously been on testosterone as a negative outcome #which is something ive said before - that the fear of detransition cannot be separated from the fear of transition #mannn its crazy how so many of my traumatic experiences in my teens can be linked directly to the denial of my autonomy over my life