#lowkey holding out until it gets to the point i physically cant function because otherwise how do i know if im accidentally faking it

[jinxed-fates]

i know

#i know its my responsibility to make my own doctor appointments #im an adult now #but it just.. doesnt seem important enough to bug em #nausea for a couple months plus fatigue could be anything #hell its probably stress #guys what if they aay “you are perfectly fine and healthy how dare you waste my precious doctor time 3 people are dead now because of you” #and then they have my face on a poster that says do not serve #i dunno im scared im gonna feel stupid #and honestly im scared ill get a diagnosis i wouldnt expect #my mom mentioned diabetes as a possible explanation and i kinda wanted to cry #i dunno #its not hugely important #lowkey holding out until it gets to the point i physically cant function because otherwise how do i know if im accidentally faking it #the results of being told youre faking illness all the time as a child i suppose #or maybe the results of my sister being taken to a dermatologist for years while i had chronic lung issues and no gp #i havent had a personal doctor since i was 10 #my lung havw had episodes at least twice in that time period #i was never taken to a doctor #only the er #im still not entirely sure what my condition was i only heard the term “respiratory distress” and every breath i took i coughed #for 2 weeks #the schools forced me home for being a distraction #and then she still didnt take me till it became clear my sister was losing sleep #hm.. sometimes i forget things are as shit as they are #what the fuck was that about??? my moms a nurse ffs