#man ell's is taking forever. the worst part is its almost done i just can get myself to finish it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bytheangell · 5 years

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ELLE ELLE ELLE YOU TOLD ME TO SO IMMA DO IT (kezia here btw). What I really want is a magnus introspective on magnus’ thoughts when he was sending asmodeus into limbo, you can hear some sort of feeling in that ‘goodbye father’. Because if you think about it, he did spend a few centuries with asmodeus and there must still be some sort of filial affection for asmodeus because after all they are family, he called him father after all and not asmodeus. Like how conflicted must he have felt when(1/2)

Goodbye, Father(Read on AO3)

Magnus doesn’t confront Asmodeus as soon as he gets back inside from speaking with Maryse. He knows that would be a mistake - his father is a clever, calculating man, and rushing into this in a swirl of heated emotions would only sabotage himself. Asmodeus loves him, perhaps, but only when it suits him, and only for his own gain. The moment he’s aware that Magnus is no longer on his side or willing to play his games, this charade they’ve been living since Magnus got his magic back will officially be over. And Magnus knows he needs to be level headed to come out with the upper-hand.

He doesn’t say anything immediately upon re-entering the apartment, the door shutting behind him with a now ring-less Maryse in the hallway. He doesn’t say anything for seconds, for minutes, for nearly a full hour, hating that he’s conflicted about what needs to be done. He despises the part of him unwilling to banish his father again, once and for all. The part of him that knows what he should’ve done the moment he had his magic back and had his father in front of him.

Against all reason, Magnus tries to talk to Asmodeus one last time. He isn’t sure what he expects from him - sympathy? A change of heart? A sudden understanding of everything Magnus has here… everything he had here, before Alec gave it all away for what he thought Magnus needed? The ring, for something so small, feels so heavy in his pocket. He’s aware of its presence, of it shifting as he walks, pressing against his body through the thin layer of fabric it’s tucked away in. A ring that should be on his finger now, with Alec by his side.

Magnus knows with sudden clarity that he shouldn’t be here playing family with Asmodeus, he should be home with Alec; Alec, who loves him for who he is, not his lineage or power or potential, but who he is right now.

There’s nothing Magnus wants more in this moment than for his father to see that - to realize the importance of the life he has here and the people in it. Instead Asmodeus scoffs at the idea of marriage, repeating Magnus’ worst fears of fate and destiny, of following in his father’s footsteps, of being one in the same. There’s no getting through to Asmodeus, and Magnus was a fool to think even for a second that he was truly there for Magnus’ sake and well-being instead of his own.

Magnus can feel his entire body tense with every word Asmodeus speaks. With his hands balled at his sides Magnus fights for control, jaw clenching in an effort to keep from shouting and lashing out without a plan. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do when the argument reaches its turning point, as its likely to do if things continue on in this manner. For all the strength and power his father claims he has inside of him Magnus still isn’t positive he’s strong enough to do what needs to be done here and now.

Not until the moment comes.

“We could control the entire Demonic Plane.” This isn’t about love or wanting to have Magnus by his side because he’s his son… because they’re family. It’s only about the joint power they could wield, about control… of edom, and of him. That’s all this was ever about, and it feels like a knife to his gut to see that truth behind every word Asmodeus says, to see nothing behind his father’s eyes besides a thirst for power.

“I should banish you back so Lilith can deal with you instead.” There’s a hint of regret in Magnus’ eyes, a rueful half-smile on his face at the idea of it. To banish Asmodeus would be a kinder fate than what he deserves, and yet even that much would hurt. The short time they spent together, despite the false pretenses, almost felt like a missing piece of his life returned to him. The care of a father who looks out for him and his best interests, who doesn’t want to see his son suffer, who is willing to do whatever it takes to help him get what he wants… a glimpse of a life that might have been, once upon a time.

A glimpse of a life that was never meant for him. Not with the family he was born into.

The idea of leaving Asmodeus for Lilith to deal with isn’t ideal because Lilith’s torment would be worse than anything Magnus could do - it’s because Magnus still isn’t sure he has the strength to do what needs to be done on his own. Not physically, but mentally. Lilith wouldn’t bat a perfectly curled eyelash over ensuring Asmodeus received the sort of punishment he deserves, but Magnus looks into the eyes of his father - imagines his own yellow eyes mirrored back at him - and stops short every time.

“Don’t you get it? I’ll just keep finding my way back to you.” Asmodeus’ touch on his shoulders, the fingers wrapped possessively around his arms, makes Magnus cringe. It’s a touch tainted by the threat of Asmodeus’ promise to never leave him alone, not now, not ever.

