#lowkey negative but don't wirry too much

[agumonger]

i think i'm a bit depressed lately

not sad but... i have trouble finding motivation to do anything at all, even playing games, drawing or writing or going outside. lately i just wanna stay in bed mindlessly scrolling or sleeping

everything feels like a chore, like a contract. pointless, annoying, nothing goes anywhere. even when i get fanart i love it and i feel flattered but the emotion barely lasts and i feel terrible about it

i've been neglecting it because it's not accompanied by existential dread like in 2013. i just have trouble finding happiness in general and it makes me feel so selfish because so many people genuinely love and support me but i just don't have energy to be available a lot of the time

when my posts go viral i don't care, when original """content""" things go unnoticed i don't care either. nothing's fun anymore. except maybe hanging out

*EATS A HAMBURGER*

ACTUALLY i think my thinking process was flawed? i keep asking myself "what's the point in doing X" when like babe!!! what's the point of relaxing? of playing? of creating? happiness!!!!!! that's the Point babey!!! you just need to stop doing it with a higher purpose or looking for validation, just do it because it's fun!!!!!!

it's like i keep self-destructively gearing my decisions towards the objective of being popular or admired or ??? idk who cares. who cares!!

so glad i finally went outside. this flu confinement was killing me i hope i can start feeling like a functional human again

#lowkey negative but don't wirry too much #plot twist at the end