He can’t allow Asmodeus to remain here, and if he banishes him back to Edom he’ll only return again the moment an opportunity presents itself. There’s only one other option and Magnus feels sick to his stomach at the thought of it. A fate worse than banishment… a fate worse than death.

He almost doesn’t want to consider it. Even after everything… this is his father. The man who took him off of the streets and raised him, who helped him feel less alone in the world. He did terrible things, unspeakable things, but it would’ve been an upbringing befitting a proper Prince of Edom had Magnus wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps. His father loved him - and still loves him - in his own way. A way where what Asmodeus thinks is best is the only option and he refuses to accept any alternative.

Magnus steadies himself, bracing for what comes next - out of options and time to stall, this is it.

“True. That’s why I won’t be banishing you back to Edom.” Magnus wants to. He’d never admit it to anyone else, certainly not to the man standing in front of him, the man he knows he’d be willing to give second and third and fourth chances to time and time again against his best judgement. Sure, it wouldn’t be for another century or two after the sting of this betrayal and disappointment eventually fades, but a day would come when Magnus would think for the briefest flicker of a moment that maybe his father’s changed and that maybe he could truly love Magnus for himself, for the man he’s become, and not the man Asmodeus wants him to be.

He’d be just as wrong then as he was today.

Magnus opens the portal behind his father.

Red magic snakes out from his fingertips, cords forming that wrap around his father and bind him, pulling Asmodeus down to his knees. Suddenly fearful, Asmodeus’ eyes plead for silent mercy. Another act? Not this time, Magnus thinks, and his heart aches further.

He wishes he could simply banish him, comforted by the thought that he’ll see him again one day. That there’s always the possibility of later, of next time, when things might be better.

But he can’t. Not this time… something is different this time. He’s different, since Alexander. And to think that he almost lost one of the most important people to ever enter his life, all due to his father’s manipulation? That this man who claims to have his best interests at heart intentionally brought Magnus down to one of the lowest points of his entire life just to build him back up again in his image? Magnus can’t go through something like this ever again.

“Do you know what happens when you enter a portal unconscious?” Magnus hears the slight tremor behind his words, strained from the effort of keeping both the portal open and the magic binding Asmodeus as strong as he can manage.

“You- you get lost in limbo.” Asmodeus’ voice is also strained, the dawning realization of the fate that awaits him hitting hard and fast and leaving very little time for surprise or any attempt at self-defense. Magnus almost smiles at that. It wasn’t too long ago that Magnus helped to create the portal, a revolutionary discovery that his father has clearly kept tabs on. If he’s aware of its inner workings then surely he knows that it was his son who invented it, who shared his findings with the world around him. It’s just a reminder of the legacy Magnus is building for himself, a far cry from the one his father wishes for him.

“Forever.”

Magnus’ hand lashes out and his father’s body falls unconscious before flying backwards and disappearing through the swirling vortex of the portal. It closes. The magic fades from Magnus’ palms and he stares shakily at the now empty space in front of him.

“Goodbye, Father.” Magnus’ eyes are damp, shining with the hint of tears he refuses to shed. He shouldn’t mourn for what he’s done, for the loss of an already absent father. It’s better than Asmodeus deserves from him after all he put Magnus through centuries ago and everything he put him through since his trip to Edom.

That doesn’t erase the sadness. Faults aside, Asmodeus is still his father. Magnus may want nothing to do with him but that doesn’t erase the bond of family and magic that they share, and it doesn’t make Asmodeus’ words any less true: if Magnus wants it his lineage is there, destined for greatness in the realm of Edom. It’s in his blood, a birthright of his demonic pedigree.

Except that isn’t him. That isn’t what he wants. Magnus is the sort of warlock who helps others, Warlock, Downworlder, Nephilim, and Mundane alike, not the sort of warlock who claims status and rank to get what he wants. Magnus Bane is trusted, not feared. And what he wants isn’t to rule Edom, or any other facet of this world.

What he wants is a foolish Nephilim who sacrificed everything he wanted to make the person he loves feel whole again. What he wants is love, and the chance at a happiness he never imagined possible for himself anymore.

It truly is a shame that after all this time, after decades and centuries, Asmodeus could never bring himself to simply be content with Magnus’ happiness, his success in the pursuits he chose. Maybe things could’ve been different.

But they aren’t.

Asmodeus did what he did, and Magnus reacted in turn. And now they both have to live with the consequences of those actions.

Forever.

#magnus bane #asmodeus #shadowhunters #shfanficnexus #alec lightwood #i hope you like it!!#something about it feels iffy to me but I can't place it and reading it a million times is only making it worse so #HERE WE ARE #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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